Spouse contraception

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jennyr

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This one has been bothering me for awhile, and is happening to a friend of mine.

My friend’s wife uses birth control pills. She has physical issues which makes them somewhat necessary but if she wanted kids she would stop taking them, it just causes 3 weeks of PMS etc…

anyways my friend doesn’t want to use contraception, has refused everything himself, and constantly is praying/trying to get the wife to use NFP/etc.

The problem here though is that even though he might not be culpable as using contraception, the wifes choice of the bill might in fact abort the baby… is the husband allowing this behavior??
 
I have the same problem. Your friend needs to see a priest to make sure, but what I was told is that IF we have done all that we believe is possible to convince the spouse to use NFP then we are not culpable.

My spouse is not Catholic and she rejects NFP outright. We’ve had numerous discussions and arguments over the issue. I was told rather than have this issue destroy our marriage, to let my spouse have her way.

I hope this helps.
 
it does help, I will definitely have my friend see a priest. Thanks so much
 
I have a friend who was in a similar situation. His confessor told him that he MUST refuse marital relations until the sin of contraception was addressed and changed. Just b/c there aren’t relations doesn’t mean that there isn’t a marriage. And this friend’s wife is a non-Christian.
 
jennyr said:
This one has been bothering me for awhile, and is happening to a friend of mine.

My friend’s wife uses birth control pills. She has physical issues which makes them somewhat necessary but if she wanted kids she would stop taking them, it just causes 3 weeks of PMS etc…

anyways my friend doesn’t want to use contraception, has refused everything himself, and constantly is praying/trying to get the wife to use NFP/etc.

The problem here though is that even though he might not be culpable as using contraception, the wifes choice of the bill might in fact abort the baby… is the husband allowing this behavior??
Click to expand...
If she is taking it merely for PMS, there is a hormonal imbalance during her cycle that is not being properly regulated by Birth Control Pills. Instead, she needs to chart her cycel through Creighton Model Fertility Care charts and corresponding hormone levels. Once discovered where they are abnormal, they can put her on certain natural hormones and non-contracepting medication to help return those levels to normal, all without the contraceptive effect of birth control pills. The Pope Paul VI institue does this treatment (and works with patients all over the country) www.popepaulvi.com. They are about 85-95% effective at treating PMS with this method. Hope that helps!
 
DailyBread:

Wow, great answer, sounds like the best way to deal with the original poster’s problem.

Several other posters…:

I understand the situation you or your friends are in. Its a sticky one. While I have heard that the husband would not be responsible for his wife’s contraception I see another problem. What does this say about the condition of the marriage if the wife is willing to “destroy” the marriage over her stubborn refusal to try NFP? Is her attachment to the “pill” stronger than her attachment to her spouse? Given an ultimatum, would she choose the “pill” over her husband? One might try to say the same thing about the husbands position as well, but he is in a moral predicament, she is not (unless she somehow finds NFP morally wrong). But either way, couples that cannot peacefully resolve these situations have bigger problems looming.

And assuming she would not stubbornly ‘destroy’ the marriage given an ultimatum, has the husband really done all he can to stop the behavior, and therefor is he really free from culpability?

I don’t pretend to have the answers, I’m just trying to think about this from other angles.
 
Many moralists do not agree that the husband of a wife using bc pills is home free from the sin of contraception or abortion. They suggest using a form of NFP to the best of their ability.Even if it is just the calendar kind. Today we even have those ovulation predictors . Those can be used as well.

I also agree with Daily Bread. The majority of women on birth control chemicals would be better served if they were diagnosed properly and treated proplerly. Not given hormones that cover up some symptoms and put women’s health at risk.
 
the medical issues are for your friend’s wife to address with her doctor, the marital issues are for the man and his wife to address together, and the moral issues are for each of them to address with their priest. I don’t see where you, me or anyone on this forum comes into the discussion.

there are plenty of threads, and references to good resources, on the objective moral issues raised, but I see no value in third parties hashing over the lives of other people.
 
The answer is found in the encyclical “Casti Connubii” by Pius XI in 1930.

It addresses this very question in the following paragraph:

59. Holy Church knows well that not infrequently one of the parties is sinned against rather than sinning, when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin.

Pope Pius XII held that Papal Encyclicals, even when they are not ex cathedra, can nonetheless be sufficiently authoritative to end theological debate on a particular question:
Code: 
**It is not to be thought that what is set down in Encyclical letters does not demand assent in itself, because in this the popes do not exercise the supreme power of their magisterium. For these matters are taught by the ordinary magisterium, regarding which the following is pertinent: “He who heareth you, heareth Me.” (Luke 10:16); and usually what is set forth and inculcated in Encyclical Letters, already pertains to Catholic doctrine. But if the Supreme Pontiffs in their acts, after due consideration, express an opinion on a hitherto controversial matter, it is clear to all that this matter, according to the mind and will of the same Pontiffs, cannot any longer be considered a question of free discussion among theologians.**
—Humani Generis
 
I would like to point out the the Encyclical Humane Vitae written by Pope Paul VI allows birth control pills for medical reasons.

