Starting Med School?...possibly

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Smber2c

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Hi all, my wife and I have been spending the last couple weeks discussing an issue and while we are getting deeper and deeper into understanding pluses and minuses, we really haven’t been able to move toward a decision. I thought some people a little further along in life may be able to offer some insights. (in addition to advice we’re already getting and prayer 🙂 )

See, I’m a nurse, an LPN and 25 years old. My wife, she’s a elementary school teacher and 23 years old. My wife is due to deliver our first child (a daughter) in early May (yay!). And of all things I’m really wanting to get back in school this August. She agrees it’s a good idea, b/c we both want 5-10 kids and would love for her to be able to stay at home with them as soon as I could make that possible.
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Our quandary is if medical school is a possibly and intelligent choice or if PA (physician assistant) school might not be better?
Our basic questions are these:
  1. How many years back in school are too many to be worth it?
  2. How much will I miss this time with my daughter and potentially with new children while being in med-school/PA school? And would I sorely regret being in such a demanding position while my oldest child is 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 years old?
  3. How hard is it to be a faithful Catholic and a faithful husband/father while in med-school? (I saw another post claiming that saying you will not prescribe contraceptions when interviewing for med-school will get you instantly rejected)
Giving a very simplified time line for what our 2 options would look like:

Med-school would be:
2 years prerequisites
1 year basically sitting out b/c they need MCAT scores 11 months before admission
4 years med-school
- my daughter will be 7 at this point & a minimum of 1 more should be around., maybe 2 or 3.
3 years residency (at I’ll be getting paid a little more than I am now at this point)
-daughter 10, and hopefully 3 others, maybe 4. I’m 35 and my wife 33.

PA (physician assistant) school would be:
2 years prerequisites (maybe 1.5, but every program I’ve seen only starts in August, so…)
2 year program
-daughter 4, hopefully 1 other child, I’m 29 and my wife 27.

Loking at years, PA seems obvious. But the direction of medical practice is also really important, and doctors have way more ability to decide that.
See, my dad’s a family practice doctor with his own clinic and he’s always given poems (that are really prayer cards) and prescribed quite reflection of not prayer to his patients. He tells them to find a focus in life that is bigger than themselves, to do more charity. I’d love to do that and some more - having time on Sundays that I could offer free medical care to the poor, giving holy cards with Saints pertinent to different conditions or handing out selected CD’s with talks from some of my favorite pastors/speakers for those fighting addictions, depression, terminal conditions, etc…

Working as a nurse now, I know that if I’m an employee - I am told what to do and how to do it. Work is work. Sure I can have side ministries, but work as a ministry will always be a very limited thing. PA’s can’t be self employed, they always work under a doctor’s supervision. Only finding a like minded physician to work under would allow me to practice medicine at the best level I think possible.
The #1 reason I’d like to be a MD is to be able to set a course for a medical clinic that pours love and charity into the community it serves.
The #2 reason is because I see how much more the RN’s know that I do as an LPN know - I expect the knowledge gap b/t MD and PA to be even larger. In the couple months I’ve worked as a nurse I’ve seen that the more I know, the more I can help, the better I can educate pts. and family, the better I can console, and the more people trust what I tell them. I’d prefer the 4 years of med-school to get that knowledge for what I hope is a 40 year career over the 2 years of PA school for a 43 year career.

Careerwise - I’d prefer med-school. But before a career come family and that’s where my dad struggled. He was so devoted to medicine he’s work 80-100 hour weeks - which made home time scant. Either a PA or MD could fall into that trap, which I think I would avoid; however med-school would require those 80-100 hours weeks regardless. With all that time in school I’m not sure I’d be a very good family presence.

Anyway, very long post I know - I’m sorry, hopefully God directs 1 or 2 helpful souls to read it. But if anyone’s done this or done similar - how did it go? How much will I miss during those older children’s first years if I’m a studentaholic? Is it okay to sacrifice family development for career development if there’s a pretty decent alternative that’s less trying on the family?

(note: due to my dad being a successful doctor, money isn’t a big problem. He’s offered to pay rent and tuition if I go back to school - so we’d only have food, cars, insurance, phones…much easier with his help. And the end salary for these jobs isn’t a big deciding factor either as PA’s get 100-120K annually and MD…well they vary a ton, estimated as maybe 150-275K and either is enough for my wife and I whole live somewhat simply and desire to simplify our lives more. I think either salary will easily pay the bills of our growing family for years to come.)
 
