Starving to receive Jesus body and blood

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FMLJoliecouer

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Ok here is my situation…If I have to wait til the end of my RCIA classes, and get a divorce from my first husband and then an enulment, and then get re-married to the man I am living with, whom I had a son with…I guess I will never receive the Eucharist…

I really need to vent and ask people too, their advice, on how to handle the situation…I have told my priest everything, except the most recent development…that I feel as though I am dying…not being able to receive the sacrement of the Eucharist…

I was baptized Catholic, not raised in any faith by my adopted parents and have recently decided that I am called to return to my faith…the faith of my birth parents

Once I realized it was unacceptable to God that I was living in sin with this man…We have been living as brother and sister…he is 20 years older that I , and at 63, is ok with being chaste as well…he was born and raised Anglican.

I never got a divorce from my first husband because money has always been an issue and even if I got one…I dont like the idea of an enulment…as I believed at the time it was forever…THe man I am with, wants to continue living together as brother as sister as we have a 7 year old son together and I have a daughter of 16 from my first marriage with us as well.

I know there is the scandal issue, but I am not willing to travel to another city and will not be able to anyway, as we cant afford to keep a car on the road…

Now…very recently, I started believing, through the grace of God, that the bread and wine really is the body and blood of Christ…and it was then that I started to hunger for him more than I have ever wanted anything in my life (this is a good thing). One night I even woke up and yelled out…Jesus, abide in me… But , I may never be able to partake in the Eucharist and I feel it is unfair…
It isnt my fault I was adopted out of the faith…

Please if you dont have any insights, advice, words of encouragement about my situation, prayers are most appreciated.

Thanks be to God for this FOrum
 
Talk to your priest. If you are truly living chastely so that scandal is the only reason (after a good confession) not to receive communion, you might be able to receive Him privately.

The EWTN radio program “reasons for faith” today addressed a situation in which a couple were living together sinlessly (in that case a real marriage when the first was invalid but not publicly provable) but could not receive communion publicly because of scandal.

God bless you, and welcome home!
 
Also, make frequent spiritual communions. That also will give you some grace & peace.
 
Lainey63 said:
Also, make frequent spiritual communions. That also will give you some grace & peace.
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I am not sure what you mean by spiritual communion…

Also, mabe I’ll get lucky and be on my death bed and then a priest will have to give me the Holy Eucharist before my last rites…

and then I’ll die at peace, one with my creator…but i guess thats too much to hope for…

Of course I could die tomorrow in a car accident without the benefit of receiving the Holy Eucharist…once in my life…but at least there would be no scandal…

Well, mabe the Catholic church will deny me what the Children’s Aid denied me…a right to be brought up in the faith I was baptized in…but I know Jesus won’t deny me…so I could always just go the Cathedral after every Mass and pray and be alone with Him…without any scandal…just minus THe Eucharist…
Despite my obvious scarcasm…I have tears in my eyes…

I will talk to my Priest to see if I can receive the Eucharist in Private…but who knows…

I hope you all can forgive me for my digression…but I have had to live my whole life without really knowing Jesus and now that I have found Him…I am not able to partake in the most important part of the Body of Christ. ps All the sacrafices I have made over the past number of months are not really sacrafices at all when I look at the Love in Jesus eyes as He looks down from the cross

THe pain is that unbearable…I sometimes want to die

I thank you to all who have sent prayers and suggestions…

It means alot that someone cares…
 
FMLJoliecouer said:
I am not sure what you mean by spiritual communion…
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Its basically just asking Jesus to come into your heart because you can’t receive him in the sacrament yet. I do a spiritual communion at every mass (I am not Catholic yet). When the others go up for communion I stay in my seat and say the following prayer:

My Jesus,
I believe that You
are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things,
and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment
receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated from You.
Amen.
 
Susan_Calvin said:
Its basically just asking Jesus to come into your heart because you can’t receive him in the sacrament yet. I do a spiritual communion at every mass (I am not Catholic yet). When the others go up for communion I stay in my seat and say the following prayer:

My Jesus,
I believe that You
are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things,
and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment
receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated from You.
Amen.
Click to expand...
That is beautiful…thanks…where is that prayer found? I have not seen it before
 
FMLJoliecouer said:
That is beautiful…thanks…where is that prayer found? I have not seen it before
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I have spiritual communion prayers in my prayer book (which is just a book of basic Catholic prayers). You can also find them online if you google “spiritual communion prayer”.

