Spiritual Fears

[Epistemes]

The Lord be with you all.

Lately, I’ve been having some spiritual fears, fears which probably are affecting my relationship with Jesus even though I’ve become quite blind to this probability.

You see, a typical prayer begins and ends for me, “Lord, I know I am an awful, sinful wretch and am not worthy of all the things you’ve given to me; I am ungrateful, and yet you continue to grace me.” This prayer is having an affect on me, so much so that I’m beginning to have an aversion towards buying superfluous items, especially items such as CDs, DVDs, new shoes, etc.; in fact, I almost think I would be slightly disappointed in myself for buying something like a CD when others have so little. However, I love music, I’m not at the point of vowing poverty to the Franciscans or Dominicans yet, and I’m really in a fix on how the Lord wants me to live my life. I don’t want to seem a hypocrite by praying, “Lord, you bless me when others have so little; help me to help them,” and then waste my money on a pair of shoes, or something I don’t truly need - and yet, not partaking of some of these things once in a while seems awfully difficult…

My second spiritual fear is that I have a great devotion to the Blessed Mother, but, at times, I have no idea what to say in my conversations to her. I read these wonderful Marian prayers by John Paul II, which are so full of meaning, so expressive, etc. and I can’t help but feel a little envious that I’m not able to do the same. My fear is that I’ll somehow say the wrong thing to the Blessed Mother, that my expressions or my words won’t be exactly orthodox, and I’ll unintentionally drift from ‘devotion’ to seemingly something more, even though I recognize who Mary is and who Jesus is. And it makes me sad because I want *so badly * want to approach Mary, to open my heart to her, and to be comforted in her mantle (as some people say) because I truly believe that it was by her early intercessions on my part that brought me to Catholicism to begin with. The least I can do is express myself to her…but always, prior to Mass, I pray a lengthy prayer to our Lord, and then a short prayer to Mary, recalling everything I just prayed to the Lord, because I somehow fear that Jesus might not understand why I would be praying to His Mother before Him, therefore leaving very little for me to say to Mary aside from, “Pray for me, pray for us.”

It’s silly, I know.

Any thoughts, prayers, or suggestions are appreciated.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

The Lord be with you all.

Lately, I’ve been having some spiritual fears, fears which probably are affecting my relationship with Jesus even though I’ve become quite blind to this probability.

You see, a typical prayer begins and ends for me, “Lord, I know I am an awful, sinful wretch and am not worthy of all the things you’ve given to me; I am ungrateful, and yet you continue to grace me.”

First off, you are not an awful, sinful wretch. You are a human being, who was born into a corrupt world, and has all the weakness of a human being. God knows this, because he experienced our weakness in becoming man in Jesus Christ.

If you were not worth anything, Jesus would not have gone through what he did, for you.

You are loved in God’s eyes, despite you’re failings.

If you believe in God’s mercy and compassion, then for crying out loud, accept yourself for who you are. God created you, to be you. His desire is to transform you into the person He had in mind when He created you. Allow His grace to come into your life, by being accepting of it. Keep in mind that you will not change by yourself. We are transformed by God’s grace, given to us through his mercy, which is beyond our understanding.
It takes a life-time and if you trust in God and continue to turn to Him, the transformation will take place.

Be at peace with yourself. Jesus said, “my peace I give you, my peace I leave with you.” This is not just a nice saying, but a reality. But we must accepted it fully, and not allow the evil one to convince us, that we are not worthy of God’s love.

God Bless
Jim

 

[baltobetsy]

I don’t want to seem a hypocrite by praying, “Lord, you bless me when others have so little; help me to help them,” and then waste my money on a pair of shoes, or something I don’t truly need - and yet, not partaking of some of these things once in a while seems awfully difficult…

Our economy works because people make things and others purchase them. When you buy something, you ensure that someone has a job. As you rightly pointed out, you have not taken a vow of poverty. There is nothing wrong with purchases not strictly necessary, as long as the amount you spend is within reason - not more than you can afford after you have satisfied your regular obligations and given alms. God gave us the ability to appreciate beauty in music and shoes and food and wine and all kinds of legitimate pleasures. Just keep them in perspective and don’t let the pursuit of things rule you. Partake of them with thanksgiving.

My fear is that I’ll somehow say the wrong thing to the Blessed Mother.

It’s pretty difficult to do that. Just speak to her as you would to your natural mother. Go ahead and open your heart. As long as you’re not saying things like, “I worship you as my first beginning; I long for you as my last end,” you’re OK and not drifting into idolatry. The Blessed Mother always leads us to her Son.

God bless you!
Betsy

 

[MTD]

Hi Epistemes,

Beware! Here she comes!

