Starting Catholic School in Fall & Feeling Nervous

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Agnesbelle

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Hi, All!

Has anyone else enrolled a child in Catholic school for middle school after he or she had been attending public elementary school?

I just enrolled my son for 6th grade and I’m scared and he’s angry. Not sure what to do over the summer to help prepare us both. Would welcome any suggestions.
 
Don’t worry.

My kids are in Catholic school, and we are a very tight-knit community of families.

I was just telling a friend the other day that there are two ages where I think it is “easy” to join a small private school, where there is only one class per grade. Kindergarten and Jr. High.

It IS hard for kids and families to integrate in grades 1-5. Not that it can’t be done, but it takes some effort. The class has been a cohesive unit since the kids were 5, and it isn’t always easy to come in as the outsider. It’s not that people try to be rude, it’s just that friendships between kids and between parents have already been established. Parents who aren’t outgoing might find that they don’t connect like they see other parents connecting.

But Jr. High is different. Why? Well - first of all, you’ve got the kids leaving to go to other Jr. Highs. In our area, the all-boys high school takes kids from grade 6-12. So, we usually lose two or three boys to that going into 6th grade. We also lose a couple of kids to public schools, because parents fear that their kids won’t be ready for public high school unless they go to public Jr. High. On top of that, we have all the new kids whose parents have freaked out about the public Jr. High situation and enrolled their kid in private school for the first time. We usually have at LEAST four new kids going into 6th, and a couple in 7th, too. It’s a great time to join up.

I hope you will love Catholic school! We do. I love that my child is surrounded by so many like-minded friends. My husband and I have made some wonderful friends, too. It’s such a nice community feeling. I bet your kids will do well!
 
Thank you! That makes me feel better. We applied to 4 different Catholic schools in our city because it is very competitive and there are limited spots. Of the 4, he was only accepted at one and wait-listed at one. Of the two that did not accept him, one said it was because their classes are so close knit and they believed my son’s shyness would keep him from fitting in. 😔

He was also accepted at a non-religious private school and really wanted to go there but as practicing Catholics, we really believe the school we’ve enrolled him in his the right choice. I just hope he finds his place and fits in.

Thanks for your encouraging words.
 
I was the child in this situation, once upon a time. I went to public school through 6th grade, then started 7th at a Catholic school. It was one of the best decisions my parents ever made, and I am eternally grateful to them for it. I had more friends at Catholic school. The environment was friendlier and more comfortable than my previous school had been.

I’m not sure what there is to do to prepare for the social aspect of it- it’s scary and intimidating to make new friends, and uncomfortable to be the new kid. But he’ll get through it. As for the academics, I would suggest making an appointment, if you haven’t already, to see where curriculums line up and determine whether there are any gaps. For instance, when I switched schools, my new peers had been taking a foreign language for the two years prior, and I had no foreign language instruction. I caught up fairly quickly, but it would have been easier if I could have started teaching myself a little over the summer. Same with any math skills. He’ll have an easier time adjusting if he’s in relatively the same place academically as the other students.
 
It’s gonna depend on where you live. The Catholic schools in my city are almost all hellholes of cliques, backbiting, and bullying. Moving a kid from the public schools into a Catholic school here is near unthinkable as the child will be constantly ridiculed and ostracized.

FWIW, I taught in a Catholic Junior High for one year and I witnessed this dynamic first hand (I did what I could do for the kids that were bullied, but without support from the other teachers or admin…)

My exwife transferred from public school to Catholic school when she was in 6th grade and the torment she endured turned her nearly suicidal.

So yeah. Horror stories exist.
 
Great! You just described my worst fears! Please tell me you don’t live in Atlanta.
Aren’t all if the actions you described contrary to the ideals we should embody as Catholics! Yikes!

I’ve spoken with one mom whose daughter is in the same grade as my son and she keeps telling me what a sweet group of kids they are, but I can’t help but wonder if they’re only sweet to the kids they know already.
 
No. Not Atlanta.

And if you think you’ll you’re going to find Catholic ideals in a Catholic school, whelp, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Cheap.
 
It’s going to depend on the dynamic and the kids involved, as well as your own kid.

