Spiritual Dead end

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Chickamauga

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I have only been a Catholic for a little over two years and now I am at a spiritual dead end that is crushing the life from me. As a result I feel like I need to take a break from the church… to get away from it for a while to re-evaluate things.

I tried so hard to be a good Catholic Christian, however I now feel that doing so took an aggressive edge off of my character that has now cost me my job. In trying to be Christ-like and kind to everyone I was percieved at work as being weak. As a result I was laid off last month at a job I loved where I worked for over 16 years.

I have yet to find another job. I’ve had a couple of leads, but they were little more than pie-in-the-sky good intentions from friends. The leads evaporated quickly. I’m facing the real possibility of having to take a menial job far below my previous salary. As a result I’ll have to move. My entire life has been disrupted. If a hurricane had blow my job and house away I don’t think I’d feel this bad because then I wouldn’t be so alone. Here I am, on a beautiful sunny day, surrounded by prosperity and yet I’m so depressed at being a utter failure I can barely function.

I cannot pray… I feel empty when I try. I almost walked out of mass last Sunday because it all seemed so hollow and pointless. The love I once felt from and for God is now gone. I feel like I have been abandoned. Having no family and only a limited circle of friends I have no one to turn to. I went to my doctor and he is weaning me off one type of anti-depressant and onto another, but I don’t see much change.

“Keep praying!” people say. “I’m praying for you!” Yeah, like it does much good. I see no results.
 
Chickamauga,

I am so very sorry to hear of your struggles. It is very natural that you feel hurt by what has happened to you. You have done your best and feel that you have not gotten what you deserved. You may even feel abandoned by God.

Rest assured that God has not abandoned you and even if He feels far away, He is very close to all of His children when they struggle. Please do not let these difficulties you are facing cause you to give up on God, His Church or prayer.

You mentioned that you feel that being a good Catholic Christian has changed people’s perception of you and that you believe they think you are weak because you are kind to others. It is very sad that anyone would believe this! But such is our world. The world rejected Christ and often rejects His followers as well. I know this doesn’t make struggling easier, but I think it is important that Christ suffered more than any of us can imagine suffering ourselves.

None of your struggles mean that you are a failure. Christ, thankfully, does not measure us based on what job we have or what other people think of us!

You have tough times behind you and more tough times behind. I will pray that this time will draw you ever closer to Christ. And remember that things will get better, even if you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.

God bless you!
 
Chickamauga said:
I have only been a Catholic for a little over two years
(…)
I tried so hard to be a good Catholic Christian, however I now feel that doing so took an aggressive edge off of my character that has now cost me my job.
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First of all: do not try to cope with this alone. Before you get another job, get a spiritual director, and tell him, openly, without shame, what you have gone through and why, what happened, and how you are feeling now.

I would “diagnose” this as near-despair. And perhaps depression in the clinical sense of the term - perhaps your spiritual dryness is a symptom of the depression.

I quoted this passage from your post because it reminds me of what Martin Luther went through before he started the Reformation: he, too, tried to be really good, a really holy Catholic. And when he found he was not enough, he turned to something which is not alien from Catholic teaching, but he thought it was new: he found out that nobody can attain perfect holiness of life without the grace of God, and therefore, all individual efforts without reliance on God’s help are futile.

So remind yourself that you cannot be a good Catholic by trying, and you cannot regain your mental and spiritual peace on your own. Get help, find a priest you can talk to. And do not have any doubts about God’s love for you. He loves you more than you can imagine, and certainly more than you love yourself at the moment - am I right in guessing that you dislike yourself a bit now?

I wish I could write more, but I am off to my own appointment with my doctor. (I am also suffering from depression, and vexed with my slow or stagnant progress in my journey to God. But while I have lost all my self-confidence, I have gained confidence in the Lord and hope that it will encrease day by day, until I can let him lead my life.)
 
In your pre-Catholic days, were you ever involved in a “Prosperity gospel” group? The reason I ask, is these groups teach that God shows His love and rewards our faith with material things and worldly success. People who have been taught these things can easily move to despair when material success is not there or goes away.

Study the lives of the Saints. Most of them were not successful by the standards of the world, they loved God during trials and suffering. The book of Job is also very good during these times. Job lost EVERYTHING and refused to “curse God and die” as his friends advised. The Psalms are also great prayers.

Get with a Spiritual Director or your Priest - remember, as long as you have the Eucharist, you have everything!
 
kage_ar said:
In your pre-Catholic days, were you ever involved in a “Prosperity gospel” group? …!
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No. I was not involved in anything like that. I don’t expect a rose guarden in this life… I just want to survive.

