Spouse in the Dog House

[mrsjennymulhall]

Elohim,

Truly, you are facing a hard test right! However, with God and some tough conversations and decisions, you can get through this. x

First of all; until your husband can control his spending, it just doesn’t make sense for him to have access to the only nest egg you have. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t dream of suggesting that one spouse ‘take’ over the finances but, if your husband is capable of placing you both in danger of penury for such trivial spending, I respectfully suggest that he is not (yet) capable of such responsibility. I would have that conversation without delay.

Secondly, I would suggest that your husband is very attached to that car. If it’s at all valuable; could he trade down and use any surplus to put back what he took? If not, perhaps you could ask him why pampering his car is more important that saving toward an engagement ring. Your dangerous financial situation aside; this part of the problem is what would have hurt me the most; were our roles reversed.

Thirdly; ask God for help in finding any job at all for the moment while you look for something suitable to your qualification. In this poor Catholic’s small experience, God only wants to see we are humble and trust in Him before he arranges the people, situations or circumstances we need to reach our wildest dreams! I have seen this in my own life, as well as those of my family and friends.

Lastly; in your worry; turn to God. In your fear; turn to God. In your disappointment that your plea for advice fell on pitiless ears; turn to Him. We all fall short of God’s mercy and nobody is perfect. Ask God to guide your footsteps and then put one foot I front of the other in faith. It may not be the easiest or straightest route to your destination, but it will be the route you need to take to be a perfect child of God.

Don’t worry, my dear friend. Trust, pray and have those hard conversations in love and charity.

God bless you,
Jenny x

 

[Cackles]

Elohim,

God only wants to see we are humble and trust in Him before he arranges the people, situations or circumstances we need to reach our wildest dreams! I have seen this in my own life, as well as those of my family and friends.

Lastly; in your worry; turn to God. In your fear; turn to God. In your disappointment that your plea for advice fell on pitiless ears; turn to Him. We all fall short of God’s mercy and nobody is perfect. Ask God to guide your footsteps and then put one foot I front of the other in faith. It may not be the easiest or straightest route to your destination, but it will be the route you need to take to be a perfect child of God.
Jenny x

Wow finally a believer on this forum!!! This above is classic theology and if people just believed in God enough to follow it, God would reveal himself. He completely controls your future. Things just arent by chance. He can also help change minds and hearts. (Note that you should do action to prove yourself to God. Dont just think. God only cares about actions. If your actions are good, you’ll get rewarded. Doing the right thing might be selling pets your having trouble looking after. Basically get your house in order.

 

[elohimrules]

Thanks Mrs Jenny, I am feeling better, more hopeful today. You are right as far as my job I will try to get anything for now instead of just applying to my profession. And my husband has done wrong but he says hes sorry. I will work with him to try and correct the financial mess we are in and prevent this from happening again. I must trust God that our lives are in His hands and pray for His guidance in this matter. Thanks Mrs Jenny for renewing my faith, your words have refreshed my spirit, may the Lord bless you. I will look to Him for His help! Thank you again

 

[EasterJoy]

Thanks Mrs Jenny, I am feeling better, more hopeful today. You are right as far as my job I will try to get anything for now instead of just applying to my profession. And my husband has done wrong but he says hes sorry. I will work with him to try and correct the financial mess we are in and prevent this from happening again. I must trust God that our lives are in His hands and pray for His guidance in this matter. Thanks Mrs Jenny for renewing my faith, your words have refreshed my spirit, may the Lord bless you. I will look to Him for His help! Thank you again

The authors of “Married to Distraction” maintain just one of the several online support resources for marriages that include and ADHD spouse. Maybe something like that would be helpful at times. (Quite a few, like theirs, sell seminars and workshops, but some don’t. In any case, you usually don’t have to “buy” in order to use the web resources.)

adhdmarriage.com/, adhdmarriage.com/resources/professional-help-support-groups,
add.org/, add.org/?page=finding_help_support,
add.org/?page=support_group_tips
additudemag.com/adhd-web/article/658.html
and so on…

And don’t miss this one: smartmarriages.com/hazardous.html

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

I applaud the OP for wanting to stay and work with her husband.

That said, her husband needs to own his lying and to do what he needs to do to address this.

If they’re that close to not being able to pay bills, that implies there is not a whole lot of savings between them. They need to work together to overcome that. I strongly recommend a good dose of Dave Ramsey.

Venturing slightly off topic here:
There is nothing inherently wrong with with premature withdrawals from retirement savings as long as one understands what they’re doing it for and what they’re getting into tax wise. The tax burden of a premature withdrawal is actually slightly less from a total federal taxation standpoint than the tax burden of self employed income because the self employed person is liable for 15.3% tax up to $117k for FICA/Medicare which compares to the premature withdrawal penalty of 10%. This does not take potential state taxes into account and does not represent tax advice in any way, shape or form. Further, I do not advise people to make premature withdrawals unless they really have to. Just want people to understand that the penalty isn’t the disaster some advisers make it out to be.

 

[elohimrules]

I recieved some insight from an employer today as to why I have not been able to attain work. He said the market in my area of healthcare expertise is flooded in my state. Darn, guess it’s time to just take anything, time to make the donuts! So, funny I could cry.

 

[dee_burk]

Will pray for you for a job and your marriage. Here is a prayer for you (one of my go to Saints )

Saint Helen,
You are honored as the Patron of Difficult Marriages and Relationships.
Give me clear vision to make the right decisions.
Remind me the virtue’s of Gods promise that I may overcome whatever challenges I face.
Intercede for my family in times of trial, that we may be united in love and life.
Help me be a better person and restore my love and faith in my partner, and accept them as they are, as God sees and loves them, as one of his children.
Help me see through the storm, and when all settles, remind me of the important things that matter, and those that don’t.

 

[PeopleGrowing]

Good for you for promising to stick it out! God will be faithful to you if you are faithful to His commands.

Romans 5

3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

1 Corinthians 13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.