Starting a family after 30

  • Thread starter Thread starter ac_claire
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

ac_claire

Guest
[Re-posted from Parenting sub-forum]

Are there any moms out there who - for whatever reasons- started their families after turning 30 (or therabouts)?

I ask because in my family at least, the girls tend to get married right out of high school or college, and the kids come quickly after. I know of course that 30 is NOT too old to start a family, but since so many Catholics traditionally start sooner…I’d be interested in hearing from “older” moms (and dads!). Any problems conceiving, or special concerns for first-time parents no longer in their 20’s? I guess just whatever you’d like to share on the subject would be appreciated.
 
I was 30 years old before the possibility of kids was something I would even accept as part of my future (ok, not the open to life Catholic viewpoint, but don’t flame me, that’s how it was)

Hit 30, started to think maybe I was wrong about that. Had friends who had taken a different path and thought maybe they were on the better one.

Got pregant the first time at 31. Unfortunately, my son was a premie and lived for an hour and a half. Lived through the roller coaster of infertility for almost 2 years, finally with the help of Clomid, got pregant again and had my first daughter at age 34. Had my second daughter at age 38.

Its been interesting. Since most of my friends were moms with young children, most of them were half my age. Their moms were more my age. In fact, I have a friend whose mom went to high school with my husband!! I am now meeting more older moms, but I am still the oldest in my circle. I’ll be 48 in a couple months and I have just entered the realm of raising teenagers. My oldest just turned 13. My “baby” just turned 9.

In some ways I wish I had started earlier. I know I would have had more energy. I see younger moms actually sliding down the slides with their kids while I sit on the bench and cheer mine on.

I have always been self centered. Sometimes I think waiting so long is the reason why I need so much me time and that I got too used to having it. But maybe if I had them younger I wouldn’t be mature enough to give them what I do…who’s to say?

I can say I love my life. I love being a mom, I love my girls. I love the person I became along the way.

I can’t live in regrets. The life we have it the culmination of choices we made along the way to get there. Other choices would have resulted in a different destination, so you can’t look back.

The only regret I have is that I went against my Church’s teachings for so long. I have confessed it and been forgiven. But I wonder what kind of blessings my life would have now if I didn’t feel I knew best.

So that is the contradiction that is my life. Trying not to regret the past because everything happens for a reason, and regretting that I wasn’t open to everything God might have had in store for me.
 
I will be marrying at 32.

How many kids we will have and when… we’ll take it a day (or charting cycle… lol) at a time. God only knows for sure. :o I could have seen myself marry earlier, but circumstances didn’t work out that way.

But I asked a similar question recently – how old everyone was when they married and had a few questions about pregnancy in your 30s as well.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=217226

Hope this offers some insight as well! 👍
 
I got married when I was 27 (Hub was 24) and we were blessed with our first child when I was almost 28.We got a “late start” but we had our first 5 children in 8 years.We had our last when I was 42!
Physically,I couldn’t tell a whole lot of difference between the first one at almost 28 and the last one at 42.People would ask me “how do you do it?” but really you don’t think about it because it is your life.Looking back it was challenging but what worthwhile endeavor is not?
God has a plan for you 🙂
 
I married at 30, had my eldest daughter at 32 and my younger daughter at 34. I never had a boyfriend, never even been on a date, until I met my husband when I was close to 29…so, I couldn’t have ‘done’ it any sooner! As it happens, he had been to seminary in his early 20s and decided after 2 years it was not for him, as he wished to marry and have children one day…again, he had no girlfriends before meeting me aged almost 29 (he’s 8 days younger than me!), and I had been a postulant in a Benedictine monastery for a year…so…God must have had a ‘plan’, because when we met we just knew this was the person we’d been waiting for all these years and after 6 months we got engaged, 6 months later we got married.

I think having my children in my 30s is, for me, the right thing…in my 20s I wouldn’t have had the patience …plus, back then there was no man to have babies with! So, all in all, yes I’m happy to be an ‘older mother’👍

Anna x
 
**We just had our first baby 18 months ago. I turned 30 the month after she was born. For us, even though we had already been married 7 years, there was no question of having children any sooner for a variety of reason. The most important one was/is my health.

We don’t know if we will/should/could have anymore. If this was a perfect world I would love to have a dozen kids…but we may have to be satisfied with only one blessing. It is one more than many people are blessed with and I thank God for choosing us to be her earthly parents.

Malia**
 
I’ll be 30 in May and haven’t been able to carry a pregnancy past 5 weeks, so any kids we adopt will be after I turn 30, for sure. (DH is 33.) It will be at least 5 years before we will be in a position to adopt, so we’ll definitely be older Catholic parents. 🙂
 
As one who had their first on the “downhill slide into 30”, my son was born in Oct. and I turned the big 30 in Dec., I can say that I felt more prepared! My parents had their children when they were in the mid 30’s and 40’s (back in the '50’s) and I can say that I usually was the only one with gray haired parents in school, more so for my sister who was born when I was in first grade. By the time I had my children in the "80’s I wasn’t the only older parent. So I had plenty of support!🙂
 
Thanks for everyone’s replies so far!