You see, a typical prayer begins and ends for me, “Lord, I know I am an awful, sinful wretch and am not worthy of all the things you’ve given to me; I am ungrateful, and yet you continue to grace me.”

It is good to remember that you are nothing and that God is all, and that your sins have offended Him. But I think you need to take more the approach of the sinful woman, “Her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much.” (No, I didn’t quote the D-R. ) Instead of concentrating so much on how you are ungrateful to the Lord, try focusing on loving Him and finding ways to show your love for Him.

Also, the type of prayer you describe is rather characteristic of Jesuit spirituality, if I’m not mistaken. Perhaps it doesn’t fit your personality. St. Francis de Sales was quite the opposite of St. Ignatius; a peek into St. Francis de Sales’s spirituality might help you balance out that tendency to focus on the negative.

Finally, read St. Therese’s Story of a Soul if you haven’t already. She shows in a marvelous way how our littleness should help us to realize our nothingness and place our confidence and trust in God. Hers is spirituality focused not on the negative aspect of our ungratefulness but on the positive aspect of God’s love and care for us.

This prayer is having an affect on me, so much so that I’m beginning to have an aversion towards buying superfluous items, especially items such as CDs, DVDs, new shoes, etc.; in fact, I almost think I would be slightly disappointed in myself for buying something like a CD when others have so little. However, I love music, I’m not at the point of vowing poverty to the Franciscans or Dominicans yet, and I’m really in a fix on how the Lord wants me to live my life. I don’t want to seem a hypocrite by praying, “Lord, you bless me when others have so little; help me to help them,” and then waste my money on a pair of shoes, or something I don’t truly need - and yet, not partaking of some of these things once in a while seems awfully difficult…

What is important is not how much you have but how attached you are to it. If you are not attached and put God’s will before your own desires, you’re on the right track. Instead of focusing on how you don’t deserve these items, why not accept them gratefully as a gift from God?

My second spiritual fear is that I have a great devotion to the Blessed Mother, but, at times, I have no idea what to say in my conversations to her.

Well, you know, you don’t need to say a lot to her. She understands…

Maria

 

[FiremanFrank]

The Lord be with you all.

Lately, I’ve been having some spiritual fears, fears which probably are affecting my relationship with Jesus even though I’ve become quite blind to this probability.

You see, a typical prayer begins and ends for me, “Lord, I know I am an awful, sinful wretch and am not worthy of all the things you’ve given to me; I am ungrateful, and yet you continue to grace me.” This prayer is having an affect on me, so much so that I’m beginning to have an aversion towards buying superfluous items, especially items such as CDs, DVDs, new shoes, etc.; in fact, I almost think I would be slightly disappointed in myself for buying something like a CD when others have so little. However, I love music, I’m not at the point of vowing poverty to the Franciscans or Dominicans yet, and I’m really in a fix on how the Lord wants me to live my life. I don’t want to seem a hypocrite by praying, “Lord, you bless me when others have so little; help me to help them,” and then waste my money on a pair of shoes, or something I don’t truly need - and yet, not partaking of some of these things once in a while seems awfully difficult…

My second spiritual fear is that I have a great devotion to the Blessed Mother, but, at times, I have no idea what to say in my conversations to her. I read these wonderful Marian prayers by John Paul II, which are so full of meaning, so expressive, etc. and I can’t help but feel a little envious that I’m not able to do the same. My fear is that I’ll somehow say the wrong thing to the Blessed Mother, that my expressions or my words won’t be exactly orthodox, and I’ll unintentionally drift from ‘devotion’ to seemingly something more, even though I recognize who Mary is and who Jesus is. And it makes me sad because I want *so badly * want to approach Mary, to open my heart to her, and to be comforted in her mantle (as some people say) because I truly believe that it was by her early intercessions on my part that brought me to Catholicism to begin with. The least I can do is express myself to her…but always, prior to Mass, I pray a lengthy prayer to our Lord, and then a short prayer to Mary, recalling everything I just prayed to the Lord, because I somehow fear that Jesus might not understand why I would be praying to His Mother before Him, therefore leaving very little for me to say to Mary aside from, “Pray for me, pray for us.”

It’s silly, I know.

Any thoughts, prayers, or suggestions are appreciated.

Well first thing Epistemes, it is NOT bad to think of ourselves as a “sinful wretch” before God (because WE ARE), as long as that admission does not allow us to lose the virtue of Hope.

Because knowing that we are truly sinners, while maintaining Hope before God that He can help us get through this life, little by little, to correct our flaws … is how we spiritually grow.

This is basically how the saints have done it, because even THEY felt this way at times!

And as far as how to speak to the Blessed Mother:

Speak to her as you would your own Mother/Grandmother.

