Sponsor vs. Godparent

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NurseCatechumen

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I am a Catechumen preparing to receive the sacraments of baptism, eucharist, and confirmation at the Easter vigil. I am an adult female and I chose a longtime male friend to be my sponsor. As we have progressed through this process together, we have entered into a dating relationship. We were asked yesterday if he is going to be designated as my godfather for baptism. We said “yes” but there has been some discussion about it since that time. Some people think it’s odd for my now-boyfriend to be my godfather. We are both questioning if it is “proper.” Does anybody have any gentle opinions about this subject?
 
When my sister in law was joining the Church (and engaged to my brother) the sponsor chosen was my Mother rather than her fiancee (my brother). You may consider changing from him to his mother if she is in the same parish or nearby. It makes for a nice family connection outside the marriage (should you proceed that far).

However, if you are not married at the time of your entering the Church, I see no problem with leaving the relationship as it is.
 
The Church has no specific guidelines on this. He can still be be your godfather/sponsor.
 
NurseCatechumen said:
I am a Catechumen preparing to receive the sacraments of baptism, eucharist, and confirmation at the Easter vigil. I am an adult female and I chose a longtime male friend to be my sponsor. As we have progressed through this process together, we have entered into a dating relationship. We were asked yesterday if he is going to be designated as my godfather for baptism. We said “yes” but there has been some discussion about it since that time. Some people think it’s odd for my now-boyfriend to be my godfather. We are both questioning if it is “proper.” Does anybody have any gentle opinions about this subject?
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There is nothing improper about your boyfriend being your sponsor.

Some RCIA programs discourage dating relationships/fiances from sponsoring their SO because break ups happen part way through the process, pressure can be put on the inquirer by the fiance’s family, etc.

But, ultimately, no there isn’t anything wrong or improper about it.
 
I don’t think there’s a canonical impediment in the west, but there is a tradition which does not allow a godparent and godchild to marry. It was a canonical impediment in the east at one time and might still be in some particular laws. When I say godparent, I don’t mean Confirmation sponsor. The reason is that a godparent is supposed to act as a father in the faith. It’s contradictory to the role of spouse. There might not be a rule to forbid it today, but anyone suggesting you find another sponsor now that you are dating is not out in left field in the suggestion, either.

A famous occurrence of this policy in action was St. Olga of Kiev who intentionally tricked Constantine VII out of being able to marry her by leading him to believe she’d marry him after she was baptized. He readily agreed to be her godfather when she asked him to be. He asked her again after her baptism to marry him, but she then told him that they were unable to marry as it was illegal under church law for him to marry his goddaughter. He is said to have remarked “Oh Olga, you have outwitted me.”
 
CDB1718 said:
I don’t think there’s a canonical impediment in the west, but there is a tradition which does not allow a godparent and godchild to marry. It was a canonical impediment in the east at one time and might still be in some particular laws.
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Good point. This applies to the Latin Rite only.

It is an impediment in the East. So, in the Eastern RIte Catholic tradition a fiance/boyfriend should not be a baptismal sponsor to someone they intend to marry.
 
CDB1718 said:
I don’t think there’s a canonical impediment in the west, but there is a tradition which does not allow a godparent and godchild to marry. It was a canonical impediment in the east at one time and might still be in some particular laws. When I say godparent, I don’t mean Confirmation sponsor. The reason is that a godparent is supposed to act as a father in the faith. It’s contradictory to the role of spouse."
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Wow, thank you so much for this information! I was not aware of this. I called my RCIA teacher and she has never heard of this law but she is going to research it and find the answer for me. Although we are newly dating, I don’t want to, one day, decide to get married, and have our priest tell us that we can’t marry. That would be horrible! So, again, thank you very much for your help.👍
 
NurseCatechumen said:
Wow, thank you so much for this information! I was not aware of this. I called my RCIA teacher and she has never heard of this law but she is going to research it and find the answer for me. Although we are newly dating, I don’t want to, one day, decide to get married, and have our priest tell us that we can’t marry. That would be horrible! So, again, thank you very much for your help.👍
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It is not part of the Latin Rite code of canon law.

Unless you are being baptized into an Eastern Rite Catholic Church, you are fine.
 
I don’t know if this still holds but my wife, who was born and brought up in Ireland, has just told me that when the banns of marriage were read in churches there, consanguinity, affinity and spiritual relationship were specifically mentioned as barriers to marriage. Spiritual relationship refers to baptismal sponsors. Perhaps someone knows if this is no longer the case?
 
Brickmaker said:
I don’t know if this still holds but my wife, who was born and brought up in Ireland, has just told me that when the banns of marriage were read in churches there, consanguinity, affinity and spiritual relationship were specifically mentioned as barriers to marriage. Spiritual relationship refers to baptismal sponsors. Perhaps someone knows if this is no longer the case?
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It is no longer the case, as of the 1983 code of canon law.
 
My baptismal Godparents are my Aunt (my mother’s sister) and my Uncle (my dad’s brother) - I was baptized as an infant. My Confirmation Sponsor was my godmother from baptism - I received that sacrament as a teenager. I was a Godparent / Sponsor along with another Aunt & Uncle for my niece and nephew when they were received into the church at ages 7 and 9 years old. I would gladly do so again if asked by a family member or close friend. I’ve never noticed anyone that had a fiance/fiancee be their sponsor but it may have happened.
 
I spoke with my RCIA teachers, who contacted the bishop’s office for our diocese and they said there would be no problem if my boyfriend became my godparent and we decided to get married one day… provided we are not living together right now… which we are not. 😛

Although this is not canon law, it would feel odd to me saying, “My boyfriend is my godfather.” haha… In the mean time, one of my RCIA teachers has volunteered to be my godmother. So, I’ve decided that I will just have a godmother and my boyfriend will be my confirmation/RCIA sponsor; not my godfather. He will still be by my side when I am baptized, so that is good. He has just been with me through this whole process and he’s my support person. It wouldn’t feel right not to have him there with me when I take this final step.

Thank you all so much for your help. The Catholic church has been such a great support to me and I am excited to become one of you! 👍
 
NurseCatechumen said:
I spoke with my RCIA teachers, who contacted the bishop’s office for our diocese and they said there would be no problem if my boyfriend became my godparent and we decided to get married one day… provided we are not living together right now… which we are not. 😛

Although this is not canon law, it would feel odd to me saying, “My boyfriend is my godfather.” haha… In the mean time, one of my RCIA teachers has volunteered to be my godmother. So, I’ve decided that I will just have a godmother and my boyfriend will be my confirmation/RCIA sponsor; not my godfather. He will still be by my side when I am baptized, so that is good. He has just been with me through this whole process and he’s my support person. It wouldn’t feel right not to have him there with me when I take this final step.

Thank you all so much for your help. The Catholic church has been such a great support to me and I am excited to become one of you! 👍
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