Spiritually frustrated - torn between two parishes

[Stavros]

I converted 5 years ago this Easter at my official parish, a very large cathedral parish with only 10% of its members speaking English. While they have beautiful masses, the priests tend to give what I call a lot of “God is Love” homilies (very Catholic 101, not really getting into spiritual “meat”). Also, there’s no social activities for English-speakers other than choir. Spiritually, I feel very relaxed there, and I do feel very close to Christ in a positive way. But I also think things there are very simple for me.

I also love the Latin Mass church here in Dallas. The High Mass ceremonies are very beautiful, and the priest gives thoughtful, weighty homilies every week. There’s confession every day, before AND after Mass, and the lines to the confessional are always full of people wanting to take advantage of the confessional. There’s also a lot of activities to participate in. However, I feel overly scrupulous when I spend a lot of time there. I never feel worthy to take sacrament even if I’ve gone to confession, and I always feel awkward about the way I’m dressed - my shirt is three-fingers below my neck and it’s supposed to be only two-fingers, my shoes are dumpy, my veil is too small, are people going to think I’m SSPX because I have an Angelus press missal, etc.

It’s an odd thing - with the Cathedral mass, I wear whatever I feel like wearing that day, whether it be jeans or skirts, and I always feel like I am dressed just as God wanted me to dress that day. I do go to confession, but maybe once a month when I’m attending there regularly. I always feel close to Christ there - I could kneel in front of the tabernacle there for hours. But I also feel like it’s very simple, not a lot of depth. Whereas at the Latin Mass, I feel like I’m eating spiritual “meat”, but I also feel like it’s more of a penitent experience than being close to Christ. If that makes sense.

I’m a registered member at the Cathedral, but I also feel drawn to the Latin Mass for the social opportunities, spiritual meat and frequent confession opportunities. Is it wrong to split my church time between the two churches, getting my confession and submission to God experience at the Latin Mass, and getting my Close To God in the simple way at the Cathedral? Has anyone else been torn between two parishes before? How did you resolve it?

 

[Della]

If you live within the district of the Cathedral, then that is your parish. If it were me, I’d go weekly to the Cathedral and make a monthly “pilgrimage” to the Latin Mass. It’s fine to get your “fix” (for lack of a better term) there, but being part of a parish means accepting the people and what it has to offer. You may want to talk to the pastor about starting an English speaking group for Bible study or prayer or whatever so you can be more involved. Also, is there an outreach program from the Cathedral you could be working in? In any case, I’d talk to the pastor, nicely of course, about your concerns and ask for his advise as to how and where you could be a part of things there.

 

[purplesunshine]

Go where you are fed. It is better to be spirtually healthy than under some archaic law that binds you to a certian building.

 

[wild_thing]

My first instinct is to tell you to go with the parish which gives you inner peace- which sounds like your current parish. Where peace is, God is. Simplicity in worship is way more preferable than anything else. That said, I would still bring it up in prayer. I’ve always gone to Mary when I am unsure whether I am in the right parish or not. Ask her to help you decide. She’ll put you on the right path.

 

[Barbkw]

…my veil is too small.

I’d continue to attend both and split your contribution according to whichever Mass you’re attending.

 

[Della]

Go where you are fed. It is better to be spirtually healthy than under some archaic law that binds you to a certian building.

Well, two things about your statement. Firstly, the OP is torn as to which parish is best, thus the question. Please keep this in mind for my second point.

And secondly, no parish is merely a building. It’s people. The building is good to have but it isn’t the parish.

Attaching ourselves to a parish, even if it’s not perfect (what parish is?) means practicing a bit of humility because no parish is going to have just the “right” people or programs to satisfy. Also it’s not a good thing to avoid people simply because they are not your cup of tea. A parish is a family, and like a family, we have to accept those we like as well as those we don’t. It’s a great lesson in resignation to learn to be content wherever God puts us.

Having said that, if a parish is egregiously bad we can go to another one, but to reject our own parish without truly good cause isn’t really right.