PAs do a lot of the actual patient care and exams in family practice clinics down here, and the have regular office hours so it would be great if you want time with your family. But if you really want to be a doctor, that probably won’t satisfy you.

I have a lot of nurses for some reason in my adult classes, and they tell me career growth for an LPN is severely limited, so getting your RN is also a consideration. Some do that by joining the army, an even harder decision.

Ask yourself
how old will I be in 5 years if I don’t go to school?
how many kids will I have in 5 years if I don’t go to school?
is there any benefit to delay? can you come up with any?
it usually gets harder, not easier as time goes on.

pray to the Holy Spirit as this is major discernment about the direction of your life. What is God’s plan for you?
 
PAs do a lot of the actual patient care and exams in family practice clinics down here, and the have regular office hours so it would be great if you want time with your family. But if you really want to be a doctor, that probably won’t satisfy you.
I do enjoy the amount of time I spend with patients an a nurse. And sadly that will drop some in medicine as paperwork grows…so that would be a plus for the PA route, since they get a little more time with patients in my experience.
But just as you said, I wonder if it would satisfy me? I’ll have to get more prayer in to get God’s aid in this.
I have a lot of nurses for some reason in my adult classes, and they tell me career growth for an LPN is severely limited, so getting your RN is also a consideration. Some do that by joining the army, an even harder decision.
Yeah, LPNs are very limited - basically you can’t ever get into administration, you can’t do ER, can’t do ICU, about 1/2 the hospitals in New Orleans are now RN only.
I got my LPN b/c I got an english degree in 2005, became a missionary, then after that needed a career. I though health care might be interesting, but wanted to “test the waters”. So I got in a 1 year LPN program, graduated, am working and liking it and want to move on soon to med-school or PA school (well really their prerequisites). But yes, if I were to stay a nurse, I’d go get the RN in the next 2 years - I just don’t see RN as satisfing my intellectial ambitions, nor do I see it paying for a family of 7 to 12 people off of 1 income.
Thanks for the reply
 
Howdy Smber,
You ask some great questions and its smart how much thought you’re giving the whole thing. I’m a 24 year old first year med student myself, although I’m in different circumstances b/c I don’t have wife or kids. I DO want to have the same thing you do, i.e. a family with 5+ kids if possible eventually and would get married in med school if possible.

What I will say is med school isn’t really the 80-100 hour thing you may be thinking it is. 1st/2nd years are entirely pre-clinical and in the classroom. While they can be demanding, the hours are not too bad at all depending on how you learn. Most schools for instance post their lectures online either video or audio recorded, so alot of med students don’t even goto class the first 2 years (myself included). I spend probably about 40-50 hours a week b/w studying or being in the lab/classroom/hospital for various things, but most of it is just at home or in the library studying. 3rd year can be 80-100 hours a week in, say, the surgery or ob/gyn rotations, but can be 40-50 or so in most others.

I wish I could answer your questions more directly but ultimately the answers are whatever works best for you and your family, how you learn, how much effort you want to put into it, what type of specialty you want to get into, etc. I do have friends who are married with little kids (3-4 months old) and they have plenty of time to be with the family and to be med students.

I’ll be glad to discuss lifestyle and med school stuff with you if you want in more detail, just shoot me a pm or email
 
Hey Cathbig, I’ll have to PM you some specific questions later this weekend. I’m off to have breakfast with my parents, but hearing that the time commitment might be somewhat less is encouraging.

My wife has an old college friend she talked to a couple days ago. He finished residentcy recently and went straight into seminary. He apparently didn’t like Med-school much. She quoted him as saying, “They own you.” Some talking to someone that’s maybe having a better time of it all may be helpful.

…the other scary part is my brother-in-law (another doctor in the family) told me it would be best to plan getting rejected my first year. Apparently, he found many people got rejected year 1 then accepted one try #2 (though not him of course, he get a perfect on his ACT, and was a validictorian).

I’ll try and get a message to you tonight or tomorrow. Thanks.
 