Your kid may integrate without a problem, were someone else may have issues. Just go into this with open eyes and don’t think that all your problems are solved b/c “it’s a Catholic School”.
 
cheese_sdc said:
No. Not Atlanta.

And if you think you’ll you’re going to find Catholic ideals in a Catholic school, whelp, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Cheap.
Click to expand...
Uh… Our Catholic school offers a very rich faith environment, embodies Christian values, and expects students and their parents to show Catholic virtues at all times. There is a zero tolerance bullying policy, and the kids are very supportive of one another. The classes are close, and sure, there are minor squabbles, but like siblings they ultimately have one another’s backs. And we don’t go to an exclusive or expensive school, it’s just the normal parish school.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but Catholic schools aren’t what they were in the 70s and 80s. Our’s offers what even the most ardent Catholic would consider to be a wonderful environment for personal development and place for faith to bloom and grow.
 
I moved two of my children to Catholic school in 6th grade and it was a wonderful decision! My daughter was very shy and bullied in her former school and I just couldn’t watch what was happening to her! The Catholic school had such a warm and welcoming community- and the education level was much higher than her former school- which was an “elite” private school. Within one year, she was a middle school cheerleader, surrounded by friends! When her school played her former school in football, the bullies came over to laugh at her for being a cheerleader and her new friends surrounded her and sent the bullies back to their bleachers! She’s still good friends with those she met at Catholic school, even though she’s a married lawyer with a son (who will be attending Catholic school, too). And she’s not a Catholic! I went through RCIA years later- but she remains Methodist and very religious, primarily because of the good Catholic teaching she received. My son went angrily- he loved his former school. He made wonderful friends and received an excellent education. He converted to Catholicism, married a girl that converted before the wedding and is a devout Catholic physician! I noticed that the person who posted previously with the negative comments is from Louisiana. My kids’ schools were also in Louisiana and we had an amazing experience. I’ll pray for your child and hope that the experience is as wonderful as it was for my children!!
 
I have heard about some wonderful catholic schools and some horror stories. I think they have been improving in the past 15 or 20 years as I now hear more good than bad.

That being said, I changed schools in 6th grade, which was the beginning of the new school’s jr high. It worked out better than when I started a new school in 2nd grade and ended up being friends only with the other new girl in the class, who turned out jot to be very nice. In 6th grade, I was more mature and made a decision to be more out-going than I had been. I ended up with 3 good friends, good relations with many of the others except for the mean clique-ish girls.

The main problem was outside of school. We lived kind of far away from the school so I didn’t see my friends outside school so much. My mother was always trying to get me to invite *other *girls over, not realizing I am not a social butterfly with a zillion friends like she is. So, when it comes to friends, try and let your son lead a little, and encourage and help him to socialize outside of school (altho it seems like now kids are soooo busy with after-school stuff that they don’t get much chance to just hang out :().

Encourage him, too, to evaluate people. The best way I have heard of to do this is to point things out, express sympathy for lacks in life which influence that, and offer up prayers for the person. (This will come in handy when he is older.) Helping him learn how to help others aside from prayer (complimenting a messy kid when he’s neat, encouraging someone who’s down, that sort if thing) is also good. Sometimes shy people want to do that but feel too shy to do it.
 
I tend to side with Cheese_sdc…

I have a friend who says Catholic schools are like vaccines: you get just enough of the bug to keep you from getting the disease (of Catholicism). If your children are lucky enough to be in a good, flourishing, Catholic school, God bless you! But don’t forget to pray for the kids who are ostracized there (yes it happens, all the time, just as much as in public school), the kids who won’t get invited to the cool kids’ parties, the parents who don’t socialize in the right clubs or with the head of the PTA…

Catholic school will be what you make of it.
 
As someone who was moved several times causing me to have to change schools in grade school as well as high school and as someone who also did this a few times to our children, I can empathize with your concerns. First, talk these concerns over, if possible, with the schools counselor or principal asap. Try to find out if there are any other sixth grade boys who live near you and see if you can meet their parents. Check out what he might join going on at the school over the summer and sign him up. The critical comments here could apply no matter where you live and generally you can find most of what you need by talking to other parents. Hang in there, practicing Catholics who want to send their children to Catholic school shoud be encouraged and hopefully this will all be OK. I wiil pray fo you.
 
