Spiritual Director

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AJB328

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Does anyone have one? Who do you go about finding one?

During my last confession (it was at a parish out of town) the Priest asked me if I had a spiritual director and that I should get one. I said I’d look into it, but I probably should have asked him more questions about it.
🤷
 
AJB328 said:
Does anyone have one? Who do you go about finding one?

During my last confession (it was at a parish out of town) the Priest asked me if I had a spiritual director and that I should get one. I said I’d look into it, but I probably should have asked him more questions about it.
🤷
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Nope. Been actively seeking most of my life. I would say the Holy Spirit is my SD, Jesus, the Bible, the writings of St. Faustina, St John of the Cross, videos of Mother Angelica, listening to Archbishop Fulton Sheen, Relevant Radio (in particular Father Albert Haase and Sister Brigit-the app lets you search through the archives). It’s been suggested to find an FSSP parish, but they are 3-4 hours drive away for me.
 
I have put off getting a spiritual director because I cannot afford to pay anything.
 
Evania said:
I don’t know too much about spiritual directors either. How much do people normally pay?
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I was told once, but have forgotten. I don’t know if you pay each time you meet or how it works.
 
Not all spiritual directors charge a fee. I’m directed for free, though I do offer a donation for each session because I don’t belong to my director’s parish and the time he spends with me is time he’s not spending with his own parishioners. But the direction I receive was and is not contingent upon the donation.

To start the search for a director, I’d suggest three approaches.

First, ask your priest if he can recommend someone. He might volunteer himself, he might not. But if he doesn’t know of anyone who can possibly direct you, he probably can at least provide suggestions for where to look.

Second, contact the diocesan offices. Many keep lists of spiritual directors within the diocese.

Finally, you may wish to look into the communities of religious orders. Everyone is busy, but the demands on their time is different from that of diocesan clergy and may allow greater availability.

Remember that a spiritual director does not have to be a priest. Permanent deacons, religious brothers and sisters, and the lay persons are all potential spiritual directors.

Finding the right spiritual director is one of the most productive things I’ve ever done for my spirituality. The search can take quite some time, and you might not find the right director for you in the first person who grants you an appointment. Be patient, be persistent, and remain hopeful no matter how frustrating it may become.

All those searching for a spiritual director are in my prayers. God bless 🙂
 
AJB328 said:
Does anyone have one? Who do you go about finding one?

During my last confession (it was at a parish out of town) the Priest asked me if I had a spiritual director and that I should get one. I said I’d look into it, but I probably should have asked him more questions about it.
🤷
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Spiritual directors are very difficult to find these days since our priests are so very busy. A bad spiritual director, i.e., one who is not adequately trained, is worse than none at all IMHO.
 
Lily_Bernans said:
Spiritual directors are very difficult to find these days since our priests are so very busy. A bad spiritual director, i.e., one who is not adequately trained, is worse than none at all IMHO.
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I thought all spiritual directors had some kind of training.
 
Lily_Bernans said:
Spiritual directors are very difficult to find these days since our priests are so very busy.
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Again, a spiritual director doesn’t have to be a priest.
Lily_Bernans said:
A bad spiritual director, i.e., one who is not adequately trained, is worse than none at all IMHO.
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Too true. This is why it’s important to choose carefully and not accept the guidance of someone who is either not qualified or not a good fit, even if it took months or years to find this person and may take months or years to find another.
7_Sorrows said:
I thought all spiritual directors had some kind of training.
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You would think that, wouldn’t you? But even among those who have been trained, the nature and quality of that training can vary widely. This is why I’ve suggested approaching parish priests, the diocesan offices, and religious communities—they should know who’s qualified and who isn’t. While it’s possible, for example, to simply Google “Catholic spiritual director [insert name of your town or diocese here],” the results that yields aren’t always verifiable in terms of quality and suitability.

When searching for an SD, I prefer to approach potential directors first by telephone and then in person. I know people who have found directors on the Web and through email contact, but that wouldn’t work for me. I need to look possible directors in the eye and give them an idea of what they would be dealing with.

As I said earlier, this process can take quite some time. Though it may be rather difficult at times, try to remain hopeful and diligent in your search.

Also, don’t give up if no one in close geographic proximity (meaning, for example, your parish and those immediately around it) agrees to explore the possibility of directing you spiritually. You may need to search your entire diocese or even beyond to find the direction you require. Be open to even unlikely possibilities that may lie outside your immediate area but are still feasible with regards to logistics and time required. You have nothing to lose by agreeing to a single meeting.

While waiting to find an SD, continue to develop your spirituality on your own. This was a major personal failing during my own search, so please learn from my error. Read, pray, meditate, hope. Ask God every day to assist you in finding an spiritual director. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes in your spiritual life for lack of the guidance a spiritual director would give you. The Lord knows what you mean to do and will be pleased with your efforts even if the well-intentioned decisions you make end up being the wrong ones.

Suggested reading:
Navigating the Interior Life: Spiritual Direction and the Journey to God by Daniel Burke
Seeking Spiritual Direction: How to Grow the Divine Life Within by Thomas Dubay S.M.
Searching for and Maintaining Peace: A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart by Father Jacques Philippe

God bless!
 