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement… althouth, quite frankly, I’m not very encouraged. Get with a spiritual director or a priest? Easier said than done. My priest doesn’t even return phone calls. I can’t see what good a priest would do. He’s got lifetime job security. He can’t relate to a job loss like this. I need a career councellor… or rather I needed a career councellor years ago. My team lead spent more time making jokes about my being from a poverty-stricken rural state than ever once being a true mentor to me.
 
Chickamauga said:
No. I was not involved in anything like that. I don’t expect a rose guarden in this life… I just want to survive.

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement… althouth, quite frankly, I’m not very encouraged. Get with a spiritual director or a priest? Easier said than done. My priest doesn’t even return phone calls. I can’t see what good a priest would do. He’s got lifetime job security. He can’t relate to a job loss like this. I need a career councellor… or rather I needed a career councellor years ago. My team lead spent more time making jokes about my being from a poverty-stricken rural state than ever once being a true mentor to me.
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I understand. I have recently gone through, what you describe. Issues of faith and integrity required me to leave my professional position and take a job as a laborer in a warehouse.

It’s not always comfortable to follow the Divine where it leads. It lead Christ to the cross, and many martyrs to their deaths. There are no guarentees of riches, rewards, kudos or honor on this earth for living our faith. There is no security in life. Only ultimate security.

blessings,

cheddar
 
Chickamauga said:
I can’t see what good a priest would do. He’s got lifetime job security. He can’t relate to a job loss like this. I need a career councellor…
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If you are not planning to switch career, if your goal is to find a job with your current field, then you need network.

The best way to find a job is through network. Contact all your friends, relatives, and anyone you can think of and ask around if there is any job opening in their work place. Ask them to pass your resume around. Post your resume on Monster.com, do all you can to search, also pray.

I understand how stressful it is to loss your job. I understand how stress can make one feel dry in his prayer. I find in time of extreme stress, the best prayer is to pray the Rosary. Time and again Rosary prayer put me through.

God bless!
 
Chickamauga said:
No. I was not involved in anything like that. I don’t expect a rose guarden in this life… I just want to survive.

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement… althouth, quite frankly, I’m not very encouraged. Get with a spiritual director or a priest? Easier said than done. My priest doesn’t even return phone calls. I can’t see what good a priest would do. He’s got lifetime job security. He can’t relate to a job loss like this. I need a career councellor… or rather I needed a career councellor years ago. My team lead spent more time making jokes about my being from a poverty-stricken rural state than ever once being a true mentor to me.
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Wow, are you being crucified or what? I don’t mean that as a joke, either. I’d be depressed too and I have felt just like you do in times past. (not for exactly the same reasons, but that doesn’t matter).

What I can tell you is that what others are saying is true! God does NOT abandon His children - EVER! I know what it feels like and it’s ok to feel that way - don’t get all guilty about it. A good priest would be a fantastic help but it sounds like you don’t have access to one.

The only immediate worthwhile suggestion I have is to go to this site:

therealpresence.org/

click on the ‘light’ under the monstrance and find your location to see if you have Eucharistic adoration anywhere you can get to. Go there. Sit in front of Jesus and let Him look at you. You don’t have to do a thing…not pray, not feel good, not anything. Just sit there with Him and do it more than once. If you want to tell him stuff, go for it. He’s big enough to take your anger and frustration and anything you want to throw at Him…He loves you!!! More than you love yourself. He wants to give you more than you can even ask for…but let Him take over. Give up and sit there with Him

I will do the same on my end…and He WILL help you. You will not lose it. I promse. He promises.

I can’t give you a time table because that’s His area…but I can tell you He won’t let you go.

Say the prayer to St. Michael often, if that’s all you can manage. Try very hard to receive the Eucharist, if you at all can.

Count on prayers and hang on!!
 
Chickamauga said:
I have only been a Catholic for a little over two years and now I am at a spiritual dead end that is crushing the life from me. As a result I feel like I need to take a break from the church… to get away from it for a while to re-evaluate things.

I tried so hard to be a good Catholic Christian, however I now feel that doing so took an aggressive edge off of my character that has now cost me my job. In trying to be Christ-like and kind to everyone I was percieved at work as being weak. As a result I was laid off last month at a job I loved where I worked for over 16 years.
.
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that might be true, re your work, and if it is, very likely you will look back and thank God for this course of events, and that this crisis is helping to prepare you spiritually for whatever God has planned for you. Or it may be that losing your job was due to other factors that have nothing to do with your conversion. If your job required you to be agressive to the point of being unChristian, is it worth the paycheck to be that kind of person, or to spend most of your waking hours around those kind of people?