With reverence and respect, but with the voice and heart of a child.

Example:
“Oh Mary, Jesus’ mother and my mother, I need really need your help in “blank” and “blank”, because I do not know what to do. Please help me to understand this situation, and always to have a strong Faith and Love for your Son, and also for you - MY mother.
Amen.”

Something like that (i.e., “Let your ‘heart’ do the talking”)

PEACE

 

[LilyM]

A more balanced statement to make in prayers is one I’ve seen in quite a few … ‘I greatly fear my own weakness, but I trust still more strongly in your goodness, mercy and help.’

 

[FiremanFrank]

A more balanced statement to make in prayers is one I’ve seen in quite a few … ‘I greatly fear my own weakness, but I trust still more strongly in your goodness, mercy and help.’

That’s ok too.

But both statements contain within themselves Truth and Mercy, so both are equally as good.

 

[guanophore]

The Lord be with you all.

Lately, I’ve been having some spiritual fears, fears which probably are affecting my relationship with Jesus even though I’ve become quite blind to this probability.

You see, a typical prayer begins and ends for me, “Lord, I know I am an awful, sinful wretch and am not worthy of all the things you’ve given to me; I am ungrateful, and yet you continue to grace me.” This prayer is having an affect on me, so much so that I’m beginning to have an aversion towards buying superfluous items, especially items such as CDs, DVDs, new shoes, etc.; in fact, I almost think I would be slightly disappointed in myself for buying something like a CD when others have so little. However, I love music, I’m not at the point of vowing poverty to the Franciscans or Dominicans yet, and I’m really in a fix on how the Lord wants me to live my life. I don’t want to seem a hypocrite by praying, “Lord, you bless me when others have so little; help me to help them,” and then waste my money on a pair of shoes, or something I don’t truly need - and yet, not partaking of some of these things once in a while seems awfully difficult…

My second spiritual fear is that I have a great devotion to the Blessed Mother, but, at times, I have no idea what to say in my conversations to her. I read these wonderful Marian prayers by John Paul II, which are so full of meaning, so expressive, etc. and I can’t help but feel a little envious that I’m not able to do the same. My fear is that I’ll somehow say the wrong thing to the Blessed Mother, that my expressions or my words won’t be exactly orthodox, and I’ll unintentionally drift from ‘devotion’ to seemingly something more, even though I recognize who Mary is and who Jesus is. And it makes me sad because I want *so badly * want to approach Mary, to open my heart to her, and to be comforted in her mantle (as some people say) because I truly believe that it was by her early intercessions on my part that brought me to Catholicism to begin with. The least I can do is express myself to her…but always, prior to Mass, I pray a lengthy prayer to our Lord, and then a short prayer to Mary, recalling everything I just prayed to the Lord, because I somehow fear that Jesus might not understand why I would be praying to His Mother before Him, therefore leaving very little for me to say to Mary aside from, “Pray for me, pray for us.”

It’s silly, I know.

Any thoughts, prayers, or suggestions are appreciated.

Epistemes, the evil one is trying to rob you of your birthright in Jesus.

1 Thess 5:9-11
9 For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, 10 who died for us so that whether we wake or sleep we might live with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Your life is hidden with Christ, in God,and God does not give us a spirit of fear. Are you reading your bible? Are you availing yourself of the sacraments?

 

[chevalier]

You don’t need to fear that much unless you start putting theology in my prayers. When I start wondering if I’m not about to say something possibly heretical, this means I’m putting too much theology in my prayers. You don’t need theology to talk to Mary. So long as you realise she’s the queen of heaven and earth but not of a divine nature as if a fourth person of the Holy Trinity, then it should be all right… Seeing that you have some problems you’re addressing us here with, and you have the habit of praying a lot to Mary in various things, have you talked to her about this? About your spiritual fears, problems with items and material belongings, with accepting your own nature?

And Jesus will understand everything. It is possible that you see some flaws in your wording and you worry that even a very intelligent person might be unable to decode your real meaning. But Jesus is God. He knows your heart and he knows not only what you said (and understands it better than you did), but also what you wanted to say (and understands it better than you did), but also what you ought to have wanted to say, so to say. Also, Father knows whatever you need even before you ask - this is something Jesus said when teaching us how to pray. So don’t worry about this.

As for praying to Mary after praying to Jesus… I do that before and after. And sometimes in the middle. When I fear I could not understand what Jesus told me or wanted of me or when I fear I could have a problem with what He wanted from me.

I would say cheer up and don’t lose hope, but that’s easier said than done. Trust in His mercy. Maybe find a prayer or two. Or five. Don’t lose hope. Don’t stop loving, don’t stop believing.