I
In_prayer
Guest
Greetings All
I wanted to write about this topic because I keep seeing it in my searches even though I am not searching this topic.
However I was struck by the question, and felt compelled to answer because of my own experience. As a soldier I have been “separated” from my wife for periods of up to 18 months. Many times I was working around females, so the “option” was there. I say this because some assume that being in the military means a man is not around females which is not true. Even while being in the Infantry and in Iraq females were in the area.
From my own personal trials I would like to convey the following about how to remain “chaste” during separation:
I talk to younger people who arent yet married, or newly married, while Im away. I tell them how they are in for a lot of fun. Most of the time they are shocked to hear this and respond that most people tell them how hard marriage is and how much work it requires. I confirm that this is all true, yet if they go out together and seek adventure, and come unto the world as if children, they can have a lot of fun too.
I do this every chance I get while away. This greatly lessens the chance of infidelity, and strengthens the bonds of marriage, I think.
But if not available, and have no connectivity, we can love our spouse in other ways. Always speak kind of them. Honor them when interacting others. Meditate on them, and try to send them love metaphysically, and pray for them.
I hope nobody takes this the wrong way. These are just things I learned in my separations from my wife over many months and sometimes over a year. I had to learn them because I am imperfect, and sometimes was in pain, loneliness, and isolation. I learned them through living, from others wiser than I, and from the church.
Thank you and God bless-
I wanted to write about this topic because I keep seeing it in my searches even though I am not searching this topic.
However I was struck by the question, and felt compelled to answer because of my own experience. As a soldier I have been “separated” from my wife for periods of up to 18 months. Many times I was working around females, so the “option” was there. I say this because some assume that being in the military means a man is not around females which is not true. Even while being in the Infantry and in Iraq females were in the area.
From my own personal trials I would like to convey the following about how to remain “chaste” during separation:
- Honor your vows. It doesnt matter how long you are away, or out of sight, vows are vows.
- Declare to everyone that you are in fact married. Dont hide it even by omission.
- While away from home continue to pray daily. Praying for my wife and children is paramount.
- Commune with others that are married versus hanging out with those that arent. Being away isnt a “chance to play” its an opportunity to display to others what being married means including when you arent within eyesight of your spouse.
- Go to Mass. While traveling on business or vacation this is possible the entire world over. A Catholic church just reopened in northern Iraq the other day, just freed from ISIS. So if in Mosul, you can actually attend Mass.
- Bring a bible with you, as well as a book on apologetics, and read it everyday. Being away is an excellent chance to read, study, and learn, while away from our spouse and kids if you have them.
- If you are in the military seek out others there with you and are Catholic or Christian. Find the Chaplain. Join a bible study group. This can help tremendously. When I was in Iraq I was on a tiny outpost that had a chapel but never a Chaplain. They were in high demand and always flying form post to post. But on one little post we used to escort convoys to, there was a full-time Chaplain who had a study group. He (and they) were more of the born again type, but they were on fire, had a great bible study group, and supported each other very much. I would talk to that Chaplain, and even email him regarding ethical challenges I was facing. I highly suggest you do the same.
- Write letters. Email, video-chat, texting, are all cool and great ways to stay in touch. I even scolded one of my children on skype while I was in Afghanistan.
- Remember that marriage is a ministry. Married people are uniquely suited help to heal each other from the ravages of life like no others can. A marriage can stand as a ministry to others who havent yet married, or might be struggling.
I talk to younger people who arent yet married, or newly married, while Im away. I tell them how they are in for a lot of fun. Most of the time they are shocked to hear this and respond that most people tell them how hard marriage is and how much work it requires. I confirm that this is all true, yet if they go out together and seek adventure, and come unto the world as if children, they can have a lot of fun too.
I do this every chance I get while away. This greatly lessens the chance of infidelity, and strengthens the bonds of marriage, I think.
- And lastly, love you spouse. There are all sorts of things we can do while away. Send notes, texts, emails, and pictures.
But if not available, and have no connectivity, we can love our spouse in other ways. Always speak kind of them. Honor them when interacting others. Meditate on them, and try to send them love metaphysically, and pray for them.
I hope nobody takes this the wrong way. These are just things I learned in my separations from my wife over many months and sometimes over a year. I had to learn them because I am imperfect, and sometimes was in pain, loneliness, and isolation. I learned them through living, from others wiser than I, and from the church.
Thank you and God bless-
