Spiritual direction - which one to pick?

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anytimequilter

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I was reaching out looking for a Spiritual Director. I have not had much luck with this in the past.

Over the past week I have talked 3 different ones… now I am trying to decide which one.

Any tips?

Of the 3, I am certain there is one that I will not choose. But the other 2 are strong contenders.

When I spoke to the first one I really had a good discussion and I felt like we could talk about anything. This person doesn’t have any certification or anything, but they seemed to understand completely. Even more after our discussion, the next day or so I felt a weight lifted. That is what I would like, someone who understands who can help me feel better and guide me on my way.

When I spoke to the second one it was a little different, the discussion was good and there was a time or two that they didn’t understand and I had to explain a little father. This person does have some certification… But what happened was as we talked I opened up and found myself crying… which I suppose I should open up. But I am not sure if opening up and crying is the goal of Spiritual Direction.

Any thoughts?

Thank you
 
You’re blessed to have so many choices. I hear about many people who are desperately looking for a spiritual director and can’t find anyone.

Have you prayed about which one to choose?

Could you plan to meet with one of them for a few sessions and then decide if he or she seems like the right choice?
 
I have not been able to find anyone in the past, so I am pleased to have a couple of options.

I am sure I could have a few sessions with one and then switch to the other and see which one fits better.

Problem is the matter of payment…I understand they can’t do this for free but I don’t have a lot of extra money either. So if I start with one and then switch I am afraid of the lost money.

I have prayed and I told them both that I will not make my decision until Wednesday after my visit to the adoration chapel. They both understood
 
You have to “pay” for spiritual direction? I never heard of paying someone for spiritual guidance.

From my own experience, I have had three really good spiritual advisers, a priest (free), my brother (free), and my best friend (free). Only the priest had any training in doing this. A spiritual advisor should be someone that you feel comfortable with sharing your struggles and trials. They should be able to help you with those things and also bring you closer and into a more meaningful relationship with God.

That’s my 2 cents worth.
 
I don’t know … I spoke to 3 and they all had a fee. I wish it were free 🙂 but several years ago when I spoke to a spiritual director I had to pay then. My family couldn’t do this for me… I am on the fence about my priest. I do really like him, but sometimes he is pretty black and white and doesn’t understand why I can be indecisive
 
Whether spiritual directors charge a fee is very much a question. I think that ideally they would all like to offer their services free of charge, but practicality means that isn’t always possible.

If people are supported in some other way – like a priest in a parish – they can afford to offer spiritual direction at no cost. But if someone has to support him or herself, or if a group offers spiritual direction as their ministry, they need to cover their expenses, including salary.

Quilter, I’m not sure that switching from one director to another would mean a loss of money. If you meet with the first person and it works out, then you’re all set. If it doesn’t work out, you’ve probably still gained something from those meetings.
 
Joy2day said:
I wouldn’t go to anyone I had to pay.
Click to expand...
While I’m in the fortunate position of having a gifted director who does not charge me, if things changed I’d be willing to pay a lot for all the benefit I get. I guess that’s something that each person must decide.
 
Check out Fr. Garrigou-Lagrange’s section in the Three Ages on the qualities of a good spiritual director. Here’s a brief excerpt:

St. Francis de Sales says on the subject of a director: “He must be a man of charity, learning, and prudence; if anyone of these three qualities be wanting in him, there is danger.” …]

In addition, he should have a knowledge of the spiritual life, be penetrated with the teachings of the great masters of the interior life, and be a good psychologist.
 
I wish I didn’t have to pay. Several years ago I was fortunate to have someone to “talk things out with”. That person is no longer in my life,

Thank you for your thoughts and the link, I will check into that this evening
 
You are quite blessed to have options, even those you would need to pay for. I searched for an SD for over a year and as much as 225 miles away before I found my current director. A lady I know once went eight years without guidance. I, too, would prefer not to pay but I don’t rule it out if the alternative is not to have an SD. If your funds are limited, ask if some arrangement could be worked out. Inability to pay shouldn’t prevent anyone from obtaining spiritual guidance.

Spiritual direction is an intimate relationship. Your director is (or should be) helping you discern God’s will in your life and assist you in conforming yourself to it, thus growing closer to Him. An SD can’t do this well if you’re not open, honest and frank about your spiritual state even if doing so provokes emotional reactions, including tears. Directors know this is possible and should be prepared for it.

While spiritual direction should not make things worse, I wouldn’t necessarily go to an SD primarily because (s)he made me feel better. We need to hear what’s best for us in our journey towards God, and that can sometimes be a difficult pill to swallow.

God bless 🙂
 
Some religious communities of nuns/sisters/brothers support themselves by accepting donations/offerings for spiritual direction. They usually do not call it a “fee”, and usually no set amount is stated. It is up to the person receiving spiritual direction to determine the amount.
 
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