Taking a break from the Church is hardly the answer, since only in the sacraments will you find the grace of Christ to handle these new challenges. Doing that would put you on your own, and deny trust in God, which is the last thing you want to do in a crisis.

career counselling is probably a good idea, but since you pose your dilemma in spiritual terms, that is a clue on where you should begin, with discernment, using this unexpected “free time” to really pray, open yourself to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and explore in more depth than you ever have before your own calling, your own gifts, and be directed by the motives that led you to Christ, rather than the motives that led you to this old job.

If you can’t afford to spend time at a retreat center, call one and ask for direction on a DIY Ignatian retreat, the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius Loyola, the classic meditation for those discerning vocation, change in manner of living, career, marriage decision etc. At least tell your priest in confession what you plan to do, but even if you can check by phone each week with a director, that would help. Look for Fr. John Hardon’s companion to the Spiritual Exercises for a self-guided at home retreat, or the Emmaus road For the Greater Honor and Glory of God guide to discernment from wordamongus.org. each should be less than $10.

These setbacks are the greatest opportunities for spiritual growth God allows in our lives. This is not the time to run away, it is the time to run toward Christ.
 
Sometimes it is God’s will to deny certain things to us or things we really want in order to bring us close to him. God does not do this to destroy us, but to configure us more closely to Christ so we can be closer to him and be a more effective vessel for his many beautiful graces. Often in losing something we also find something; God is leading you away from something he no longer wills you to be in, but to something which will bring you more in alignment with what his good will is. God does listen and answer our prayers, but ultimately we must be happy with God himself, rather than the gifts he chooses to give or withold from us in this life, so when God answers our prayers he has spiritual rather than material riches in mind (the greatest and most beautiful gift from God of all is his direct and immediate prescence in your life wherever you are and whatever you do, which sanctifies and makes you holy, not that what you do makes you holy, but God’s grace makes you and your work holy).
 
Everything puzzleannie said!

I lost a job I loved when my boss suddenly died. I do a very specialized type of work which is not easy to replace. While I was able to collect unemployment for 6 months, I remained without a job for another 8 months beyond that. Because of this, I had to access 401K funds just to exist. At the same time this was happening, I learned that the home I had been renting for the last 16 years had been sold and was going to be leveled to make room for new condos. Facing extended unemployment and relocation is extremely frightening. I would not have been able to cope with all the hardship on my own.

I used the time to draw closer to God. In hindsight, every thing that happened was a tremendous blessing. I spent well over a year attending daily Mass, spending time in adoration, reading books about the faith and strengthening my relationship with God. Amazing things happened as a result. In all the time I was without an income, God provided generously for me. For example, my Godfather, whom I have not heard from in over 10 years, decided to send me an extremely generous gift of money for Christmas. He did not know of my financial situation. He was just prompted (by the H.S!) in his heart to make contact with me and express his love with this gift. There were so many situations like this that occurred during this tough time. I found that the more I trusted in the Lord’s plan for me, the less I would get caught up in all the anxiety and worry.

I know it’s difficult to believe in your heart that He is really there and watching out for you. But this is your opportunity to really apply all that you have been given through your Catholic faith and run TO Him. He will not leave you an orphan.
 
I hear you chickamauga.
I myself am in danger of losing my job of 20 years if my company engages in a retaliatory firing. I was verbally harangued by one of my bosses recently which hurt me deeply and triggered my emotional disorders into high gear, so I reported what he did.
I am asking the company for Family Medical Leave and Short-Term Disability, but who knows, they may just let me go on trumped up charges. I hope they don’t but they might, and I live paycheck to paycheck.

I know how you feel too about prayer seeming not to help.
There have been times in my life where I have become so frustrated and confused that I have screamed, ranted, and raved at God in frustration, only to feel horrified later at my behavior, but frustration can push any Christian over the edge, and I believe that God understands.

There is a website called Linked In, or Linked-In, with a dash, I’m not sure, but professionals and workers of all stripes post there. Google the name of the site and become a member.
And keep praying, even if you feel you get nothing out of it.
At least go to Sunday Mass, even if it bores you out of your trees.
And you might consider a novena to Saint Joseph to help you with finding a good job.

God bless you Chickamauga,
Jaypeeto4
 
Chickamauga said:
I have only been a Catholic for a little over two years and now I am at a spiritual dead end that is crushing the life from me. As a result I feel like I need to take a break from the church… to get away from it for a while to re-evaluate things.