 

[Waiting]

Personally, I’d go where the spirit led me that particular day. (Small s on spirit. I’m not referring to the Holy Spirit.) Why not speak to the two pastors for their opinion? I can’t imagine they would have an objection. In fact, each will probably give you a set of envelopes for contributing. You very likely can split your donation between the two parishes.

 

[lbishaw]

We recently moved to an area that has 2 Catholic parishes within 10 minutes of us. After attending both of them we have decided to drive 45 minutes to attend a parish that its mass and surroundings fill us spiritually. I can’t choose my family but I sure can choose where I call home.

 

[Della]

We recently moved to an area that has 2 Catholic parishes within 10 minutes of us. After attending both of them we have decided to drive 45 minutes to attend a parish that its mass and surroundings fill us spiritually. I can’t choose my family but I sure can choose where I call home.

And my dh and I have done the same thing, actually. When we first moved into our house the nearest parish was quite heterodox with all kinds of abuses. So, we went to another parish in another town (still only a 10 minute drive from us). The parish near us has improved a lot, but we’re a part of the other parish now. I’m hoping with the new translation of the Mass we might be able to return to what is technically our parish in our town–we’ll see. So, these matters aren’t cut-and-dried, of course. It’s just in the OP’s case, the Cathedral, although not ideal, does offer a sound liturgy and does provide basic spiritual needs. To abandon it without seeing if there’s a way to fit in and do some good would be to lose an opportunity, especially for someone who only has him/herself to consider.

 

[Stavros]

I have seen very few things that I find really “off” at the Cathedral. About the only thing in recent times is the priest drinking bottled water during the Mass as he sat and listened to the deacon give the homily before the consecration. They used to not ring the bells during the consecration, but they do that now. There’s nowhere to kneel to receive the host, but the priests have no problem with letting me receive on the tongue. And during Lent, they sing the Kyrie and the Agnus Dei in Latin. So that’s cool.

According to the parish website, “On Easter Sunday 2010, Bishop Farrell formally erected Mater Dei as a personal parish. Parish registration is open to all Catholics in the Dallas Diocese.” So if I wanted to transfer my membership I could.

At this point, my focus is more on my spirituality and being closer to God than having a lot of activities, but having some social opportunity would be nice. My husband doesn’t go to church with me, so most of the time it’s just me and God. But it would be nice to have a friendly face to say Hello to.

 

[JRKH]

It sounds as though yo are very familiar with the Cathedral parish and very comfortable there…this is good…But I can understand your desire for more “meat” and activities etc…

So - if I may suggest…Commit yourself to attending the Latin Mass for 6 months, every Sunday. Give yourself time to get comfortable with the mass, the surroundings, the “dress issues” and so forth.
If, at the end of that time you are still having the feelings of discomfort, then return to the Cathedral in peace and seek other avenues of spiritual enrichment (retreats, reading, etc.) Perhaps even learn spanish so you can better participate in parish life…

Peace
James

 

[Monica4316]

I converted 5 years ago this Easter at my official parish, a very large cathedral parish with only 10% of its members speaking English. While they have beautiful masses, the priests tend to give what I call a lot of “God is Love” homilies (very Catholic 101, not really getting into spiritual “meat”). Also, there’s no social activities for English-speakers other than choir. Spiritually, I feel very relaxed there, and I do feel very close to Christ in a positive way. But I also think things there are very simple for me.

I also love the Latin Mass church here in Dallas. The High Mass ceremonies are very beautiful, and the priest gives thoughtful, weighty homilies every week. There’s confession every day, before AND after Mass, and the lines to the confessional are always full of people wanting to take advantage of the confessional. There’s also a lot of activities to participate in. However, I feel overly scrupulous when I spend a lot of time there. I never feel worthy to take sacrament even if I’ve gone to confession, and I always feel awkward about the way I’m dressed - my shirt is three-fingers below my neck and it’s supposed to be only two-fingers, my shoes are dumpy, my veil is too small, are people going to think I’m SSPX because I have an Angelus press missal, etc.