Here’s why I asked:
I turned 30 last Thursday. I always thought I’d be married and have kids by now. Just took it for granted that it would be that way. What I didn’t ever plan for was to spend most of my 20’s in a relationship that was intense, but didn’t work out in the long run. First serious relationship I’ve ever had. After some disillusionment and a (too-)long recovery time, I feel I’ve come out the other side of that tunnel, but now all of a sudden I’m 30 years old, and all I see is that I wasted so much time, and now I’m starting over from scratch like when I was 22. I always knew I had a vocation to be a wife and mother, but if I’m not doing that right now, what am I doing? Over the last few months, I get this vague sense of panic that I’m running out of time.

I don’t usually like to get so personal on this forum, but I figured I had access to a lot of experience right here, so might as well ask for your insights. Thanks again.
 
I was 29 when my first was born. Now I’m 34 and we just had our fourth…so, no loss of fertility in my early 30’s. 😃

I love being a slightly older mommy!
 
I hope to! I am 34 and single and when I find my husband - watch out : ). I hope to be one of those who got pregnant on wedding night.
 
I had my first at 24 and my last at 35 and would say that physically I might have actually felt better at 35. I had a c-section with the last one and bounced back right away. So, I would not worry about having babies in your 30’s. I think we are made to handle it, no problems.
 
ac_claire said:
[Re-posted from Parenting sub-forum]

Are there any moms out there who - for whatever reasons- started their families after turning 30 (or therabouts)?

I ask because in my family at least, the girls tend to get married right out of high school or college, and the kids come quickly after. I know of course that 30 is NOT too old to start a family, but since so many Catholics traditionally start sooner…I’d be interested in hearing from “older” moms (and dads!). Any problems conceiving, or special concerns for first-time parents no longer in their 20’s? I guess just whatever you’d like to share on the subject would be appreciated.
Click to expand...
My husband and I do not have children yet, but are trying (we’ve been married 4 1/2 years). But I can tell you my parents’ experience as they started a family “late”.

When they married my mother was 26 and father was 23. It took them 5 years to get pregnant. In the meantime, my father began medical school (he was a pharmacist prior to that) and my mother supported the two of them as a nurse while he went to school and moonlighted as a pharmacist. During this 5 year period, they tried and tried to have a child, but with no luck. They went to doctors, fertility specialists, etc. Finally, my mother was given a fertility pill. Not long after, she got pregnant with me. She was almost 32 when I was born. Although the fertility pill may have worked, it seems more than a coincidence that they got pregnant with me right before my father graduated from medical school and was about to start his residency. My parents also thing that perhaps God knew that they couldn’t have children while he was still in school.

They had no problems with pregnancy after that. My brother was born 14 months after me. We had a sibling (in heaven) which sadly ended in a miscarriage, then my sister came around not long after that. A lot of women I know start having children after 30. They seem to have the same kinds of problems as younger parents. Maybe the only difference is that they might be in a better financial situation, but that isn’t always the case either.

Even my parents who are in the medical field (my mom specialized in taking care of infants as a nurse) still needed help from my grandmother after I was born. haha! My parents did tell me that by the time my sister was born, they were in their mid to late 30s, they didn’t have the energy like when my brother and I were babies. Might have been because my dad was working 16-18 hour days, but it also might be because of their age too. Not that they were “old”, but I believe you do tend to have more energy as a parent when you’re 25 than when you’re 38.

I fear that my genes are taking after my mother in terms of also being in my 30s when we finally can conceive. I’ve decided to leave it up to God. When He wants us to have a baby, it’ll happen.
 
We were married at 24 & 25, pregnant at 29 & 30 and had our 3d and seeming last child at 34 & 35. Wouldn’t have started a day sooner, sometimes wish we would have given it a few more years–though not too many more. Am personally relieved not to have been having babies into my 40s, though know of a whole crop of babies welcomed by 40+ friends who couldn’t imagine not having “just one more,” and these darling little babes are the stars of the show and the light of a lot of lives (we still fight over who gets to hold them at meetings, gatherings, parties, etc.)

One thing never presented to me as a life choice/option that I will actively discuss with my girls, in particular, is that marriage and procreation is not, in my humble opinion, the end point or calling for everyone merely because they are *physically *capable of entering into the role. It is a demanding, and life-long commitment that requires a certain selflessness of temperament and a devoted partnership in order to succeed. I think if more people viewed parenthood as a privilege and honor, instead of an inevitability, they would take the responsibility more seriously as well as treasure their role and children more.
 
My first child was born when I was 39. 14 months later, I had my second child.

