Spouse contraception

[Coder]

A grave reason would be if a husband refused sexual relations on the grounds that his wife was on the pill simply for contraception reasons. She could then threaten a serious rethink on the marriage and where it is going. The husband may engage in sexual relations without pain of sin, yet still has a duty to remind and lovingly persuade his wife to accept the culture of life and not just quietly accept the contraceptive mentality.

Preserving the marriage seems as if it could qualify as grave reason. However, if one doesn’t take a stand besides gentle coaxing or similar, then will there be much motivation for the other spouse to change? Couldn’t one also fall into the trap of freeing themselves from responsibility yet maybe (subconciously) feeling glad that the other spouse is using it. Perhaps NFP is morally required or advisable in such circumstaces. Is there an offcial teaching about that?

 

[RattleSnake]

Fergal is correct. When one is married to a spouse who contracepts… they have a moral duty to discuss and talk with them about this… and of course prayers/fasting should be done.

If the spouse does not listen… and does things “their way”… well… there is not much else you can do.

mcknight also has a great point… interfaith marriages should be avoided. A Catholic would do much better with a Catholic. Vice versa.

My situation is I married a nonCatholic while I was a “fallen away” Catholic. I came back into the Church full force two years into my marriage. And yes… it has caused a wedge.

A person in this situation must live out their Faith… and I have learned that LIVING it is the best. When opportunities arise … SHARE IT. But, hitting the other over the head will get you nowhere.

My spouse chooses to use contraception. There is nothing I can do about it. I have had many “heart to hearts” with her… but, we hold different beliefs.

It is in God’s hands.

 

[AP4Him]

Wouldn’t the proper action be to refrain from intercourse since having it may be contributing to a grave sin?

 

[tigerlily]

This is a real problem with interfaith marriages and a good reason to marry within the faith if at all possible. At the vary least, settle this issue (and decide how many children you want) before you get married. It will save you a lot of arguments and heart aches.

There probably should be a check list (if there isn’t already) of key issues to be determined prior to marriage. Finances, how to deal with family and in-laws, where to live, who cooks or washes the dishes… etc all should be discussed before tying the knot.

that’s of course the most sensible advice of all. but at the same time, you can’t control the heart and you can’t stop falling in love with someone whether they’re rc or not. the heart doesn’t see religion. the heart is different to your conscience and mind.

but yes it does make things difficult. my dh is ignostic, i should know!

 

[Coder]

A grave reason would be if a husband refused sexual relations on the grounds that his wife was on the pill simply for contraception reasons. She could then threaten a serious rethink on the marriage and where it is going. The husband may engage in sexual relations without pain of sin, yet still has a duty to remind and lovingly persuade his wife to accept the culture of life and not just quietly accept the contraceptive mentality.

Following this example case further, suppose the wife using contraception was willing to abstain or have relations infrequently with no impact on the marriage, would the husband then be obliged not to pursue relations unless the wife desired them? I.e. do you consider that grave reason applies only to the “needs” of the contracepting spouse who might otherwise consider separation, or does it also apply to the non-contracepting spouse’s interest in having relations?

 

[MilesXpisti]

I have the same problem. Your friend needs to see a priest to make sure, but what I was told is that IF we have done all that we believe is possible to convince the spouse to use NFP then we are not culpable.

My spouse is not Catholic and she rejects NFP outright. We’ve had numerous discussions and arguments over the issue. I was told rather than have this issue destroy our marriage, to let my spouse have her way.

I hope this helps.

I’m sorry…but did you say that your priest or confessor advised you to not confront your wife about using ABC, for the sake of the marriage?

 

[DailyBread]

No he did confront her and the priest said that he had done the best he coul to confront her and that what was best was to probably pray about it, but that she is not interested in changing her ways. Its like Christ saying shake the dust from your sandles and move on if people are stubborn. He is not doing anything wrong because she is the one who chooses to use birth control pill. This is a tough situation and I am sure a cross for the poster, but lets support him and his wife in spiritual prayer and sacrifice. He is doing right by trying to keep the marriage strong, which is the best thing he can do now, even when she uses birth control pills.

 

[MilesXpisti]

Gah, sorry, I’d misread part of the original post. I applaud wcknight for his strength in his situation. Although I would question the wisdom of the priest in simply letting the matter drop. Gently talking to his wife on the subject and giving her information may over time change her heart. But in this case, he’s done all that can be asked of him.

 

[DailyBread]

Hope it didnt seem like I was trying to jump on you and yes acts of mercy in the form of talk, actions and prayers is his best route and we should never give up on people, but also know when we must be like Christ on the cross and be silent… a matter of prudence we must all learn.

 

[Coder]

Fergal:

A grave reason would be if a husband refused sexual relations on the grounds that his wife was on the pill simply for contraception reasons. She could then threaten a serious rethink on the marriage and where it is going. The husband may engage in sexual relations without pain of sin, yet still has a duty to remind and lovingly persuade his wife to accept the culture of life and not just quietly accept the contraceptive mentality.

Following this example case further, suppose the wife using contraception was willing to abstain or have relations infrequently with no impact on the marriage, would the husband then be obliged not to pursue relations unless the wife desired them? That is, does grave reason apply only to the contracepting spouse who might consider separation if relations are denied, or does it also apply to the non-contracepting spouse’s interest in having relations?