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TheByronPapers
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Hey,
I joined here after having it recommended by a user on another site where I was asking questions about Catholicism. She said that I needed to enter a dialogue with a well-versed Catholic and I think she is right…
I’m not a Catholic and have not been baptized in any church which the Catholic Church recognizes as able to perform authentic baptisms. I was brought up in a household that was secular but moral; my mother taught my brothers and I to have a very strong belief in God and to adhere to the Ten Commandments as the absolute standard of morality.
As a teenager I became deeply interested in spirituality and started having what could be called mystical experiences; not voices from the Heavens but moments of feeling intensely connected to God and able to perceive God behind nature and the workings of the Universe. This led to developing a personal spirituality that wasn’t religious in any formal sense but which orientated towards seeking closer unity with God and self-development.
As my teenage years closed, other, more corrupt, aspects of my personality began to emerge and I eventually stopped having the experiences that I talk about above. That led to a deeply depressing time in my life and a panicked attempt to overcome that sense of isolation from God through exploring and studying religions (Judaism, Buddhism, Quakerism, even Freemasonry) in the hope that it would give me access to God again. None of it did.
Towards the end of that religious search I took an RCIA course. I found Catholicism fascinating; the beauty of the rituals, the Godliness of the saints, the art, the tolerance for intellectual development and mysticism, along with an almost erotic sense of mystery made the experience easily the most noteworthy of all my religious investigations. However, there were theological differences which I felt were too big to be bridged and so I didn’t convert at the end of the RCIA.
That was two years ago. In the time since I have felt the windows of heaven reopen to me for lots of reasons that I won’t go into here and I’ve again, slowly, started to feel a reintegration into God (I’m now 26 years old and a bisexual, British male). Still, the impact that Catholicism had on me has been immensely powerful and I think (romantically perhaps) of many aspects of the Church with admiration, even love.
However, the problem I have is with integrating the experiences of God which I’ve had and which are precious to me into a religion that is basically dogmatic. For example, I’m not sure where my feeling that God is within but beyond all things (panentheism) would fit into Catholic doctrine. My moral code is quite Chivalrous as well. I believe in the pursuit of virtue and nobility; I’m not sure how this basically self-centered search for excellence would fit in with what Catholicism teaches about how humans should act. There are aspects to living a religious Catholic life which are also quite alien to me (for example saying the Rosary) but which I’m sure feel like coming home to Catholics.
Basically, this leaves me in a position where I like a great deal about the Church but were other aspects leave me feeling alienated and like I’m better off being a spiritual maverick and increasing my personal connection to the Light without a formal religious system. To some degree I wonder whether my interest in Catholicism is basically superficial though I think God might be reaching through the aesthetic beauty of Catholicism.
Does anyone have any idea if these differences can be bridged and, if so, how? Do they even need to be bridged? Is what I’m saying more Catholic than I realize? Any other thoughts?
Sorry for the long post and thank you for your help.
I joined here after having it recommended by a user on another site where I was asking questions about Catholicism. She said that I needed to enter a dialogue with a well-versed Catholic and I think she is right…
I’m not a Catholic and have not been baptized in any church which the Catholic Church recognizes as able to perform authentic baptisms. I was brought up in a household that was secular but moral; my mother taught my brothers and I to have a very strong belief in God and to adhere to the Ten Commandments as the absolute standard of morality.
As a teenager I became deeply interested in spirituality and started having what could be called mystical experiences; not voices from the Heavens but moments of feeling intensely connected to God and able to perceive God behind nature and the workings of the Universe. This led to developing a personal spirituality that wasn’t religious in any formal sense but which orientated towards seeking closer unity with God and self-development.
As my teenage years closed, other, more corrupt, aspects of my personality began to emerge and I eventually stopped having the experiences that I talk about above. That led to a deeply depressing time in my life and a panicked attempt to overcome that sense of isolation from God through exploring and studying religions (Judaism, Buddhism, Quakerism, even Freemasonry) in the hope that it would give me access to God again. None of it did.
Towards the end of that religious search I took an RCIA course. I found Catholicism fascinating; the beauty of the rituals, the Godliness of the saints, the art, the tolerance for intellectual development and mysticism, along with an almost erotic sense of mystery made the experience easily the most noteworthy of all my religious investigations. However, there were theological differences which I felt were too big to be bridged and so I didn’t convert at the end of the RCIA.
That was two years ago. In the time since I have felt the windows of heaven reopen to me for lots of reasons that I won’t go into here and I’ve again, slowly, started to feel a reintegration into God (I’m now 26 years old and a bisexual, British male). Still, the impact that Catholicism had on me has been immensely powerful and I think (romantically perhaps) of many aspects of the Church with admiration, even love.
However, the problem I have is with integrating the experiences of God which I’ve had and which are precious to me into a religion that is basically dogmatic. For example, I’m not sure where my feeling that God is within but beyond all things (panentheism) would fit into Catholic doctrine. My moral code is quite Chivalrous as well. I believe in the pursuit of virtue and nobility; I’m not sure how this basically self-centered search for excellence would fit in with what Catholicism teaches about how humans should act. There are aspects to living a religious Catholic life which are also quite alien to me (for example saying the Rosary) but which I’m sure feel like coming home to Catholics.
Basically, this leaves me in a position where I like a great deal about the Church but were other aspects leave me feeling alienated and like I’m better off being a spiritual maverick and increasing my personal connection to the Light without a formal religious system. To some degree I wonder whether my interest in Catholicism is basically superficial though I think God might be reaching through the aesthetic beauty of Catholicism.
Does anyone have any idea if these differences can be bridged and, if so, how? Do they even need to be bridged? Is what I’m saying more Catholic than I realize? Any other thoughts?
Sorry for the long post and thank you for your help.
you may not participate in the sacrament of the Eucharist but you could go up for a blessing. The Eucharist has always been a source of spiritual strength for me, even when I didnt’ really understand too much about the church. I have to laugh when I think it I was a Catholic all my life and didn’t even know it was the first church started by Jesus and the apostles. It’s not a church that molds into our personal beliefs but helps us with our beliefs, because the beliefs of the church is founded on Jesus Christ and the Apostles teachings. It provides room for growth though in our faith so that we become closer to God. I’ve found out so much about my religion since then that I really didn’t know and I’ve been a Catholic for 52 years…
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