Spouse's workplace relationships, need advice

[marymary1975]

Where there is smoke, there is fire.

I agree with this. I also agree that this situation is totally unacceptable. Why he didn’t call you? And that part that the next thing he knew it was 10 o clock, I am sorry that is the oldest excuse/lie in the world. That is the lie everybody gives when they know they should have not taken that long but they intentionally did. He could have asked for a cell phone, call you from the office to say he was giving someone a ride, to me there is no valid excuse. Also, his reaction of you don’t trust me sounds like the typical reaction of someone who knows that did wrong and their way to scape from the issue is saying you don’t trust as a way to feel guilty. So no,no, no.

I also do not agree that this is normal in guys. My fiancee has several female friends who he has given rides before and he has always called me to tell me he is giving a friend a ride. He has even given someone a ride and ended up in a restaurant with one of those friend and he called me and told me, in fact he asked me if I wanted to go there to join them and I have never asked him to check in with me. He does it out of respect because he is a responsible man who understands that he has a commitment and who understands what is a priority. I have several married male friends too who act very similarly with their wives, so again that is not acceptable behavior for a married man and you must have a serious conversation with your husband and if I were you,next time he asks don’t you trust me, I would say no because you are not giving me reasons to trust you.

 

[Demetra2]

Only you truly know your husband and his character. We here do not. But it is fair advice to say if this was a one time occurance and totally out of character for him you should give him the benefit of the doubt this one time… But don’t trust HER at all. Any woman who brings another woman’s husband to a bar and flirts with him at work is not to be trusted! This never needs to happen again because he should never accept a ride from her again. He already knows where that winds up. To avoid future communication problems you should purchase an inexpensive cell phone that does not need a contract(just a prepaid minutes card). And sit down calmly to have a nice talk about how worried he made you and how both of you can communicate better.Hopefully it won’t happen again but pay attention to your gut feeling if it does.

 

[wltdsnymom65]

Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, and advice.

My talk with my husband went as I thought it might. Our conversation was calm and as I thought, he does not feel he did anything inappropriate, or disrespectful. He pointed out that most of his fellow brother Knights would say that I was over reacting and that he comes home to me every night, and works long hours for his “family”. I know in my heart, it was rude and disrespectful, and worthy of an apology for the worry it caused. I don’t see an apology in my future.

We have been married for just over three years, and yes, while I do know my husband best, sometimes I feel as if I don’t know him as well as I thought.

I do have two children, he is their step-father. A 16 year old and 21 year old (boys). Both had already gone to bed for the night, so were unaware of what had happened. I sent them to the store, while I had the discussion with my husband. I try to have all discussions, like this, out of earshot of my children.

I too have always felt in the minority about these matters. I was raised to believe that men and women should never put themselves in situations that could be perceived as inappropriate, or cause for idle gossip.

Counseling is not an option for us. We’ve tried once before, and he said he didn’t like the counselor. I found another, and he wasn’t comfortable with them either.

Our priests are currently overwhelmed with the plans and construction of the new church, that spiritual counseling is non-existent, with the exception of illness, death, or emergency situations.

I’ve decided to let the matter rest, continue my prayers, and keep my eyes and ears open. I’ve learned you can always express your feelings, however, you can’t make someone apologize.

I consider each one of you a new blessing in my life, and appreciate the time you took to offer your advice thoughts and prayers.

Blessings for Peace, Love, Joy and Happiness in your lives.

 

[marymary1975]

Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, and advice.

My talk with my husband went as I thought it might. Our conversation was calm and as I thought, he does not feel he did anything inappropriate, or disrespectful. He pointed out that most of his fellow brother Knights would say that I was over reacting and that he comes home to me every night, and works long hours for his “family”. I know in my heart, it was rude and disrespectful, and worthy of an apology for the worry it caused. I don’t see an apology in my future.

We have been married for just over three years, and yes, while I do know my husband best, sometimes I feel as if I don’t know him as well as I thought.

I do have two children, he is their step-father. A 16 year old and 21 year old (boys). Both had already gone to bed for the night, so were unaware of what had happened. I sent them to the store, while I had the discussion with my husband. I try to have all discussions, like this, out of earshot of my children.

I too have always felt in the minority about these matters. I was raised to believe that men and women should never put themselves in situations that could be perceived as inappropriate, or cause for idle gossip.

Counseling is not an option for us. We’ve tried once before, and he said he didn’t like the counselor. I found another, and he wasn’t comfortable with them either.

Our priests are currently overwhelmed with the plans and construction of the new church, that spiritual counseling is non-existent, with the exception of illness, death, or emergency situations.

I’ve decided to let the matter rest, continue my prayers, and keep my eyes and ears open. I’ve learned you can always express your feelings, however, you can’t make someone apologize.

I consider each one of you a new blessing in my life, and appreciate the time you took to offer your advice thoughts and prayers.

Blessings for Peace, Love, Joy and Happiness in your lives.

I think you cannot get him to apologize but what you can do for sure is set up rules as to what is acceptable for you or no. This is not about what the rest of the knights think or anybody else, this is about you and how you feel and him respecting you. I think you need to point out to him that despite that he doesn’t feel he did anything inappropriate, you don’t like it. That this is unacceptable for you and be clear that you are not going to accept this happening ever again. If you don’t set limits, he is going to think he can do whatever he wants as long as he thinks is right and regardless of what you think and that is not good. Don’t expect an apology but set limits in a very serious way.