Spouses working outside the home

[Armor_of_Light]

I have seen this reality from a few different angles over the years…i/e:

Both working…no kids
Both working…kids in dayccare
Both working…kids in school but home alone in the afternoons
Husband working…kids and wife home all day
Husband working…wife home but kids in daycare
Wife working…husband and kids home all day
Wife working during the day…husband working overnights…kids have a parent all day

So:

How does it work in your house?
Is it ideal for your family?
Are you working towards some different arrangement?
What are the benefits and drawbacks to your current arrangement?
Does a different arrangement invoke fear in either spouse?

Thanks!

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Both spouses working, no kids yet.

Once we have kids, assuming we’re fiscally sound, it’ll be: Husband works, wife stays home with the kids.

If we’re not fiscally sound it’ll likely be : Husband and wife work, kid stays with grandparents during the day.

Have you really seen an instance where it was: husband works, wife stays at home, kids go to daycare? Was it a thing where they wanted to let the child play with other children, or did the wife just not want to take care of the kid?

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Both spouses working, no kids yet.

Once we have kids, assuming we’re fiscally sound, it’ll be: Husband works, wife stays home with the kids.

If we’re not fiscally sound it’ll likely be : Husband and wife work, kid stays with grandparents during the day.

Have you really seen an instance where it was: husband works, wife stays at home, kids go to daycare? Was it a thing where they wanted to let the child play with other children, or did the wife just not want to take care of the kid?

Yes…I lived all the scenarios listed!
Wife (ex wife) had to have ‘me’ time…

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Yes…I lived all the scenarios listed!
Wife (ex wife) had to have ‘me’ time…

Huh… I cannot even contemplate my wife asking this…

It must have been interesting cycling through so many different living situations…

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Huh… I cannot even contemplate my wife asking this…

It must have been interesting cycling through so many different living situations…

Intertsting…yes indeed! Taught me to go with the flow…Job security is a bygone perk in my line of work.

Well…she is my ex-wife and now has plenty of ‘me’ time!

 

[Jala]

Have you really seen an instance where it was: husband works, wife stays at home, kids go to daycare? Was it a thing where they wanted to let the child play with other children, or did the wife just not want to take care of the kid?

I do not mean to put words in the OP’s mouth…but perhaps what he meant was more of a “preschool” situation rather than daycare?

When Ushi and Lane were small, we lived in a very isolated area with no other children around. Although I was a SAHM at the time, I did put them in “daycare”/preschool so they could socialize, and learn to follow directions given by adults other than their parents as preparation for kindergarten. But this was only for about 2 1/2 hours a day, 3 days a week.

Even if I had wanted to (and I didn’t), we could not have afforded full-time daycare for 2 children, especially on one income.

Jala

 

[tabycat]

I do not mean to put words in the OP’s mouth…but perhaps what he meant was more of a “preschool” situation rather than daycare?

When Ushi and Lane were small, we lived in a very isolated area with no other children around. Although I was a SAHM at the time, I did put them in “daycare”/preschool so they could socialize, and learn to follow directions given by adults other than their parents as preparation for kindergarten. But this was only for about 2 1/2 hours a day, 3 days a week.

Even if I had wanted to (and I didn’t), we could not have afforded full-time daycare for 2 children, especially on one income.

Jala

Another reasons for the ‘mom at home, kids at daycare’ are the wife has a at home business and if the wife is going through treatment for some medical conditionl.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

I do not mean to put words in the OP’s mouth…but perhaps what he meant was more of a “preschool” situation rather than daycare?

When Ushi and Lane were small, we lived in a very isolated area with no other children around. Although I was a SAHM at the time, I did put them in “daycare”/preschool so they could socialize, and learn to follow directions given by adults other than their parents as preparation for kindergarten. But this was only for about 2 1/2 hours a day, 3 days a week.

Even if I had wanted to (and I didn’t), we could not have afforded full-time daycare for 2 children, especially on one income.

Jala

Another reasons for the ‘mom at home, kids at daycare’ are the wife has a at home business and if the wife is going through treatment for some medical conditionl.

Ok, yeah, both of those instances make sense. My mind just immediately went to “The mother just doesn’t care enough to take care of her children, so she ships them off during the day and goes shopping.” … it’s kind of depressing that my mind went there first…

 

[Armor_of_Light]

I do not mean to put words in the OP’s mouth…but perhaps what he meant was more of a “preschool” situation rather than daycare?

When Ushi and Lane were small, we lived in a very isolated area with no other children around. Although I was a SAHM at the time, I did put them in “daycare”/preschool so they could socialize, and learn to follow directions given by adults other than their parents as preparation for kindergarten. But this was only for about 2 1/2 hours a day, 3 days a week.

Even if I had wanted to (and I didn’t), we could not have afforded full-time daycare for 2 children, especially on one income.

Jala

Well…I suppose I meant both daycare and preschool since they are so similar. I was listing all the different circumstances I personally have lived with.

 

[Corki]

It’s complicated.

We both work. My husband has a “traditional” job in an office. I work two part time jobs. One I do from home and the other I work when the kids are in school.

Before the kids were school age we did three different versions of your scenarios. I stayed home and didn’t work for a while. I worked at a “regular” job and we had an in-home babysitter for a while and we even had the kids in “daycare” for a while. Thank goodness the kids grew up a little and this current version became available.

