Spring Break trip to Florida?

[pumpkinbeast]

Back in September, my boyfriend won a trip for 2 to Panama City, Florida for spring break. He invited me to go with him. We’re going to get two hotel rooms and everything when we go. I want to know what people think about this. We’re both 18, we’re at university, and in a long-distance relationship. I’m jumping at the chance to be able to spend an extended period of time with him, instead of a couple hours before we’re whisked apart for another month. I’m looking forwards to lying on the beach, visiting the zoo and/ aquarium, maybe a water park, you know, all the fun things people do when they go to Florida.

His parents, in particular his dad, are raising a bit of a fuss… They do have some good points, but I know that nothing is going to happen between us. We have 2 simple rules: 1. All clothing stays on, with no hands going under clothing and 2. no touching private areas: thighs/hips area, and the lady’s breasts(except for normal contact during hugging). These have worked wonderfully for us so far. Neither of us have struggled with desires around each other. Every impulse has always been under perfect control. We’re planning to start every day done there with a rosary, dedicating the day to God and offering up our relationship and our desire to remain pure. I’m at the point where I’m willing to tie a rosary to my ladies’ supportive undergarments and write “Jesus is Watching You!” on my stomach and wear a chastity belt. We really, REALLY want to remain pure! And we really, REALLY want to go to Florida together! Besides, for me, being the woman, I would get almost nothing good out of sex right now. Physically, I know it hurts us the first time, so that would be no fun. It certainly wouldn’t be healthy mentally, and DEFINATELY not good spiritually!!!

I understand others might see us together and assume we’re your average couple who are sharing a bed, but we can’t live our lives according to what others might be thinking of us all the time… Also, his parents went on a trip together, traveling around Europe, for at least 3 weeks. We found out that something happened on that trip, not premarital sex, but something that affected them. So, we understand that this reluctance to see us go might be stemming from that. I am glad they don’t want us to repeat whatever their mistake was, but we are old enough to know ourselves.

What do you all think? I’m getting really sick of sin poking its ugly head into everything and ruining things… Prayers are also appreciated.

 

[puzzleannie]

well I cannot comment on your personal situation, you are both adults, but I can tell you of similar parental reaction to such a proposal, which all three daughters made at that same age (18-19). Without the backstory, the answer was NO.

 

[Island_Oak]

Been there, done that. All I will say is don’t EVER underestimate the power of the surf, sand and the tropical sun during a honeymoon-like trip to a new place… on your willpower. Last I checked people have been vacationing in Florida for decades and will most likely continue to do so. You’re big kids…my bet is that you are fully capable of deciding whether this is something you need to do now or save until later.

His parents, in particular his dad, are raising a bit of a fuss…
I understand others might see us together and assume we’re your average couple who are sharing a bed, but we can’t live our lives according to what others might be thinking of us all the time…

…one other thought…it is a REALLY good idea to start caring about what your future in-laws might be thinking about you…now.

 

[nobody]

Can he trade the tickets/trip in for somewhere else, like Alaska? Seriously, the whole party atmosphere of spring break in Florida is (or at least was, 20 years ago) over the top.

 

[wjp984]

I think you should go. If any person questions you show the proof that you have two separate rooms. I think there would be a problem if you shared the same room though. What are his parent’s objections though. You said they made some good points.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

I think you should go. If any person questions you show the proof that you have two separate rooms. I think there would be a problem if you shared the same room though. What are his parent’s objections though. You said they made some good points.

His dad’s point was is there isn’t much worse we could do if we want to remain pure, and though I understand what he’s saying, my boyfriend has visited me in residence several times before. I have my own room, though my friends live right across the hall from me. The door to the room remains unlocked, but all it would take would be one flick… And how is spending a week together, with seperate rooms, any different from your average, university-age couple who live in the same city? They would have a chance every single night to slip home together! And I know there are couples who are like that who manage just fine. I’m not so arrogant to think we have had no problems thus far by virtue of our own strength; I attribute it all to God. Anything is possible with Him.

