Starting NFP - have a lot of questions and conerns

[MrsMeganMc]

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year - we are both 24 years old. I am currently using an IUD to prevent pregnancy.

After a lot of discernment, I have decided to remove my IUD and to use NFP. I would like to use the sympto-thermal method.

I have A LOT of questions…

I am planning to pick up the Taking Charge of Your Fertility book to get started to learn how everything works. I know that this book is not Catholic - but it does provide a lot of well-grounded scientific information. I would also like to take a class - but one is not offered in my area for a couple of months, and I do not want to wait that long to get started.

My husband and I would like to avoid pregnancy right now and potentially for another 3-4 years.

I have the following questions:

1. After I take out my IUD, how long will it take for my cycles to return to normal - when I can rely on charting?
2. Does anyone here have any success stories of couple who have used this method to effectively avoid pregnancy for a long period of time?

3)What if I cannot get my husband on board? He and I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye on these issues - what if he still wants to have more protection?

 

[Em_in_FL]

First off… congratulations on taking this leap of faith! You and your husband will be in my prayers!

TCOYF is a great book… also check out these resources on the sympto-thermal method…
nfpandmore.com/ (has a free online how-to book… READ IT several times… it’s really great!)
ccli.org/ (has take home courses that may be useful)

1. After I take out my IUD, how long will it take for my cycles to return to normal - when I can rely on charting?

I don’t know much about the IUD… but I do think you should start charting as soon as it’s out. It may take a while before you know what’s going on with your cycle, so just be prepared to be a little conservative for the first several months.

1. Does anyone here have any success stories of couple who have used this method to effectively avoid pregnancy for a long period of time?

We’ve used NFP since we were married (almost 8 years ago)… and none of our children were “unplanned” or “surprises”…

3)What if I cannot get my husband on board? He and I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye on these issues - what if he still wants to have more protection?

I think there are several others here that would be able to give you advice on this more than I could. I think the biggest thing is PRAYER though.

HTH a little… good luck and God bless you and your husband!

 

[MrsMeganMc]

First off… congratulations on taking this leap of faith!

This almost makes me laugh - because I am honestly scared out of my mind right now.

I had a very long discussion/confession with my priest last night - and he really helped push me to totally giving up God. This is the one area of my life that I am just terrified to give over to him - but I know I need to and want to!

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers - your success is insiprational for me!

 

[Em_in_FL]

This almost makes me laugh - because I am honestly scared out of my mind right now.

I had a very long discussion/confession with my priest last night - and he really helped push me to totally giving up God. This is the one area of my life that I am just terrified to give over to him - but I know I need to and want to!

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers - your success is insiprational for me!

HAHA… gosh I understand the fear. It’s hard… but you’re doing good!

It’s not “my success” really… I just thank God that we were able to use His creation to time our family planning in a way that allowed us a little control in the decision making. That’s another incredible aspect of our faith… our FREE WILL to make decisions… and God gave that to us as a GIFT! It’s a gift.

 

[MrsMeganMc]

HAHA… gosh I understand the fear. It’s hard… but you’re doing good!

It’s not “my success” really… I just thank God that we were able to use His creation to time our family planning in a way that allowed us a little control in the decision making. That’s another incredible aspect of our faith… our FREE WILL to make decisions… and God gave that to us as a GIFT! It’s a gift.

Very well put - thank you!

 

[GracedUpon]

First of all, I would recommend praying for all your babies, if there are any, in Heaven. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you didn’t realize that the IUD is not a contraceptive but is exclusively abortifacient, which means that it does not prevent conception, but aborts the conceived child soon after it is created. So I would recommend that you have your IUD removed ASAP, and to abstain until you can figure out your cycle, to prevent any other unintentional abortions. If your husband refuses to accept NFP as a means of regulating birth, then it is not your sin if he chooses to contracept himself (such as wearing a condom), it is his sin. But it is your sin to use a contraceptive (such as the pill, iud, or diaphragm).

I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility as well, and it is an excellent resource. It is not completely in line with Catholic teaching, but teaches you the rules and signs that you’ll be looking for. Just ignore the parts where it suggests that you may use barrier methods during the fertile phase.

I have no idea how long it would take for your cycles to return to normal after you take out your IUD–my guess is not long, since the IUD doesn’t mess around with your hormone levels. You may even be able to start charting now, before you even have it removed. I would recommend starting as soon as you can, after you read the book.

And again, get that IUD out as soon as possible! You don’t want to keep creating lives that will only be flushed out and killed by your IUD.

