Spreading of ashes

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Kathy

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I am new to this site and I am sure my question has been discussed before but I really need some guidance regarding the situation with my Dad’s ashes.
My Mother insists in scattering his ashes although he’s been gone since March of 2016.
My sister knew I was against it and unbeknownst to me, saved some of the ashes separately.
She and my brother don’t really care one way or the other about what Mom wants to do. The conflict about the subject is just too much. I have tried to explain about the dignity of Dad’s remains is important, but to no avail.
My question is…if you have no other alternative and you have the opportunity to bury at least some of the ashes, would that be acceptable?
 
Your mother is the person who has custody of the ashes, since he was her husband. You can communicate to her what you prefer, what the Church teaches, etc. Ultimately it is up to her. Your sibling should not have covertly taken some of the ashes. Return them to your mother.

It is not ultimately your decision whether the ashes are spread or buried.

I know you want to do the right thing, but doing the right thing includes honoring your mother and your father. Are they even Catholics?
 
not anymore. It is a sad and painful subject.
I will take them back to her and try my best to convince her.
thank you for your help, but truthfully… my heart is broken.
 
I know it’s hard. But despite their decision to spread his ashes, it has no impact on the final resurrection of the body. Remember that too.

Interring the body or ashes is in keeping with the Faith, but scattering them doesn’t change your father’s eternal destiny.

My dad scattered my stepmom’s ashes too. In multiple places! They aren’t Catholic.
 
Thank you for your kind words. This has been helpful and in some way has begun to help me let go of some of the hurt. Bless you.
 
Kathy, loss of one’s Dad is very painful, and time can pass, but your Dad continues to live in heart and memory.
I found it helped to have a photo of my dad, smiling at family, with a twinkle in his eyes, to be inspiring and warming. Maybe to enlarge your favourite photo of your Dad can help the healing of the hurt you feel…because our Dads loved us with all their hearts, and still do.

You have no control about what your family do, but your instincts were of the best (and in accord with Church teaching, as ashes aren’t to be scattered but to be buried with reverence).
More than anywhere now, your Dad’s dignity is preserved in your own love and memory. And that is the most special place of all.

http://www.ewtn.com/library/CURIA/CDWCREMA.HTM
 
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I don’t know if this will help, but my own mother, upon learning that she didn’t have much time left in this world, asked that her mortal remains be cremated. But when she added, “and I want you to scatter the ashes over the wild flowers” (in a particular field - roughly 10 miles from where we lived), my younger brother objected right away - “No mom, I need a place I can visit.”

As a result of indecision, her ashes stayed in our home in the container (a fancy cardboard box - not an urn) until roughly 17 years later when my dad passed away. At that point I had the authority (which @1ke mentions) to make the decision and with everyone’s (funeral home, cemetery, family members) knowledge, I fit the box of our mother’s remains into the casket of my dad, and they were buried.

@Kathy : If you think there might be a way to inform your mom and your brother- without pressuring them or arguing with them -
From a purely practical perspective you might try telling them that no one has the authority to spread the ashes from human cremation on any land without the landowner’s permission (whether it be a private landowner’s property or a civic tract of land). Even to legally spread ashes at sea, I believe that in most countries it has to be outside a perimeter of (somewhere in the vicinity of) 2 nautical miles from the land.

God knows what we’re feeling in our hearts at times and in difficult situations like these. Hang in there, He is also the God of consolation, but sometimes it requires us being patient. I’ll be praying for you - along with @Roseeurekacross
 
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Thank you so very much for your response. I am trusting that God will take
care of this. We actually had the same experience as you, but in regard to
my sister-in-law’s ashes. Her son kept her ashes on the mantel above the
fireplace. But when my mother-in-law passed away, we approached the family
about putting Rose Ann’s ashes with her and so we did. It was a great
healing for all of us. And now we all have a place to take flowers and her
name was added to the headstone.
I’m sure this will all work out 🙂
Have a blessed day!
 
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