UpUpAndAway said:
Again, a spiritual director doesn’t have to be a priest.

Too true. This is why it’s important to choose carefully and not accept the guidance of someone who is either not qualified or not a good fit, even if it took months or years to find this person and may take months or years to find another.

You would think that, wouldn’t you? But even among those who have been trained, the nature and quality of that training can vary widely. This is why I’ve suggested approaching parish priests, the diocesan offices, and religious communities—they should know who’s qualified and who isn’t. While it’s possible, for example, to simply Google “Catholic spiritual director [insert name of your town or diocese here],” the results that yields aren’t always verifiable in terms of quality and suitability.

When searching for an SD, I prefer to approach potential directors first by telephone and then in person. I know people who have found directors on the Web and through email contact, but that wouldn’t work for me. I need to look possible directors in the eye and give them an idea of what they would be dealing with.

As I said earlier, this process can take quite some time. Though it may be rather difficult at times, try to remain hopeful and diligent in your search.

Also, don’t give up if no one in close geographic proximity (meaning, for example, your parish and those immediately around it) agrees to explore the possibility of directing you spiritually. You may need to search your entire diocese or even beyond to find the direction you require. Be open to even unlikely possibilities that may lie outside your immediate area but are still feasible with regards to logistics and time required. You have nothing to lose by agreeing to a single meeting.

While waiting to find an SD, continue to develop your spirituality on your own. This was a major personal failing during my own search, so please learn from my error. Read, pray, meditate, hope. Ask God every day to assist you in finding an spiritual director. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes in your spiritual life for lack of the guidance a spiritual director would give you. The Lord knows what you mean to do and will be pleased with your efforts even if the well-intentioned decisions you make end up being the wrong ones.

Suggested reading:
Navigating the Interior Life: Spiritual Direction and the Journey to God by Daniel Burke
Seeking Spiritual Direction: How to Grow the Divine Life Within by Thomas Dubay S.M.
Searching for and Maintaining Peace: A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart by Father Jacques Philippe

God bless!
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Thanks for your good advice. I have read the first book on your list. It was very good.
 
7_Sorrows said:
I thought all spiritual directors had some kind of training.
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They are supposed to, but a spiritual director is only as good as his or her training and natural suitability for the job.

There is a woman in one of my classes who was upset because she said she never prayed to the Holy Spirit. She said she told her spiritual director and she said, “Yes, you do! The Holy Spirit is the spirit of Christ!” Of course this isn’t true, and it’s something so basic, any spiritual director should know it. That put me off any spiritual director other than a priest. I’m qualified to be one myself, but I don’t do it.
 
UpUpAndAway said:
Again, a spiritual director doesn’t have to be a priest.
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That is true. I was answering from my vantage point. Please see my post above for the reasons I demand a priest or someone highly trained.
 
7_Sorrows said:
Thanks for your good advice. I have read the first book on your list. It was very good.
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The last one, while not specifically about spiritual direction, does allude to how direction can be beneficial, quotes spiritual directors in its text, and helped me understand how to approach spiritual progression in the absence of a director. I read it at the suggestion of…my current SD. 🙂 Highly recommended for everyone, directed or not, looking to be directed or not. 👍
Lily_Bernans said:
That is true. I was answering from my vantage point. Please see my post above for the reasons I demand a priest or someone highly trained.
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I’m right with you. My SD is a priest, and while looking for him I was told by many potential directors—priests, non-ordained religious and laypersons (who all declined to direct me, but anyway)—that given my particular situation I need to be directed by a priest. However, none of that has bearing on the objective truth that a spiritual director need not be a priest.

Anyone looking for an SD should be aware as well that priests do not systematically make better directors than non-priests. I have met a few who, frankly, are dire at it. It comes right back to the quality of training and natural suitability that we’ve both mentioned.
 
UpUpAndAway said:
To start the search for a director, I’d suggest three approaches.
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Excellent advice. The only thing I would add is to consider retreat houses if there is one nearby. They may have spiritual directors on the staff or know of people who are available.

I would suggest being open to possibilities, even if the person you encounter doesn’t meet your initial expectations. You may think that your director must be a priest or must be a married person or must be a woman – and then the Holy Spirit sends someone who isn’t a priest or isn’t married or is male. And that person may be exactly who you need.

Distance is also something to consider. My director used to be close by, but then moved to another parish some distance away. It’s at least an hour and a half drive – more sometimes when the traffic is bad – but well worth it. But obviously an appointment with him takes a big chunk of the day.
 
I have one as of today! My parish priest has been instructing me in the faith. i asked him today if he’d direct me after my confirmation and he agreed, which is a big weight of my mind as I was worrying a little about being all on my own with no support as a new Catholic. So if you know your priest fairly well, that’s a good place to start in your search.
 
peter26 said:
I have one as of today! My parish priest has been instructing me in the faith. i asked him today if he’d direct me after my confirmation and he agreed, which is a big weight of my mind as I was worrying a little about being all on my own with no support as a new Catholic. So if you know your priest fairly well, that’s a good place to start in your search.
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congratulations! glad you are building a good relationship with your priest.
 
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