Spiritual head

[cindydanleo]

My husband is a convert to the Church but doesn’t really practice his faith. He recently went to a Catholic Men’s conference and I had hoped that it would ignite his faith. However he came back proclaiming himself the spiritual head of household which is wonderful but he is telling me now that if he so desired he could make our family leave the Catholic Church and become Protestant or Mormon or whatever he chooses. How am I supposed to respond to this?

I am also homeschooling my children using Seton (a Catholic curricula) and he tells me that I am “brainwashing” them and that I should let them grow up and choose what they want to do.

I am so distraught. I don’t know what to do. I need some advice.

Thank you so much and God Bless.

 

[JamestheOlder]

Sounds like a counseling session with your Pastor may be in order. If not him, he may recommend a good lay family counselor who is learned in the Catholic faith.

Please don’t try to handle this all by yourself; he has been “empowered” by false teaching.

 

[odile53]

Oh, absolutely get your priest or deacon to have a pastoral session with the two of you. I’d also recommend that you get some assertiveness training for yourself. He sounds a bit controlling with that attitude. And it doesn’t sound to me in the least like he read the passage all the way through to the end, where it clearly states that the husband is expected to love his wife in the same way that Christ loves the Church, even going so far as to lay down his life.

 

[AllSeasons]

My husband is a convert to the Church but doesn’t really practice his faith. He recently went to a Catholic Men’s conference and I had hoped that it would ignite his faith. However he came back proclaiming himself the spiritual head of household which is wonderful but he is telling me now that if he so desired he could make our family leave the Catholic Church and become Protestant or Mormon or whatever he chooses. How am I supposed to respond to this?

I am also homeschooling my children using Seton (a Catholic curricula) and he tells me that I am “brainwashing” them and that I should let them grow up and choose what they want to do.

I am so distraught. I don’t know what to do. I need some advice.

Thank you so much and God Bless.

It appears that your husband heard only what he chose to hear. I agree with the above poster that perhaps speaking with a priest or a spiritual adviser might be best.

 

[GraceDK]

My husband is a convert to the Church but doesn’t really practice his faith. He recently went to a Catholic Men’s conference and I had hoped that it would ignite his faith. However he came back proclaiming himself the spiritual head of household which is wonderful but he is telling me now that if he so desired he could make our family leave the Catholic Church and become Protestant or Mormon or whatever he chooses. How am I supposed to respond to this?

I am also homeschooling my children using Seton (a Catholic curricula) and he tells me that I am “brainwashing” them and that I should let them grow up and choose what they want to do.

I am so distraught. I don’t know what to do. I need some advice.

Thank you so much and God Bless.

You are the spiritual head of the household until your husband can do it … right now he is unable, probably even unaware of how to do it, and on what basis.

 

[UbiCaritas]

You say this was a Catholic conference?

Either he heard only what he wanted to hear, or that was one bizarre conference.

In any case, as previous posters have said–go talk to a sound priest.

 

[Richard320]

I agree with the others - it sounds like your husband only heard part of what was said. Being the head means he gets to call the shots, but he also gets to take the blame. Jesus said “Much will be required from everyone to whom much has been given. But even more will be demanded from the one to whom much has been entrusted.” I could go on and on, but there are better writers than me who have expounded on what being a good Christian husband is, even to the point of sacrificing for his family.

Someone had to invite your husband to the retreat. Either in person or via some sort of announcement. Figure out who. Then send that person a link to this thread, or just copy what you wrote. If it’s a reputable - for want of a better term - group, someone will follow up. A lot of men’s retreats encourage the retreatants to stay in contact with each after the retreat to encourage each other, so it wouldn’t be bizarre for someone to call your husband to “check in.”

 

[Allegra]

My husband is a convert to the Church but doesn’t really practice his faith. He recently went to a Catholic Men’s conference and I had hoped that it would ignite his faith. However he came back proclaiming himself the spiritual head of household which is wonderful but he is telling me now that if he so desired he could make our family leave the Catholic Church and become Protestant or Mormon or whatever he chooses. How am I supposed to respond to this?

I am also homeschooling my children using Seton (a Catholic curricula) and he tells me that I am “brainwashing” them and that I should let them grow up and choose what they want to do.

I am so distraught. I don’t know what to do. I need some advice.

Thank you so much and God Bless.

Other posters hit the nail on the head with the “spiritual head” issue. I don’t think it’s right for him to threaten to change your family’s religion. Does he actually show interest in one of those other churches? Why doesn’t he like the curriculum you are using for Catholic education? All Catholic parents are supposed to teach their children about the teachings of our faith. Parents in any other religion do the same. That’s not brainwashing, that’s teaching. What exactly are his objections to the curriculum? It’s probably not a good idea to entirely dismiss his opinon about the education of his children, however, if he doesn’t have a specific complain about that program, it sounds like he’s just whining or that he might be experiencing high levels of doubt right now. If you don’t pray together now, you might ask him to start praying together on a nightly basis. THat’s the only suggestion I have other than the “get help from a priest” that others have already said.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

This is the danger when you start saying one spouse is “in charge” of the family.

Now it is backfiring in some of your faces and you don’t like it so much anymore, huh? Cry me a river.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Whatever he converted from, it sounds as if he is headed back in that direction. Maybe the retreat had a lot of Evangelicals who have converted, only not quite fully? Or his earlier training has reared its ugly head again.