 

[carol_marie]

I vote no to the Florida trip - even if you’re in seperate rooms. Despite your very good ground “rules,” I think the temptation to sin would be so HUGE - why put yourself in that position? I agree with your boyfriend’s parents. (sorry)

 

[apricot_yogurt]

Don’t drink- hang on - you have to be 21 over there don’t you? All the same don’t drink as I know from personal experience that all your moral standards/inhibitions have a tendency to go out the window.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

We really, REALLY want to remain pure!

Great!

If my daughter asked (well she is still one, but when she is older), I would say no. I’m in my twenties and had a long distance relationship with my husband b4 we married, so I can sort of relate to your situation, but I don’t think a vacation for 2 to FL is the best idea for a bf and gf who want to remain chaste.

Also, considering you are bf and gf and not engaged, although you may be seriously considering marriage, what if you realize you aren’t for each other and don’t end up getting married? How would your future spouse feel about you having gone on vacation to FL with another guy? If you do end up getting married, it would still be nice for your first vacation alone together to be your honeymoon. There is a certain intimacy of going on vacation alone together. Also, like someone else mentioned, FL will still be there a couple of years from now if you decide to get married

About college students living in the same town and having the temptation every day, I do think it is different various ways, such as the fact that they are not alone on vacation (much less FL over spring break), and they are in that situation because they are going to school or because they live there, not because they chose to put themselves in a unnecessary situation where they could be tempted. Also, although there are many that have been able to live pure in such a situation, there are others that have not. Some temptations are hard to deal with no matter what type of rules the couple has.

I know its hard to give up a free trip on moral values, I gave up one to Europe, but it is worth it in the long run.

Also, as Catholics we are called to lead by example, and we need to take that into consideration when making decisions such as this one. I read somewhere that there may even be occasions where we may have to avoid doing something good if the good deed does not outweigh the negative effects of the scandal it could cause. What if one of your children want to go on vacation with their bf? You think you and your bf can do it, but maybe your daughter/son can’t, but know you did so would like to go too…(hmm not sure if I worded that right )

One more thing, God helps us, but we need to do our part too. We can’t play with fire and say God will protect us from it. We need to try to avoid the fire in the first place.

I don’t want to sound too preachy or anything, but I do think your bf father has the best in mind for you both.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

How about he takes the cash instead of the prize or sells the prize on eBay, and you both go work for the Glenmarys or some such project instead, where there will be chaperones? You will still have fun, and you willl both be contributing to something good to help others. There was just a tornado in Orlando, and I am almost positive they could use the assistance, as well as provide you with better chaperonage than what the two of you propose. Try Newman Centers, FOCUS, etc., for more information.

Or, you could take along your maiden aunt. Or your very older brother, the one that studied boxing and is in the seminary, just getting ready to be ordained as a deacon. Or take his mom and dad!!!

I am here to tell you that if you were mine, I would tell you what puzzleannie said, and what a lot of other people have said: no. You are over 18, and you are going to make up your own minds, but no. Even if you say three rosaries and a Divine Mercy chaplet every morning, no. Even if you go to confession and Mass every morning, no.

You are tempting Providence here, Sweetie. Two separate rooms does not cut it, any more than double twin beds would. And your remark regarding marital relations shows what you do not know about them.

 

[wjp984]

Now that I think about this, even though I agree with you and think you should go, I think it is in your best interest to not go and here is why. Hid dad does make a good point even if you know you can stay pure. Also, think of the result in you giving up this vacation and waiting. You will gain the trust and respect of your potential future inlaws and he’ll gain the respect of his. Sell the prize and explain how you are making this sacrifice not because you want to but because you trust that your parents are wiser about the situation and know what potentially is best for the both of you. Then think about what potentially will happen if you do go on to get married? Don’t you think both your and his parents are going to remember the sacrifice you both made to ensure remaining pure before marriage. I bet they might make a sacrifice of their own to save up some money and help you out so that the two of you can go on a wonderful honeymoon far better than Florida. Woudn’t that be worth waiting for?