Thanks everyone! Special thanks to those who offered to pray for my son.

We don’t see a Catholic education as a cure all, but it is important that we surround him with kids who share a faith. We live in a neighborhood made up mostly of agnostics and atheists ( mostly scientists who work at the CDC and a local university). My husband and I have had our faith ridiculed and while we can handle it, I’m not sure an 11 or 12 year old is ready for that. I suspect some if the kids will begin to reflect that mindset in middle school. Also, the public middle school will have 1600 kids next year and I prefer a smaller school.

So, we will just go into this with open eyes. I love the idea of encouraging my son to observe and reach out to others. What a great idea! I’m supposed to be receiving a car pool list of families near us soon and hope we can find some other kids on the list to meet this summer.
 
Avocadomom said:
Uh… Our Catholic school offers a very rich faith environment, embodies Christian values, and expects students and their parents to show Catholic virtues at all times. There is a zero tolerance bullying policy, and the kids are very supportive of one another. The classes are close, and sure, there are minor squabbles, but like siblings they ultimately have one another’s backs. And we don’t go to an exclusive or expensive school, it’s just the normal parish school.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but Catholic schools aren’t what they were in the 70s and 80s. Our’s offers what even the most ardent Catholic would consider to be a wonderful environment for personal development and place for faith to bloom and grow.
Click to expand...
My experience was in the late 90’s.
 
cheese_sdc said:
It’s gonna depend on where you live. The Catholic schools in my city are almost all hellholes of cliques, backbiting, and bullying. Moving a kid from the public schools into a Catholic school here is near unthinkable as the child will be constantly ridiculed and ostracized.

FWIW, I taught in a Catholic Junior High for one year and I witnessed this dynamic first hand (I did what I could do for the kids that were bullied, but without support from the other teachers or admin…)

My exwife transferred from public school to Catholic school when she was in 6th grade and the torment she endured turned her nearly suicidal.

So yeah. Horror stories exist.
Click to expand...
Yes they do. I agree it depends on where you live an how long the school has been around, if some of the parents may have gone to the same school. Then you have that “alumni clique” that are harsher than anyone else.

My kids attended the same Catholic grade school I did, but because I didn’t exclude those from somewhere else, the Alumni clique din’t have the time of day for us. Even though my son started in kinder, by time he was in fifth grade he was no longer the happy friendly boy we had and had to pull him out, putting him in Episcopal school which truly save him. I became very outspoken about the situation and I cannot tell you how many “outsiders” started to tell me their sad stories. My other 2 children finished from that school but had thicker skin because of watching their brother. It truly helped them to be their own people and stick up for those who were mistreated.

Talk to the school, be open with them. Try to find some nice families over the summer to meet and try to get to know. Your two options if there are cliques 1) try to win over the alum crowd or 2) go with the strong, much more understanding, "outside group, to form good supportive bonds before he gets in school. I hope and pray your school is not that way, as some are truly not, but I would try to prepare yourself, that never hurts. Best of luck.
 
I no longer identify as Catholic, but I did really enjoy my Catholic school experience for the most part. I will say that not many students seemed to be serious about religion nor did some of the teachers. I don’t know–it certainly didn’t make me more religious. I will also agree with other posters about it being kind of materialistic and clique-y. I mean, it costs money to go these schools, and I know that mine often attracted the wealthier families. Drugs and drinking still went on. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that I do think I was more spoiled and materialistic during those years.

I got along with most of my classmates and was treated well. But, my family lived pretty comfortably. We weren’t on the wealth level of say the doctors’ and surgeons’ kids, but we did have some nice things and were stable. Some people who were from the lower income areas did not seem to be treated as well. If you got dropped off in the morning in a car that wasn’t nice or didn’t have nice clothes on non-uniform days, then yeah, you might get made fun of by certain students. It’s a shame for certain, but that’s how a lot of teenagers are. Catholic schools (and private non-religious schools) seem to have their own brand of this kind of stuff.

The atmosphere is one that made me want to be successful. I’m only a few years from my doctorate, two of best friends from the same school just received their doctorates, and my best friend just entered a Ph.D. program, so in that regard I would say that the school did us well. Of course, there are other factors involved, such as our respective families.

