Spiritual A.D.D.?

  • Thread starter Thread starter WatchfulPilgrim
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
W

WatchfulPilgrim

Guest
I have an interesting problem. I seem to have noticed that I have a hard time balancing my spiritual life with my active life. If I give myself time for daily devotions I get so rapt in the them that I don’t want to be active anymore. I go through periods of intense prayer but then get so overwhelmed by them that I have to (per the advice of my priest) ask God for a little “vacation”. I’m sure my priest doesn’t mean I ought to withdraw entirely from my devotions, but that is what I feel is necessary in order not to get overwhelmed by them again. I have a strong attraction to giving myself to contemplative prayer for long periods of time, but given my large family and my daily responsibilities this not possible. I was once offered the gift of being able to stay awake for almost 2 weeks straight so that I could pray throughout each night without interrupting my daily activities, but I don’t expect this to happen normally - it isn’t something I ask for… (maybe I should?..)

Do I have a sort of spiritual gluttony? Or is it some type of “spiritual attention deficit disorder”? I just want to concentrate fully on one thing - I find it hard to divide my interests if I am to put passion into either one.

Anyone had similar experiences?
 
I get what you’re talking about. I’m almost the same way sometimes: I’ll get super into “spiritual” stuff, and feel like I shouldn’t be doing anything else, and then I’ll go through a period of the exact opposite. I’m pretty sure that for me, it relates to my tendency towards scrupulosity. What I usually try to do is start my day by reading the bible (at least on weekends; I can’t make myself get up early enough on school days, and then I do it immediately when I get home) and I’ll intersperse prayer throughout the day to remind myself that I should be making ALL of my work and play a prayer. As long as I keep up that schedule, things work better for me. The problem is keeping the schedule:p
 
I do that, too- I go through periods when I’m really “into” praying and spiritual books and going to Mass all the time. Good things, all, but I burn out within a few weeks and then I can barely get it together enough to pray at night.

I’ve found moderation is the way to go. Any “free” prayer I want during the day, but only a few morning and evening prayers, plus a single “official” devotion (rosary/chaplet/novena prayers) and a couple chapters of the Bible or spiritual book per day, and Mass 1-3 times a week. More or less sends me into a spiral.

You’re not alone in your weirdness. :rolleyes:
 
The 2 weeks without sleep prayer idea,
before attempting anything so radical, and potentially dangerous to health, do seek the advice of your priest.
Even the great Saint Padre Pio slept for at least a few hours.
And he very carefully followed the advice of his spiritual director.
For you at present, your spiritual advisor is your priest.
You will find that many of the Saints exercised the humility and obedience of consulting their spiritual director. St Teresa of Avila/Jesus has advice for contemplatives, and warns of potential misguided dangers, eg in “The Interior Castle”
St Therese, was gently rebuked for a chastisement she tried without advice.
Her autobiography is worth reading as are her instructions to novices and some letters to her sisters.

God bless you 🙂
 
WatchfulPilgrim said:
I have an interesting problem. I seem to have noticed that I have a hard time balancing my spiritual life with my active life. If I give myself time for daily devotions I get so rapt in the them that I don’t want to be active anymore. I go through periods of intense prayer but then get so overwhelmed by them that I have to (per the advice of my priest) ask God for a little “vacation”. I’m sure my priest doesn’t mean I ought to withdraw entirely from my devotions, but that is what I feel is necessary in order not to get overwhelmed by them again. I have a strong attraction to giving myself to contemplative prayer for long periods of time, but given my large family and my daily responsibilities this not possible. I was once offered the gift of being able to stay awake for almost 2 weeks straight so that I could pray throughout each night without interrupting my daily activities, but I don’t expect this to happen normally - it isn’t something I ask for… (maybe I should?..)

Do I have a sort of spiritual gluttony? Or is it some type of “spiritual attention deficit disorder”? I just want to concentrate fully on one thing - I find it hard to divide my interests if I am to put passion into either one.

Anyone had similar experiences?
Click to expand...
Staying up for two weeks straight may be a sign of a bipolar disorder.
 
Well, I’m glad to know I’m not alone 😃

Well, in that 2 weeks I had a nap or two in the night and one during the day, so I wasn’t entirely without sleep. I consulted my priest about the whole 2 week ordeal so I know I was in good hands and no worries about a mental malady. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before, and in the end I was cured of Celiac disease for which I am forever grateful.

I just feel guilty that I can be so easily lost in prayer for long periods and then have to draw away for long periods so that I can be active again. I would love to stay at the feet of Jesus like Mary, taking the “better part”, but I think sometimes I have to be a Martha - or at least, I don’t feel capable of being a little of each - it’s that balance that I try to seek but I’m not very successful at.

