Spiritual agony?

[Oumashta]

I’ve been going through a very strange ‘phase’, if you could call it that, in my spiritual life. I feel distant from God, yet I know that He is close to me. I feel a constant sense of inadequacy and failure that I cannot break free from. I constantly see my own faults, but no matter how hard I seem to try, I can’t break free from them. They might be ‘little things’ like not being able to wake up in time for school or going to bed late all the time, but I just can’t seem to do anything about it >_<… I set tons of alarms in the morning, but just never hear them or just don’t wake up.

I also have an extremely strong desire to do charity work for the love of God, but I feel like everything is preventing me from doing so. I really wanted to wake up early tomorrow to volunteer with the Sisters of Charity and help them feed the homeless, but I’m yet again staying up late to do homework that I could have done earlier. My mother then told me to concentrate on my studies first and help after I’m finished with my exams.

I feel a very strange… estrangement from God, a sense of agony and pain in not being able to achieve something that I haven’t found yet. Maybe I have found it, but I just can’t attain it. Any suggestions/ advice?

 

[SonSearcher]

Spiritual consolation is an experience of being so on fire with God’s love that we feel impelled to praise, love, and serve God and help others as best as we can. Spiritual consolation encourages and facilitates a deep sense of gratitude for God’s faithfulness, mercy, and companionship in our life. In consolation, we feel more alive and connected to others.

Spiritual desolation, in contrast, is an experience of the soul in heavy darkness or turmoil. We are assaulted by all sorts of doubts, bombarded by temptations, and mired in self-preoccupations. We are excessively restless and anxious and feel cut off from others. Such feelings, in Ignatius’s words, “move one toward lack of faith and leave one without hope and without love.”

 

[catholicrobot]

i understand the pain of spiritual desolation. I recently went through an 18 day dry spell. (worst 18 days in my 17 years of life)

Oumashta~ i will pray for you
SonSearcher~ what is the point of spiritual desolation???

 

[R_C]

I’ve been going through a very strange ‘phase’, if you could call it that, in my spiritual life. I feel distant from God, yet I know that He is close to me. I feel a constant sense of inadequacy and failure that I cannot break free from. …] I also have an extremely strong desire to do charity work for the love of God, but I feel like everything is preventing me from doing so. …] I feel a very strange… estrangement from God, a sense of agony and pain in not being able to achieve something that I haven’t found yet.

what is the point of spiritual desolation???

My grasp is that the Lord takes our consolations and grants them to souls that are in grave danger of being lost. In exchange, we partake in a bit of the desolation and anguish that He experiences because of them. That is not always the case, I guess, but this is my understanding from what I read of the diaries of a few saints.

Consider one passage from the book “Way of Divine Love” by Sr. Josefa Menendez (which I remember because I just read it last night):

no faith left, all is black, and I so unfeeling. I offer this suffering to console His Heart and win Him souls, but this very thought continually brings to my mind what a life of infidelity I have led. When I see what I myself am, it seems presumption to pray for others. How helpless I am!

A week passed, but the temptation grew as time went on …]

I went to Holy Communion, but could only call on Jesus to help me …] At once peace returned to my tortured soul, and I saw Him. ‘O my Jesus, how lonely Thou hast left me . . . and for so long . . . and I was so tempted.’

‘When I leave you so cold,’ He said, ‘I am using your warmth to give heat to other souls. When I leave you a prey to anguish, your suffering wards off divine justice when it is about to strike sinners. When it seems to you as if you did not love Me and yet you tell Me unceasingly that you do, then you console My Heart most. That is what I want: that you should be ready to comfort My Heart every time I need you.’ …]

‘See what your loving heart does to Mine, for though you feel cold and imagine you no longer love Me, it holds back My justice from punishing sinners. One single act of love in the loneliness in which I leave you repairs for many of the acts of ingratitude of which I am the object. My Heart counts and collects these acts of your love as a precious balm.’ …]

He went on: ‘Many souls think that love consists in saying: My God I love Thee. No, love is sweet, and acts because it loves, and all that it does is done out of love. I want you to love Me in that way, in work, in rest, in prayer and consolation as in distress and humiliation, constantly giving Me proofs of your love by acts; that is true love. If souls really understood this they would advance in perfection rapidly, and how greatly they would console My Heart.’

@Oumashta: it is highly possible that the Lord allows you to do good works through prayer, by bearing this suffering, and by your firm will do do your duty according to your state of life regardless of all the difficulties. Remember that Christ spent 30 years of His divine life subject to his parents and working as a carpenter. Doing our duty, especially amidst tribulations, saves souls. St. Bonaventure - Franciscan theologian and Doctor of the Church - once wrote:

The best perfection is to do ordinary things in a perfect manner. Constant fidelity in little things is a great and heroic virtue.

 

[SonSearcher]

i understand the pain of spiritual desolation. I recently went through an 18 day dry spell. (worst 18 days in my 17 years of life)

Oumashta~ i will pray for you
SonSearcher~ what is the point of spiritual desolation???

Honestly I wouldn’t be able to articulate that effectively. I just know of it in reference to discussions with my priest and various lay folks who are actively involved in their own spiritual lives.

From what I can grasp I get two things from the discussion of Ignatian Spirituality. Forgive me ahead of time if I state anything outrightly false.

1. We have periods of spiritual dryness to** grow in faith**.
2. We are all a part of the mystical body of Christ and we can take on other’s suffering just as easily as praying for them.

 

[Viola_Incognita]

I think Ignatian Spirituality could help you. Fr. Timothy Gallagher had a program about Ignatian Spirituality on EWTN a while ago called “Living the Discerning Life.” Fr. Gallagher is very good at explaining the intricacies of consolation and desolation. He has several books, beginning with The Discernment of Spirits. You can also listen to him on YouTube, starting with the introduction. Here is Fr. Gallagher’s website.

My mother then told me to concentrate on my studies first and help after I’m finished with my exams.

I have heard it said that the voice of God can sometimes come through a parent. Your duty right now may be to your studies. If God wants you to do something else for Him, He will find a way. Accept this struggle. Give it back to Him. Say, “Your will, Lord, not mine.”

May the Peace of Christ be with you.

 

[Oumashta]

Thanks very much guys for replying. I have a better grasp of what I was experiencing. I will try to receive Communion more often like Sr. Josef Menendez did and pray for souls. If God wants me to experience this for a time, then I will accept it Thanks very much and God bless!

 

[catholicrobot]

I can understand that God would give such consolations and desolations for an religious, priest, or even i guess to a lay adult, but why to a child. The only children i know of that have had this type of thing happen to them became great saints

 

[BobCatholic]

I read the about the “Dark Night”

If you get this great feeling of spiritual closeness, God is concerned you will get attached to that feeling instead of to him, so he takes away the feelings.

It is like having a wealthy friend who is concerned you’re hanging around him because hes rich, so he basically hides his wealth around you.

 

[Oumashta]

I can understand that God would give such consolations and desolations for an religious, priest, or even i guess to a lay adult, but why to a child. The only children i know of that have had this type of thing happen to them became great saints

There are many MANY children and teenagers that have a relationship with God and go through things like this We are all called to be saints.

 

[catholicrobot]

alright. I guess i just havent encountered many of them