St. JPII Quote and Abuse

[TotusTuusForever]

St. pope John Paul II said "“Do not forget that true love sets no conditions, it does not calculate or complain, but simply loves.”

Quotes like this make me feel guilt tripped, but I realize that it is probably my own baggage. Thoughts?

 

[RoseScented]

[2843] Thus the Lord’s words on forgiveness, the love that loves to the end,142 become a living reality. The parable of the merciless servant, which crowns the Lord’s teaching on ecclesial communion, ends with these words: "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."143 It is there, in fact, “in the depths of the heart,” that everything is bound and loosed. It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession.

I thought the above section from the catechism, especially the bolded part, would be useful to you. Loving someone doesn’t mean that you have to let them back in your life to cause you harm. It simply means that you don’t want them to come to harm in this life and the next and that you pray for them that they may have a life filled with Christ. I say “simply” as if it’s something easy when someone hurts you. I spent 10 years working through forgiving someone who hurt me. I can’t even p(name removed by moderator)oint when it happened. I just know that one day my thoughts of that person went from “They hurt me and I’m so angry and I wish them guilty feelings that distress them.” to “Lord, may they be living in you.”

Love as Christ loves. We all hurt him every day. Be open to sincere efforts of reconciliation as the Lord is open to us. However, before that the most loving thing you can do for yourself is to forgive them. The most loving thing you can do for them is to pray for them. In your situation I don’t think anything more is asked of you. For the “does not calculate or complain” part of the quote you provided, I read that as not calculating to gain anything in exchange for love. Don’t pray for them or wish them well only if they do x or y things. Complaining only brings to mind things where we have been wronged. So it doesn’t help charity to only think about those things. However, don’t think that complaining and talking through problems are the same thing. Talking things out is usually done in an effort to heal and is an act of charity to yourself.

May your “hurt turn to intercession” it’s more freeing than I ever expected. It’s worth working toward. Sorry for the novel of a reply.

 

[Lou2U]

I think you need to look at the context in which the quote was said, which is about loving Jesus and the Catholic Church. I don’t believe any Pope would ever say those words and mean for it to apply to every scenario in every situation, and I certainly don’t believe he would ever suggest it in an abusive situation.

You need to look after yourself. I’m so sorry for how your family have treated you, you deserve so much better than that. Don’t make yourself feel guilty, you’ve done nothing wrong at all.

 

[TotusTuusForever]

For the “does not calculate or complain” part of the quote you provided, I read that as not calculating to gain anything in exchange for love.

This gets to the heart of my question. Thank you. This makes a lot of sense. Unconditional love rather than conditional love. And obviously this doesn’t mean at the expense to our own safety. Thanks for your thoughtful reply.