Maybe I’m not bipolar but split personality - Martha one week and Mary the next 😉
 
It also sounds to me like there may be some bipolar issues here. Depression and mania (not sleeping for days at a time are classic symptoms) are the hallmarks of bipolar, but mostly it’s depression. If that rings true with you, help yourself and your family and get checked out.
 
Peony, I appreciate your advice and concern. Thank you.
 
Well I, for one, am not so quick to suspect mental illness in your case. You sound very reasonable to me. There have certainly been many holy souls who were able to survive on little sleep for long periods in order to pray. This is the exception and not the rule, of course, but there’s no reason to believe God could not have favored you in an extraordinary way at least just that one time.
WatchfulPilgrim said:
I just feel guilty that I can be so easily lost in prayer for long periods and then have to draw away for long periods so that I can be active again. I would love to stay at the feet of Jesus like Mary, taking the “better part”, but I think sometimes I have to be a Martha - or at least, I don’t feel capable of being a little of each - it’s that balance that I try to seek but I’m not very successful at.
Click to expand...
I’m very much the same way. You have a Carmelite’s heart! Don’t feel guilty having to draw away. The duties of our state of life are God’s express will for us, and so are our first means of being sanctified and of pleasing God. I find a lot of consolation in this. It is a mortification of my self-will too. I want to remain at His feet, but to best please Him I must busy myself elsewhere at times. How painful this is for me! But He is very pleased by this and no doubt I am more closely united to Him, even if it is hidden to me, when I am doing His will, than if I were to neglect my duties or injure my health to remain at prayer. Not my will, O Lord, but Thine be done.

Do you know about the prayer of recollection? Practice of the Presence of God? This allows for a sort of interior solitude and conversation with God in the midst of our work and the distractions of family life. It is like a continuation of contemplation.
 
Something that has helped with my scrupulosity about my prayer life is to quantify my prayer life in terms of time and not in terms of what was done. For example, my absolute bare minimum prayers is my Three Hail Mary’s in the morning and night, my morning offering, and a daily Rosary. I also make it to daily mass almost every day. But sometimes on Sunday, instead of doing a full rosary I’ll only do one decade. I sometimes pray the Divine Office, but I rarely do more than one or two offices in a day. I have about a half-dozen books that I’m reading at any particular time, and it often takes me months to finish a book. I tend to be able to get a Holy Hour in after most morning masses, and sometimes I pray the rosary, or sometimes I pray the Divine Office. Most of the time I make 30 minutes of mental prayer with a book but sometimes it involves just gazing at God. I also sometimes am so exhausted that all I can do that hour is go and clean the candle holders, and I thank God that I have candleholders to clean to show my love for Him. Sometimes I journal, and sometimes I say, “Lord, all I can do is sit here today. I love you, Lord. Have mercy on me.”

The point isn’t what I’m doing, it’s that I’m doing it. I’m consistent with the practice, and I spend at least 45 minutes most days. I would start with making a reasonable commitment of time, and working from there.

And as the previous poster said, practice living in the presence of God. A Carmelite named Brother Lawrence wrote a fantastic book about the practice, named conveniently enough, “The Practice of the Presence of God.”. Brother Lawrence says, “Our sanctification depends, not on changing what we do, but rather on doing for God what we normally do for ourselves … Do everything for the love of God. Everything can be used to show God our love and to maintain his presence within . . .I flip over my omelet in the pan for love of God.” You would be amazed at how close you can feel to God doing the everyday tasks of your current vocation by saying small prayers such as, “I pick up this paper for love of You, oh Lord.” Frequent spiritual communions, even one as simple as, “Jesus, come into my heart”, can bring you measurably closer to God in a very short time.
 
Blenderx said:
Well I, for one, am not so quick to suspect mental illness in your case. You sound very reasonable to me. There have certainly been many holy souls who were able to survive on little sleep for long periods in order to pray. This is the exception and not the rule, of course, but there’s no reason to believe God could not have favored you in an extraordinary way at least just that one time.

I’m very much the same way. You have a Carmelite’s heart! Don’t feel guilty having to draw away. The duties of our state of life are God’s express will for us, and so are our first means of being sanctified and of pleasing God. I find a lot of consolation in this. It is a mortification of my self-will too. I want to remain at His feet, but to best please Him I must busy myself elsewhere at times. How painful this is for me! But He is very pleased by this and no doubt I am more closely united to Him, even if it is hidden to me, when I am doing His will, than if I were to neglect my duties or injure my health to remain at prayer. Not my will, O Lord, but Thine be done.

