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yablabo
Guest
It just means that if there is a grave reason, Confirmation could be done without one. It does not mean that any person can dispense from having a sponsor as he desires.
– Nicole
- Status
– Nicole
C
CLMCatholic
Guest
I only wish that our churches and catechism directors were so diligent here - although in a much less confrontational way! Much less confrontational.
Where I live, confirmation for the Catholic school kids is done in Grade 6 (11 yrs old) and many of their parents themselves do not attend church regularly. So although they are told that the sponsor must be over 16, and have been confirmed themselves, and be a “good catholic”, no one ever checks this except for the age and confirmed parts. Most of the parents treat confirmation as a family get-together and a photo-op. They choose sponsors based on relationship (family or friends), but not as to whether the person will help guide and steer the child towards a holier life. Many of the sponsors haven’t set foot in a church in years. It is deplorably obvious at the Confirmation Mass.
My DH and I were guilty of this mentality when our 4 children were born and then baptized. We were catholics-going-through-the-motions back then, and we chose our childrens’ godparents strictly as being loving relatives or friends, but none of them are, in our opinion, stellar role models of good Catholic Christian lives. Unfortunately, their faith was not the criteria we used when choosing them.
My DH and I have since found our way back in line with our faith and have a wonderful and very faith-filled family life. And we have been thrilled that our children have all chosen (with our approval and some passive suggestion…), phenomenal good and solid Catholics as their confirmation sponsors. We recognize the importance of having solid prayer warriors as guides, friends and sponsors in our children’s lives. We wish those running the catechesis classes here had some way of more diligently impressing on the other parents how important the spiritual substance of their child’s sponsor is.
To nda – It does seem that the catechist is being too argumentative and confrontational with you. But I would suggest that she takes her role seriously and wants what is ultimately the very best for your daughter’s spiritual well-being. And for this you should be grateful. Perhaps the tone for your meetings and discussions is now argumentative and caustic because of previous ranklings - and perhaps both of you are setting your shoulders and gritting your teeth to prepare for every upcoming conversation, and perhaps that is not helping the situation (I could be entirely wrong with this suggestion - please do not take offense. But do prayerfully consider whether you think a more peaceable tone needs to be set by both of you when you speak).
At any rate - carefully consider whether your sister,** in addition to** the loving nature and care she has for your daughter - consider whether she is truly a solid and faith-filled, practicing, prayerful Catholic - these are the attributes, more even than a second-mother’s love and care, these are the things that a confirmation sponsor should be. And if your sister is these things, then peacefully, joyfully and peaceably convey this to the catechist. Perhaps her unbending nature will be a little more flexible if the confrontational atmosphere is allowed to dissolve, and if she is made to see that your daughter’s sponsor truly is a holy and devout Catholic?
Bear in mind - she might still have a confrontational mettle when you approach her with this…you may need to prepare yourself before speaking with her. Pray before you converse with her. Pray for patience and the graciousness to use words and a tone as befitting a conversation you would have with our Mother Mary, herself. Pray that you may retain your composure, even if you meet with resistance or attitude. And pray that all decisions made will be in the best interests of your daughter’s immortal soul.
I will pray for a peaceful resolution for you in this. And I will pray that the unrest that is inherent in the situation now does not touch your daughter, and that her confirmation may be joy-filled, spiritual and glorious indeed.
Peace and God Bless,
CLM
<><
Where I live, confirmation for the Catholic school kids is done in Grade 6 (11 yrs old) and many of their parents themselves do not attend church regularly. So although they are told that the sponsor must be over 16, and have been confirmed themselves, and be a “good catholic”, no one ever checks this except for the age and confirmed parts. Most of the parents treat confirmation as a family get-together and a photo-op. They choose sponsors based on relationship (family or friends), but not as to whether the person will help guide and steer the child towards a holier life. Many of the sponsors haven’t set foot in a church in years. It is deplorably obvious at the Confirmation Mass.
My DH and I were guilty of this mentality when our 4 children were born and then baptized. We were catholics-going-through-the-motions back then, and we chose our childrens’ godparents strictly as being loving relatives or friends, but none of them are, in our opinion, stellar role models of good Catholic Christian lives. Unfortunately, their faith was not the criteria we used when choosing them.
