Stalking?

[EtCaritas]

Hi everyone, this might seem like kind of a weird question, but it’s a concern that’s come up. I like this girl at school and so I take certain routes to my classes when I can where I know she will walk past and sometimes when I’m out jogging I sometimes purposely jog around the general area of where she lives. I haven’t really thought much about it before, but now I’m worried that this might be considered stalking in some way.

I don’t know… maybe I’m just crazy. But is there something sinful or disoredered here?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Why don’t you just ask her out?

 

[Julia_Mae]

Hi everyone, this might seem like kind of a weird question, but it’s a concern that’s come up. I like this girl at school and so I take certain routes to my classes when I can where I know she will walk past and sometimes when I’m out jogging I sometimes purposely jog around the general area of where she lives. I haven’t really thought much about it before, but now I’m worried that this might be considered stalking in some way.

I don’t know… maybe I’m just crazy. But is there something sinful or disoredered here?

Sounds like a perfectly normal kid thing when you don’t feel confident approaching her and keep hoping somehow maybe she’ll notice and talk to you first.

So, try talking to her. Just go up and say, “Hey, your Mary Beth, right? I’m John Smith.” If she says “Hi” back and makes eye contact you plunge ahead! “I see you around and I wondered if you’d like to …(be specific here - no general do something some time) go to Dobie’s for ice cream/the game Saturday night/the zoo Sunday/etc.”

If she says yes, cool. If she says no then you can stop following her around and find a different girl. If you think she is already dating or in some way not at all likely to be interested in you then stop wasting time and go find a girl you can spend some time with.

 

[nordskoven]

Curiosity and attraction are one thing. But you are most wise to be self-observant in realizing that done is done; now we’re in the possible stalker behavior zone. I say you need to talk to her and introduce yourself in some non-threatening place and say, “Hey, you need to change your behavior patterns. I notice you always take the same jogging/walking path and that’s dangerous for everybody, especially girls.” Risk getting blasted but above all do the right thing, tell her she’s at risk. That’s the manly man thing to do. And get her a whistle…Then blow her off. Females don’t like males that “need” them or their attention. It’s a paradox. Playing hard to get does work, statistically.

 

[iluvmusic2013]

You sound like a high school guy. I am too, so - speaking from experience - I would suggest that you try to talk to her, as a friend first! DO NOT look at her as “the girl i really like”, cuz then you will get nervous and act weird when your around her. Talk to her as a friend first, showing that flirty side every now and then, and - other things equal - everything should move along nicely. Get to know her, don’t rush things, and MOST IMPORTANTLY be yourself. Dont be ashamed of who you are, or your Catholic faith. Most Catholic guys in my school tend to throw their religion aside when it comes to dating. It’s sad. Pathetic really. Be yourself and follow what I suggested previously and things should work.

Oh, and stop with the stalking.

 

[silicasandra]

Curiosity and attraction are one thing. But you are most wise to be self-observant in realizing that done is done; now we’re in the possible stalker behavior zone. I say you need to talk to her and introduce yourself in some non-threatening place and say, “Hey, you need to change your behavior patterns. I notice you always take the same jogging/walking path and that’s dangerous for everybody, especially girls.” Risk getting blasted but above all do the right thing, tell her she’s at risk. That’s the manly man thing to do. And get her a whistle…Then blow her off. Females don’t like males that “need” them or their attention. It’s a paradox. Playing hard to get does work, statistically.

As a woman, I find this advice bizarre. Maybe that has been your experience with women, but it does not fit me or, to my knowledge, anybody else female I know. The message I would get from any guy who said this to me would NOT be, “Wow, concerned citizen, how gentlemanly” but “Creeper creeper, stay far, faaaaaaaaaaaar away.”

I recall doing what the OP did when I first met my husband in college. I knew I would run into him in certain places so I made sure to be there just to make conversation. But we would talk - I wasn’t just “watching from afar.” The questions I have for the OP are: do you and this girl acknowledge each other when you run into each other? Does she know you, even as an acquaintance or a familiar face? Do you try to hide your presence when you know she might be around? I think the answers to these questions might be a bit more revealing about whether or not there is an issue with your behavior. It could be innocent, or it might not be.

I second Juliane’s advice to ask her out, though, if you are interested. Especially if you are already on speaking terms with her (even if it’s just “hi” as you walk by).