I applaud your dad for his work he sounds like a wonderful man. I was sort in your position for the past couple of years. I debated over going to law school or working in advertising/marketing. I worried about a lot of of things. But I finally decided to attend law school for being accepted and I already have a well paying part time job to keep me secure while I’m attending school.
I understand your worries and concerns over debating over being a PA or MD and how school and a career will effect your family. There is a online forum called student doctor network and there are several medical students there that are parents and they discuss a lot about juggling school and family. Maybe check out that forum and talk to people there. Keep talking about it and praying with your wife about it. Please keep us posted on stuff. You and your family are in my prayers.
 
Hey Cathbig, I’ll have to PM you some specific questions later this weekend. I’m off to have breakfast with my parents, but hearing that the time commitment might be somewhat less is encouraging.

My wife has an old college friend she talked to a couple days ago. He finished residentcy recently and went straight into seminary. He apparently didn’t like Med-school much. She quoted him as saying, “They own you.” Some talking to someone that’s maybe having a better time of it all may be helpful.

…the other scary part is my brother-in-law (another doctor in the family) told me it would be best to plan getting rejected my first year. Apparently, he found many people got rejected year 1 then accepted one try #2 (though not him of course, he get a perfect on his ACT, and was a validictorian).

I’ll try and get a message to you tonight or tomorrow. Thanks.
One of my friends was recently rejected from medical schools and he is now looking into dental school.
 
**I can’t answer any of the questions related to schooling but I can answer from my husband’s perspective as a father. In his job (Canadian military) he was allowed to take 9 months of parental leave when our daughter was born. He would not trade that time with her for the world! And it prompted him to make a career change that will allow him even more family time (military firefighter). He is in training now but it is only 8 months total and then, because of the way they work the shifts, he will be home ALOT. So, for us, and for him specifically, family time was the number one deciding factor.

Could you postpone making a decision until your baby is born? You may find your priorities take a whole new shift.**
 
I would have to agree with Kittery, I would opt for MD or NP and not a PA. As an ASN to BSN, my next step is MSN. Most doctors that I talk to, prefer NPs over PAs due to the amount of knowledge that the NP has prior to entering the workforce. NPs also have prescriptive privileges that PAs don’t. I do understand that PAs are getting more privileges, but start out in a practice that is not autonomous from the start?

Now, your timeline may end up the same for MD and NP, but your options will be more open to you than by obtaining a PA.

By my recollection it is LPN to ASN is 12 months then you can do RN to MSN in 4 giving you 5 years to completion.
 
As a med student myself in my third year, I say its important that you weigh how important an MD is and whether with a family it would make sense now to pursue this process which does dominate your life in many ways. Now I do have a couple of friends who are doing the med school route; one with five kids and he started at age 31. What helped them though is that their spouse was very supportive and many times stayed at home (there are some women in my class who have a baby, but with a husband working have to rely on parents or day care to help out). Either way; you need lots of support. The time to devote to class and studies in someways depends on how fast you can learn the material and retain it. Either way, everyone hits stressful points especially step 1 which is a lot of memorization (basically we studied from sun up to sun down for 2 months straight to go over 2 years of med school information for many). Yes it will mean less time you can devote to your children.
Is it doable and can you still be a great dad to your kids? Yes… though you may have to discipline yourself and say at certain points you are done studying for the night and make sure you schedule special time with kids so they know you are with them as well as your wife especially. Grades may suffer a little, but you will need and appreciate the balance and that is more important than top marks. 3rd year tends to be still demanding in some ways (though for me 2nd year was the most demanding study wise) and usually fourth year you have times where you are not doing as much like interview periods or easy rotations. Residency in some ways depends on the program. I would look for programs that are family friendly… our director for internal medicine for instance tells applicants he wants people to remain married to the same person throughout residency and go out of their way to help you if you encounter a family crisis. Most stick to the 80 hours a week schedule, but be prepared for long hours and yes the drag of paperwork.

So in the end (and let me say i do not have a family right now, but will be getting married in the middle of my fourth year), it is definitely possible, but you need a family support system for sure or accept the idea of daycare (or both) and know when you need to take breaks for your family regardless of the demands of studies. Also if the school has programs like mine does for families to interact together (like a group for spouses and children to interact with and do social things together can help).
Hope that helps. But if you think you and your wife can make it on a PA salary or NP and you like the hours better and maybe less demand of time to achieve it then I say stick to that. Both careers offer rewarding time with patients (sometimes more than the MD) and know that these positions are just as important as MD’s. I dont think you are thinking this, but never get a degree for the sake of a degree. Get the degree that allows you to do what you want to do and most importantly will be best for your family situation.
 