I can tell you from personal experience that birth control pills relieve many symptoms that many women suffer from, including severe pain and bleeding. People argue that birth control pills don’t “cure” the problem. Well, if you’re on medication for diabetes, does that cure the problem? No, the minute you stop taking your diabetes medication, your problems will come back.

People can downplay the misery women go through with PMS, but I believe that PMS in certain cases can be so severe that women literally can’t function.

Yes, a more “natural” solution might work for some women, just like some diabetics might be able to manage the disease by eating fewer carbs. However, natural cures don’t work for everyone.

I do think we should let doctors give medical advice, we should let priests gives moral advice, and we should stop looking down on our neighbors because we perceive them to be commiting a sin.

I think that this husband has nothing to worry about. In fact, he may be damaging their relationship because his wife probably knows how “sinful” he thinks she is.
 
I believe this is between your “friend” and your “friend’s” spouse. You would do well to keep out of the equasion.
Kathy
 
Why is she using ABC as a cure-all aspirin?

Your friend’s wife should go see a specialist and try to determine what is really wrong with her health instead of covering it up with ABC.
 
Here is a direct quote from the Papal Encyclical Humanae Vitae written by Pope Paul VI:

Lawful Therapeutic Means
15. On the other hand, the Church does not consider at all illicit the use of those therapeutic means necessary to cure bodily diseases, even if a foreseeable impediment to procreation should result there from—provided such impediment is not directly intended for any motive whatsoever.

Birth control pills were first used in the early 1960’s, and I remember when people first started taking them. There was much discussion about whether or not Catholic women were allowed to take them. Even back in the 1960’s, it was understood that a Catholic woman could take birth control pills for medical reasons. If the doctor made a poor medical decision in prescribing birth control pills for a particular medical condition, then this would not be the fault of the woman taking the pills.
 
Fergal said:
…when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin.
Click to expand...
What are examples of grave cause? Is there an authoritative Catholic explanation of this?
 
Many doctors, in fact the vast majority, today simply prescribe the pill as a reflex action. I was on the pill since I was sixteen to treat many different medical issues. I have now found out, after seeing a Naprotechnology doctor, that I may have made it worse! By charting my cycle and discovering what is ACTUALLY wrong we can treat it, not just throwing the same cure at everything.
Also, it may be that when she comes off the pill to get pregnant she will have significant trouble and may not be able to at all.
It is worth trying the find a NaProtech Doctor, it really helps.
 
Coder said:
What are examples of grave cause? Is there an authoritative Catholic explanation of this?
Click to expand...
In case anyone misunderstood. I wasn’t referring to grave reason for accepting contraceptive side effects. I was referring to having relations with a spouse who uses contraception (for the reason of preventing conception) and how grave reason applies to this situation. See my first post in this thread.
 
Thanks everyone for the help. I just got an email from my friend that they have a meeting with a Priest next monday, hopefully it gets squared away.

Its too bad we didn’t all learn about it earlier and wouldn’t have so many issues now.

I feel there are so many misconceptions about this issue. Some homilies might be nice on the issue! For instance, I swear I read in “the good news about Catholic sex and marriage” that although birth control were allowed by Pope Paul for medical reasons, people that used them were forbidden to engage in sex for any reason.

Well right now the problem doesn’t effect me so knowing my friends are seeing a Priest should take care of it. Thanks again
 
Coder said:
In case anyone misunderstood. I wasn’t referring to grave reason for accepting contraceptive side effects. I was referring to having relations with a spouse who uses contraception (for the reason of preventing conception) and how grave reason applies to this situation. See my first post in this thread.
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A grave reason would be if a husband refused sexual relations on the grounds that his wife was on the pill simply for contraception reasons. She could then threaten a serious rethink on the marriage and where it is going. The husband may engage in sexual relations without pain of sin, yet still has a duty to remind and lovingly persuade his wife to accept the culture of life and not just quietly accept the contraceptive mentality.
 
This is a real problem with interfaith marriages and a good reason to marry within the faith if at all possible. At the vary least, settle this issue (and decide how many children you want) before you get married. It will save you a lot of arguments and heart aches.

There probably should be a check list (if there isn’t already) of key issues to be determined prior to marriage. Finances, how to deal with family and in-laws, where to live, who cooks or washes the dishes… etc all should be discussed before tying the knot.
 
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