In spite of all of this, I feel that we have a really strong marriage and are really close. You can definitely make a relationship work with one person away from home a lot. I’d say it would probably be more of a challenge with small children missing daddy but children will also be good company for you.
As one poster said, pray a lot and that helps. There are tons of people out there making it work. Truckers, military, pilots, etc.
Amie
Hah, I imagined there were a lot of people out there making it work - and look what I found! Thanks for presenting a positive view.
My BIL is a pilot. He is gone for days at a stretch. Routine is what you make it. I agree with the other poster who said dad should not be the only disciplinarian. Deal with it as it happens and it is done! Why should dad always have to be the bad guy?
I should have been more clear about my discipline concerns. I didn’t mean to imply that dad needed to be the “bad guy” - I’m just anticipating that whatever differences in parenting style he and I have will be exaggerated because of his absence from our home. I understand that extra explicit communication about disciplinary strategies will help us be on the same page. I suppose I’m wondering if DH ever (hopefully unknowingly) undermines the discipline Mom puts into place, and how Mom deals with it.
DH sometimes travels quite a bit for work. Last time he was gone for 7 months
I never found an easy answer, it was hard on the kids, hard on me and hard on him also.
I suggest finding an activity you can enjoy while he is gone, but not miss too much when he is around. (daughters and I took up ceramics). Spend plenty of time in prayer and at church, and make sure you have a good circle of friends and family.
Yes, your routine will be disturbed when he is back, but routines should be flexible anyway
. As for discipline, I don’t see that as a problem. I hate the idea of “dad” as the only disciplinarian. If I am there when the offense happens, I should be the one to discipline. Actually my kids confided to an uncle that they would much rather deal with dad than me, because I am much stricter and less likely to bend.
Again, I should have been more clear about discipline (please see above). Having a lot of activities is great advice. I’m pretty independent, and I know working will help me have some stability while he’s gone, but I suppose I’ll need to start being more outgoing! I am excited to be able to have some extra energy to involve myself more into the Church.
Listen I know a family of 10 children with two in a monastery.
The man was military and now a pilot, and I have never seen such a pious Catholic family.
If you concentrate on God and family, things will work out excellent. Though I ask if you will stay at home when you have your children?
Thank you very much for your kind words and wonderful example! I think concentrating on God is the best advice I could have gotten. We are planning to do everything possible so I can SAH. The early years of pilot-ing (he’s not in the military) will not pay very much, so I’ll need to continue working. Unless, of course, God has plans of His own, then we would make do. Although. I can’t say we’d be very unhappy with that
I missed my dad when I needed him most… in my teen years. Mom and I never got along well since she made no secret of the fact that she resented my birth… Dad was my only ally. When I had my kids I swore I wouldn’t go on trips but of course I have had to take a few… One was for 6 weeks when my kids were 5, 2, and 7 mos. But other than that my trips have been a week or less and usually only one every couple of years.
I often missed my dad as well - my parents were divorced by the time I was 6 and when I was 7 my mom and brother and I moved to another state, which limited our contact. I always felt like Dad was my best ally, but now that I’m grown we make much more time for each other and I think we’ve all but made up for the lost time.
The baby is starting to ‘know’ when it is time for daddy to come home and he gets crankier the later it is when he gets here. But when daddy does get here…he has nothing but snuggles and smiles for daddy.
So, the only advice I can give is to determine to make it through the loneliness. And God has a really big, comfy shoulder to cry on when you need it.
Now see, I want the baby to give
me snuggles and smiles :dts:
But really, my biggest fear is that I’m going to have to be the “bad guy” and discipline and be mean and when Dad comes home it’s going to be a fun fest of happy kids I rarely see otherwise. I imagine we’ll get settled into a routine, deal with it, and the kids will get used to Dad coming and going, but the first time one of our kids gives him a smile and I get a dirty diaper - I’m going to need a moment to collect myself!
**Well I am married to a military man. In our first few years of marriage we were together for less than half the time… it is hard, but doable. And, yes, the routine that you create will get disrupted when he is home. You’ll need to learn to accommodate that or you will go insane!
So obviously I can’t give you any advice since I haven’t been through it yet… but I did grow up as the daughter of truck driver. He was gone alot… missed many childhood events (like concerts etc), missed holidays (like birthdays and Christmas)… it was very hard. I wish he had a different job. it’s hard on the whole family when dad is away a lot. Hopefully your husband’s job/time away will improve as he advances and it will get to a point where it is comfortable for all of you…
**
Well, see, I’m kind of a nut about planning so I imagine I will spend several years going insane before I accept that my plans will be ruined regardless of what I do! Missing holidays/childhood events are my fiance’s biggest concern. I think it will really hurt him to have to miss things like ballet recitals and soccer games.
Thanks everyone for your great responses!
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