 

[GracedUpon]

Oh, and congratulations! It’s always heart warming to read about people becoming stronger in their faith.

Sorry if my previous post sounds cold–I guess sometimes we come across that way because we can’t really express our emotions so well in writing.

God bless you and your husband! Praying that he warms up to this new way of life!

 

[MrsMeganMc]

Yes - your post does come off as a bit cold.

I understand that it is difficult to convey emotions over the internet.

I know and understand what my IUD - and several years of the pill - have done and the potential that I may have aborted fertilized eggs. I did it simply out of convience and did not fully appreciate what I was doing. So I do not deserve any sort of benefit of the doubt…

What I have done is sinful and shameful. There is no way around it.

I am looking forward to when I have it removed and confess this sin.

 

[Jennifer_J]

I just want to add to Em’s encouragment. We’ve used NFP (symptothermal as well) for 12 years and there haven’t been any oops or surprises. We were converts so I had been on the pill for about 8 years. It took several months for my cycles to get normal. Had we remained protestant and on the pill we might have only had 2 children. Becoming Catholic and using NFP has really opened our hearts to having a larger family. I’m lucky that my dh was on board with this. Is your dh Catholic? There are several resources you could give to him to read about why the Church teaches that all forms of contraception is wrong. If he’s not Catholic, you’ll have to appeal to the health aspects of not taking pills or putting things into your body and pray for his conversion.

May God bless you on your journey!

 

[MrsMeganMc]

I just want to add to Em’s encouragment. We’ve used NFP (symptothermal as well) for 12 years and there haven’t been any oops or surprises. We were converts so I had been on the pill for about 8 years. It took several months for my cycles to get normal. Had we remained protestant and on the pill we might have only had 2 children. Becoming Catholic and using NFP has really opened our hearts to having a larger family. I’m lucky that my dh was on board with this. Is your dh Catholic? There are several resources you could give to him to read about why the Church teaches that all forms of contraception is wrong. If he’s not Catholic, you’ll have to appeal to the health aspects of not taking pills or putting things into your body and pray for his conversion.

May God bless you on your journey!

My husband is a cradle Catholic. His beliefs are entirely different story - he is just not completely on board with Catholicism and faith in general. I pray for his conversion every day - but I am thankful that he remains open to my faith and will accompany me to church.

His issue lies mostly with the fact that he does not want children right now, and wants to make sure that doesn’t happen. He (and I) just need to become more educated.

 

[Jennifer_J]

My husband is a cradle Catholic. His beliefs are entirely different story - he is just not completely on board with Catholicism and faith in general. I pray for his conversion every day - but I am thankful that he remains open to my faith and will accompany me to church.

His issue lies mostly with the fact that he does not want children right now, and wants to make sure that doesn’t happen. He (and I) just need to become more educated.

yes, you BOTH should take an NFP class so you both know the method and there are no surprises. Having a teaching couple help you out is a valuable resource and could be encouraging for your dh (depending on the teaching couple). NFP really does work, but you have to follow the rules with no fudging and this requires you have serious/grave/licit reasons and the will to follow those rules. It won’t magically fix a troubled marriage, but it can help bolster communication.

 

[MrsMeganMc]

yes, you BOTH should take an NFP class so you both know the method and there are no surprises. Having a teaching couple help you out is a valuable resource and could be encouraging for your dh (depending on the teaching couple). NFP really does work, but you have to follow the rules with no fudging and this requires you have serious/grave/licit reasons and the will to follow those rules. It won’t magically fix a troubled marriage, but it can help bolster communication.

Our marriage is not troubled by any means - just this area is presenting a challenge. We have always had good communication with each other. I think most of it is the fear of the unknown - or what we think we know about NFP.

 

[Jennifer_J]

Our marriage is not troubled by any means - just this area is presenting a challenge. We have always had good communication with each other. I think most of it is the fear of the unknown - or what we think we know about NFP.

I didn’t mean to say your marriage was troubled, but that some people place “magical” powers on NFP, that it will “fix” things, in general. People get disillusioned and blame NFP when NFP wasn’t the problem. Anyway, my point was, it would be good to try to get him on board by taking a class with him. It will be much easier if he is on board.

 

[Scottgun]

I didn’t mean to say your marriage was troubled, but that some people place “magical” powers on NFP, that it will “fix” things, in general. People get disillusioned and blame NFP when NFP wasn’t the problem. Anyway, my point was, it would be good to try to get him on board by taking a class with him. It will be much easier if he is on board.

