Standing in your truth

[anon87900350]

This is one of my greatest challenges. I am usually very concerned and in-tune with how other people around me perceive me. Within a few days of meeting someone, I peg what kind of person they are ( don’t know if it’s really accurate but I can’t help it…some might say it’s judgmental), but I am fairly accurate in gauging what would upset them, or make them dislike me. The desire to please at any cost, and wanting to fix their perception of me through pleasing, but not being able to overcome my limitations in doing that has made my life miserable and stressful. I want to fix their perception of me, and I feel a great sadness when I don’t. I feel like this is weak and in a sense, controlling, because I want them to feel a certain way about me. I also forego a lot of things because I say they misunderstand me, and so it’s not their fault that they do this or that. I end up being someone else to keep up their image of me if it’s a desirable image. I have refrained from taking initiative and helping others, or voicing my opinion about a certain subject because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself, and have others judge me. Most people pick up on this disingenuousness, and become distant because they can’t really get a feel for who I am. I’m so afraid of being disliked, that I don’t let my true personality come out until I know I am in very very safe hands. Inside I feel spineless, and cowardly; and people pick up on that. I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s exhausting and unrewarding.

What does ‘standing in your truth’ mean to you? I would like to know when you realized that you’re doing this, or not doing this. Do you remember any moment in your life where you truly understood what that phrase means for the first time? What kind of experiences taught you to stand in your truth even though you know others don’t understand you, or don’t agree with who you are?

 

[JRKH]

If you are trying to be something that you are not…then you are not being true that the person God wants you to be.
God is the first and only one you should try to change for…and then only to grow more loving.

Trying to change to so others like you puts them in the driver’s seat. It makes you their disciple in a sense…so ask yourself…are you this person’s disciple or are you Christ’s disciple?

Peace
James

 

[pianistclare]

Good morning, and welcome to the forums.

First, what strikes me is that part of the phrase “your truth”.
I don’t believe I have a lock on the truth. To me, truth is an absolute that no one can have a “version” of.
Either something is true, or it’s not. Otherwise it’s a “spin” if you will.
If I claim to stand in my truth, I’m assuming that it’s more of a refusal to bend. That I somehow believe that I am correct, right, or justified, and the feelings of others do not matter. This is not to say that I believe anyone should be a doormat. Jesus does not call us to compromise or have others walk all over us. But there is a couple of other qualities that can be helpful when dealing with people who don’t really “get” us. Like tact. Discretion. Not opening ourselves up for ridicule or derision.
Buzz words are just that. Buzzwords.
Of course, there’s a complete possibility that I don’t understand your question.
Like you, I tend to size people up. And I am always wrong. People I perceive as genuine, sometimes are just posing for their own reasons, and people I am wary of, often become some of my most trusted friends. So intuition, for me, is lousy.
I prefer to be ,myself, be loving, be happy, (even when I’m hurting) and be more concerned with others and their feelings. That tends to make people smile when they see me. Hands and feet of Christ and all that. But really, even if I received no positive feedback, so long as I behaving as Jesus would have me do, I don’t fret over it. I only need stand in HIS truth.
Peace.

 

[St_Francis]

Why is pleasing others so important for you? This is not a question you need to answer here, but I think it’s a question you need to ask yourself.

 

[Sunbreak]

I have never really used the phrase “standing in your truth” or heard it used very often. However, the problem of people pleasing is a serious one. You can’t “make” people like you. Either they do or they don’t. If someone doesn’t like you, it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you - something about you might remind them of someone else they don’t like. It is best to be yourself or else you are living a lie. There’s no magical way to do this. You just state your own position if required. There’s also nothing wrong with staying silent if the difference in ideas/opinions is minor - letting the other person express their opinion doesn’t mean you have to agree or disagree.

 

[simple_soul]

Standing in my truth. Him.

Well what this quote makes be think of is how I have learned over the years to accept me for who I am. The good, bad, beautiful, and ugly and to accept it. To accept that I am a child of God that He is in the process of perfecting.

