Spiritual meaning of Covid19, loneliness and Autism

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Lee3

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This is my first time posting on Catholic Answers forum.
I am an adult with Autism.
I live in a country where there is full lockdown and social isolation due to Covid19 and I am struggling with this.

The weird and ironic thing is I am not struggling for the reasons one might think.
Instead,I am struggling precisely because I have to keep hearing on the tv about people being “all in this together” and people socially connecting over internet and becoming connected, nightly news and other programmes constantly showing the social media singalongs and heart warming connections etc…
The thing is hearing all about people’s connection continually is making me actually feel lonelier than ever.

Due to my autism I have always have issues with social life and I have felt lonely and disconnected for a long time.

Now that I have to hear (non stop) about people feeling not connected because they have to spend 2 or 3 weeks in their house is really making a constant reminder to me of my long standing loneliness and isolation.
I feel almost angry like I feel their actions are an insult on my life.
The more I hear it, the more I’m starting think unloving things like they can’t deal for two weeks from their hedonistic and self absorbed lives without cracking up.

Having to hear non stop in the media about people “all being in it together” and having to hear of people or celebrities singing their “we are the world” etc songs together on social media , ironically, is making for me the opposite effect of feeling more lonely and isolated.
I don’t feel a part of the “all in it together connected etc” group.

I don’t really expect that anyone will have any words of comfort.
 
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Every person is different and reacts to the same situation in different ways. You have hard time understanding why few weeks social isolation is so challenging for others when you have experienced it for much longer.
You have also hard time feeling connected, so all the talks about ‘being in it all togethers’ annoy you and increase your loneliness even more. It is hard. On the other end you are posting here, expressing your feelings to other people and somehow creating a connection. Maybe online communities will help you to break your isolation. Also, once the Covid-19 crisis is over, you may check if in your area there are support groups teaching social skills to encourage people affected by autism to engage more socially (I know there are some in my city) or even see if there are social agencies interested in starting such a group. Don’t get discouraged. You are in my prayers.
 
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Sorry to hear. Social media has been shown to have a negative impact on our lives. I cut it out so many years ago now and I have never looked back. I even cut off popular TV shows and stick to local news via the paper, as I realised I am just too sensitive to all these things. Maybe you want to try to change the media you consume as well? just try a media fast for 1 week. One thing that helps me since my addiction seems to strike when I am alone is that I am never alone, God is always with me. Praying for you!
 
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Dear Lee, don’t feel so bad, I too feel lonliness and isolation and I do not have Autism. I’d say you’re “venting” is my “take” on your letter. That’s not a bad thing to do. I try not to listen much regarding the news because of the saying “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear”. It’s true! The news is nothing but compounding the same stories over and over again. And the sole goal is making money. I think it’s rare to find sincere unbiased reporting, but if you look at alternate news sources you may find something with a lot more truth and meat on it. The “main stream media” is akin to fast food. Not much sustenance and just filling peoples immediate desires. So first, don’t put too much effort or credence and also wasting your anger on superficial fluff.
As far as being connected to people and social isolation, all of us have feelings of isolation and lonliness especially the older we get, imagine the elderly in nursing homes right now who are totally blocked off, they can’t even go outside for a walk. I lost my husband, house, and comfort zone awhile back and currently living with strangers. They’re nice enough but it’s not “home” and I’m a long way from where I use to live. And we can feel isolated just from being a stranger in a strange land so to speak. We can feel isolated in that way. It’s hard to empathize totally with anyone’s particular situation, but just try to know that a lot of us experience what you’ve described in maybe smaller portions/ in bits, and chunks. If the news media wanted to really play fair, besides lonliness and isolation felt by those with autism, there is also genuine lonliness and isolation from those in prison and also especially now, those in nursing homes.
You will never be able to control the news media to play fair; they’re purpose is to harp on things, sensationalize, and get people to view/listen and ultimately make money.
if you are catholic, say the rosary ask God to help take away your anger at others for being unsensitive. You can’t “make” people change their hearts and minds. You can only change your own heart and mind. Realize we’re all sinful; that includes you too!
Anyways, it’s good to reach out like you did, don’t go down the “anger train” please!!!
Realize if you don’t! you are a child of God, he loves you, he wants a relationship with you, if he didn’t he wouldn’t have suffered a horrendous death. Seek and you WILL find, but you have to do the legwork. It’s up to you; we we’re offered paradise once and blew it. Now we have to do the hard work of seeking Him. Inbetween that, find ways to use your time and reduce BIG TIME listening to the news! Can you draw/ sketch/paint? I’mdying to purchase a digital keyboard and play the piano once again. Big chunk of change but maybe the time to do it is now since time is what I have. I broke my kneecap and I work at a Golf course with a crew maintaining the grounds, but not going there for a few more weeks. Anyways,…

God Bless,
write anytime,
Debbie
 
You are far from the only autistic adult here, that much I promise you.
 
