Spiritual abuse

[strngrnrth]

How do you know when you’ve been spiritually abused? What is it exactly? If you decide you were, how do you then relate to the people in the organization where it happened?

 

[Trishie]

I guess it can be when someone leads one astray from the truth,
or proposes a false prophesy that distracts one from seeking God’s will for one’s life;
or prompting one to be so scrupulous as to cause one to become spiritually unhealthy;
or blocking one from living a sacramental life; or repressing the practice of the faith altogether;
or being unduly harsh and crushing one’s sincere efforts to search for God and truth;
or scandalous behaviour on the part of the supposedly devout or of spiritual leaders;
might it also be wilful failure to pass on the truth that others are beloved children of God…
Does that sound like “spiritual abuse”?
If it has some more official use I’m unfamiliar with that.

May God protect souls from the above abuses, in any case.

Trishie

 

[strngrnrth]

I’ve looked at lists of signs of spiritual abuse and sometimes my old church fits the criteria and someties it doesn’t at all. It matters to me a lot. If I was being spiritually abused there, that would explain why I feel so confused and tired and have such mixed feelings about that part of my life. Things that remind me of it make me feel a little sick sometimes yet other times they seem like still part of my life. Is that just the difficulty of change, is it a logical result of coming through a bad situation, or is it that I’m just being mean and fickle? Also, should I be encouraging to my friends there to keep going there or urge them to keep searching for the right place? The things leading up to my own conversion (see my post in “ex-protestants” thread somewhere in Non-Catholic Religions for details if curious) seem serious to me. But are they serious enough to discount the concepts I picked up while there, or not?

 

[Trishie]

Dear Friend, I’m just about to go searching for the posting…was it in a thread you began or someone else’s

Just to be sure about other isssues…are you sure about your health. A lot of my longterm health and energy problems were finally found out to be due to Celiac disease, which is to say, wheat, barley, oats, rye, are basically poison to my system…so no health problems to explain you malaise, dear Friend?

Trishie

 

[strngrnrth]

Just to be sure about other isssues…are you sure about your health. A lot of my longterm health and energy problems were finally found out to be due to Celiac disease, which is to say, wheat, barley, oats, rye, are basically poison to my system…so no health problems to explain you malaise, dear Friend?

Trishie

No, I definitely have an emotional/bodily reaction to some stuff, it’s not food. Energy is another issue. A friend back there says she was getting tired of it becasue one of their main slogans is “we shall run and not grow weary” but everyone’s always weary.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

How do you know when you’ve been spiritually abused? What is it exactly? If you decide you were, how do you then relate to the people in the organization where it happened?

I’m not sure what you mean by spiritually abused. Could you give us some example of what you mean by it?

Jim

 

[wendyjduncan]

My husband and I experienced spiritual abuse in a Bible-based cult. I wrote a book about this. The book is I Can’t Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult (see www.dallascult.com)

How Can We Recognize Spiritual Abuse?

The following comments are excerpted from Twisted Scripture” by Mary Alice Chrnalogar.

If you have experienced any of these conditions in your church, it may indicate a misuse of Scripture and/or may represent the presence of abuse and excessive control:

The church sees itself as “more committed” to Jesus than those not in the church.
Church members are rebuked for actions that aren’t really sinful but which merely differ from the leaders’ opinions.
The leader uses verses such as “Touch not my anointed” to imply we can’t criticize leaders without being critical of God.
The group emphasizes trusting leaders, having faith in leaders, imitating leaders, and/or being loyal to them.
The group teaches people to obey even when it doesn’t feel right.
Members must meet in private with leaders when pointing out errors [that the leaders have made].
The leader teaches that the Bible says to stay away from those who have “fallen away.”
The leader teaches that “following Christ” means giving up all personal wishes, desires and goals.
The group teaches that God will give you direct revelations for every detail of your life, if only you are listening.
The leaders [supposedly] can hear God and know God’s will better than you can.
The gray and open areas of your life become narrowed and absolute rights and wrongs are made very clear.
Your group or church believes it has the only valid baptism.
You become extremely irritated when someone criticizes your group or leaders.
Those who disagree with, or openly challenge, leaders are “causing divisions.”
You choose not to associate with people who cause you to question your beliefs.
To a great degree, you are disconnected from Christians outside your group and from those who have left it.
You frequently feel you are not being open when you don’t confess or share.
You are told that being secretive is a sin.
Other churches simply “do it wrong.”
You do not wish to include unbelievers in your social life.
[When you are dating,] your leader exerts control that is as bad or worse than a domineering parent.
Your leader talks about being “unequally yoked” when discussing potential mates not in your group.
You avoid reading books that might challenge your beliefs.
You are told examples of bad things that happened to people who left your group.
You feel guilty when you make your own decisions that go against the approval of your leader (in dealing with non-moral issues).
Since your involvement in the group, you have little time for your family and have missed important personal commitments in order to attend group meetings or church activities.
The leaders publicly rebuke or discipline members for matters that are not necessary to expose to the whole church.
The leaders repeatedly and emphatically request money (and stress that a lack of financial giving is an indication of an unhealthy spiritual life).