Now think of the opposite scenario. You say screw it and go anyways. You aren’t going to get much help for a honeymoon vacation then. As far as your parents/inlaws are concerned you would have already had your vactation. Don’t you think they’ll remember your disobediance? I can almost guarantee they will. Oh, and as mentioned, what if the worst possible scenario happens. What if you break up? So I hope my post has helped you understand the decsion you should make. It is a win win situation to not go. I can also almost guarantee that.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Update: After much consideration, and talking with a priest who is an expert in this area, we’ve realised that it might not be just a great idea to go by ourselves, not because of the temptation issue, but because of the reputation issue, that as catholics, we need to be a shining example to the rest of the world, etc… He is currently discussing with his dad to see if one of his parents could come down with us. That way, we still get our trip together, we will still stay in seperate rooms, but a parent will be there, so no questions will be asked.
Thank you all for your comments and advice.

 

[carol_marie]

Update: After much consideration, and talking with a priest who is an expert in this area, we’ve realised that it might not be just a great idea to go by ourselves, not because of the temptation issue, but because of the reputation issue, that as catholics, we need to be a shining example to the rest of the world, etc… He is currently discussing with his dad to see if one of his parents could come down with us. That way, we still get our trip together, we will still stay in seperate rooms, but a parent will be there, so no questions will be asked.
Thank you all for your comments and advice.

Great idea! I hope it works out for you.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Update: After much consideration, and talking with a priest who is an expert in this area, we’ve realised that it might not be just a great idea to go by ourselves, not because of the temptation issue, but because of the reputation issue, that as catholics, we need to be a shining example to the rest of the world, etc… He is currently discussing with his dad to see if one of his parents could come down with us. That way, we still get our trip together, we will still stay in seperate rooms, but a parent will be there, so no questions will be asked.
Thank you all for your comments and advice.

Good luck with that. I hope his parents don’t mind being separated for a week, and that one of them can take the time off work to chaperone the two of you.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Good luck with that. I hope his parents don’t mind being separated for a week, and that one of them can take the time off work to chaperone the two of you.

Actually, the two of them are going to try to come, but if that doesn’t work, his mom is a SAHM, and his dad owns his own buisness, so he governs his own hours. They have lots of aeroplan points saved up, so as long as they can book a flight, they can get down with no worreis about money.
I feel so relieved! I think, deep down, I knew it wasn’t the greatest idea… It’s all in God’s hands now. ^^

 

[Gamera]

I just want to add … where were the chaste Catholic young women like this 20 years ago when I couldn’t find one?

 

[lotusblossom]

Update: After much consideration, and talking with a priest who is an expert in this area, we’ve realised that it might not be just a great idea to go by ourselves, not because of the temptation issue, but because of the reputation issue, that as catholics, we need to be a shining example to the rest of the world, etc… He is currently discussing with his dad to see if one of his parents could come down with us. That way, we still get our trip together, we will still stay in seperate rooms, but a parent will be there, so no questions will be asked.
Thank you all for your comments and advice.

I’m so glad you chose this and that everything seems to be working out! You have so much going for the two of you now .

Just think how SPECIAL your honeymoon will be (should you two get married in the future) if you’ve never vacationed alone . I can tell you right now, it was for DH and me! We had vacationed with family before and it was incredibly exciting and romantic to be alone together for the first time .

 

[queen_anne78]

JUST A WARNING.

I went to Panama City for my Spring Break with my boyfriend at the time (now my husband) when I was a sophomore in college (about…2 years ago). At the time, we were still trying to figure out what a chaste relationship was/was not and looking back I wish we hadn’t gone (we stayed in the same room with another couple). That aside, the BIGGER reason I wish we hadn’t gone was because Panama City at that time of year is disgusting.

