Spiritual Direction

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Aelred_Minor

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I’m in a conundrum. I have never had a spiritual director, but would very much like to get one now. My problem is, the only priest I have access to, besides being minimally involved in my parish (he commutes to it from another parish next to which he lives, just for mass and confession), seems to be a great guy in many ways but is clearly not orthodox when it comes to moral theology, from my experiences in confession (excuse me if I don’t go into detail there). There is a permanent deacon and a sister at the parish, but let’s just say they are worse, and I would be extremely uncomfortable with either of them.

I don’t have the transportation options available to find someone more distant for spiritual direction. I was wondering if anyone was aware of any resources that could be helpful for someone without access to a spiritual director, or if you have any other advice you could give for someone in this situation.
 
If I were in this situation, I think I’d just read books by the Saints… if you ever move to a different location and are able to get a spiritual director there, then of course it would be a good opportunity to look into it 🙂

God bless
 
My first advice is to pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you find a director.

Though the priest, deacon, and sister might not be your first choice, it might be worth talking with them anyway. Maybe they’re not as bad as you think. Or maybe they are, but even so they might have something to offer you.

Are there any monasteries, convents, or retreat centers in your area? Those might be places to inquire.
 
Thanks. Right now I’m reading the second volume of Pope Benedict’s Jesus of Nazareth, after which I’m planning on reading The Imitation of Christ and then Strangers to the City by Michael Casey, a Cistercian monk. I have a copy of St. Francis de Sales’ Introduction to the Devout Life that I’ve never read. Maybe I should have that follow Strangers to the City. I also have St. John of the Cross’s Dark Night of the Soul, but I want to read Ascent of Mount Carmel first.

I think it’s safe to say the deacon and the sister are not potential candidates for helpful spiritual directors. I would feel very uncomfortable with them. Maybe I should consider asking the priest though, despite his less than ideal moral opinions, and the transportation issue. I would hate for him to have to drive all the way to my town just for me, though. Maybe this is really the issue and the one instance of bad moral advice more an excuse.
 
If the priest isn’t available he will tell you and perhaps have another suggestion. I wouldn’t hesitate to at least ask him and let him decide. I do understand the feeling of not wanting to burden him or ask too much. I feel that way with my director sometimes and I’ ve been seeing him for years. I can’t believe how much time he gives me when I know how many demands he had on his time. It’s a huge gift.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
If the priest isn’t available he will tell you and perhaps have another suggestion. I wouldn’t hesitate to at least ask him and let him decide. I do understand the feeling of not wanting to burden him or ask too much. I feel that way with my director sometimes and I’ ve been seeing him for years. I can’t believe how much time he gives me when I know how many demands he had on his time. It’s a huge gift.
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Thanks the advice. I think I’ll ask. By the way I forgot to mention, there are no monasteries immediately nearby, and the only one I know of regionally is an Orthodox one, which judging from their website is very anti-Catholic.
 
Not sure where in Upstate NY you are, but here are 2 monasteries in my neck of upstate New York (which to me includes only the parts of the state that are north & west of Albany, but that’s another topic. 😉 )

The Abbey of the Genesee, in Piffard (near SUNY Geneseo) and Mt. Savior, which is between Corning & Elmira.

Also, I agree with the other posters, talk to your priest. Even if you think he may not be the ideal SD, you may actually end up learning a lot from him.
I know from experience that sometimes you learn more from those you might not agree with than those you do!😛
 
Spiritual direction doesn’t have to come from a priest, deacon, or “religious”. You may have a spiritual formation director that is a lay person as well.

I would pray on this. Reading good spiritual books as the others on this thread mentioned is also very good.

I have had lay Catholics who were my spiritual directors. At other times, spiritual direction was available in the form of the writings from the Saints. God will give you what you need at the time.

Blessings.
 
idk if this would help you but i’d check out the book called Haily Holy Queen by scott hahns, it helped me gain a better understanding of the Blessed Mother
 
Read the Introduction to a Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales
saintsworks.net/books/St.%20Francis%20de%20Sales%20-%20Introduction%20to%20the%20Devout%20Life.pdf

It is a good spiritual direction (it is meant for that, by St Francis De Sales)

It is directed to us, his spiritual sons and daughters.

You can also listen to mother angelica, she will give you a good spiritual direction
youtube.com/results?search_query=mother+angelica&aq=f

You can download her show by using the free program atube catcher
google.co.id/search?q=atube+catcher+download+cnet&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

It is very hard to find good spiritual direction nowadays, better stick to the saints. You can read the works of the saints, it will give you good spiritual direction

saintsarefamily.blogspot.com/
saintsbookscatechisms.blogspot.com/
 
Your spiritual director does not have to be a religious/ordained person. However, since your options are limited by your transportation, I would recommend reading. Introduction to a Devout Life is an excellent place to start. Mother Angelica’s shows on EWTN are also very helpful. Sometimes we look for much more than what we really need. As St Teresa teaches us, you can get to heaven by doing small things – like giving into someone else’s choice (TV show, dinner food, etc.) with good grace. It seems simple, but it can be very powerful!

If you are discerning religious life, contact the vocations director in your diocese. He will be able to tell you about religious communities in your area.
 
I hope I’m not thread-hijacking, but I’m also interested in how to find spiritual direction. Especially as a new Catholic, I feel like I need it, even in reading lives of the saints – because up 'til recently my perspective has been pretty wholly informed by the secular. I also suffer with OCD, and am afraid of falling into scrupulosity. I know that spiritual direction isn’t counseling; I just kind of want someone who “knows better” to help me with… to put it Ignatiaus-ly, discerning spirits. You know?