Here’s another one from my prayer book:

O Jesus,
I turn toward the holy tabernacle where You live hidden for love of me.
I love You, O my God.
I cannot receive You in Holy Communion.
Come nevertheless and visit me with Your grace.
Come spiritually into my heart.
Purify it. Sanctify it. Render it like unto Your own.
Amen.

Oh and by the way, my priest told me Catholics also say this prayer when they can’t attend mass for whatever reason, or when they can’t go up for communion for some reason, like needing to go to confession or not having observed the fast, etc. Basically anytime you can’t go to communion you can recite. I say it every day.
 
An Act of Spiritual Communion
My Jesus,
I believe that You
are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things,
and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment
receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace You as if You were already there
and unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated from You.
Amen.

There is also this site where you can Adore Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.
savior.org/

God would not call you back only to deny you. Do not be discouraged but continue to have faith that He who makes all things possible will make it possible for you to receive Him. No matter how long it takes, if you want Him badly enough, you will, in obedience, meet the requirements of the Church and will receive the Lord’s Body and Blood.

In the meantime, know that you are loved by God.

BTW, BTDT. I did not know Him before and when He called, it took 2 years for me to receive the Sacraments. If it had taken more than that, I would gladly have done it, anything, whatever it took, just to receive Him in the Eucharist. I know the ‘starving to receive Him’ feeling very well and many times felt very discouraged that something would happen and I would never receive Him.

Learn also about the devotion to the Divine Mercy. I think this will give you reassurance.
ewtn.com/devotionals/mercy/index.htm

praying for you
:signofcross:
 
Gods Grace is “AMAZING”.He dos’nt give up on us or toss us aside.Please take the nessasary steps one at a time.I will continue to pray for you.
 
There was a man in our parish with a situation almost identical to yours. (He was 60.)

He submitted to the Church and waited for two years for all the issues, including the anullment. THEN he received Eucharist. And THEN he had big party for all of us who had encouraged him.

Please submit to whatever your priest counsels you to do.
 
the only insight I can offer you, through years of experience in helping people through similar situations as they make the RCIA pilgrimage, is to at this point in your journey resolve to submit in grateful obedience to God in this as in all aspects of your life. Learn his commands, as they are communicated through His Church, and do your best to follow them in charity and humility and patience. It is He who will dictate the direction and pace of your conversion journey and it is for you, with the help of your pastor and those guiding you, to accommodate yourself to that pace. Yes He has been seeking you, you have responded and yes He will bring you to Himself completely in His good time.

I am sure if you think about it you will agree that with all you have been through, it is common sense that in all areas of life we have to deal with, confront and resolve past issues before we can reconcile with the present and move on. The Church in her wisdom has a process to guide and assist us i nthis very necessary human and spiritual work. In my experience if you go with her, taking your pastors guidance at each step, you will find great healing in ways you never expected, and reach your reward, full communion with Christ and His Church through the Eucharist.

Welcome home, great joy awaits you, and the greater the work and suffering and patience required, the greater the joy.

Objectively if you are living chastely and are otherwise properly disposed you can receive communion as soon as you have made a general confession of all sins of your past life, and it is really nobody’s business except your pastor.
 
puzzleannie said:
the only insight I can offer you, through years of experience in helping people through similar situations as they make the RCIA pilgrimage, is to at this point in your journey resolve to submit in grateful obedience to God in this as in all aspects of your life. Learn his commands, as they are communicated through His Church, and do your best to follow them in charity and humility and patience. It is He who will dictate the direction and pace of your conversion journey and it is for you, with the help of your pastor and those guiding you, to accommodate yourself to that pace. Yes He has been seeking you, you have responded and yes He will bring you to Himself completely in His good time.

I am sure if you think about it you will agree that with all you have been through, it is common sense that in all areas of life we have to deal with, confront and resolve past issues before we can reconcile with the present and move on. The Church in her wisdom has a process to guide and assist us i nthis very necessary human and spiritual work. In my experience if you go with her, taking your pastors guidance at each step, you will find great healing in ways you never expected, and reach your reward, full communion with Christ and His Church through the Eucharist.

Welcome home, great joy awaits you, and the greater the work and suffering and patience required, the greater the joy.