Yes, I would contact the people who did the retreat, tell them what has happened, and ask them to intervene with him. He got the wrong message out of that retreat if he is thinking he could cause the family to leave the fullness of Truth and go wandering off the reservation (so to speak).

 

[faithfully]

That’s hysterical! That’s like saying, so now I’ve decided we shall no longer celebrate Christmas.

How would I respond to this?

I’d say, That’s right, from a Catholic perspective you are the spiritual head. Should you fail in your Catholic direction, I shall relieve you of your command.

Oops. Hit send to early.

You are obligated to stay Catholic. And so, I’d think a bit Military here. If he gives you an illegal command, you may disobey, and report him.

Or you go up the chain, and have the person above him decide the appropriate course of action.

I’m betting a priest will say, no, you stay Catholic.

 

[horselvr]

Well, this brings me to a good question as an older single woman who is very glad she is able to make her own decisions ----just what then happens if a Catholic wife is told by her husband that she and the children will now be muslims, mormans, protestants, and the list goes on. Does she do as she is told because her husband has spoken as the “head of household” or can she just, this one itty, bitty, little time, make up her own mind and remain a Catholic.

Veritas I do agree to a degree. Cry me a river. LOL!

 

[faithfully]

This is the danger when you start saying one spouse is “in charge” of the family.

Now it is backfiring in some of your faces and you don’t like it so much anymore, huh? Cry me a river.

Shows lack of comprehension.

What do you do when your boss tells you to do something illegal? Go cry a river? Or act like a responsible adult. And say no. Risk ruining the relationship. Getting fired. Etc.

This is no different.

 

[joanofarc2008]

I would do the follow up with the retreat as well as fourth fifth and sixth the motion on seeing your priest. It sounds like he only heard what he wanted to hear and not necessarily how to properly apply it.

 

[mini_me640]

This is the danger when you start saying one spouse is “in charge” of the family.

Now it is backfiring in some of your faces and you don’t like it so much anymore, huh? Cry me a river.

In fairness even those of us who believe in the husband’s headship of the family know that you ate not obligated to submit in an instance where submission would cause you to sin as leaving the church would.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Well, this brings me to a good question as an older single woman who is very glad she is able to make her own decisions…

This married Caholic women didn’t turn in her perspicacity when she exchanged her marriage vows. Where my husband to come home one day and announced he’d been vested with the ability to force us unto another faith…

Forget about it, he knows better.

OP, at the risk of repeating what’s been said for the umpteenth time, you need to get your husband in front of a priest ASAP.

Luna

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Well, this brings me to a good question as an older single woman who is very glad she is able to make her own decisions ----just what then happens if a Catholic wife is told by her husband that she and the children will now be muslims, mormans, protestants, and the list goes on. Does she do as she is told because her husband has spoken as the “head of household” or can she just, this one itty, bitty, little time, make up her own mind and remain a Catholic.

Veritas I do agree to a degree. Cry me a river. LOL!

Of course she does not have to obey him if he is leading the family in a dangerous direction spiritually. Now, someone who is going to try and do that is probably going to try other things as well, so depending on which religion he thinks he wants to try, that could be dangerous. I would suggest that the wife counsel with her priest ASAP.

 

[maryjk]

Well, this brings me to a good question as an older single woman who is very glad she is able to make her own decisions ----just what then happens if a Catholic wife is told by her husband that she and the children will now be muslims, mormans, protestants, and the list goes on. Does she do as she is told because her husband has spoken as the “head of household” or can she just, this one itty, bitty, little time, make up her own mind and remain a Catholic.

Veritas I do agree to a degree. Cry me a river. LOL!

Who ever said that married Catholic women can’t make their own decisions? If you believe that, you are in the same boat as the OP’s husband, you don’t understand what “spiritual head” means.

 

[horselvr]

WHOA there now Mary. I know full well what spiritual head means.

I am well aware of how a real man is suppose to lead his family and don’t have a problem with that----sort of. I do however, have a problem with men that are not able to lead themselves let alone their family.

I have an even bigger problem with a wife that allows her husband to lead her down the wrong path.

"Who ever said that married Catholic women can’t make their own decisions? "

No one said that, but thanks for attributing what you THINK my position is.

 

[maryjk]

Well, this brings me to a good question as an older single woman who is very glad she is able to make her own decisions ----just what then happens if a Catholic wife is told by her husband that she and the children will now be muslims, mormans, protestants, and the list goes on. Does she do as she is told because her husband has spoken as the “head of household” or can she just, this one itty, bitty, little time, make up her own mind and remain a Catholic.

Veritas I do agree to a degree. Cry me a river. LOL!

WHOA there now Mary. I know full well what spiritual head means.

I am well aware of how a real man is suppose to lead his family and don’t have a problem with that----sort of. I do however, have a problem with men that are not able to lead themselves let alone their family.

I have an even bigger problem with a wife that allows her husband to lead her down the wrong path.

**"Who ever said that married Catholic women can’t make their own decisions? "

No one said that, but thanks for attributing what you THINK my position is**.

Maybe you should edit your previous post.

can she just, this one itty, bitty, little time, make up her own mind and remain a Catholic