My DH and I have since found our way back in line with our faith and have a wonderful and very faith-filled family life. And we have been thrilled that our children have all chosen (with our approval and some passive suggestion…), phenomenal good and solid Catholics as their confirmation sponsors. We recognize the importance of having solid prayer warriors as guides, friends and sponsors in our children’s lives. We wish those running the catechesis classes here had some way of more diligently impressing on the other parents how important the spiritual substance of their child’s sponsor is.
To nda – It does seem that the catechist is being too argumentative and confrontational with you. But I would suggest that she takes her role seriously and wants what is ultimately the very best for your daughter’s spiritual well-being. And for this you should be grateful. Perhaps the tone for your meetings and discussions is now argumentative and caustic because of previous ranklings - and perhaps both of you are setting your shoulders and gritting your teeth to prepare for every upcoming conversation, and perhaps that is not helping the situation (I could be entirely wrong with this suggestion - please do not take offense. But do prayerfully consider whether you think a more peaceable tone needs to be set by both of you when you speak).
At any rate - carefully consider whether your sister,** in addition to** the loving nature and care she has for your daughter - consider whether she is truly a solid and faith-filled, practicing, prayerful Catholic - these are the attributes, more even than a second-mother’s love and care, these are the things that a confirmation sponsor should be. And if your sister is these things, then peacefully, joyfully and peaceably convey this to the catechist. Perhaps her unbending nature will be a little more flexible if the confrontational atmosphere is allowed to dissolve, and if she is made to see that your daughter’s sponsor truly is a holy and devout Catholic?
Bear in mind - she might still have a confrontational mettle when you approach her with this…you may need to prepare yourself before speaking with her. Pray before you converse with her. Pray for patience and the graciousness to use words and a tone as befitting a conversation you would have with our Mother Mary, herself. Pray that you may retain your composure, even if you meet with resistance or attitude. And pray that all decisions made will be in the best interests of your daughter’s immortal soul.
I will pray for a peaceful resolution for you in this. And I will pray that the unrest that is inherent in the situation now does not touch your daughter, and that her confirmation may be joy-filled, spiritual and glorious indeed.
Peace and God Bless,
CLM
<><
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dconklin
Guest
Huh? The aunt is simply being a sponsor - an example. There is nothing that says they have have to offer good Christian direction or have a strong understanding of Catholicism. Being a good and practicing Catholic is where it is at. The grace the kid gets from the sacrament is what will lead them closer to God. Not an aunt that can recite the catechism. We have about 130 confirmandi every year at our parish. We only require the permission of their pastor - which we know is a “rubber-stamp” approval.
S
SpaceNeedle
Guest
I got a parish full o’ catechists that will disagree with ya.
They don’t want folks who show up at mass here and there, who really don’t understand the how and the why of their own religion…who just “go through the motions” for sake of a family tradition. If what you say is true (and I have no doubt it absolutely is) I think we must resign ourselves to the idea that this really can vary from parish to parish.
M
maryjk
Guest
How do they know that the person has “a fundamentally strong understanding of Catholicism?” What if the sponsor is from another parish? Or another state? Do they give a quiz?I got a parish full o’ catechists that will disagree with ya.
L
L2P2
Guest
In our parish, the expectation is that the sponsor must be a confirmed Catholic. They are firm, and right to be firm about it. There is less inquiry into whether the sponsor goes to Church every Sunday, but the expectation is there. Children are confirmed in 9th grade where we are, so it lies with the parents to decide the sponsor.
I agree with those who say the Church should expect the sponsor to meet the criteria laid out by the Church in canon law. But there is no requirement in canon law to the effect that a sponsor must attend the same parish as the confirmand. None of my family live near us, and we would not have been able to have a family member sponsor my kids if it had to be a parish member.
That said, some catechists take matters into their own hands when they should not. If you feel your choice of a sponsor is valid but your catechist does not, take it up with the priest of your parish. He should have the deciding say.