 

[McatholicN]

So this would be considered sinful?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

We do talk quite often, as we sit next to each other in a class. I think (well, now I’m pretty sure) that she likes me, and that’s what got me interested in her in the first place, you could say. I choose to walk by her in the hallway because I like to be around her (isn’t that part of the nature of attraction?). As to jogging, etc., I can’t really explain it - I don’t go by her house or places we’ve seen each other before with the intent of seeing her (though I wouldn’t mind that), I think it’s just that I’m attracted to her, so I’m also “attracted” in a way to the area where she lives. Once again, maybe I’m just weird

OK, you have a context for asking her out. Don’t keep stalking her, or you’re going to verge on “creeper” status.

 

[EtCaritas]

I do talk with her quite a bit (as we sit together in a class). I think (well now I’m pretty sure) that she likes me… that’s what got me interested in her in the first place. I walk past her in the hallway just to be around her (isn’t that part of the nature of attraction?). And my jogs gravitate towards the area where she lives or places we’ve seen each other before just because I’m attracted to her, so I’m “attracted” in a way to where she lives, I guess. And, just for clarification, I don’t “watch her from afar” or anything. Is it considered stalking to want to pass by someone you like when you have the opportunity or to pass by their house when you’re out and about?

Once again, maybe I am just weird…

 

[sojo]

Totally normal. I remember timing my arrival to a class in college to be late enough to see where a certain person was sitting and snag the seat next to him. Not so late all the seats were taken, but not so early that he hadn’t arrived yet.

This is what young people do. Not stalking.

And yeah, that person who told you to tell her to change her paths for safety and carry a whistle… no, that’s creepy, don’t do that. Also insulting - she might have a Black Belt and carry a weapon, pepper spray and stun gun for all you know. One mustn’t assume all women are helpless victims. You should SEE some of the young teen women in my son’s dojo who could put down a predator in the blink of an eye without mussing their lip gloss.

 

[Julia_Mae]

I do talk with her quite a bit (as we sit together in a class). I think (well now I’m pretty sure) that she likes me… that’s what got me interested in her in the first place. I walk past her in the hallway just to be around her (isn’t that part of the nature of attraction?). And my jogs gravitate towards the area where she lives or places we’ve seen each other before just because I’m attracted to her, so I’m “attracted” in a way to where she lives, I guess. And, just for clarification, I don’t “watch her from afar” or anything. Is it considered stalking to want to pass by someone you like when you have the opportunity or to pass by their house when you’re out and about?

Once again, maybe I am just weird…

You sound incredibly normal. She’d probably love it if you just ask her out. Think of a place, take a deep breath and say, “Hey, I’m going … - want to come along?”

Then come back and let us know what she said.

 

[Robertanthony]

I do talk with her quite a bit (as we sit together in a class). I think (well now I’m pretty sure) that she likes me… that’s what got me interested in her in the first place. I walk past her in the hallway just to be around her (isn’t that part of the nature of attraction?). And my jogs gravitate towards the area where she lives or places we’ve seen each other before just because I’m attracted to her, so I’m “attracted” in a way to where she lives, I guess. And, just for clarification, I don’t “watch her from afar” or anything. Is it considered stalking to want to pass by someone you like when you have the opportunity or to pass by their house when you’re out and about?

Once again, maybe I am just weird…

No, you’re just lonely and lack self-confidence. If you let loneliness and lack of self-confidence unattended, you WILL get weird, though.

 

[EtCaritas]

So, setting aside what I should do to advance the relationship…

The examples I gave are completely normal? Nothing disordered?

 

[StCardinalVirtu]

So, setting aside what I should do to advance the relationship…

The examples I gave are completely normal? Nothing disordered?

Naw man, you’re fine. I was the same way in High School and I never ended up asking any of the girls I liked out. I met my wife in college and we dated for four years before getting married last September.

It’s normal to be shy in high school and to hope in your heart that maybe she’ll notice you. Keep her in your prayers and everything will be fine.

 

[Julia_Mae]

So, setting aside what I should do to advance the relationship…

The examples I gave are completely normal? Nothing disordered?

If you are describing it accurately, it’s normal. But it’s also something you should be growing out of as far as hanging around her neighborhood. I think you, yourself, are beginning to feel uncomfortable. Not because it’s a sin, but because it’s the - well - less mature, I guess, way of handling your feelings.

 

[StCardinalVirtu]

If you are describing it accurately, it’s normal. But it’s also something you should be growing out of as far as hanging around her neighborhood. I think you, yourself, are beginning to feel uncomfortable. Not because it’s a sin, but because it’s the - well - less mature, I guess, way of handling your feelings.

Nice.