Objectively if you are living chastely and are otherwise properly disposed you can receive communion as soon as you have made a general confession of all sins of your past life, and it is really nobody’s business except your pastor.
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Thanks for your wisdom and everything you said makes sense in my heart…
I have some questions about confession, and an enulment to first determine what’s next.
I dont yet know if my situation in my first marriage makes an enulment possible…i dont see how except for possibly two things…
My first husband was Catholic, not confirmed, but wanted to get married in the Catholic church…I refused after my parents make a stink about it and my financee refused to go to Mass with me so I could learn more about the faith of the church I was getting married in…so we got married in the United Church…after I did some church shopping…

The other thing was that I dont see how God could have been in our first marriage because at the time…I was not truly able to become one with anyone as I was unable to truly love anyone…It was all about me and getting my needs met…

If either of these conditions make an enulment possible…then I will do as my Priest says and seek a divorce and an enulment…from my first husband, however I do not know if I can marry the man I have been living with, as even though I love him, he and I wish to be celibate whether married or not. I have to figure out what God is calling me to do…marry the man I am with, or not. If I dont, I wont be able to receive the Eucharist at Mass…
ps we have children together so living apart is not going to happen

I forgot to mention…I am starting the RCIA pilgrimage this fall
 
Objectively if you are living chastely and are otherwise properly disposed you can receive communion as soon as you have made a general confession of all sins of your past life, and it is really nobody’s business except your pastor.
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This is what I was thinking too. I am sure that a lot of people have their suspicions of me and my children attending Mass without a husband. Also my husband is half Korean but our biological daughter shows no physical characteristics of being Korean (she has reddish-brown hair, pale skin and blue eyes). We then adopted our son from Korea (my husband is an adoptee from Korea) so everyone assumes that he is ours together and my daughter must be from a previous relationship. Even my priest assumed this was my second marriage until I clarified this with him. He knows the situation now and I recieve Communion with everyone else (when I am properly disposed). I never even thought about scandal.
 
FMLJoliecouer said:
Thanks for your wisdom and everything you said makes sense in my heart…
I have some questions about confession, and an enulment to first determine what’s next.
I dont yet know if my situation in my first marriage makes an enulment possible…i dont see how except for possibly two things…
My first husband was Catholic, not confirmed, but wanted to get married in the Catholic church…I refused after my parents make a stink about it and my financee refused to go to Mass with me so I could learn more about the faith of the church I was getting married in…so we got married in the United Church…after I did some church shopping…

The other thing was that I dont see how God could have been in our first marriage because at the time…I was not truly able to become one with anyone as I was unable to truly love anyone…It was all about me and getting my needs met…

If either of these conditions make an enulment possible…then I will do as my Priest says and seek a divorce and an enulment…from my first husband, however I do not know if I can marry the man I have been living with, as even though I love him, he and I wish to be celibate whether married or not. I have to figure out what God is calling me to do…marry the man I am with, or not. If I dont, I wont be able to receive the Eucharist at Mass…
ps we have children together so living apart is not going to happen

I forgot to mention…I am starting the RCIA pilgrimage this fall
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You say that your husband was Catholic at the time of marriage, right? Then, both of you were married in a Protestant ecclesial community, right? If you haven’t already, please tell the priest this very important detail.

While I do not claim to be an expert in Canon law as it relates to the marriage tribunal, your marriage may have been invalid due to a defect of form. Because your husband is Catholic, he was bound and obligated to contract the marriage under the laws of Christ and His Church. The fact that you went “church shopping” may have rendered the marriage invalid because it was not contracted under the laws of Christ and His Church. If this is, in fact, the case, then an annulment may not necessarily be needed. I am not sure if this is the correct phrase, but, you could petition for a Decree of Nullity due to a Defect of Form.

I am a little confused. Are you still married to your husband or have you gotten a civil divorce? It was not very clear in your initial and subsequent posts.

Now, has the man you are currently living with ever been married before? These are questions that you need to ask. Inasmuch as you may or may not want to marry this particular man, the issue needs to be settled at some point before you go too far along in the RCIA process. In either case, please explain the situation to the priest.
 
I tried to reply to your post and poof it was gone. So here it goes again. I’ve been working and waiting to become Catholic for three (3) years. I know how desperately you want to truly partake in the Holy Eucharist.

Here’s the short version of my story…
First I needed an annulment from a marriage long ago (37 years ago). Many of our friends, co-workers, members of our community and even some family members didn’t know I had been married before. My husband and I have been married for 30 years so many people assumed we had always been married. I had been married in the Baptist Church, raised our kids in that faith. played piano, did the newsletters and bullentins, was a SS teacher. So leaving that faith was hard, I loved the people but I always felt my spirit being troubled and wanting more. So I went to Mass and found a home for my spirit.

