J
Julia_Mae
Guest
If your daughter starts dating an unsuitable boy, the last thing you do is criticize the boy. This makes the parent the persecutor, the boyfriend the victim and the daughter the rescuer. The rescuer always has more stamina than the persecutor and will defend to the death the victim. (see: Karpman’s Triangle)I don’t think that the Vatican is playing the permissive mother. I think that the Vatican may have fallen into another equally frustrating role, that of the anxious mother.
When you have a problem child in a family, you want him to straighten up. Those who are watching, such as the siblings, can get very frustrated when the parent is afraid to put his foot down. The observing sibling wants this nonsense to end so that life can get back to some semblance of normal. However, the anxious parent, who also wants to get back to normal, is afraid of taken a hard position, because the problem child may run away from home and that who knows what will become of him. This parent just keeps hoping and praying that things will change. He continues to offer olive branches to the problem child, hoping that the child will eventually accept one. This does not always work. However, we can’t deny that it can work.
The Vatican’s silence on many things that the SSPX does and says may have a lot to do with anxiety over the welfare of the SSPX.
The SSPX cast the “post-Conciliar Church” as the persecutor of the of the One, True, Catholic Church which they were rescuing. And a lot of lay people got dragged into the family fight.
When the daughter breaks curfew and the parent grounds her, she cries, “You just don’t want me to see Billy!” trying to push the parents onto the persecutor point. The parent can avoid this by being firm in saying, “Your curfew is your responsibility and you are my concern and you will accept your punishment and you will in future obey curfew.” Because if they say, “This is Billy’s fault and you can’t see him anymore,” next thing you know, she and Billy have eloped.
Popes seem to me to, for the most part, be really smart people. The concern, I think, is for all the lay people who have been sucked into the argument like a big family where everyone is taking the daughter’s side or the parent’s side. Once she runs off, the divisions stay and can become more acrimonius and more divisive as people blame each other for doing the wrong thing and making her leave or not supporting the parents or… well… lifelong estrangement have happened over less.
The Popes are refusing to be cast in the persecutor role. If they insist, a whole bunch of people will follow the SSPX and there will be a media storm about it all, bigger than anything that has gone before. Bishop Fellay submitted the question to the general chapter because he had no choice. The SSPX created a group who are disobedient by definition and fiat, really, and all that based on Vat2 being an unlawful council.
How is he going to explain that to anyone that this is suddenly all wrong? They are not going to follow if they personally believe he is wrong. There’s no point in Fellay agreeing with what the Pope wants. He’ll be one of like, 5 people returning to full communion and everyone else will carry on as before, even more radical and more sure they are right, because Fellay will have betrayed them and they are the brave souls defending the One True Church. And then the Pope will be forced to declare them the “s” word because their Bishop came home and all heck will break loose.
The best you can do is hope your daughter finds Billy kissing Zelda under the bleachers. Popes have a long historical view. This Pope is reforming the reforms, as it were, and in another twenty years a whole new generation of Catholics will wonder what all the fuss was about. Meanwhile, children of SSPX adults will be rebelling against their parents and dating the mainstream Billys of the Church and the SSPX will wither from disuse.
Bishop Fellay, if he is a reasonable man and a smart one, and my money says he is, knows he will have a more positive effect if he stays in union with the SSPX and works from within. The Popes are fighting a holding action and refusing to go critical.
Seems to me everyone is doing the best possible thing under the circumstances.