A
Acolyte
Guest
Apparently, this is a point of contention amongst some in the millennial generation. Found the following on a tumblr blog:
Please discuss…
- Status
A
AClaire11
Guest
I think it depends on the extent. Monitoring internet history and having computer use limited to a public space to make sure nothing harmful is being accessed is one thing, but I know a girl who is in college and her mom still demands access to all of her passwords. That’s extreme, in my opinion.
M
mommy_k
Guest
Yes. But if I am paying for the phone it’s mine.
If an older child is responsible enough to want a phone without parental monitoring, they should also be responsible to have a job to pay for it.
Responsibility is proven many ways .
A
Acolyte
Guest
Perhaps, however, when Dr. Ray Guarendi considers sending our kids off to college as high risk to their ongoing spirituality and morality, I would consider this sort of expectation as suddenly reasonable.
A
Acolyte
Guest
I whole-heartedly agree with this. Even if they are paying for their own phone, if they are using my WiFi then it is still subject to my monitoring.
What has puzzled me to think about is what would the millennial think of the employer who also filters and monitors the Internet service? Is it still considered spying and/or abuse? Seems to me that such types are probably aware that there are some sites that they should not be visiting and are very concerned that others might find out about them.
B
Bookcat
Guest
Tis not spying in a pejorative sense.
But is responsible parenting.
The only time a Parent cannot not listen in or check on a child …is the confessional.
(meaning of course regarding children who are not adults)
But is responsible parenting.
The only time a Parent cannot not listen in or check on a child …is the confessional.
(meaning of course regarding children who are not adults)
T
twf
Guest
A “child” in college is an adult under secular law and Church law. This is such an infringement of an adult’s privacy on every level. Let’s say the parent is paying for college (which may not be the case - I paid my own way)- that doesn’t suddenly give them a Master / slave level of “rights” over their adult child. An adult child owes respect but not obedience. A parent monitoring an adult child’s internet use is frankly creepy and disturbing on every level.
T
twf
Guest
I’ll add that I praise God that my parents didn’t “spy” on me as a teen. My rebellion was investigating Catholicism - which caused great anger and hurt and fear throughout the family. I was forbidden from converting until I was 18, but had they curbed my reading of the Fathers, for example, online, perhaps I would never have converted. For many parents there is no greater danger, nothing more terrifying than Catholic spirituality.
S
styrgwillidar
Guest
As long as I’m legally responsible for the consequences of my kids conduct, than I have a responsibility and a right to use the means at my disposal to monitor and guide their activities.
Fortunately, my kids have been responsible as well as trustworthy, and I haven’t needed to monitor their communications constantly. But, occasionally checking their various social media has been useful in gauging how they’re doing, when they might need to talk or get some assistance with things. How they’re handling life.
Fortunately, my kids have been responsible as well as trustworthy, and I haven’t needed to monitor their communications constantly. But, occasionally checking their various social media has been useful in gauging how they’re doing, when they might need to talk or get some assistance with things. How they’re handling life.
S
styrgwillidar
Guest
Kind of along that line- I’ve explained to my kids that I’m not paying for the phone for their convenience, it is for my convenience. So I can always reach them. If they don’t answer the phone/respond than I really don’t have a reason to provide it. I also only need to talk and text with them, if they get their work done, and are responsible-- I don’t mind paying for a smart phone, but I don’t need them to have one. Just fine providing them a dumb phone like the one I carry.
A
Acolyte
Guest
I can appreciate your experience. Would that more have such success in coming to the Church.
Unfortunately, in a case I am intimately aware of with a good friend, his home schooled adult daughter, while living at his home was not monitored. Her rebellion was investigating the LGBT movement. As a result of his lack of monitoring she was allowed to become swayed by the lies of that movement unchecked. She is now a militant lesbian who is actively leading others in his parish into the ‘lifestyle’. Nothing more terrifying than Catholic spirituality? I believe that the ‘rainbow love’ might just be a contender…
I would argue that more are falling away from the faith in their teens/early twenties due to lack of proper parental monitoring than those who are coming to the faith.
A
Acolyte
Guest
There is nothing wrong with supplying them with a flip phone, if one at all.
T
TheAmazingGrace
Guest
…really? So your college-aged child can’t have a private conversation with a professor or friend without worrying about you nosing around?
That’s very Big Brother-esque, and goes way outside the requirements of responsible parenting.
Mary_Gail_36
New member
I understand millennials are in between the ages of 18 and 34.
A
Acolyte
Guest
It comes down to property rights. Who owns the phone and who is paying for the college? Parent or otherwise it is the owner’s/benefactor’s prerogative on the extent of the monitoring in the case of the phone or the terms regarding the abuse surrounding the gift of higher education. If the adult child cares not for the terms, then she or he is free to provide for himself either luxury through his own means.
T
TheAmazingGrace
Guest
Except a phone is not a luxury in this day and age, and at a certain point you need to have some faith that your child is going to use it responsibly. If you don’t trust them, then why are you giving them a phone? If you do trust them, then why do you feel the need to monitor their activities?
Parents also own the bathroom that their child uses, but that doesn’t give them the right to barge in to make sure their child isn’t masturbating or something like that.
A
AClaire11
Guest
And neither is post secondary education, whether it’s trade school, community college, or a four year college.
Good point about the bathroom.
M
mommy_k
Guest
Lol…no its not, it’s effective on many levels.
Our older kids pay for thier phones…it was also a great motivator to get a job
if they want privacy as an adult, act like one is my motto.
A
Acolyte
Guest
Mobile phones are still a luxury in this day and age but this is beside the point. I know this may come as a shock to many, especially the younger forum goers amongst us. The only reason I have one is because my company provides it to me in order to execute the tasks of my profession, however, my previous employer did not and therefore, I had not a smart phone nor did I need it.
Strictly speaking, if the parent is paying for the home then what goes on in any room of the house is the parent’s business. For modesty’s sake, an individual should be left to his or her own while using the facilities, however, that does not mean that the individual is guaranteed a right to be left completely alone especially if there is some reason given that something contrary to the principles of the owners is going on within.
Either way, access and use of the phone is not the same as access and use of a restroom in terms of modesty.
A
angell1
Guest
I live with family that use this kind of logic. to the point, that if I get a gift from someone and they don’t like the item, they will take it away from me. or if they don’t like the person that gave it to me, they will also take it away from me. I am an adult, by the way. all because of the claim that it’s their house and they don’t allow things that they don’t like.
I think a certain level of monitoring is definitely appropriately, the problem is, you can’t shield your kids forever, for example, in your friend’s case, the lgbtq movement is everywhere. the bigger problem that I see is that kids are not being taught much of their faith in the first place, and therefore have no defenses.
I think a certain level of monitoring is definitely appropriately, the problem is, you can’t shield your kids forever, for example, in your friend’s case, the lgbtq movement is everywhere. the bigger problem that I see is that kids are not being taught much of their faith in the first place, and therefore have no defenses.
- Status