Spirituality and Religion

[PelagiathePenit]

Going to mass but I’m going through the motions and daydreaming. I journal pray to God. I want to write a book to glorify God. I like reading about saints. I have no interior life. The diary prayer feels forced - stiff, inauthentic - fulfilling an obligation. I’ve done women’s retreats and do college night. What’s missing? I confess. I seem to always be unhappy or in a state of mortal sin. I wonder if I truly love God. The way the saints talk about God. I don’t feel that way. In all honesty, I’m scared. No one is perfect. Trusting in the Lord is terrifying. Not getting your way. Turning the other cheek. I’m a baby - I want someone to hold my hand. I cannot follow through with the promises I make to God. Who wants to be humble? I’m just very scared of facing the truth of who/what am I. I know I need to go to confession. I don’t feel like crying, feeling vulnerable. I have much to account for. (I know I’m not the only sinner)

 

[Avila123]

Dear Heart,

Take a deep breath, push everything aside for two minutes and tell yourself some positive facts, irrespective of how you feel e.g. “God loves me”. It seems to me that you are very busy trying to do everything that you feel needs to be done to reach out to God. Maybe you are trying so hard, expecting certain results?

How about remembering that many people go through the motions at mass, including St Theresa of Avila?

Maybe you could give up your diary prayer for a while and try different ways of praying, not for any sure result but simply to talk to God in another way?

With regard to making promises to God, what kind of promises do you make? Does He want you to make promises, or are you making promises because you are trying so hard to be like some of the saints? If it is the latter, remember that God made each one of us as unique beautiful individuals, so there can only be one St Augustine of Hippo and only he could fulfill God’s plan for him with God holding his hand every step of the way. God is not calling anyone to be a mirror image or copy of someone else. Yes, the saints inspire us, but surely that should be an inspiration to continue our journey of faith as the individuals God created us to be. Think about St Peter, now stop thinking about all the wonderful things he did and concentrate on his failings e.g. lack of faith - he starting sinking in the water, he denied Jesus 3 times etc. They were big things he failed on, yet God took those very failures and turned them into something wonderful. God does the same for all of us, okay we may not know it or fully understand, but God creates and is divine love, so no matter how crumpled and damaged our offerings are, He can make them beautiful.

Do you need to make promises to God? Is it what you need or think He expects? Why make promises other than to try not to sin again, determined not to, but being realistic knowing that you are (like everyone else) a fallible human?

Whilst you may hope to write a book to glorify God - keep that hope, but be open to what God may have planned for you. Maybe you will write that book, or perhaps He would like you to do something different, something better? Only He knows.

Take heart, dryness in prayer, going through the motions and struggling are common experiences, so please be kind to yourself, try setting small goals and try to relax. Does God ask us to succeed, or does He simply want us to reach out to Him and try to be disciples of Jesus?

These are just a couple of thoughts and because your post covers so much, I am sure others will be able to offer much better thoughts and ideas. I will pray for you.

 

[Crusaderbear]

I pray you can work through your confusion. You have a leg up on many, as you think about your relation with God, many don’t even get that far!

 

[pianistclare]

You post something like this at least once a month.
There are roughly 21 “I” statements in your post.
Start there.
Start doing for others, and “I” becomes far less important,
Feed the hungry at a soup kitchen,
Read to children at the library,
Work at a Food Bank,
Volunteer in your parish!!!
St Vincent de Paul, the Altar Society, the choir, all need more members.

I say this all the time.
One day…

 

[PelagiathePenit]

You post something like this at least once a month.
There are roughly 21 “I” statements in your post.
Start there.
Start doing for others, and “I” becomes far less important,
Feed the hungry at a soup kitchen,
Read to children at the library,
Work at a Food Bank,
Volunteer in your parish!!!
St Vincent de Paul, the Altar Society, the choir, all need more members.

I say this all the time.
One day…

humility through helping others.

 

[St_Francis]

!!! Go to Confession !!!

Ask your priest for advice. Follow his over what we random strangers on the internet say.

My two cents:

Pray the Litany of Humility and deliberately practice humility by voluntarily doing what humble people do, and telling your self: I am doing this so I will grow in humility. Let people in line before you, help others, don’t voice your opinions (even you are right!), don’t reach for the best of things, etc.

Make a commitment to pray seriously once each day for one month, aside from your morning and evening prayers. For example, you will for sure pray one decade of the Rosary each day at 3:00 pm, or between 3:00 and 3:30, or some specific time*. (The three o’clock hour, of course, recalls Christ’s Crucifixion.)

Then pray that one decade with as full attention as you can. If you can, read a few verses from the Bible about the mystery before praying the Hail Mary’s. Each time you find your mind has wandered, just gently guide it back. Keep doing that no matter how bad you seem at it or uncomfortable. If you forget during the day, do it as soon as you can, even if you need to stay up a few minutes longer.

The next month, add reading from the Bible for a few minutes apart from before the decade, again at a set time each day*. Just a few. And then think about what you have read. You might want to start with the passages about Christ’s Passion.

This will not only increase your praying, but help you to get better at it.

*As a student, you may need to put your time as something like, after my last morning class, or similar, if your schedule is too different each day. But try to make them the same time.

 

[Casilda]

The faithful perish for lack of godly priests.
Sigh, Lord have mercy.
Do try and seek a priest. I know of only one available but he is many, many miles away. I saw him whilst on a retreat.
Have him pray for you.

 

[tjaugustine]

PelagiathePenit, stay strong. Satan’s goal is too convince you this will not get better, but it will
God will not allow too much to be given on your shoulders, even thought it may take much time and hardship endured before this is over (remember Job). Many saints suffered through such nights of faith, but is has polished and grown their faith and sanctity in the end. In the end, all we can do in this spriritual area is by grace of God. We can achieve nothing without his grace, by our own doing and human effort. Just honestly say to God you can do no more. Accept the limitations, your limitations. God can do anything.
I pray for you