I agree with those who say the Church should expect the sponsor to meet the criteria laid out by the Church in canon law. But there is no requirement in canon law to the effect that a sponsor must attend the same parish as the confirmand. None of my family live near us, and we would not have been able to have a family member sponsor my kids if it had to be a parish member.
That said, some catechists take matters into their own hands when they should not. If you feel your choice of a sponsor is valid but your catechist does not, take it up with the priest of your parish. He should have the deciding say.
F
FAB
Guest
The begining post has the tone of “how dare you ask me” and “what rigth is of your to know”. The Church dares to ask and has the right to ask based on waht hasbeen previously posted from canon law.
As in all sacraments of the Church, there is a question of how committed the individual is to the faith. I was the director for Confirmation in my parish for 5 years and even though I never recommended a student not to be Confirmed, I had some questions on a few. As Director though I did perform due dilagent to see that sponsors and the the students did not have any impedaments.
Waht the DRE is askihg of the poster might not apply to their family, but it does express the importance that is placed on being properly prepared to recieve this sacrament, the responsiblity that not only the one being confirmed has to the faith, but the continuing responsibility that the parents and the sponsor has. Our bishop tells the sponsors that they are responsible for the rest of thier lives to the one they are a sponsoring, as an example of being a faithful Catholic and to alway support and keep on trak the young adult.
This is a seriouos committment to all concerned, the parents, sponsor, child and Church, it is only right that the DRE does thier due diligant that all understand that fact.
Peace,
FAB
As in all sacraments of the Church, there is a question of how committed the individual is to the faith. I was the director for Confirmation in my parish for 5 years and even though I never recommended a student not to be Confirmed, I had some questions on a few. As Director though I did perform due dilagent to see that sponsors and the the students did not have any impedaments.
Waht the DRE is askihg of the poster might not apply to their family, but it does express the importance that is placed on being properly prepared to recieve this sacrament, the responsiblity that not only the one being confirmed has to the faith, but the continuing responsibility that the parents and the sponsor has. Our bishop tells the sponsors that they are responsible for the rest of thier lives to the one they are a sponsoring, as an example of being a faithful Catholic and to alway support and keep on trak the young adult.
This is a seriouos committment to all concerned, the parents, sponsor, child and Church, it is only right that the DRE does thier due diligant that all understand that fact.
Peace,
FAB
C
Corki
Guest
From this last piece of information, it sounds like your daughter has not been attending Religious Education classes prior to this year. That’s ok; many families homeschool for religious ed or have their children enrolled in Catholic school. However, if your family, especially your daughter is not one that is well known by the DRE and the teachers, the DRE may just be exercising some additional caution. While she may not have been the most tactful, it sounds like she is just trying to make sure that your daughter and her sponsor are practicing Catholics in good standing and that your sister will be a strong Catholic influence.
S
SpaceNeedle
Guest
I wouldn’t call it a quiz, but they do “feel them out” if any red flags come up in discussing the matter of their sponsor with the catachumens.
As far as “out of state” goes, they prefer sponsors not only be in attendance at Easter Vigil, but also at rite of sending, etc. For an individual simply being confirmed, I am not sure want my own parish’s protocol is.
It seems like this thread is getting a little teeny tiny bit hostile. My parish home might not be what’s best for everybody. If there’s one thing I have learned from the posts here at CAF, there are differences- some markedly strong- between parishes, between dioceses, etc. My parish is welcoming, but it asks you to understand and realize that we’re not “doing this” (confirmation, baptism, etc.) to honor a favorite auntie or because it’ll make so and so happy. It’s much greater than that.
K
kage_ar
Guest
They must present a signed letter from the Pastor of the home Parish. Most Priests take these letters seriously and do not “rubber stamp” them.
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CDNowak
Guest
The questions asked about the sponsor seem normal, if she is not in the same parish.
If this is in the US, the situation (Confirmation held until 18, level of the mother’s involvement) may be raising flags in the catechist’s mind.
If this is in the US, the situation (Confirmation held until 18, level of the mother’s involvement) may be raising flags in the catechist’s mind.
- Status