Standing up to your parents?

[Apple_Fan_Boy]

At what point, if any, is it OK to stand up to your parents?
Is it ever OK to argue with them and point out your displeasure with something they have done?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

How old are you?

Are you in a position of being able to clearly articulate why you are calling them out?

Are you prepared to deal with any possible damage to your relationship if you do this?

Do you still rely on them to survive?

Are they doing something that could get them in to legal trouble or hurt themselves in some way?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I would say yes, but it depends on where you are in life and on the way you do it.

 

[Castello]

Are you of age and supporting yourself?

Are your parents doing something illegal or immoral?

If the answer to both is yes, then, perhaps.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

At what point, if any, is it OK to stand up to your parents?
Is it ever OK to argue with them and point out your displeasure with something they have done?

These questions are too general to hazard an answer. It all depends on your age, what your parents have said/done, how you voice your displeasure, if you’re still living in their home, etc.

Luna

 

[Apple_Fan_Boy]

Yes, I’m more than of age.
Married with kids.

There was an incident last week where my mom did something that I had asked her on more than one occasion to do.

My son is ill and he is not supposed to have any sugar or else it could affect his eye sight… blindness.
Well, it turns out she gave him some candy when just a day earlier I had gotten her up to speed or given her an update about my son.

So she gives him candy, gets caught and I ask her about it.
Instead of admitting she was wrong and saying sorry, she downplays it like it was nothing big. Her response really drove me up the wall. I didn’t swear or yell at her but I was stern and firm and let her know she made a mistake and then hung up on her.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Yes, I’m more than of age.
Married with kids.

There was an incident last week where my mom did something that I had asked her on more than one occasion to do.

My son is ill and he is not supposed to have any sugar or else it could affect his eye sight… blindness.
Well, it turns out she gave him some candy when just a day earlier I had gotten her up to speed or given her an update about my son.

So she gives him candy, gets caught and I ask her about it.
Instead of admitting she was wrong and saying sorry, she downplays it like it was nothing big. Her response really drove me up the wall. I didn’t swear or yell at her but I was stern and firm and let her know she made a mistake and then hung up on her.

Yes, your child’s health and safety comes before your mother’s feelings. If she didn’t understand or care about the gravity of what she did then she doesn’t need to be left alone with your children anymore. And she should certainly be told why she lost that privilege.

 

[newf]

Well, if your child can become blind because of sugar, and your mom feeds it to him anyway, I think it is time to have mom stay away.

Tell her she cannot see the son until she can abide by the no sugar rule. And take some serious space from her.

You have to take care of your child first.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Are you of age and supporting yourself?
**
Are your parents doing something illegal or immoral?**

If the answer to both is yes, then, perhaps.

Huh? Why would both be needed? Latter is far more important.

 

[Castello]

Well, if your child can become blind because of sugar, and your mom feeds it to him anyway, I think it is time to have mom stay away.

Tell her she cannot see the son until she can abide by the no sugar rule. And take some serious space from her.

You have to take care of your child first.

This

 

[Pfaffenhofen]

At what point, if any, is it OK to stand up to your parents?
Is it ever OK to argue with them and point out your displeasure with something they have done?

No. Respect them.
Unless they are beating you, they violate your human rights or do something utterly sinful, respect them as much as you would expect your children to respect you.
They are old. It is easier for you to adapt to them than the contrary.
They do things wrong? If they did not do anything wrong, then, it would be a surprise !!
Dont you do wrong things?
Forgive, 70X7

 

[Apple_Fan_Boy]

She takes excellent care of my 2 kids. I don’t want this to sound like she is not a caring grandmother, because she more than is. There are some things that she does that while I don’t agree with, really doesn’t bother me and I don’t get worked up over.

This though, this really burned me up. Especially since she knew how serious the situation is and how strong I feel about this. I know I shouldn’t have hung up on her but I was really worked up and what made it worse was how she was downplaying everything.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

She takes excellent care of my 2 kids. I don’t want this to sound like she is not a caring grandmother, because she more than is. There are some things that she does that while I don’t agree with, really doesn’t bother me and I don’t get worked up over.

