M
mikee
Guest
For those of you who have spiritual directors, how does one go about getting one or discerning which priest is right for you, and how often do you meet, what do you talk about?
- Status
B
Blue_Rose
Guest
Spiritual Directors don’t have to be Priests, mine is a Religious Brother but they can also be female such as Nuns or even trained Lay people.
You can contact your diocese, ask your priest if he knows anyone or ask a religious community if they can put you into contact with one.
A Nun is the person that recommended me having a Spiritual Director and she put me in contact with one.
I meet with him once a month to discuss vocations, spiritual stuff such as my faith life and it helps me recognize where God might be calling me.
You can contact your diocese, ask your priest if he knows anyone or ask a religious community if they can put you into contact with one.
A Nun is the person that recommended me having a Spiritual Director and she put me in contact with one.
I meet with him once a month to discuss vocations, spiritual stuff such as my faith life and it helps me recognize where God might be calling me.
O
oldgraymare2
Guest
Hi mikee,
The first time that I went for spiritual direction, I saw a nun who had a background in Spiritual Direction.
I was referred to her by another nun that I knew.
The second time that I went, I saw a priest.
He was the pastor of one of the parishes that I attended. He agreed to be my Spiritual Director.
You set up a schedule with them as to how often/when to meet.
As for what you talk about, what I talked about was my spiritual life, and where God was/is in my spiritual life/life in general–things like that. Anything related to spirituality and your life.
The first time that I went for spiritual direction, I saw a nun who had a background in Spiritual Direction.
I was referred to her by another nun that I knew.
The second time that I went, I saw a priest.
He was the pastor of one of the parishes that I attended. He agreed to be my Spiritual Director.
You set up a schedule with them as to how often/when to meet.
As for what you talk about, what I talked about was my spiritual life, and where God was/is in my spiritual life/life in general–things like that. Anything related to spirituality and your life.
S
Sonny89
Guest
Peace and All Good
In terms of why I asked him to be my Spiritual Director, I prayed about it first & after having known him for a while it just felt right to ask him when I needed a new SD. We normally meet every 3-4 weeks for between an hour & 90 minutes, depending on what we’re discussing.
Normally we discuss my Prayer Life, Devotional Life, Vocational discernment, any particular things that have been weighing on my mind. Things like that. He is also my Confessor so we’ll normally start with the Sacrament of Penance as well but an SD doesn’t need to be a person’s Confessor as well, they can be separate as well. It depends on how you & your SD feel about it.
My Spiritual Director is an Oratorian Father. I’d known him for almost a year before he became my Spiritual Director, through attending Mass at the Parish (though they have 5 Oratorian Fathers there so he wasn’t always Saying Mass) and through becoming involved in several Groups he runs in the Parish & having coffee after Mass etc.
In terms of why I asked him to be my Spiritual Director, I prayed about it first & after having known him for a while it just felt right to ask him when I needed a new SD. We normally meet every 3-4 weeks for between an hour & 90 minutes, depending on what we’re discussing.
Normally we discuss my Prayer Life, Devotional Life, Vocational discernment, any particular things that have been weighing on my mind. Things like that. He is also my Confessor so we’ll normally start with the Sacrament of Penance as well but an SD doesn’t need to be a person’s Confessor as well, they can be separate as well. It depends on how you & your SD feel about it.
R
roundcheese
Guest
My SD is a religious priest and I met him in college. His order’s ministry was focused on campus ministry for the 3 colleges around his area. He knew me before I started becoming more focused on my faith and as such knows my background well enough to give me continuous advice on my spiritual life. I no longer live in the same region, but we keep contact via phone calls every other month or so.
The best thing that he does for me is that he is completely up front and honest about everything, which is what I desire in someone who truly cares about my spiritual life and is wanting me to be saint. I trust him with my life, to the point where I don’t hide anything. I believe that this is important for someone to be a true SD to you.
The things we talk about are always about spirituality, how to live the spiritual life in the physical world. How to obtain graces in the normalcy of life, how to be closer to God, how to choose to be a saint, etc. There are also times when I doubt and need evidence or proof or understanding or knowledge that I haven’t found yet. There are also times when I go through severe temptations and need a stern talking to. Though most of of the time, it is just a conversation with someone who loves you, like a father/son (or in this case father/daughter) conversation.
The best thing that he does for me is that he is completely up front and honest about everything, which is what I desire in someone who truly cares about my spiritual life and is wanting me to be saint. I trust him with my life, to the point where I don’t hide anything. I believe that this is important for someone to be a true SD to you.
