Spiritually blindness and disobeying God

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I am losing the fire right now…I have said no to God in His face…My Yes are really growing weaker. This is hurting me badly, but my discouragement and subtle fears are eating me right now. I am downright spiritually depressed. I am starting to become an ordinary and mediocre christian…I miss the fire…I had that fire…but I dont know how to motivate myself. I’ve been praying…but it seems my will is so weak. Maybe because I am comparing myself with who I am in the past…and the present self is not that quite confident anymore. I was full of zeal when I became a christian…and now I dont know what happened. Do you have similar experiences. I still hunger to help God, but I feel weak. I want to give Jesus more souls, but feel incapable to do so. I am losing my faith.

Do you have similar experiences? please pray for me. Thank you
 
How do you think differently now compared to them?

Not just your zeal and motivation, but are you interpreting significant elements of your faith differently?

Was there a life changing experience (you don’t have to answer btw) that caused you to rethink something you thought before? Learned something? Have some question that’s nagging you? Bad experience with a person who claims to be religious?

I’m not trying to nitpick and I do not need answers to these questions unless you find them helpful at identifying something that has changed.

You may be going into a more contemplative phase, where you may not be as motivated for active worship as for more of a retreat situation?

As far as saying “no” to God to His face, I feel most in tune with God when I try to be as honest and direct as possible. If you try to cover or dumb down your feelings, you’re not entrusting God with what He already knows anyway. 😉
 
I find that giving something to God helps. For example, I fast between 3 and 4 and also try to pray during that hour. Actually doing something for God seems to help my love for Him–it doesn’t have to be big, but it has to be regular.
 
When a couple first marry, they go on a honeymoon. But this only lasts for a while. Then the real marriage takes place when the hardships come.

When a person finds Christ by knowing the love and goodness of him, it lasts for some time. But then the real life with Jesus begins…the hardships.

Don’t be too discouraged because what you are going thru isn’t that unusual at all. Even tho it may be painful for you and it may seem you have lost him. Jesus is there. He is simply asking you to bear your cross of life for him. That is the side of him that eventually will bring you closer. But you must tell him that you accept his offer and will bear up under the darkness to show your love for him.

Think often in these moments of his love for you on his cross.

May the Good Shepherd fill you with his peace.
 
Praying for you. Remember it’s the low valleys that make the hills so high.

Pray through this, sometimes God tests our faith by drawing back a little, to bring you forward. This causes growth and strengthens you, (but it’s not fun.)

You may be experiencing a bout of spiritual dryness right now, or an actual “dark night of the soul”. Perhaps reading St John of the Cross or a similar book will help you understand more, but hang in there. It may help if you can offer it up and unite yourself to Jesus at Gethsemane or any other sorrowful event in Jesus’ life that you can relate to.
 
Thank you for your prayers and for the advices. I am familiar with the works of St. John of the Cross and St Teresa of Avila…I feel that I am in the dark night…and yes I’ve been with two years in the honey moon stage with God…but right now things are really different.

I have some experiences of great consolations with God…and really very low points where I couldn’t find any rest…I feel that I’ve lost God’s favor.I cant distinguish if I’m committing a mortal sin,If I am sinning by my own fault or I am just under the night and needs to calm down–and do nothing… This is probably my anxiety. I feel just very weak before God and before myself. The more I see my sins and weaknesses, the more I’m convinced I’m losing God’s grace. I’m not really sure how to cooperate…I see the poverty of this world, but I also see my very weakness…I dont know what Jesus wants.

Tbh, I’ve lost appetite in reading books and devout prayers…there are new experiences which I couldn’t find any answer to. I’m pretty serious about my faith, but I couldn’t seriously get on my feet. Thank you for your prayers.
 
Praying for you from today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

Let us adore the Son of the living God who humbled himself to become a son of a human family, and let us proclaim:
Lord, you are the model and Savior of all.

Christ, by the mystery of your subjection to Mary and Joseph,
– teach all people reverence and obedience to lawful authority.
Lord, you are the model and Savior of all.

You loved your parents and were loved by them,
– establish our families in mutual love and peace.
Lord, you are the model and Savior of all.

You were eager to be about your Father’s business,
– may he be honored in every home.
Lord, you are the model and Savior of all.

Christ, after three days your anxious parents found you in your Father’s house,
– teach all to seek first the kingdom of God.
Lord, you are the model and Savior of all.
Amen
 
Mystical_Seeker said:
How do you think differently now compared to them?

Not just your zeal and motivation, but are you interpreting significant elements of your faith differently?

Was there a life changing experience (you don’t have to answer btw) that caused you to rethink something you thought before? Learned something? Have some question that’s nagging you? Bad experience with a person who claims to be religious?

I’m not trying to nitpick and I do not need answers to these questions unless you find them helpful at identifying something that has changed.

You may be going into a more contemplative phase, where you may not be as motivated for active worship as for more of a retreat situation?

As far as saying “no” to God to His face, I feel most in tune with God when I try to be as honest and direct as possible. If you try to cover or dumb down your feelings, you’re not entrusting God with what He already knows anyway. 😉
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Yes, I’ve been in a traumatic situation last year and just recently that greatly changed me. I had offered everything to God and I learned to surrender all my pains to Him…but He doesnt take all the pain and the sufferings even if I desired it so much (based on my experience) I mean, I believe there is a reason for that.

Im really a more contemplative person. I talk to Jesus sincerely…but there are times when I’ve said no to Him that I feel sad about…well, what’s good is that I dont feel any condemnation from Him…I feel that He understands me and waits for me patiently. May be I feel bad because I am not patient with myself and I’m not advancing because I am still a child before God…I havent matured yet…I need more feeding…I wanna do the missions but I find myself very weak for them…But I think of the Church and all its needs…the more I am anxious…Anyhow, thank you!
 
Are you physically exhausted or needing a vacation?

It is good to pray for others, but you also have to pray for yourself and take care of yourself.

When you wade into the waters if the earth sometimes the problems of others rub off on you and ware you down.

For example if you spend too much time with athiests you can lose steam.

Also when you are trying too hard to help others it is a sure sign that they are not trying hard enough to help themselves.

Some people are to be avoided or only dealt with in measured doses.

Also remember, a man leaves his home to go work, but returns home to be with family and loved ones to recharge. Before you help others make sure you relationships are doing well.

BK
 
I recommend that you attend the Tridentine Mass at a traditional chapel with a traditional priest/confessor–and that you pray your rosary faithfully every day for Mary’s assistance. God bless you.
 
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