Splitting Holidays

  • Thread starter Thread starter BlueEyedLady
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As the others have already said, you are doing plenty to meet the wants of each of your families, and both sets of parents need to ease up big time. My DH’s family lives 20 hours away, my family lives an hour away. DH’s family almost always gets Christmas Eve and Christmas, and then we celebrate Christmas on New Years Day with my family. My family always get Thanksgiving and Easter afternoon. Nobody complains. My parents know they are super lucky to have us so near, and to be able to see their grandson at least once a month. They’re excited that my son and I get to have white Christmases up north, and they never act jealous because they can’t have us on a specific day. DH’s family is just happy to have us whenever we can come up or when they are able to come down. This past Christmas, nobody got us on Christmas day. DH’s couldn’t get the days off from work we needed, so we had to travel to his family a week early, and we spent Christmas day on the road and in a hotel. The only people who complained were DH and me. Our families are just happy we want to spend time with each of them, and they don’t get hung up on “the day”.
 
You may have to play with it over a few years to get it “right”. But be ready for something to come along that makes you change it for a year or two.

For instance - we have discovered that my MIL loves that we go to my family on Thanksgiving day, and her house on Black Friday. Why??? Because she can have her tree up and ready for her grandchildren to decorate! It truly is the simple things that make people the happiest.

Christmas we used to alternate - one year someone gets us Christmas Eve, the other Christmas Day, then the next year, it changes. Well, the past few years we’ve done my in-laws on Christmas Day and my family on Christmas eve. The one year we did it that way because it was MIL’s first Christmas without her mom, and we thought it would be better for her to have us all there together. The past 2 years, we’ve gone there because FIL’s mom is declining in health, and we never know when it’ll be her last year with us. My mom understands and is just happy to see us.

Easter - we usually go to my ILs on Sat., and host my family on Easter.

One of these years the plan is to buy a big enough house that I can host all the holidays and take the stress of all that cooking off of both my mom and MIL’s hands. They’ve done it for so long - it’s time they get a break. 🙂
 
It seems to me that the most compassionate thing is that you are clear as to what you are willing and able to do. Stick with that and don’t be apologetic about it.

Trust me, they will get accustomed to your schedule. As others have said, when you have children, your schedule will change again.

You can be stern and loving at the same time.

If your mom says:“Well, Easter just won’t be the same without you.”. then you reply. “Oh Mom, we love spending every minute we can with you and the family. We sure are going to miss it too.”.

You don’t leave any room for the idea that you will change your mind - but you tell them how important it is to you at the same time.

Everyone will adjust to whatever you decide - eventually.
 
Both of us love our families and for many years tried to see both and tried to make things fair. But sometimes it doesn’t always work out that way for various reasons. So make your plans for sure, that is a good thing but know that things can come up, you will deal with them though as they do. Sounds like you are doing the right things and have already figured it out. Just continue to enforce your boundaries in a loving yet firm way.
 
I hate this, it’s tough. Our families live in the same town, but nevertheless, it gets tiring bouncing from one house to another and trying to please everyone.
 
Maybe big families and long distances are why the Church celebrates the big Holy Days as Octaves!!

We were stuck at home for Christmas Day due to snow and ice one year. It was so good and so special, that in spite of what we miss out on, it is what we do every year. We travel to see the family at other times. (They don’t take down their Christmas trees on December 26, after all!)
 
TheRealJuliane said:
When you have kids, you will have to establish even more boundaries because traveling with a baby or toddlers is a peculiar form of torture that is more effective than waterboarding.

🤷
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THIS. When my sisters and I were kids, the family rule was “the people with the youngest kid choose whether they’ll drive or cook.” Worked brilliantly. Most of the time, we cooked. 😃
 
Richard320 said:
There’s also the hardest option: host it yourself and invite both sides to your home.
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We started that right away. I always made the turkey and all of the fixings for Thanksgiving.

Then for Christmas, we would travel either on Christmas Eve (to my parents) or on Christmas Day ( in-laws). We did one, one year and the other one the next year. If we didn’t go and visit, they were invited to visit us.

My in-laws didn’t like it the first year they had to travel to our house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But come on it was 45 minutes away, and my husband is an only child.

Easter was always with my family. My in-laws aren’t religious, my parents were. We saw Easter as a religious holiday. Again, my in-laws had a fit but they got over it.
 
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