But I couldn’t join the Faith until I got an annulemnt… Starting the annulment was difficult, to open those doors of hurt and pain from long ago and get my ex husband involved ?? Deciding wether I wanted to open my life to the hurt and pain, so I prayed constantly about it. I start the RCIA classes and discover I’m where my spirit feels at home. So I begin the journey after 7months of RCIA…meet with the parrish Advocate…fill out a huge questionaire…and submit the document to the Diocese. So months go by (5 or 6 months) and I find out that my Advocate had lost my annulment paperwork !!! Oh my so here I go again. So after the submission to the Diocese Tribunal…
I wait 4 months for something from the Diocese… and keep waiting
Finally mail from the Tribunal
They state they have received my case (Oh my goodness…talk about slow:eek:)
About here I start wondering if this ever going to happen
Then*** 3 or 4 months*** after that my case is opened (it took 4 months just to open the envelope ??? :D)
My parish Advocate calls and has more forms for me to fill out (they look identical to the other forms but here I go filling them out
By this time I’m into RCIA for the second year !!!
And I wait finally an evelope !! Yeah but they just need more witnesses to the previous marrige. I did well to come up with the names of 3 people from long ago !! So I meet with my Parrish Advocate and we submit letters to the Diocese (again)
And I wait and wait finally word after 5months my case has Tribunal Judges and so on we go. I’m getting anxious I just know it won’t be long ! I’m wrong it can take for forever…
About here I just hit rock bottom and become filled with despair. I couldn’t eat or sleep for I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t become Catholic faster and easier than this.😦 I was crying and told my Catholic friend about it and she said…" The Catholic Church has been around for 2000 years and they don’t move fast. But they DO move and in time you will have your answer. She encouraged me to continue to pray about it.
So my journey has continued … more submissions to the Diocese…just recently due to the fact that only one witness had replied they wanted Character References. So submitted that.
I’m told that once those are received that it will go to the Tribunal for the final stage.
Guess what RCIA is starting for the third (3) year…🙂
Have I been sad ? mad ? in despair ? heartsick ? (name removed by moderator)atient ? scared ? and so on and on… YES I have.
But I can tell you this… the wait and hunger for the Holy Eucharist burns fervertly. I know that when I am a Catholic I will tell everyone that the wait was worth it !

Sometimes God says be still …
Sometimes God says wait …
 
benedictgal said:
You say that your husband was Catholic at the time of marriage, right? Then, both of you were married in a Protestant ecclesial community, right? If you haven’t already, please tell the priest this very important detail.

While I do not claim to be an expert in Canon law as it relates to the marriage tribunal, your marriage may have been invalid due to a defect of form. Because your husband is Catholic, he was bound and obligated to contract the marriage under the laws of Christ and His Church. The fact that you went “church shopping” may have rendered the marriage invalid because it was not contracted under the laws of Christ and His Church. If this is, in fact, the case, then an annulment may not necessarily be needed. I am not sure if this is the correct phrase, but, you could petition for a Decree of Nullity due to a Defect of Form.

I am a little confused. Are you still married to your husband or have you gotten a civil divorce? It was not very clear in your initial and subsequent posts.

Now, has the man you are currently living with ever been married before? These are questions that you need to ask. Inasmuch as you may or may not want to marry this particular man, the issue needs to be settled at some point before you go too far along in the RCIA process. In either case, please explain the situation to the priest.
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Yes the Priest knows the part about my first husband being Catholic (although he was not practising and never became confirmed) And he knows we were married in a Protestant church. Trust me…if my first husband showed any interest in returning to his faith and coming to Mass with me…I would have ended up getting married in the Catholic church, despite my parent’s protest.

Yes, I am still married to my first husband civilly, however we were separated years before I staring living with my current partner. Couldnt afford a divorce, but he says he is now working on it. Not sure. The man I am with has never been married. I still plan on taking the RCIA, to find out more about the faith of my baptism…

I will check with my priest or perhaps the bishop re: about the necessity of an anulment
 
StateofGrace said:
I tried to reply to your post and poof it was gone. So here it goes again. I’ve been working and waiting to become Catholic for three (3) years. I know how desperately you want to truly partake in the Holy Eucharist.