This though, this really burned me up. Especially since she knew how serious the situation is and how strong I feel about this. I know I shouldn’t have hung up on her but I was really worked up and what made it worse was how she was downplaying everything.

Even if she’s normally a loving grandmother it only takes one time not respecting the rules you lay out for some serious damage to be done (like blindness). Protect your kids over your mom’s feelings.

 

[newf]

She takes excellent care of my 2 kids.

No she does not take excellent care of your son when she feeds him sugar that could cause him to be blind. Sorry. And she is disrespectful to you, which is also not good.

Maybe you need to not be less dependent on her babysitting, then you will be able to stand up to her.

 

[Apple_Fan_Boy]

Maybe you need to not be less dependent on her babysitting, then you will be able to stand up to her.

Not at any time in this thread did I say that she babysits my kids.
That is hardly the case.
If you knew how many times I’ve stood up to my parents, you might think I’m a bad son.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

She takes excellent care of my 2 kids. I don’t want this to sound like she is not a caring grandmother, because she more than is. There are some things that she does that while I don’t agree with, really doesn’t bother me and I don’t get worked up over.

This though, this really burned me up. Especially since she knew how serious the situation is and how strong I feel about this. I know I shouldn’t have hung up on her but I was really worked up and what made it worse was how she was downplaying everything.

Caring grandparent or not, the health of your child comes before your fillial obligations and your mother’s feelings. No sugar means no sugar, not no sugar unless grandma wants to treat her grandkids. Period.

Call her on it. Ignore her downplay of the situation. Tell her that was the last time she’s given sugar to a grandchild whom it could make blind. If she does it again she should not be allowed around your child unsupervised.

If your son develops a visual impairment because of this sugar, how are you going to explain that to him when he grows up? “Well, son, see your grandmother just couldn’t help herself, and I didn’t know how to make her stop…”

Luna

 

[newf]

Not at any time in this thread did I say that she babysits my kids.
That is hardly the case.
If you knew how many times I’ve stood up to my parents, you might think I’m a bad son.

I’m sorry, I misunderstood your post when you said she was a caring grandmother… I thought that meant she ‘cared’ for them with babysitting. Sorry about that.

From what you’ve posted, you don’t sound like a bad son at all. And standing up to your parents does not make you a bad son, either. Sometimes when you become a parent yourself, your own parents need to learn new boundaries. And sometimes they learn it by you standing up to them.

 

[promethius]

She takes excellent care of my 2 kids. I don’t want this to sound like she is not a caring grandmother, because she more than is. There are some things that she does that while I don’t agree with, really doesn’t bother me and I don’t get worked up over.

This though, this really burned me up. Especially since she knew how serious the situation is and how strong I feel about this. I know I shouldn’t have hung up on her but I was really worked up and what made it worse was how she was downplaying everything.

This right here is your answer. You are required by God’s law to honor your parents… but certainly not to ALWAYS agree with them, to allow them to do ANYTHING they want, or to be obedient in ALL things. You did right to confront your mother, and as long as you addressed it appropriately (we had a poster a week ago who was asking if telling her mother she’s going to hell was an appropriate response) then you’re good to go. The fact that you stand up for your mother against those who, given internet anonymity immediately jump to rash judgements against her is a solid indicator in my mind that you’re on the right track.

 

[Apple_Fan_Boy]

Sometimes when you become a parent yourself, your own parents need to learn new boundaries. And sometimes they learn it by you standing up to them.

That was my fault for my poor wording. I didn’t mean to confuse anyone.

Your spot on here and that’s the problem. Your parents are always going to think the know more than you because they’ve been there and raised X kids with little or no help from anyone.

What really burns me up right now is that she hasn’t reached out to see how the kids are doing. You want to be upset with me that’s fine but call and ask about the kids. Call and talk to them. You don’t want to talk to me, I’m OK with that. I"ll be more than happy to pass the phone to them so you can chat with them.

My kids are to young to understand what is going and I’m not going to badmouth grandma to them either.

 

[Leegal]

These questions are too general to hazard an answer. It all depends on your age, what your parents have said/done, how you voice your displeasure, if you’re still living in their home, etc.

Luna

Agree. Without some context as to what the parents have done, no one can really answer.