Here here! Sometimes NFP cheerleader can be a bit hyperbolic when selling. I can’t really blame them too much as it is a hard sell in a culture that worships convenience, but take the pearly-gates-opening talk with a grain of salt. Now I’ll say in my case that actually happened, but it wasn’t the method, it was the changing of the mind about what marriage and all the attending acts are for.

 

[MrsMeganMc]

Here here! Sometimes NFP cheerleader can be a bit hyperbolic when selling. I can’t really blame them too much as it is a hard sell in a culture that worships convenience, but take the pearly-gates-opening talk with a grain of salt. Now I’ll say in my case that actually happened, but it wasn’t the method, it was the changing of the mind about what marriage and all the attending acts are for.

Yes - I see what you are getting at - I am hoping that this will bring us closer together.

 

[iluvmybabies]

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year - we are both 24 years old. I am currently using an IUD to prevent pregnancy.

I was too until I found out none of these things could be allowed through our Catholic faith… But Congratulations!!

After a lot of discernment, I have decided to remove my IUD and to use NFP. I would like to use the sympto-thermal method.

I have A LOT of questions…

I am planning to pick up the Taking Charge of Your Fertility book to get started to learn how everything works. I know that this book is not Catholic - but it does provide a lot of well-grounded scientific information. I would also like to take a class - but one is not offered in my area for a couple of months, and I do not want to wait that long to get started.

My husband and I would like to avoid pregnancy right now and potentially for another 3-4 years.

I have the following questions:

1. After I take out my IUD, how long will it take for my cycles to return to normal - when I can rely on charting?

Well according to my doctor, "if you were regular before the IUD then it should be normal within a month or 2, if you were not regular before the IUD it might not go back to any “regular” cycle, and you would need to consult a doctor to help you normalize your cycle… If you were then within 2 months you should be able to start using the NFP…

1. Does anyone here have any success stories of couple who have used this method to effectively avoid pregnancy for a long period of time?
   Actually I would like to know as well since my db and I have agreed on using NFP for our future children as well!!!

3)What if I cannot get my husband on board? He and I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye on these issues - what if he still wants to have more protection?

Get educated! Find out more information and get your hubby involved, better communication will help you both!!

 

[nfpworks]

Congratulations on your decision. NFP offers so many benefits to marriage! It is a leap of faith - and really counter cultural. But, it is so good for you and your marriage.

I have a little story - I hope it won’t be too lengthy -

Dr. John and Evelyn Billings developed the Billings Method of NFP. In the mid 80’s, they traveled to China to approach the Chinese Govt about teaching the Billings Method to the women there. They were refused. The Chinese Govt said that until the method is scientifically proven, they wouldn’t allow it. At the time, the women were given and IUD or the BCP - not a choice. So, the Billings asked if they could do a test group with the women using an IUD, as they are still ovulating. *So, I would think that your cycles would return to “normal” as soon as you take out the IUD. *So, eventually, the method was “scientifically proven” and now the Billings Method is an option for the Chinese women. They can use the BCP, the IUD, or learn the Billings Method of NFP. Today, there are over 3.5 million couples in China using the Billings Method and over 48,000 trained Billings teachers in China. In 2001, there was a study done in Shanghai with 1000 fertile couples. The effectiveness rate for avoiding pregnancy was 99.5%.

Maybe that study will help your husband.

A couple of websites: www.woomb.org
www.ccli.org
www.boma-usa.org
www.popepaulvi.com
I know people who have prayerfully and successfully used NFP to avoid pregnancy completely due to medical issues.

Hope all of this helps.

 

[MrsMeganMc]

Thank you - you all have been very helpful.

Big step: I actually made an appt to have my IUD removed next week. Once I got off the phone - I called my husband practically in tears. I am totally scared - but I am praying for strength. I know that this is the right thing to do.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Thank you - you all have been very helpful.

Big step: I actually made an appt to have my IUD removed next week. Once I got off the phone - I called my husband practically in tears. I am totally scared - but I am praying for strength. I know that this is the right thing to do.

Nothing to be afraid of just remember if it’s GOD’s will then you will have a baby if it’s not then when it is HIS will then you will have a baby!! God bless and good luck!

 

[MrsMeganMc]

Nothing to be afraid of just remember if it’s GOD’s will then you will have a baby if it’s not then when it is HIS will then you will have a baby!! God bless and good luck!

Thank you!

I have actually started to research the Marquette Method - which uses the CBE fertility monitor. I think this added technology to NFP is going to help get my husband on board.

Dare I say - I am kinda excited?!