Starting Pre Cana before official proposal?

[irishlass3399]

My boyfriend and I would like to start on our marriage preparation (which is 9 months here!), even if we are not officially engaged yet. We are just so excited, and we want to start our married life together as soon as we can. We are both finishing our degrees, and the only reason we are not officially engaged yet is because he is looking for a full-time job.

Do you think this is something a church would allow?

 

[1ke]

My boyfriend and I would like to start on our marriage preparation (which is 9 months here!), even if we are not officially engaged yet. We are just so excited, and we want to start our married life together as soon as we can. We are both finishing our degrees, and the only reason we are not officially engaged yet is because he is looking for a full-time job.

Do you think this is something a church would allow?

Engagement is just a word. What does “officially engaged” mean anyway? If you two have agreed to marry, are you not in fact already engaged?

There is nothing from a Church law perspective that regulates “pre cana” and who may or may not take classes, nor even exactly what is entailed in the process. However, you need to realize that “pre cana” is simply a broad term and individual marriage prep in parishes is geared to couples who have already set a date.

If there are waiting lists, such as there are in some diocese for certain required retreats, then you may be turned away in favor of those who already have a firm wedding date established who are in need of said class by a certain date.

Bottom line: talk to your pastor.

 

[Orogeny]

Congratulations!!!

There is no requirement for an official proposal, so if the two of you have already discussed marriage and you both intend to go forward to the sacrament, you should contact your parish.

Again, congratulations!!!

Peace

Tim

 

[Ridgerunner]

My wife and I knew, long before I formally “proposed” that we would marry. I guess I was a bit of a traditionalist and she went along with the formalities (rather amused I think). So I did the old fashioned thing and asked her father to approve our marriage. She and her mother giggled in the next room, but her father appreciated it. My wife and I picked her rings together (she was particular about it and rightly didn’t trust me to do it well). Finally, I did the kneeling on one knee thing, presented her with the ring she picked out and asked her to marry me.

Before that, we went to our respective parishes and talked to the priests about pre-Cana. Both of them waived it because we had both attended Catholic universities (that really were Catholic back then).

So we were “pre-Canaed” long before we were “engaged”.

 

[agapewolf]

I completely support marriage prep before any money is spent on a ring or any other kind of wedding stuff. This is time to get help in good discernment. Also, its good to get confident in NFP observations, (always for your health anyway).

 

[Lorelei12]

I’m not sure what you mean by “not officially engaged”. Does that mean you have decided to marry one another but don’t have a ring? Or, you’ve casually talked about maybe getting married someday?

I think it makes a difference- if you’re engaged but with no ring, you’re still engaged. In that case, there’s no reason not to start pre-Cana.

On the other hand, some marriage prep programs involve discussion of some pretty intimate details- some physical, some emotional- that really might not be appropriate for a couple who isn’t sure they’re getting married yet. In that case, if you’ve only talked about getting married casually and haven’t actually planned to marry, I would wait. These programs are designed for people who have already decided to marry and know when. They will want to know when your wedding date is when you sign up, to make sure the church is free and the priest is available, and if you don’t know those things they may even ask you to come back when you do know, so that they can focus the program on the couples who are actually engaged.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

My boyfriend and I would like to start on our marriage preparation (which is 9 months here!), even if we are not officially engaged yet. We are just so excited, and we want to start our married life together as soon as we can. We are both finishing our degrees, and the only reason we are not officially engaged yet is because he is looking for a full-time job.

Do you think this is something a church would allow?

If one of you (traditionally, but not necessarily the man) has proposed and the other accepted you are betrothed even if you don’t have rings, haven’t paid for a full page ad in the paper, haven’t had it announced on the radio, haven’t paid a guy in a biplane to fly around with a banner proclaiming it and whatever else you may consider required to be “officially engaged”.

 

[irishlass3399]

Thank you everyone!

By official engaged, I just meant we haven’t gotten a ring yet, but we have talked extensively about getting married. We will be attending the next marriage prep seminar at our parish!