 

[Aggies08]

DH works for the primary income; I teach 2-3 yr olds for 7 hrs a day, and go home at 2pm. DH brings the kids in at 9, they take a nap from 12:30-2 at school. I love it. I get bored at home (stayed home for first 10mo of each), and really enjoy our mornings at school/afternoons at home. Once we have 3, I’ll probably need to be home full time . I will go back to teaching during the school day once ours are all in school at that point.

LOTS of the kids have a SAHM. They come up for mornings 2-3 days a week (some are 5 days) to learn- we do all sorts of things with them. It’s a nice bit of a break for parents, a good time for them to arrange apts and whatnot without the kids, and the kids start preparing for school in terms of how a classroom works. The vast majority of kids at our public school have been to preK, at least. They usually ask the background of the child, and put the non-daycare ones in particular classes.

 

[bzkoss236]

Both of my parents have worked, and after I get married, I plan for it to be the same. My fiancee and I both feel that neither of us will retire unless we physically can’t work anymore. However, her work schedule would likely be different than mine considering her line of work. We would leave about the same time in the morning, but she would be done earlier in the day than I would.

I find daycare to be a great way for kids to learn to socialize, learn to respect and listen to those in authority over them outside of parents, and learn to respect and play nice with others on the same level (or even lower) as themselves. And then getting parent time after daycare/school.

 

[creole54]

We went thru just about all of those cycles to some extent. Some were great and some were awful:

Husb & wife both work full time, no kids - great
Husb work full time, wife home with baby - It’s wonderful being home with the baby, but finances were pretty tight with just one income.
Husb & wife both work full time, both babies in fulltime daycare - awful! Exhausted, guilty-feeling mommy, cranky, confused kids & irritable husband. I’d never go back to this in a million years.
Husb & wife both work full time, kids in school - great! Hubby left real early in the morning and I stayed home until after the kids got on the bus. Then Hubby came home right before the bus arrived and I came home later. We had money, the kids never had to be left alone or in after school care. The only problem was that I got home so late it was hard to get dinner, baths, homework, bedtime story and everything done at a decent hour. It was still better than the alternative.

It’s hard being a parent these days.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I was a “latchkey kid” because my mom died and my dad had to work. I got into lots of trouble and my sister … well, let’s just say she got into even more trouble than I did.

I have been a full-time homemaker since my oldest was 2 (before that I was finishing my degree so that was part-time work).

 

[TiggerS]

Long in the past now, but I returned to full time work early when my son was still a toddler for financial reasons. At the time, he was my only child and I think it was good for him to mix with other children in day care. It certainly did him no harm and he used to love going to day care. He is 47yrs now and is quite independant and financially sound - and has his own successful career in the media. He is quite happy. He never caused my then husband and I any big problems whatsoever - just the usual type of hiccups that can come along as children grow on into their teen years and then adulthood.
He survived psychologically and emotionally my years of serious mental illness, and my then husband divorcing me. He does remember that these were very painful years for him and absolutely understandable. It is always the children of a troubled marriage that suffer the most.
My foster son, who came to us with behavioural problems (on the request of a religious I knew) when he was 8yrs old (my biological son 6 yrs), he is now almost 50 years of age and still calls me “Mum”. He lived with us continually from 8years until he left to work interstate and be independant in his mid teens. He now lives not far from me and is a regular visitor. Last Christmas he stated that I am the only Mum he has ever known.
I have often thought our sons’ lives has been an outstanding blessing to both my ex husband and I as well as themselves. Certainly, I don’t think we did anything at all outstanding or worth noting as parents. The only thing we did do was agree that our divorced status would not put our children in the middle and we never ever did. I retain a good friendship with my ex husband and his wife - he remarried (our marriage many years now annuled). In fact, our sons’ early lives and growing into and beyond teens was fraught with many problems (my illness and later divorced status) which they have survived truly outstandingly well to my mind. My foster son (I regard him as my son, which he is) is a carer in a home for the aged and has been for many years. He also is quite independant and financially sound, and also quite happy. Both my sons have careers that speak to their personal talents, their gifts.

I dont think there are hard and fast rules for raising children - other than to love them heaps and heaps and pray much with trusting confident Faith! St Gerard Majella is the patron saint of expectant mothers. I named my biological son after St Gerard (I had much trouble having babies) - and I still retain devotion to him as the patron saint of motherhood with Our Lady as prime patron of both motherhood and families - with St Joseph. The excellent gynaecologist who was my doctor during my pregnancy and delivered my biological son used to call my son “my miracle baby”. My first baby died after an hour and the hopes for my biological son during my troubled pregnancy were not high.

I have a saying for myself “I can only play the cards I am dealt”.

 

[minkymurph]

I had a very demanding job in that it involved early starts, out of hours cover and weekends. I felt it would have been impossible to manage with a young family, and I had a boss whose life was work and thought everyone else’s should be the same. My basic salary was not good. The overtime made a big difference. My husband also worked a lot of overtime.

I stayed at home until my kids were at school. I was fortunate enough to be able to do that, and I’m glad I did it. The reason we were in this position was due to the hours we punched and the way we used our money. The down side is it’s a very isolated existence. I felt like dragging postmen through the letter box just to have an adult conversation. I also regret not having more children, but if I had had them when I was younger I’d day I would have been a very different parent and I could not have stayed at home with them when they were small. I also regret waiting so long to have children and would have liked more.

I’m now a student, which fits in well with school as I get the same holidays as my kids. I went back to university to get a better job, in that I would be better paid and so not have to work all the hours God sent to make decent money, and do something I really wanted to do. By the time I qualify, my kids will be well up and my other half is hoping he’ll be able to semi-retire and live off me.