Do you know about the prayer of recollection? Practice of the Presence of God? This allows for a sort of interior solitude and conversation with God in the midst of our work and the distractions of family life. It is like a continuation of contemplation.
Click to expand...
lol - yes, I do have a Carmelite’s heart. I was in the aspirants program to be a secular member of the discalced order many years ago. Funny enough, the reason I did not make my promises was b/c of my growing family and the entire Sunday I would have to spend far from home each month that they had a meeting. One of the daily requirements was 15-30 minutes a day in quiet prayer. I remember the director of formation recommended Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection’s writings and often referred to them. I read his Practice of the Presence of God which did me a world of good. I can’t say I am entirely without devotion from day to day - I keep a prayerful mindset and think and speak often about spiritual things - but I can’t seem to set myself aside some formal prayer time - not b/c I can’t, but b/c I prefer it much better and maybe get a little slothful at my duties when I do take that time. Actually, upon reflecting on this, I realize that I do not make my work a prayer so much as I used to. I seem to have compartmentalized my prayer life and my work life. I think I do this b/c doing something prayerfully means doing it diligently, which, in turn, often results in a task taking longer to do, and life has gotten quite busy lately - maybe just busy enough to make me feel too rushed to do a thing prayerfully… Will have to think about that more I guess. Thanks~
 
HonoraDominum said:
Something that has helped with my scrupulosity about my prayer life is to quantify my prayer life in terms of time and not in terms of what was done. For example, my absolute bare minimum prayers is my Three Hail Mary’s in the morning and night, my morning offering, and a daily Rosary. I also make it to daily mass almost every day. But sometimes on Sunday, instead of doing a full rosary I’ll only do one decade. I sometimes pray the Divine Office, but I rarely do more than one or two offices in a day. I have about a half-dozen books that I’m reading at any particular time, and it often takes me months to finish a book. I tend to be able to get a Holy Hour in after most morning masses, and sometimes I pray the rosary, or sometimes I pray the Divine Office. Most of the time I make 30 minutes of mental prayer with a book but sometimes it involves just gazing at God. I also sometimes am so exhausted that all I can do that hour is go and clean the candle holders, and I thank God that I have candleholders to clean to show my love for Him. Sometimes I journal, and sometimes I say, “Lord, all I can do is sit here today. I love you, Lord. Have mercy on me.”

The point isn’t what I’m doing, it’s that I’m doing it. I’m consistent with the practice, and I spend at least 45 minutes most days. I would start with making a reasonable commitment of time, and working from there.

And as the previous poster said, practice living in the presence of God. A Carmelite named Brother Lawrence wrote a fantastic book about the practice, named conveniently enough, “The Practice of the Presence of God.”. Brother Lawrence says, “Our sanctification depends, not on changing what we do, but rather on doing for God what we normally do for ourselves … Do everything for the love of God. Everything can be used to show God our love and to maintain his presence within . . .I flip over my omelet in the pan for love of God.” You would be amazed at how close you can feel to God doing the everyday tasks of your current vocation by saying small prayers such as, “I pick up this paper for love of You, oh Lord.” Frequent spiritual communions, even one as simple as, “Jesus, come into my heart”, can bring you measurably closer to God in a very short time.
Click to expand...
Haha! Guess I’ll dust off my copy of that book 👍

I think I’ve gone through periods like this many times throughout my life, but undoubtedly this is the worst I’ve ever experienced it.
 
WatchfulPilgrim said:
I think I do this b/c doing something prayerfully means doing it diligently, which, in turn, often results in a task taking longer to do, and life has gotten quite busy lately - maybe just busy enough to make me feel too rushed to do a thing prayerfully…
Click to expand...
I don’t take it the same way. I think doing a thing prayerfully is, as St. Therese said, doing something out of love of God. I have 3 toddlers and, as much a perfectionist as I am, I have to accept that my time is not my own and that many things aren’t going to be done perfectly, or at all, many days. I can’t spend the time I want to fold each piece of laundry perfectly, but I still do it prayerfully because it is done out of a sacrificial love and to the best of my ability under the limits that I have. I can even offer up my inability to do as well I would wish to. I’m like a little child who would like to paint something as beautiful as the Sistine Chapel for a gift for my mother, but all I can really do is offer her some stick figures lovingly drawn, and what mother wouldn’t be equally pleased with such a gift?
 
Blenderx said:
I don’t take it the same way. I think doing a thing prayerfully is, as St. Therese said, doing something out of love of God. I have 3 toddlers and, as much a perfectionist as I am, I have to accept that my time is not my own and that many things aren’t going to be done perfectly, or at all, many days. I can’t spend the time I want to fold each piece of laundry perfectly, but I still do it prayerfully because it is done out of a sacrificial love and to the best of my ability under the limits that I have. I can even offer up my inability to do as well I would wish to. I’m like a little child who would like to paint something as beautiful as the Sistine Chapel for a gift for my mother, but all I can really do is offer her some stick figures lovingly drawn, and what mother wouldn’t be equally pleased with such a gift?
Click to expand...
That’s a nice way of looking at it. It wouldn’t matter how “perfect” I did anything anyway - it would still be quite imperfect.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top