Spiritual Director/Father

[ThereseAdrianna]

I’m so blessed to have the spiritual director and father that I have, and I’m so grateful that God brought him into my life. I don’t know where I would be if I had never met him. I’ve grown so much in my faith because of his guidance. Even just by his example alone, makes me want to have an even closer and stronger relationship with God. A few months ago, I was going through a trial and spiritual darkness, and God felt like He wasn’t there. I was really struggling and I felt like I couldn’t make it through it, but then when I saw my spiritual director, just by his presence I felt like I could make it through it. He is the holiest priest that I know, and in him I see Christ. I see him talking with other people, and it’s so beautiful! He brings such joy and peace and comfort. He’s been my spiritual director now for 3 years, and he’s a member of the community that I’m hoping to join (I’d be joining the sisters). I live near by right now due to college, but I will be moving back home in a few months, and he is also being sent away on missions and retreats soon. I’m home now for the summer, and I miss him very much. And I tend to overthink a lot about the future, and I’m thinking ahead of when I move back home, and I won’t be able to keep in contact with him very much. Is it wrong for me to miss him?

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Is it wrong for me to miss him?

It’s natural to feel the loss of the presence of those whom we have had a close relationship with. I remember feeling like my spiritual life was going to fall into ruins when our priest (a very holy man who was my confessor and knew my soul very well) was transferred to the other end of the earth (literally). His replacement was definitely nothing like him. He was boorish, a bit crude, rough around the edges, stubborn, argumentative (the first conversation I had with him somehow blew up into a huge argument that left me quite shaken), and didn’t use reverent mannerisms when celebrating Mass, oh, and he’d do that really loud whistle people use when calling their dog, except indoors. Drove me nuts! I didn’t see how I could possibly survive this priest transfer, until one day I stumbled upon something St. Alphonsus Liguiori wrote regarding this subject:

Our sanctification does not come from spiritual directors but from God. Of course, God wishes us to avail of the guidance of spiritual directors but when he takes them from us it is his will that we accept this and increase our confidence in his goodness. At such times we should say: “Lord, you have given me this help, and now you have taken it away;may your will be done always. Now I ask you yourself to help me and guide me as to what I must do to serve you.”

I know it isn’t easy, and it really does feel like losing a father, but we must place our confidence in God’s will in these matters.

After reading the above, I decided to take full opportunity of the situation. I had been praying for a spiritual director to help with my vocational discernment and figured this priest was God’s answer to my prayers. I made an appointment with this priest once he got settled in, explained my situation and my need for a spiritual director. He took me on, and it was a bumpy ride at first, but I started praying for him daily and as time has gone on, he’s a completely different priest and like a spiritual father to me, and I can honestly say my experiences with him as my spiritual director/confessor, have helped me to grow spiritually in ways that likely wouldn’t have happened if my other priest hadn’t been transferred. All that being said, his visa will be expiring soon and he’ll be transferred to another country and this will start all over again.

 

[SnowAngels]

It’s natural to feel the loss of the presence of those whom we have had a close relationship with. I remember feeling like my spiritual life was going to fall into ruins when our priest (a very holy man who was my confessor and knew my soul very well) was transferred to the other end of the earth (literally). His replacement was definitely nothing like him. He was boorish, a bit crude, rough around the edges, stubborn, argumentative (the first conversation I had with him somehow blew up into a huge argument that left me quite shaken), and didn’t use reverent mannerisms when celebrating Mass, oh, and he’d do that really loud whistle people use when calling their dog, except indoors. Drove me nuts! I didn’t see how I could possibly survive this priest transfer, until one day I stumbled upon something St. Alphonsus Liguiori wrote regarding this subject:

I know it isn’t easy, and it really does feel like losing a father, but we must place our confidence in God’s will in these matters.

After reading the above, I decided to take full opportunity of the situation. I had been praying for a spiritual director to help with my vocational discernment and figured this priest was God’s answer to my prayers. I made an appointment with this priest once he got settled in, explained my situation and my need for a spiritual director. He took me on, and it was a bumpy ride at first, but I started praying for him daily and as time has gone on, he’s a completely different priest and like a spiritual father to me, and I can honestly say my experiences with him as my spiritual director/confessor, have helped me to grow spiritually in ways that likely wouldn’t have happened if my other priest hadn’t been transferred. All that being said, his visa will be expiring soon and he’ll be transferred to another country and this will start all over again.

I can relate. A little over a year ago, my spiritual director was reassigned to another parish. I met him two years before that when I was just having a reversion back to the faith. His example and humble faith had a lasting impression on me. However, it wasn’t until he was gone that I realized how much I relied on him for direction, advice, inspiration, and general support. I learned many invaluable lessons from him, and I thank God immensely that he was in my life. I miss him very much, but detachment has forced me to expand and take more control of my spiritual life. I know have a more intimate relationship with God and Our Blessed Mother. I now understand that God sent him to a new place to help another person that needed inspiration like I did.

 

[Faith1960]

I’m so blessed to have the spiritual director and father that I have, and I’m so grateful that God brought him into my life. I don’t know where I would be if I had never met him. I’ve grown so much in my faith because of his guidance. Even just by his example alone, makes me want to have an even closer and stronger relationship with God. A few months ago, I was going through a trial and spiritual darkness, and God felt like He wasn’t there. I was really struggling and I felt like I couldn’t make it through it, but then when I saw my spiritual director, just by his presence I felt like I could make it through it. He is the holiest priest that I know, and in him I see Christ. I see him talking with other people, and it’s so beautiful! He brings such joy and peace and comfort. He’s been my spiritual director now for 3 years, and he’s a member of the community that I’m hoping to join (I’d be joining the sisters). I live near by right now due to college, but I will be moving back home in a few months, and he is also being sent away on missions and retreats soon. I’m home now for the summer, and I miss him very much. And I tend to overthink a lot about the future, and I’m thinking ahead of when I move back home, and I won’t be able to keep in contact with him very much. Is it wrong for me to miss him?

Not at all.

 

[ThereseAdrianna]

Thank you everyone and for sharing your own experiences, which helped greatly. I’m learning just how hard detachment is.
I got so worried that I was in the wrong for missing him so much because someone told me that it’s wrong for me too because I shouldn’t be attached to him and that I should only depend on God. However, we are human, and need others for support and guidance. For the past few months though I’ve learned to turn to God more especially when my spiritual director was very busy helping others. He didn’t have as much time to meet with me but I had confidence that he was praying for me and that he would always make the time to talk to me.
I’m trying to leave it in God’s hands when I go back home after graduation and my spiritual director will be traveling. It’s hard though when someone has been in your life for so long and has made such a profound impact on your life and then the day comes when they are no longer there and communication is not so frequent. I’ve never had the best experiences when it comes to people who mean a lot to me, they always end up leaving, and then they never speak to me again. So I guess past experiences are making me fearful now.

 

[InNomineDomini]

…and he’s a member of the community that I’m hoping to join (I’d be joining the sisters).

I’m sorry for posting off topic, but I just wanted you to know that I’ll be praying for you and for your vocational discernment! I absolutely love religious, and I wish there were a million more.

Insofar as missing your spiritual director is concerned: I’m thinking of St. Faustina, and how she viewed her spiritual director as being Jesus’ representative, and as speaking His words. Maybe it would be good to meditate on how Christ speaks to us through His priests?