While I was certainly not on MY personal best behavior, I was defiantely an angel compared to what was going on down there, and being around all of that stuff is disturbing and upsetting. Avoid the clubs and bars for sure, and if you want time to relax on the beach…do it before noon (when everyone else is still passed out from the night before) because once the rest of the Spring Breakers wake up, they continue their party on the beach. It’s gross. And most of the girls have basically no clothes on…well…that’s what a bikini is anyways (and I have to admit that at the time, I contributed to that as well…my poor DH…I was queen of the mixed messages: “Let’s be chaste! But I’ll run around in my undies, no prob!” ).

So. have fun on your trip but just realize that pretty much no one else in the City will be there to “relax in the sun.” But I will say there was a nice Catholic Church right down the road from where we stayed, and I managed to make it to Mass almost every morning (sigh. it was my spiritually schizophrenic stage.)

 

[pumpkinbeast]

JUST A WARNING.

I went to Panama City for my Spring Break with my boyfriend at the time (now my husband) when I was a sophomore in college (about…2 years ago). At the time, we were still trying to figure out what a chaste relationship was/was not and looking back I wish we hadn’t gone (we stayed in the same room with another couple). That aside, the BIGGER reason I wish we hadn’t gone was because Panama City at that time of year is disgusting.

While I was certainly not on MY personal best behavior, I was defiantely an angel compared to what was going on down there, and being around all of that stuff is disturbing and upsetting. Avoid the clubs and bars for sure, and if you want time to relax on the beach…do it before noon (when everyone else is still passed out from the night before) because once the rest of the Spring Breakers wake up, they continue their party on the beach. It’s gross. And most of the girls have basically no clothes on…well…that’s what a bikini is anyways (and I have to admit that at the time, I contributed to that as well…my poor DH…I was queen of the mixed messages: “Let’s be chaste! But I’ll run around in my undies, no prob!” ).

So. have fun on your trip but just realize that pretty much no one else in the City will be there to “relax in the sun.” But I will say there was a nice Catholic Church right down the road from where we stayed, and I managed to make it to Mass almost every morning (sigh. it was my spiritually schizophrenic stage.)

Very good point about beach timing! I’ll remember that… I was thinking that morning would be the best time, anyways. We’ll head off to the zoo and stuff later in the day, and head back to the hotel at night, before things get too rowdy.

I was joking with one of my girl friends that I would bring books to the beach, but I would use it to cover my boyfriend’s eyes after he was comfertably laying on a towel. He’s a great guy, he won’t look unless some girl got in his face… I’m planning on wearing a one-piece with board-shorts or a sarong, or just regular shorts if I have to. I told him, and he agreed with me, if he was having difficulties, he didn’t have to close his eyes, he could just look at me. He said he would much rather look at me, anyways. ^^

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Well… there are no flights avaliable. And, we’re not going to go. This is probably the thoughest desicion we’ve ever made… but we don’t want to set an example for any other young Catholic couple (or Christian, or whatever) who want to remain pure, and might not be as blessed with the grace to remain pure as we have been. We don’t want to make our siblings think they can do the same thing, or our possible future children.
I’ve already received some opposition from my friends, who think it’s silly to throw away a free trip when they all know we’d be fine, temptation-wise, for complete strangers who might think we’re having sex, or for others who might follow our example… but I feel a strange sense of peace about the whole thing. I think it is the right desicion. We’re not doing it out of fear for ourselves, but to try and protect others.
However, we will take the original suggestion of his parents: we’ll offer the trip to them, and they will give us free airfare and accomadations someday, when we can enjoy the trip properly(read: married (which is a very strong posibility for us, believe me!)) so that would essentially be a free honeymoon for us someday. So we’ll get to go to Florida eventually… just not in 2 weeks… sighs