I tried so hard to be a good Catholic Christian, however I now feel that doing so took an aggressive edge off of my character that has now cost me my job. In trying to be Christ-like and kind to everyone I was percieved at work as being weak. As a result I was laid off last month at a job I loved where I worked for over 16 years.

I have yet to find another job. I’ve had a couple of leads, but they were little more than pie-in-the-sky good intentions from friends. The leads evaporated quickly. I’m facing the real possibility of having to take a menial job far below my previous salary. As a result I’ll have to move. My entire life has been disrupted. If a hurricane had blow my job and house away I don’t think I’d feel this bad because then I wouldn’t be so alone. Here I am, on a beautiful sunny day, surrounded by prosperity and yet I’m so depressed at being a utter failure I can barely function.

I cannot pray… I feel empty when I try. I almost walked out of mass last Sunday because it all seemed so hollow and pointless. The love I once felt from and for God is now gone. I feel like I have been abandoned. Having no family and only a limited circle of friends I have no one to turn to. I went to my doctor and he is weaning me off one type of anti-depressant and onto another, but I don’t see much change.

“Keep praying!” people say. “I’m praying for you!” Yeah, like it does much good. I see no results.
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I’m terribly sorry that you went through this. Instead of saying I’ll pray for you (although I will)…I will tell you something that you can bet on with being a Catholic. And it’s this…IT IS NOT EASY. Jesus never said…‘Following me is going to be easy.’ Yes, following Jesus should lead us to a more peaceful life, but perhaps God didn’t want you to be at that job, any further. I realize that with the bills coming in, my words might seem empty. But, know that God is always catching us when we fall. It really means we are living our faith when we suffer for it.:o Look at Jesus. Look at Paul. Look at Peter. All died horrible, suffering deaths…for the faith. Are you facing that? No. But, you are suffering, and if you try to look at this as uniting yourself to Christ…in this suffering, you might start to feel less anxiety.

No matter what…try to pray. Even if it is 5 minutes per day. Thank God for your health. Your life. Your loved ones. And ask Him to guide you…to find the right job for you. Don’t change being that kind person–because people at your prior job lacked compassion to see a good Christian.

…this too shall pass…please…hang in there…:console:
 
Chickamauga said:
I cannot pray… I feel empty when I try. I almost walked out of mass last Sunday because it all seemed so hollow and pointless. The love I once felt from and for God is now gone. I feel like I have been abandoned. Having no family and only a limited circle of friends I have no one to turn to. I went to my doctor and he is weaning me off one type of anti-depressant and onto another, but I don’t see much change.
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From this, it sounds to me that God is pulling you out of yourself. If this is the case, when you get past this, you will be in for a new sense of peace and joy. God is getting you out of “God makes me feel, I feel good when I go to Church, I am happy God has given me a good life…”. Notice all the references to self? God is pulling you so that you will come to love Him in more of the way He loves you. That is, not because He does anything for you, but because He is deserving of love.

I don’t speak from experience, just from what I have read and heard from many great people. All I can say is, keep up the struggle. No matter how far you continue to feel like you slip, always keep your eye on God. Also, when you get to the other end of this desert, pray for me that I have strength when I come to it.

Peace and good!

-Kevin
 
There is a saying…When God closes a door, he opens a window.

While you are right smack dab in your difficult situation, God is moving in your life, even if you don’t realize it. While it may seem that this a direct consequence of your becoming a Catholic…I would like to say that because you have become a Catholic…you have become part of a family of God of over one billion strong…and lean on us. I for one am going to include you in my daily intentions at mass this week. I hope you will consider if you have the opportunity to also attend daily mass during this period of unemployment and then stay a few minutes afterward to ask God for some simple direction. Also pray to St.Joseph, patron of workers and possible St.Jude, patron of the impossible to help find you suitable and satisfying work. Visit this site and ask for intercession. stjudenovena.org/

God has the whole picture of our lives before him. He never abandons his children and particularly those who come to him in need. There is also our spiritual mother…pray the Memorare prayer daily. It was composed by St.Bernard of Clairvaux
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🙂 REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

Also reread the Old Testament book of Job. He will send you angels to be with you in darkest moments.
 
There is a saying…When God closes a door, he opens a window.
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That’s what they told me when they laid me off. Oh, the irony.

I got a call from a former colleauge two weeks ago who knows my work and is trying to inceded for me with a VP who has hiring authority. A position is open, but the VP isn’t returning my calls.
I just don’t get it. For 16 years I never failed to return anyone’s call if it was work-related. Is basic courtesty dead in this country? I’m beginining to think it is.
 
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