My sister got married right out of high school and my children are growing up with my sister’s grandchildren! I find that kind of frustrating sometimes because we are in such different stages (my sister and I) in life. I guess the thing that bothers me most is that when her children were young, I tried to be close to them - she seems to have washed her hands for lack of better words) of kids. She expects family get togethers to be calm without the excitement of children. My children will never have the relationship with her that her children had with me. I loved her children and helped out with them whenever I could. If she needed last minute sitters…I was there for her. I have a 5 and 4 year old. My sister has never watched my kids and the one occasion I asked her to watch just one, she never replied which of course meant no.

I’m not saying I expect to be able to dump my kids off on her because I don’t. I am however my marriage didn’t work out and their father has zero custody of them. He can’t be trusted with them. As a single mother and have zero time without my kids except when I am at work. It would be nice to have someone watch my kids so I can buy birthday presents for them or at Christmas buy Christmas presents for them without having to take time off work.

Family get togethers are always fun, she has 3 grandchildren and they are close to the ages of my children. When we are all together, we are usually at my mom’s house where they can’t go outside to play - they live in a dangerous neighborhood. The ages of the kids are as follows: one is 7, one is 6, one is 5 and two are 4. Finding indoor things for them is a little easier, but still a little difficult. They get a little out of hand sometimes!
 
My wife struggled with infertility when God graced us out of the blue with a son. She was 39 and I was 45. I have two other children by an early marriage that are now grown, :rolleyes: let me rephrase, that are now over 18.

I find raising my son to be much easier so far (he is now 3). While I sometimes lack the energy of my twenties, I more than compensate for greater patience. I do not know if we will have another. I consider my son to be a miracle baby, but we will cross that bridge when it comes. I also would like to say I find this time around to be a more enjoyable experience. My time is more free and hopefully I have gained a little wisdom and maturity.

Although I still like Legos and can’t wait for the video game age.
 
I hope it’s not too late because we are expecting our first due at the end of July. My wife will be 38 and I will be 42.

So far so good but I will tell you from what we’ve learned is once you cross that 35 age line, all the doctors raise the questions of genetic testing, etc… Blood tests & Amnio being the common/main ones

We are at that exact crossroads now. My view is I don’t want them since I wouldn’t terminate the pregnancy regardless, so what’s the value other than worrying yourself sick if a test came back with a higher “potential” risk than norm.

My wife is thinking of the blood test but is unsure.

Amnio is out regardless of blood test results, so my view is why bother with the tests.

A friend had that higher reading, cried for 6 months and delivered a healthy baby anyways…

To me it’s where I view Science beginning to cross the line. Only my opinion. As you get pregnant and accept all the risks that come with it, then tests become less important.
 
I had my first at 35, second at 38. I’m 41 now and will gladly take another one! Being an older parent is wonderful. You probably have a little less energy than you had in your 20s, but you have more patience, more maturity, and more ability to “see the forest for the trees”, as they say! The only reason I wish I had started earlier is so I could have had more!

🙂 😉 :eek:

S.
 
I married for the first time at age 37, my dh was 45.
We had met a year earlier. My dh had been married and had near grown children from before, but was very open to more.
My first son was born at age 38, second son at 39(a few weeks shy of age 40) Both pg’s were healthy and uneventful, and had healthy beautiful boys. I had two toddlers running around in my early 40’s- I was about 15 years older than the average mom in the town that I live with kids that age. I never had kids earlier in life so I can’t compare with how much more energy I would have had then. I had a miscarriage at age 42 and age 44 with a set of twins.
I am 51 now with a 13 and 11 year old (my husband is nearing 60) but he can still shoot hoops with the boys and plays golf with our oldest son all the time. We both look somewhat younger than our ages so we’ve never gotten the “grandparent” comments but sometimes I wish I had started earlier as I probably could have had a larger family. That’s one of the biggest advantages to starting younger, I think. But if I had started younger, I wouldn’t have these boys- I might have other kids, buy not these kids-and I couldn’t imagine life without them. I experienced a conversion to Christianity at age 33 and started praying for a good Christian dh- my dh came three years later. I had not been living a Christian life before that at all, so maybe it was meant that I not have kids before then- these boys now have a strong Christian home, school, ect.
 
dontknow said:
I hope it’s not too late because we are expecting our first due at the end of July. My wife will be 38 and I will be 42.

So far so good but I will tell you from what we’ve learned is once you cross that 35 age line, all the doctors raise the questions of genetic testing, etc… Blood tests & Amnio being the common/main ones

We are at that exact crossroads now. My view is I don’t want them since I wouldn’t terminate the pregnancy regardless, so what’s the value other than worrying yourself sick if a test came back with a higher “potential” risk than norm.

My wife is thinking of the blood test but is unsure.

Amnio is out regardless of blood test results, so my view is why bother with the tests.

A friend had that higher reading, cried for 6 months and delivered a healthy baby anyways…

To me it’s where I view Science beginning to cross the line. Only my opinion. As you get pregnant and accept all the risks that come with it, then tests become less important.
Click to expand...
I opted not to take the tests…I wouldn’t terminate my pregnancies regarless of the results either so I just tried to brace myself in the event something did happen…I had 2 healthy babies and the first was born when I was 40.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top