Thanks @debgab @hopeless.sinner and aroosi for your prayers and words.
I have tried to be positive and not be angry or bitter or sad, but the longer I feel it rubbed in my face I’ve started to give in to the bad feelings.
It isn’t that I don’t understand that people can feel lonely or isolated after two weeks, it more that I feel these people are oblivious to or uncaring toward people that have been isolated for a very long time (whether in nursing home, from mental or cognitive illnesses, carers /mothers of children with disabilities etc).
It’s this that’s probably making me upset. I feel the “we are all in this together” singing and slogans only is for some people, almost like an “in crowd” made up of already very sociable people, white collar “professionals”, and mothers.

Whereas some people with Autism like me can have trouble feeling connected even when we are amongst others physically it’s hard to feel a sense of emotional or social connectedness.
Or even to understand what it is and what it feels like, if I be honest.
So when I hear the world singing as one, I am left out.
 
I have wanted to visit elderly in nursing home before who have no family as I feel their situation is very sad, but I feel the world has become so politically correct that nursing staff would not want someone with Autism to visit an elderly person. They would probably reject me as a visitor and see it as blind leading the blind?
You have to be “perfect” first before you are thought of as having any value.
 
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I can relate somewhat. I have a mental disorder and I have never really felt connected to other people. I get lonely a lot, but I also can’t stand being around people. So it’s really is hard to listen to all the “All Together” stuff.
 
Well, you found your way here, maybe you’ll find some interesting conversation on this site 🙂
 
Lee3 said:
the longer I feel it rubbed in my face I’ve started to give in to the bad feelings.
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It’s causing you aggravation? Shut it off. Very simple. No one needs that stuff on all the time. You’ll do yourself a favor.
 
I think for a long time nursing homes would be off limits to volunteers due to the coronavirus pandemic. In my area some people affected by autism are very active volunteers in animal shelters. Others are involved in food banks or community gardens. Explore the possibilities in your area until you find the best fit for you.
 
Yeah I know it seems that way, but sometimes God uses imperfect people to help the rest of us understand humility. By the way, we are ALL imperfect, a lot of us don’t know it yet.
Hahahalol.
I said to you how I live in a house with strangers? one of them is a woman 55 who has a cognitive disability. She has a routine of going to an organization that helps people like her to participate in activites, classes and paid for working situations. So she’s almost self sufficient, but her mind limits her in other ways such as, handling money, inability to read and comprehension of ideas, passage of time, some other things as well. As I’ve been living here with her, my bedroom is next to hers, I have to tempermy patience a lot of the times because she does things that annoy me. Some habits with regards to the bathroom especially. On the other hand she’s a delight when I am with her on Saturdays to take her out. This is part of my living arrangement along with purchasing all the groceries and cooking all the meals. When I’m in the situation of interacting with her, she comes across to me as a very forgiving and grateful little soul who wants nothing more than time with someone. That’s it! just time. I’ve learned I think a lot being around her, and as much as I’d like to think I’ve taught her some things, really she’s taught me much more.
Lee try to realize God is already with you, try to know that deep within yourself. When you are in a situation such as you described in your first letter of being angry with folks that have no clue (and they don’t)! think of yourself as his special messenger, set apart from others, to do something for him, some kind of special work, then without feeling anything, just wait and He will give you an answer! You might find yourself engaging in something, it could be anything, and without realizing it that the thing you’re engaging in came from Him. Usually I’m pretty clueless when something like this happens and only realize it afterwards. I think of God as a sort of “constantly in milliseconds blink of an eye righter” He’s part of a push pull phenomenom between right and wrong. Not always do things happen right away, and righting wrongs make take a very long time.
The story of the Israelites remaining in the desert for 40 years because they made an idol against God’s command, comes to mind.
Everytime something negative happens, he will do something to turn it around and try to make it right but we have to realize this first in order to help and cooperate. Anyways, I think you already are perfect, Jesus was, and it took time for people see it (still is). There’s a part of you, and me and all of us that contains the perfection that God see’s in us. Try not to despair, try to dwell on another way of thinking. Unfortunately people take a long time to come around to the idea of the extreme value in other’s different than ourselves. In some ways it’s just a communication problem. I see with the lady I live with that the way I speak and talk is differnet than the way she speaks and talks. Somehow though effort I understand.
talk later if you want!
Debbie
 
Well guess what I don’t feel all connected either.
I am also making an effort not to listen to too much of the media which I recommend. It’s like people’s Facebook page, it only shows the good things not the bad things of life. It’s like a mask. Underneath is the real face of the person. You are probably better off ignoring media and tv and clinging to God. That’s what I’m trying to do. Can’t say it’s easy at times. I don’t fit in in the world to well and how the world works is a mystery to me. But God tells us it’s not your home anyway, heaven is and to be patient, one day you’ll come home and all will make sense.