It’s an odd thing - with the Cathedral mass, I wear whatever I feel like wearing that day, whether it be jeans or skirts, and I always feel like I am dressed just as God wanted me to dress that day. I do go to confession, but maybe once a month when I’m attending there regularly. I always feel close to Christ there - I could kneel in front of the tabernacle there for hours. But I also feel like it’s very simple, not a lot of depth. Whereas at the Latin Mass, I feel like I’m eating spiritual “meat”, but I also feel like it’s more of a penitent experience than being close to Christ. If that makes sense.

I’m a registered member at the Cathedral, but I also feel drawn to the Latin Mass for the social opportunities, spiritual meat and frequent confession opportunities. Is it wrong to split my church time between the two churches, getting my confession and submission to God experience at the Latin Mass, and getting my Close To God in the simple way at the Cathedral? Has anyone else been torn between two parishes before? How did you resolve it?

I think that maybe the issue here is the scrupulosity… maybe if you focused on getting rid of that, the answer would be more clear? btw I don’t know what the answer could be… both churches sound good. I personally attend an FSSP, Latin Mass parish… but I also like going to the cathedral near me as well. I often go to both. (I think that’s allowed?)

Try to think of it this way… the Eucharist at the Latin Mass is the same as the Eucharist in the cathedral. It is the same Jesus. If you went to Confession, you can receive the Eucharist. This is what my Latin Mass priest told me He is the same merciful Jesus as He is in other churches… if you go to Confession often in the Latin Mass parish, - focus on getting rid of attachment to sin, confess venial sins, etc, but don’t be worried… the repentance that we receive from the Holy Spirit always comes with peace. (St Francis de Sales wrote about this, as did others)

as for what you wear… I wouldn’t worry at all about the shoes, the missal, etc… if you feel your shirt is not entirely Mass appropriate, try wearing a different shirt, but only do that if you actually feel this way and if it’s something God is convicting you of, - not to appear a certain way to the others at the parish. Regarding the Missal… same thing… just go to the Mass for Jesus and try to forget about what others would think about you. I would say that these thoughts are probably a distraction.

God bless :hug1:

 

[Monica4316]

I also had this thought… could it be that God wants you to be at the Latin Mass parish, and so the devil is tempting you with distractions, scrupulosity, etc, regarding that parish? (this does not mean that the experiences you had of God in the Cathedral are false. It is still a Catholic Church).

If you live within the district of the Cathedral, then that is your parish.

it depends… my parish is an FSSP parish, and people go there from all around the city… it seems that these types of parishes are not location based (ie: you don’t have to live near there to go there). I think I read that somewhere on these forums though I don’t remember for sure.

 

[odile53]

I’m registered in one parish, and attend MOST Sunday Masses there. One Sunday a month I attend an EF Mass in a city approximately 30 miles from where I live. A couple of times a week I attend the tail end of Adoration (which runs from 12 noon to 5 PM) and the 5:15 Mass at yet ANOTHER parish en route home from where I work. My primary financial support goes to my own parish with smaller contributions to the other parishes when I attend Mass there. Additionally, there are two basilicas nearby that I take an occasional Sunday jaunt to and attend Mass there.

I love the true Christian involvement in my own parish on the part of the pastor and the parishoners (it’s a very active NO parish,) the timeless reverence of the EF Mass, and the incisive and thoughtful homilies given in the third parish (a Jesuit community.) And I’m grateful to God that I live in an area with such a rich Catholic “smorgasbord.” I think He approves if I like to go for “seconds” and “thirds.” With the price of gas, I wish all of this was available at one parish, the one near home.

 

[Della]

it depends… my parish is an FSSP parish, and people go there from all around the city… it seems that these types of parishes are not location based (ie: you don’t have to live near there to go there). I think I read that somewhere on these forums though I don’t remember for sure.

No one needs to register at any particular parish (parish registration merely helps the parish keep track of members), but the one in which you live is considered yours. We can attend any parish we like, but are still considered under the jurisdiction of the parish in which we live, as we are under the bishop in whose diocese we live, even if we cross diocesan lines to attend elsewhere.