Anyway, I think our parish pastor is too busy. The only person nearby I can think of right now is one of our newly ordained deacons. I think he has a very different perspective from my own and I feel comfortable talking to him. But I also feel bad asking him if he could take this on as I know he’s assuming many responsibilities right now. I really miss having RCIA and being able to talk to folks in person about spirituality, and I DO NOT want to go all adrift and start making up my own interpretations of things.

So, if you have a spiritual director… how did you approach them? Do you just walk up and say, “Hey! Wanna be my spiritual director?” Do you set up meetings? How often? Do you, as the directee, sort of come up with the topics? What do you talk about? I feel like I have a million questions and I try not to post here too much; even though CAF is a great resource I don’t feel like consensus by forum is the best way to proceed as a newbie.
 
mariafransisca2 said:
Read the Introduction to a Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales
saintsworks.net/books/St.%20Francis%20de%20Sales%20-%20Introduction%20to%20the%20Devout%20Life.pdf

It is a good spiritual direction (it is meant for that, by St Francis De Sales)

It is directed to us, his spiritual sons and daughters.

It is very hard to find good spiritual direction nowadays, better stick to the saints. You can read the works of the saints, it will give you good spiritual direction

l]
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Introduction to a Devout Life is wonderful!!! I read that when I was living in an isolated community in Upstate New York for a time and it helped me so much.

Blessings.
 
Aelred_Minor said:
Thanks the advice. I think I’ll ask. By the way I forgot to mention, there are no monasteries immediately nearby, and the only one I know of regionally is an Orthodox one, which judging from their website is very anti-Catholic.
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Really??!! Anti-Catholic. I have known some Catholics who go to Orthodox Monasteries for spiritual direction. That’s kind of sad that their website is anti-Catholic. I guess it just means that is not where God intends you to be.
 
fieldsparrow said:
I hope I’m not thread-hijacking, but I’m also interested in how to find spiritual direction. Especially as a new Catholic, I feel like I need it, even in reading lives of the saints – because up 'til recently my perspective has been pretty wholly informed by the secular. I also suffer with OCD, and am afraid of falling into scrupulosity. I know that spiritual direction isn’t counseling; I just kind of want someone who “knows better” to help me with… to put it Ignatiaus-ly, discerning spirits. You know?

Anyway, I think our parish pastor is too busy. The only person nearby I can think of right now is one of our newly ordained deacons. I think he has a very different perspective from my own and I feel comfortable talking to him. But I also feel bad asking him if he could take this on as I know he’s assuming many responsibilities right now. I really miss having RCIA and being able to talk to folks in person about spirituality, and I DO NOT want to go all adrift and start making up my own interpretations of things.

So, if you have a spiritual director… how did you approach them? Do you just walk up and say, “Hey! Wanna be my spiritual director?” Do you set up meetings? How often? Do you, as the directee, sort of come up with the topics? What do you talk about? I feel like I have a million questions and I try not to post here too much; even though CAF is a great resource I don’t feel like consensus by forum is the best way to proceed as a newbie.
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I prayed a lot before asking my SD/Confessor to be my SD/Confessor. I talked with him in person when he came into town one day and told him that I had been praying and seeking guidance for a SD and asked if he would consider being my SD. He said yes, it was only a matter of time before I asked him if he would be my confessor too, which he generously said he would. I am blessed.

We both agreed on the frequencies of meetings. It depends on what is going on in my life. You both will set up the boundaries. Usually you meet once a month with your SD, however if there are things you are struggling with you may see him more than once a month.

I see my SD/Confessor usually once a week. Mainly for Confession, but if something needs to be addressed in SD then we usually make an appointment.

I usually talk about what is going on in my life and how my spiritual life is going, whether I feel close or far from God. What I am struggling with. Sometimes my SD asks questions and we address those as well. The spirit leads these sessions.

I hope this helps. If you ever have a question, please feel free to shoot it to my PM and I will do my best in answering it.

God bless.
 
Oneofthewomen said:
Not sure where in Upstate NY you are, but here are 2 monasteries in my neck of upstate New York (which to me includes only the parts of the state that are north & west of Albany, but that’s another topic. 😉 )

The Abbey of the Genesee, in Piffard (near SUNY Geneseo) and Mt. Savior, which is between Corning & Elmira.

Also, I agree with the other posters, talk to your priest. Even if you think he may not be the ideal SD, you may actually end up learning a lot from him.
I know from experience that sometimes you learn more from those you might not agree with than those you do!😛
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With both parents from Long Island I grew up thinking of Upstate New York as the whole state minus NYC and Long Island, though today I’d generally also exclude Ulster County and points south. Between that and Albany I’m not sure. A key indicator of downstateness to me is whether people from that place are snobbish about the quality of bagels elsewhere in the state.;)😃

Anyway, both of those are far to far west for me. I’m in the diocese of Albany. Really though anything outside of walking distance will be difficult for me.
 
I’d read books on the spirituality of St. Therese of Lisieux and the works of St. Alphonsus Liguori if I couldn’t find a spiritual director. I also recommend that you read St. Francis de Sales’ Introduction to the Devout Life. Peace!
 
If Cornwall isn’t too far south for you, you might want to contact the Jesuit retreat house there and see what they have to offer. My SD is a Jesuit who recently had to leave active ministry due to declining health and moved into their healthcare facility in the Bronx. We continue to meet weekly to do the Spiritual Exercises via Skype, and I do online sharing on the Creighton University website. Not exactly conventional, but it seems to be working well for me, and he tells me that he enjoys still being able to offer guidance in directing the Exercises. We use a workbook and assignments on the material, and there’s a lot more to this than I even dreamed. I got into this by doing the Examen twice daily, and wanted to pursue more, so I encountered this priest when he was still in parish ministry.

Works for both of us!👍
 
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