Seeing and accepting these things about me helps me to do battle against the demons that try to attach me through others, who by the way I believe are clueless and have no intent of letting demons use them in this way, by thier opinions of me. Either good ones or bad ones and to just keep focused on what I understand it is that God wants of me and to stand up for what I believe is the right thing regardless if others believe it is or is not. I believe I have to continually examine my truth to correct it when it needs to be corrected. I used to let others ideas or understandings of how I should “handle” certain things in my life or certain people in my life and it used to really but me. Through God’s Grace only have I been able to put those thoughts out of my head and to stay true to what I believe is the right way for me to be handling or dealing with what ever or whom ever I am in the process of interacting with or dealing with. For example, some people may believe I am not Holy enough because I hire minds I have not forgiven some one who has wronged me the way they seem to believe I should act and show my love and forgiveness. Maybe they are right maybe they are wrong. But right now this is how I know I need to show my love and forgiveness for what ever the reasons are regardless of what they believe. The hardest part is knowing that you have to take the road you are taking. Others opinions of how you should be taking that road are how the devil tries to rob me of my peace and trust in God and how He is leading me to perfection. It’s like trusting and accepting that they may be right, I believe it is more like it hurts my pride that they don’t believe I am Holy enough in thier eyes, so what I am learning is that’s ok. I am a child of God’s and am a work in progress and staying true to he work He is doing in me and letting Him work on perfecting me.

My I do ramble on, note sure if it helps you at all in your trying to understand this quote but hope and pray it does or that it at least makes some sense.

 

[Mystical_Seeker]

Great OP! Thank you.

Standing in your truth means you, and you alone, determine what you think about things and what you do and don’t believe.

The Church does not determine this for you. She offers teachings. Some infallible, some not. Some binding, some optional. People offer opinions on how they should think.

There is nothing wrong at all, and much to be gained, by refining your “social persona.” In the past, this was the realm of “manners” which according to Miss Manners ( ) only come into play in a “social situation,” which means two people are involved. What you think is only for you alone, except to the degree you reveal it explicitly, or implicitly such as through mannerisms.

Paul also talked about acting like those he was around, to win them. If you go in there and try to act all different and better, you will put them off and scatter the lost sheep more rather than entice them to the love that you have regardless of their beliefs.

Listen to them all, if you want to challenge yourself. If it offends you, listen all the more closely so that you understand just what that says both about the story and about you. “Turn the other cheek” when someone opposes you in opinion, as long as you both have the time to pleasantly engage. Ask them to elaborate like, “it sounds like you are pretty upset; do you think this is more offensive, or just scary?” The object is not to be understood, but to understand. (Like the St. Francis prayer)

Once your opponent knows you understand their point of view, you don’t necessarily have to agree with it but just hearing it makes a love connection.

Meanwhile if some or all of what they say is of value, keep it. If it isn’t, let it go but now you understand them better, and they trust you for helping them express something instead of making it impossible.

If I end up not agreeing with them, I now have better “intelligence” into the camp of enemy thoughts … so I may better form mental antibodies against influences of those ideas I don’t accept. Plus, now they know if I reply to them it is from a basis of understanding them so they may distinguish my disagreeing with my not understanding of their view.

In your own mind, nobody can tell you what to think. For me, I’m not afraid to be the only one in a room of 1000, where I think one way on something and the other 999 think another. I will try to understand their point and if they show me how I am wrong I am delighted to change my mind on things in a heartbeat. It’s my delight to feel “less wrong” and “more informed” because of any sort of correction/learning process. But if what they say doesn’t match up in my mind or I suspect something, I will hold a tiny seed of doubt with that belief. They can and have locked me in a psych ward and certain beliefs do not leave me.

If you are required to behave a certain way, depending on your degree of control, it may be good strategy if it advances some goal you find useful. Jesus told slaves to obey their master as if working for God Himself. Why? One reason is that builds serenity in accepting what they cannot change, and living in peace even during what freedom-loving people would consider unacceptable conditions.

Plus, this will lower the activity of your sympathetic division of your autonomous nervous system, which would keep you in a state of “fight or flight” which our bodies and minds are designed to shut off growth, immune system building, and maintenance tasks for a short time. When our minds are anxious it keeps us like that all the time to our detriment in terms of health. All that means you will be healthier and stronger and wiser when and if the time comes the Spirit brings you new opportunities to explore, expand, refine, and even explain what you personally believe to be the truth.