The things we talk about are always about spirituality, how to live the spiritual life in the physical world. How to obtain graces in the normalcy of life, how to be closer to God, how to choose to be a saint, etc. There are also times when I doubt and need evidence or proof or understanding or knowledge that I haven’t found yet. There are also times when I go through severe temptations and need a stern talking to. Though most of of the time, it is just a conversation with someone who loves you, like a father/son (or in this case father/daughter) conversation.
A
ajecphotos
Guest
I am going to start to see an SD soon. I have asked my parish priest and he has agreed to be my SD.
Any advice on what to expect etc would be great. I know i need an SD as it has been on my mind for a couple of years now but never had the nerve to ask! I can be quite shy.
Any advice on what to expect etc would be great. I know i need an SD as it has been on my mind for a couple of years now but never had the nerve to ask! I can be quite shy.
H
houston1
Guest
ajecphotos (and OP),
I am glad that you have found a priest to help you with spiritual direction, and within your parish, because it can often take quite some time to find the right person to do this. My parish priest refused to take me on for spiritual direction when I asked him on the basis that he had been advised by another priest not to direct any parishioners. I believe this is a matter of prudence.
Eventually, I did find a priest at another parish to direct me and I have been seeing him since Jan 2013. For me, I wanted a priest who celebrated Mass every day, received the Eucharist daily, who was devoted to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and who adhered to all teachings of the Catholic Church. So, I did not want anyone who promoted things like centering prayer or who had non-orthodox beliefs like, e.g., homosexuality and artificial contraception are okay. You may have your own criteria.
Before I found my spiritual direction I read the book, Seeking Spiritual Direction: How to Grow the Divine Life Within, by Fr. Thomas Dubay, which I highly recommend. Here is the link to the book: amazon.com/Seeking-Spiritual-Direction-Divine-Within/dp/0892838108
In addition, you may find the following link helpful to answer your questions about spiritual direction. I know that Dan Burke, who has been a guest on CA Live, is connected with this website. spiritualdirection.com/
In finding the right SD, the bottom line is that you feel comfortable sharing your personal information about your life with him or her. The ability to open up and share your deepest concerns is critical to receive good spiritual direction. This likely will not happen in your first meeting and may take some time for you to open up completely. However, you should at least get a sense in your first meeting of whether your prospective SD is one with whom might be able to do this eventually.
You are probably already doing this . . . but pray that God lead you to the right SD for you. Oh, and, btw, your SD may be different from your expectations. This was the case for me. However, after a couple of meetings with my SD, I could not find any legitimate reasons to dismiss him (i.e., I was wanting someone who would brush my ego and he would not!
). And, now, here I am more than a year and a half later with the same SD. God knew what I needed more than I did.houston1
S
Sonny89
Guest
Peace and all Good!!
Being comfortable enough to open up with your SD is essential. one of the first things mine said to me was, “I’m happy to be you SD but if you’re not comfortable with me at any point or feel it isn’t working, don’t worry, its important to be able to open up & if you can’t do that with me then you should find someone you can talk to”
I also got a bit of a shock when I started with my current SD, he is much more blunt than his predecessor & will certainly call me on things when he sees something he knows I need to look at. God really does know what I need when I need it and sometimes it’s a short, sharp shock!
I found this as well, both with my current SD and my previous one. Even though I knew them both well before they became my SD, the first meeting or 2 were about getting a feel for each other & making sure that arrangement was suitable.In finding the right SD, the bottom line is that you feel comfortable sharing your personal information about your life with him or her. The ability to open up and share your deepest concerns is critical to receive good spiritual direction. This likely will not happen in your first meeting and may take some time for you to open up completely. However, you should at least get a sense in your first meeting of whether your prospective SD is one with whom might be able to do this eventually.
You are probably already doing this . . . but pray that God lead you to the right SD for you. Oh, and, btw, your SD may be different from your expectations. This was the case for me. However, after a couple of meetings with my SD, I could not find any legitimate reasons to dismiss him (i.e., I was wanting someone who would brush my ego and he would not!
houston1
Being comfortable enough to open up with your SD is essential. one of the first things mine said to me was, “I’m happy to be you SD but if you’re not comfortable with me at any point or feel it isn’t working, don’t worry, its important to be able to open up & if you can’t do that with me then you should find someone you can talk to”
I also got a bit of a shock when I started with my current SD, he is much more blunt than his predecessor & will certainly call me on things when he sees something he knows I need to look at. God really does know what I need when I need it and sometimes it’s a short, sharp shock!