I am really sorry you feel lonely, the truth is others feel lonely too. They just show it differently. Its like they speak a language you don’t understand. They are just frightened and doing the best they can to cope, even if it sounds like terrible words to you. I hope thinking of it that way will help you develop the patience God calls you too. Ask him for patience, courage and forbearance to bear with this time of trial. He loves you and gives us all this trial in different ways. With his grace you can cope with it and ask for his mercy if you feel you’ve been uncharitable in thought. Its Divine mercy Sunday this Sunday so all sins will be forgiven. God bless you
 
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I think everyone is just coping with this in whatever way they can. It is a rather unique experience as quite literally every person on the planet is impacted.

I can see how it is a little grating to hear all this, especially when it seems like it is only for the “in crowd.” I can empathize with that. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like part of the “in crowd.”
Bluebright said:
I am also making an effort not to listen to too much of the media which I recommend.
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I think this is the best advice. If it’s wearing on you to hear all this talk, then spend some more time “unplugged” from the news and social media.
 
I too cringe to hear “we are all in this together”, or “we are strong”, or…the worst of all for me is “you guys”…regardless of gender… 😖 such crazy, empty phrases!

Loneliness…I don’t feel that as much as “aloneness”…however, being a women with a husband and no children…i am alone often…but remedy that with a lighted candle and Prayer. Oh, and sometimes with a glass of wine and meditation. Yes, at my age I have learned to tolerate situations…also with music…There are too much pretenses in people and idolizing the stars of hollywood! This isolation we are enduring now is welcoming to me cause I live that way and prefer it…God has never distance himself from me…He is all I need! Amen!
 
@(name removed by moderator)

I don’t think most people who were isolated before Covid-19 is due to choice at all.
I don’t think people in my circumstances can always choose whether to associate with people or not because it’s also dependant on others.
Wither it’s getting jobs or being invited to parties, it depends on other people’s impression of you.
It’s not a self imposed choice if that form of isolation results from people not wanting to be your friend.

I read people saying 2-3 weeks of self isolation is hard because they can’t go to parties, events etc but I wasn’t invited to those things before so the isolation is not a choice.
 
I have never really understood the logic of why celebrities are paid so much and put on pedestals just because of beauty and or charisma.
I understand they provide entertainment but I think carers, teachers, nurses, and aged care workers are who should be paid much more and celebrities paid much less.
When celebrities have singalongs singing “Imagine” from their mansions, and yet there are already low paid workers losing their jobs and some even being evicted as tenants, I can’t help but wonder are we really “all in this together” as is non-stop promoted?

Maybe because of the Autism I can’t understand how much the social media singalongs help people emotionally, or maybe I am just jealous from feeling left out, but to me real “togetherness” would be a celebrity not self-indulgent singing in front of camera but using some of their money to buy elderly’s groceries and toilet paper or paying the rent of family who is to be evicted, or similar.
 
Thanks @Debgab,

I often find it hard to see God in situations and find myself questioning is life just “random” occurance with the genetically blessed being blessed with money, great jobs, social life etc while the genetically underprivileged have chronic illness, poverty, poor social life (in my case) etc.
Whether it’s all just down to luck or whether there’s Gods hand in all of this?

The 10 commandments movie was on where I am at Easter. Which was a surprise in itself as the main stations never put Christian movies on anymore and with the Israelites in the desert that you mentioned, Moses being sent out into the desert etc, I don’t know is this just about their story or does it have reference to our own lives also…
 
For various reasons, I strongly suspect that I am somewhere on the spectrum, as well. What has given me great comfort is to:

Turn the media off.

All of it. We do not need a daily death-toll. Our brains, our spirits are not intended for such an onslaught of bad news! Christianity is a joyful religion. There is no joy in the media - quite the opposite actually.

God is heard - He speaks to us in silence.

The media is noise. Incessant noise. It has become the anxious inflaming the anxious. I will have no part of it. Rather, I can read scripture, pray, read devotional books and work on my relationship with God.

Oh, and work on the 874 unfinished projects I have.
 
Yes, yes, and yes! A friend of mine just told me about a few of his neighbors who are literally glued to the television coverage of the coronavirus all day and night. They are, as a result, nervous wrecks. Anyone can become so paying this much attention to the onslaught of bad news relating to the virus and the economy. Best to turn if off, at least for a while, and do something else: household chores, prayers, talking to friends provided they are somewhat uplifting, watching old movies, reading, listening to music, and, of course, conversing and discussing on CAF. My online teaching, much as I complain about it, is now a refuge.
 
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