 

[strngrnrth]

Church members are rebuked for actions that aren’t really sinful but which merely differ from the leaders’ opinions. We were expected sometimes to explain or disavow different ideas, but other times different opinions were valued. It was inconsistent. Just part of people trying to come up with things as they go along perhaps.
The group emphasizes trusting leaders, having faith in leaders, imitating leaders, and/or being loyal to them. We had discipling systems including G-12, in which each leader has 12 trainees who take on 12 trainees etc. Pastors talked a lot about the need to “get under authority” for spiritual protection but they didn’t do as much as I would have wanted to prove their authority in the first place.
The group teaches people to obey even when it doesn’t feel right. Yep. But we were also told to check things out. Yet chances to do so were limited by time etc.
Members must meet in private with leaders when pointing out errors [that the leaders have made]. They said they didn’t “have time for the trivial”. We often had to take things up with new trainees.
The group teaches that God will give you direct revelations for every detail of your life, if only you are listening. Sure, but I was already used to that idea. I actually asked for ways to discern such things because I was so messed up mentally from my occult period.
Those who disagree with, or openly challenge, leaders are “causing divisions.” When there is even time to discuss opinions at all, yes.
You frequently feel you are not being open when you don’t confess or share. :yup: I don’t know where that started.
Other churches simply “do it wrong.” Head pastor talked about the need to be OK with other denoms and even Catholics and partnered with other Neo-Pentecostal megachurches. But he often made fun of other ways of worship. The message was that others were saved, maybe, but we were distinguished by our great enthusiasm and passion, which was partly true.
You avoid reading books that might challenge your beliefs. A little.
You feel guilty when you make your own decisions that go against the approval of your leader (in dealing with non-moral issues). Or the opinions of friends in the pews.
Since your involvement in the group, you have little time for your family and have missed important personal commitments in order to attend group meetings or church activities.
:yup:
The leaders publicly rebuke or discipline members for matters that are not necessary to expose to the whole church. It took more the form of healing, prophesying, or praying with people aloud in front of the rest and saying personal things.
The leaders repeatedly and emphatically request money (and stress that a lack of financial giving is an indication of an unhealthy spiritual life).Wow! You were there!

I was trying to tell my occult story to stop others making the same mistake. The second pastor suggested I tell it on tape. A couple agreed to interview me. We sat and started praying. I had a reaction to stress or whatever it was, I don’t know. The man called two pastors. They rushed over and talked about my personal problems with me. I wanted some healing before dwelling on all the stuff I’d seen. I told them I had trouble drawing moral lines and making everyday choices because of my mistakes; I wanted guidelines. The church’s Deliverance leaders gave me two long applications to fill out. I did, saying again I wanted counseling. One was circulating among her friends a Rebecca Brown book. She sent it by way of one of the people who were supposed to record my tale. They said it was hard to get the book: bad things happened to people trying to get it to others. We set a time for her to bring it to make sure I got it. She didn’t make it. By the time I got the book I was a little nervous.
I had two deliverance sessions. I felt spaced out. They hugged me and cried, yelled at things like contempt and murder to get out of me (I’ve had an abortion), gave me three sheets of lists of Christian affirmations to read off at least one of per day indefinitely, kept asking if I believed in this process (or if they would have to try harder to deliver me of doubt, I assume), and anointed me for protection and healing. I heard the leader try to deliver me of analytical thinking and logic. They came over and prayed for my home and took away anything they thought was dangerous, such as food with a name containing the word “magic”.
I read the book. It seemed far-fetched yet the world felt so perilous, who could say. What ifs raced through my fuzzy mind. I actually felt a little better, but something seemed wrong.

 

[Godlovestrength]

I’ve looked at lists of signs of spiritual abuse and sometimes my old church fits the criteria and someties it doesn’t at all. It matters to me a lot. If I was being spiritually abused there, that would explain why I feel so confused and tired and have such mixed feelings about that part of my life. Things that remind me of it make me feel a little sick sometimes yet other times they seem like still part of my life. Is that just the difficulty of change, is it a logical result of coming through a bad situation, or is it that I’m just being mean and fickle? Also, should I be encouraging to my friends there to keep going there or urge them to keep searching for the right place? The things leading up to my own conversion (see my post in “ex-protestants” thread somewhere in Non-Catholic Religions for details if curious) seem serious to me. But are they serious enough to discount the concepts I picked up while there, or not?

My friend in the past I went to a prayer meeting and a person told me that he could see in my body (in the spirit) many many knives, forks, axes, spades, etc etc. These God was showing him were peoples thoughts, words, deeds that they had done to me over many years. Much of this came from people in my church who were jealous and thought that they should have the gifts I exert.
The answer to these pasts are to take them all that you can remember, ask God to put on your mind any that He wanted to get rid of.
Next you ask God to forgive you for being in the place where they could cause you this pain.
Next ask God to forgive the people of the past even those you can’t remember.
Next tell God that you take them all, the people and situations, to the cross of Jesus and NAIL that part of your life to the cross of Jesus Christ.
Next you take all the situations and people and lay them at the foot of Jesus Christ on the cross.

From here you will be free and none of the past will matter anymore, for God will have taken it as fare as the east is from the west.

It works I know through many many people being set free.
Godbless.

 

[jmcrae]

I don’t know - it sounds like you went there voluntarily, and that those people were trying to help you as best they knew how.

Spiritual abuse would be when someone is forcing you to practice a religion against your will (the exception to this is a minor child being required by his parents to practice the family religion - this is not “abuse” but if an adult does it to another adult, or if someone who is not the parent does this to a child, then it is considered abuse), or preventing you from practicing your religion, by not allowing you to have transportation to your place of worship, or by stealing your holy books and your prayer aids, etc.

Another form of spiritual abuse is when someone who claims to be a spiritual leader uses his/her spiritual authority for personal gain above and beyond a just wage for his daily work.

 

[St_Gabriel]

I have a different definition of spiritual abuse. I think it’s when someone takes advantage of you because they know what your faith is. It’s like someone making you feel guilty for something you shouldn’t feel guilty about.

For example, I have a guardian angel posted outside my door, when soliciters come to the door, a few of them have suggested that I should donate generously to their cause because I have an angel outside my door. It makes me think that I should be giving more to the poor and needy, but in reality, if I gave to everyone knocking at the door, I would not be able to support my family.