Sometimes I think that public school students are more down-to-earth and accepting. My cousins switched out of this same Catholic school and seemed to like their public school experience more. Overall, it was good for me, but I can see why some people really hated our school. It really depends on your area. If your son seems to be struggling, then I’d say to let him try some other schools.

Don’t go in expecting a miracle of pious, Christ-like students.
 
agnesbelle said:

“I just enrolled my son for 6th grade and I’m scared and he’s angry. Not sure what to do over the summer to help prepare us both. Would welcome any suggestions.”

Why’s he mad?

Is it a Catholic K-8 or a Catholic middle school?

Everything I’ve ever heard suggests that in general, the middle school model is TERRIBLE–huge masses of hormonal kids who are strangers to each other milling around feeling alienated and struggling with academics. In discussions of US public schools, middle schools come in for a lot of criticism. There are very, very few good middle schools. Also, a lot of people think that 6th graders don’t really belong grouped with 7th and 8th graders–the 6th graders are still mostly little kids while the 7th and 8th graders are not. So, if you are transferring into a K-8 school and avoiding middle school, there’s a lot to be said for that.

I suspect that small schools tend to be either very good or very bad. You’ll find out pretty quickly which yours is. I like a small school for my kids, but I realize there’s the possibility of it becoming a clique-y hell.

Also, does your son have a birthday coming up early in the fall? A birthday party that he invites all the boys to or the whole class to might be a very good thing and a great opportunity to meet other parents (particularly if you mention that parents are welcome).

A beginning of year or end of year party is great, too. We just went to a end-of-year pool party at a 6th grade classmate’s house and I have to say, if you do happen to have a pool and an appropriate climate, kids that age are very appreciative of pool parties.
 
It amuses me no end how people take their data points of 2-3 catholic schools and presume to then characterize ALL catholics schools from that. It’s as silly as characterizing ALL black people based on your experience with a few!

Years ago, I did youth retreats with NET Ministries in parishes and catholic schools around the country. I came to the following conclusion:
  1. The best schools out there for evangelizing and catechizing young people are catholic schools.
  2. The worst schools out there for the spiritual wellbeing of young people are also catholic schools.
Just not the same schools! Just because the both are called “St. Somebody” doesn’t make them the same. A catholic school that takes it’s catholic identity 100% seriously and faithfully is the best thing out there. They exist, my kids go to one (and it’s not the closest one to my house, either). These are category #1 above. Mass is frequent (daily is best), classes go to confession, celebrate saint feast days, are routinely visited by the priests in classrooms and the admin considers the faith fidelity of teacher applicants in hiring criteria.

On the other hand, schools that CALL themselves catholic, but are really just private schools with some superficial catholic veneer added after the fact are a disaster. There kids learn that the catholic faith is not something adults take seriously, nor something to trust your soul to. They are inoculated against the faith instead of nurtured in it.

They really aren’t all THAT hard to tell apart, but you do need to look beyond the superficial. Ask to see the religion textbooks: Faith & Life = Fantastic. “Blest Are We” = (IMO) fuzzy bunny catechesis. Not good. Find out how often all school masses occur. How often do the classes go to confession? How are saint feast days celebrated? Blank looks in response to these questions are NOT a good sign! Show up to school half an hour before kids arrive and have a look at the teachers cars in the parking lot: Not the brands, the bumper stickers! It says a lot!

For fun, I did that at my kids school a couple times. Teacher car bumper stickers included:
“We Believe” in large text with a monstrance next to it.
“Pregnant and Need Help? Call…####”
“Pray the Rosay”
A couple political stickers for pro-life candidates.
Zero political stickers for pro-abort pols

Does the above guarantee the faithfulness of the teachers there? Nope, nothing is that reliable when it comes to humans! But it DOES say a lot about the public culture of the school in the same way that a parking lot full of LGBT rainbow stickers, pro-abort pol stickers and a book rack full of Call to Action pamphlets says something about how worldviews at odds with Catholicism are not confronted in that place. In other words, Catholicism is not taken seriously and the kids will implicitly be taught that message. Avoid at all costs!
 
Manualman said:

“Show up to school half an hour before kids arrive and have a look at the teachers cars in the parking lot: Not the brands, the bumper stickers! It says a lot!”

You are a smart cookie, Manualman.
 
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