Spiritual Darkness?

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European2010

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Hi. I have recently sought to deep my interior life and devotional life.
I attend Daily Mass and I have also started going to Eucharistic Adoration for 1 hour on Saturday before Mass. I have also recently started Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours and developed a devotion to Our Lady of Fatima. In addition, I have started saying the Rosary. All of the above have been used by God to deepen my own friendship with Him.

The thing is, after feeling joy and peace and happiness through these devotional practices, at present, I feel a kind of oppression or heaviness, almost a kind of spiritual darkness and a temptation to despair. I feel that I am unworthy of God and feel almost as if why should I try and draw nearer to God. After all, I am only a poor sinner.

I don’t feel in any way abandoned by God however and still desire God. I just feel heavy.

Do you think this is a form of spiritual warfare as I seek to immerse myself more and more in the things of God.

I’m always mindful of spiritual warfare.
 
European2010 said:
Hi. I have recently sought to deep my interior life and devotional life.
I attend Daily Mass and I have also started going to Eucharistic Adoration for 1 hour on Saturday before Mass. I have also recently started Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours and developed a devotion to Our Lady of Fatima. In addition, I have started saying the Rosary. All of the above have been used by God to deepen my own friendship with Him.

The thing is, after feeling joy and peace and happiness through these devotional practices, at present, I feel a kind of oppression or heaviness, almost a kind of spiritual darkness and a temptation to despair. I feel that I am unworthy of God and feel almost as if why should I try and draw nearer to God. After all, I am only a poor sinner.

I don’t feel in any way abandoned by God however and still desire God. I just feel heavy.

Do you think this is a form of spiritual warfare as I seek to immerse myself more and more in the things of God.

I’m always mindful of spiritual warfare.
Click to expand...
Friend, this very well could be a form of spiritual warfare. You’re doing a great job. I’m sure the devil isn’t happy with it. Have a look at the reading from Tuesday night prayer. 1 Peter 8-9a. I also included verse 10.
Code: 
Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for (someone) to devour.  Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.  The God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory through Christ (Jesus) will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you after you have suffered a little.
Tim
 
European2010 said:
Hi. I have recently sought to deep my interior life and devotional life.
I attend Daily Mass and I have also started going to Eucharistic Adoration for 1 hour on Saturday before Mass. I have also recently started Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours and developed a devotion to Our Lady of Fatima. In addition, I have started saying the Rosary. All of the above have been used by God to deepen my own friendship with Him.

The thing is, after feeling joy and peace and happiness through these devotional practices, at present, I feel a kind of oppression or heaviness, almost a kind of spiritual darkness and a temptation to despair. I feel that I am unworthy of God and feel almost as if why should I try and draw nearer to God. After all, I am only a poor sinner.

I don’t feel in any way abandoned by God however and still desire God. I just feel heavy.

Do you think this is a form of spiritual warfare as I seek to immerse myself more and more in the things of God.

I’m always mindful of spiritual warfare.
Click to expand...
It seems to me that God may be testing you and therefore presevere in these attempts of yours. This is not the devil trying to dissuade you because he will use other methods then the ones you are mentioning. Times of dryness are permitted by God and even willed by Him so that you can understand better His Grace and Mercy. I will say that this dryness comes from God. When you experience this then I will recommend for you to be on the same track. Don’t change anything. God is testing you to stay on the same track. If you do not want to remain then it is your intentions that need to be questioned. This dryness will teach you to appreciate His Gifts of Grace and Mercy more often then if you did not have them. You are on the right track. The Eastern Saints specically the Greek and Russian Saints always commented on their struggle to be united with God as like unto a spritual battle or warfare. To become united with God one needs to go into the " desert " and the " desert " really is the place of your encounter with Christ. There you will meet Him and there you also meet yourself. You will also encounter the enemy of your soul. Initially the devil will not interfere too much when he sees you beginning your struggle. However when you have presevere for some time then the devil will enter the arena. Every Christian who wishes to be united with Christ must face the evil one. Read the Saints of both Catholic and Orthodox and you will notice that this is true. Keep to the same devotions for by doing this you will be exercising yourself closer to God. Changing from one devotion to another will not work for anyone. As Saint JoseMaria of Spain wrote " Keep to few devotions but stick with them ". One devotion is not better than the other. It is the work you put behind them that counts. That is what counts before God. And please do not say that I am a poor sinner and unworthy of God because of the dryness you feel. God has given you the seeds of greatness planted in you at Baptism and Confirmation and reaffirmed at Confession. He has made you worthy. And if the devil comes with his tactics just remind him of this worthiness. Don’t put yourself down. This may come from the devil. This dryness you are experiencing is from God. The devil though may know of these moments because you have been expressing them and then he will try to presuade you to leave it is because of your sins and try to convince you that you are unworthy. Now when you experience this dryness or heaviness or despair think nothing of it and keep going along in your journey. God will reward you more for presevering through dryness then if He gave you bouts of Graces everytime you prayed.
 
I believe St. Francis de Sales said that consolations are from the good spirit and desolations are from the evil spirit.

However, God permits desolations and brings good from them. St. Francis recommended that when it is difficult to pray one should do the opposite of what one feels and pray a little more rather than less. When the evil spirit realizes that his temptation actually has the opposite effect from what he desires he will give up for a while.

In another source I read that when we are having the hard times in the spiritual life we should remember that they are temporary. And when we feel great consolations we should remember they are temporary too. The most important thing isn’t how we feel but how faithful we are to God. And we should also remember that God is faithful and doesn’t leave us; He is there with us even when we don’t experience His presence.

Cheer up, you must be doing something right if the evil one thinks you’re worth attacking:D
 
European2010 said:
Hi. I have recently sought to deep my interior life and devotional life.
I attend Daily Mass and I have also started going to Eucharistic Adoration for 1 hour on Saturday before Mass. I have also recently started Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours and developed a devotion to Our Lady of Fatima. In addition, I have started saying the Rosary. All of the above have been used by God to deepen my own friendship with Him.

The thing is, after feeling joy and peace and happiness through these devotional practices, at present, I feel a kind of oppression or heaviness, almost a kind of spiritual darkness and a temptation to despair. I feel that I am unworthy of God and feel almost as if why should I try and draw nearer to God. After all, I am only a poor sinner.

I don’t feel in any way abandoned by God however and still desire God. I just feel heavy.

Do you think this is a form of spiritual warfare as I seek to immerse myself more and more in the things of God.

I’m always mindful of spiritual warfare.
Click to expand...
It could be but it could also be a trial. In any case, it’s been allowed by God for your spiriutal growth 🙂 if you want to be with God, that is already a grace from Him… try to just trust in His mercy inspite of what you are feeling - it’s not mercy if we deserved it 😉 His mercy is free, we only need to repent. Don’t pay much attention to feelings or focus on them, that is a common trick of the enemy, to get us to focus on our feelings rather than on God (whether the feelings are good or bad). Also use this time to help you grow in humility - but don’t despair.

God bless 🙂
 
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