I’ll weigh in as the wife of a man in a seemingly unending residency. I think others are right that med school in the first couple years is intense, but not as consuming of time as you seem to be assuming. I really think it is residency which consumes lots of time and would take you away from the family. This is because residency requires you to take call overnight (as does the last year of med school). Although there are work hour restrictions, no one really abides by them, so you can still expect the long hours. Sounds like you want to be a general MD keeping office hours, so that should your residency relatively short.

Let me tell you how the long hours has affected our family (we just had a very new and very high maintenance baby). We hardly ever go to Mass anymore. He is either on call or recovering from it (sleeping). I find it difficult to go anywhere alone with a high needs baby. My husband also travels out of town pretty frequently to go to meetings, courses and take exams (this may be more particular to his residency, but yours may require some too). This means even more time away. That being said, I’m proud of him and for the work he does and will do and support him 100% in serving others as he does. I view these things as temporary sacrifices I am making for society and for our family.

It will be difficult for your family, and yes, you are asking a big sacrifice of them. BUT, it is no larger than the sacrifice you are making yourself in going through all the work and go on the mission you want to go on. Your wife loves you and so will your children, if I read your post right God seems to be calling you to do something. Do it. Your loving wife and children will be proud of you, and all of you should try to ensure that the time you do have to spend with them is made valuable.
 
Another wife of an interning physician posting…
I feel for the agony of you and your wife’s decision. Pray, Pray, Pray!! It is the only way to know for sure.

My husband changed his career path to pursue a calling in medicine. Our son was 3 months when he started his first year of medical school. He is now 5.5 and our daughter is 3.5. Hopefully there will be more during the next 4 years of residency… as many as we are blessed with!
As proud as I am of my husband and his accomplishments, It has honestly been a struggle for both of us, and a strain on our marriage (6.5years). My husband and I felt it was clearly a calling that was necessary to fulfill, and still more than ever believe this to be the case, but he often felt like he either had to sacrifice his family or his obligation to his patients/ future patients because there wasn’t enough time for both. It is possible to do (and do well) with a family, but med school is designed for single people.In the end, it comes down to your calling. It definitely was possible with a lot of prayer, fortitude, and patience on both our parts, but God-willing, I think both of us have chipped away at least a little of our purgatory time with the sacrifices it has required of us. We have both grown and become less selfish and more thankful of what we have been given. And isn’t that what it’s about anyway? He never said it was supposed to be easy to carry your cross.

just some other thoughts…
the debt we had to accrue for the education… Sit down and do the math. A PA I think would allow you the patient influence that you desire without as much committment time-wise and financially. If you are interested in a specialty though, that may not be fulfilling… it all depends on your end goal.

Some of your timeline of expectation is too long. You can do prereqs after your MCAT and while applying. They will accept you based on the understanding you will complete all the requirements. If your scores/grades are good enough, I believe the admissions teams can spot a mature, serious student with their heart in the right place from a mile away. I don’t think planning on two years of applying is necessary if this seems to apply to you. Also my husband came to medicine from physics and didn’t have a health-science background. This very well could make your med school experience tons easier than his… not nearly the transition.
I will pray for you and your wife. Ask Our Lady for graces to discern your calling. She will help!!
 
it wasnt very long ago that i was in your exact shoes, well almost. i had just gotten a bachelors degree and was an emt wanting to go to med school and about to be married in 6 months.

i came to the conclusion that i wouldnt be forced into contraception or abortion if conscience laws were erroded. so after some research i decided(and am glad i did) to go to chiropractic school.

its is only 3-4years inclluding internship. and while i have to take more hours than a medical doctor i still have enough free time that i dont feel im missing my daughter(8months old) childhood. school is really the same hours as most jobs and with time manegement its ok.

im not saying you should do that, but consider it and other health related fields if you want to continue your education and increase your earning power. i wont ever make what a heart surgeon does, but i dont forsee ever wanting for money after i graduate.

txchiro.edu/
opted.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3343
collegeanduniversity.net/colleges-programs-states/Radiology-colleges.htm

at least consider your options and dont limit yourself. there are plenty of ways to help people and support a famiy at the same time.
 
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