A
ajecphotos
Guest
Just ordered the book Seeking Spiritual Direction: How to Grow the Divine Life Within
By Fr Thomas DuBay
I am sure it will help me.
I know the priest who is willing to be my SD quite well. I hope that things work out and i am able to be helped by him with the help of God.
Is it a matter of doing exactly what your SD instructs regarding ones faith / prayer life? About being obedient?
By Fr Thomas DuBay
I am sure it will help me.
I know the priest who is willing to be my SD quite well. I hope that things work out and i am able to be helped by him with the help of God.
Is it a matter of doing exactly what your SD instructs regarding ones faith / prayer life? About being obedient?
S
Sonny89
Guest
Peace and All Good!
While its important to listen to the advice & counsel given in Spiritual Direction & follow it to the best of one’s ability, I don’t think advice should be followed literally to this extent.
I’m sure that any good SD will be open to discussion of his advice & take into account the individual directee’s needs, temperament, state in life, commitments & abilities when giving advice. Also, if something advised by the SD is clearly not working them I’m sure they would be willing to modify their advice accordingly in most circumstances
One thing that’s helped me is to remember that my SD can often see things I miss & since he knows me very well by now, he can often see more clearly what my spiritual needs are at a given time and to a certain extent he knows my capabilities better than I do. So while I might think, “there’s no way I can manage to fit that extra prayer time in or accomplish that goal”, when I actually settle into it, I can do it a lot more easily than I anticipated.
I know that some Saints, such as St Philip Neri were very specific and adamant that we should always do exactly as our SD instructs. I also know that some Saints & holy people have taken private vows of obedience to their SD
While its important to listen to the advice & counsel given in Spiritual Direction & follow it to the best of one’s ability, I don’t think advice should be followed literally to this extent.
I’m sure that any good SD will be open to discussion of his advice & take into account the individual directee’s needs, temperament, state in life, commitments & abilities when giving advice. Also, if something advised by the SD is clearly not working them I’m sure they would be willing to modify their advice accordingly in most circumstances
One thing that’s helped me is to remember that my SD can often see things I miss & since he knows me very well by now, he can often see more clearly what my spiritual needs are at a given time and to a certain extent he knows my capabilities better than I do. So while I might think, “there’s no way I can manage to fit that extra prayer time in or accomplish that goal”, when I actually settle into it, I can do it a lot more easily than I anticipated.
H
houston1
Guest
I will speak to my experience in spiritual direction . . . in my sessions, I do most of the talking and my SD will interject as needed. He doesn’t say anything that binds me to obeying him (like I had envisioned the saints did with their SDs). He will just offer insight and make suggestions as needed. I then take what he says and prayerfully discern how to apply what we discussed to my personal situation.
As with all spiritual direction (as you will see in Fr. Dubay’s book), the Holy Spirit is the primary spiritual director. The human SD is there to facilitate this process and to provide a more objective view on your situation. The goal is to grow in holiness and draw closer to God so that you can become like Christ in all that you do - in your thoughts, words, and actions. Sometimes, you may find that you are not ready to take the next step even if you discover through your meetings with you SD that you ought to but fear holds you back. I can give you a recent personal example of where this has applied to me.
If you have been following the recent threads on the CAF, I was finally able to take the next step to follow the will of God in a more perfect way (i.e., seeking God’s will over my own) after more than one person on CAF pointed out that I had an attachment to the soon-to-be-pastor in my parish. I had been thinking that God had given me the desire to be friends with him in order to better able myself to do work for my parish. As I now see, I was off in my thinking this desire was from God. It was really an obsession that my SD had pointed out to me over a year ago, actually within the first couple of meetings. . .
So, while I persisted in this obsession, my SD patiently worked with me to help me discover this eventually on my own. I suppose I did not know how to break my obsession until now. Here are the links to the two threads if you want to read more about my experience. St. John of the Cross and Emptying the Mind: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=894914
Received a rose but specific request rejected?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=883785
As you develop a relationship with your SD, you will uncover the hidden motives and fears that you have so that you can address them and, hopefully with the grace of God, more perfectively do the will of God. The process can be very painful as you come to personally see how our human condition is really bent toward self against God and neighbor. But, by uncovering your flaws, you will also discover how this is the first step toward healing and also learn that God’s will is truly your happiness.
I hope this helps.
houston1
- Status