Here’s the short version of my story…
First I needed an annulment from a marriage long ago (37 years ago). Many of our friends, co-workers, members of our community and even some family members didn’t know I had been married before. My husband and I have been married for 30 years so many people assumed we had always been married. I had been married in the Baptist Church, raised our kids in that faith. played piano, did the newsletters and bullentins, was a SS teacher. So leaving that faith was hard, I loved the people but I always felt my spirit being troubled and wanting more. So I went to Mass and found a home for my spirit.

But I couldn’t join the Faith until I got an annulemnt… Starting the annulment was difficult, to open those doors of hurt and pain from long ago and get my ex husband involved ?? Deciding wether I wanted to open my life to the hurt and pain, so I prayed constantly about it. I start the RCIA classes and discover I’m where my spirit feels at home. So I begin the journey after 7months of RCIA…meet with the parrish Advocate…fill out a huge questionaire…and submit the document to the Diocese. So months go by (5 or 6 months) and I find out that my Advocate had lost my annulment paperwork !!! Oh my so here I go again. So after the submission to the Diocese Tribunal…
I wait 4 months for something from the Diocese… and keep waiting
Finally mail from the Tribunal
They state they have received my case (Oh my goodness…talk about slow:eek:)
About here I start wondering if this ever going to happen
Then*** 3 or 4 months*** after that my case is opened (it took 4 months just to open the envelope ??? :D)
My parish Advocate calls and has more forms for me to fill out (they look identical to the other forms but here I go filling them out
By this time I’m into RCIA for the second year !!!
And I wait finally an evelope !! Yeah but they just need more witnesses to the previous marrige. I did well to come up with the names of 3 people from long ago !! So I meet with my Parrish Advocate and we submit letters to the Diocese (again)
And I wait and wait finally word after 5months my case has Tribunal Judges and so on we go. I’m getting anxious I just know it won’t be long ! I’m wrong it can take for forever…
About here I just hit rock bottom and become filled with despair. I couldn’t eat or sleep for I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t become Catholic faster and easier than this.😦 I was crying and told my Catholic friend about it and she said…" The Catholic Church has been around for 2000 years and they don’t move fast. But they DO move and in time you will have your answer. She encouraged me to continue to pray about it.
So my journey has continued … more submissions to the Diocese…just recently due to the fact that only one witness had replied they wanted Character References. So submitted that.
I’m told that once those are received that it will go to the Tribunal for the final stage.
Guess what RCIA is starting for the third (3) year…🙂
Have I been sad ? mad ? in despair ? heartsick ? (name removed by moderator)atient ? scared ? and so on and on… YES I have.
But I can tell you this… the wait and hunger for the Holy Eucharist burns fervertly. I know that when I am a Catholic I will tell everyone that the wait was worth it !

Sometimes God says be still …
Sometimes God says wait …
Click to expand...
I dont know how to take just part of a quote, so I had to quote the whole thing.

Wow…if you have that much patience…then all I can say is…It must come from GOd…
Sounds like you are getting closer and I will celebrate too when you get there.
Thanks for sharing your journey thus far…and oh…I’ll stop complaining…
 
I think it would be relatively easy to get an annulment due to lack of form. But first you must be legally divorced. Since you have been separated for so long, that should not be difficult or expensive. You said your first husband may be working on it. You could work on it yourself, perhaps with the help of a legal aid lawyer. You might also be eligible to have your marriage annulled due your emotional immaturity at the time of the marriage. But it probably won’t even be necessary to go into that.

Starting the RCIA classes is a good beginning. You won’t have to go through the process since you’re already a baptized Catholic but it’s a very good way to learn your faith and become a member of the parish.

Once you’re divorced and get the annulment, you and your current partner will have to discuss marriage (actually, you may already be discussing it). You say living apart isn’t in the cards because you have children. If the two of you care about each other and intend to remain together for life, you could marry even if you are no longer sexually active, as long as this is something you both wish for.

To an outsider, looking at the case you have presented, your situation doesn’t appear hopeless by any means. I’m an RCIA team member and have seen more complicated situations resolved favorably. Have patience and do as your priest has suggested.
 
FMLJoliecouer said:
Now…very recently, I started believing, through the grace of God, that the bread and wine really is the body and blood of Christ…and it was then that I started to hunger for him more than I have ever wanted anything in my life (this is a good thing). One night I even woke up and yelled out…Jesus, abide in me… But , I may never be able to partake in the Eucharist and I feel it is unfair…
It isnt my fault I was adopted out of the faith…

Please if you dont have any insights, advice, words of encouragement about my situation, prayers are most appreciated.

Thanks be to God for this FOrum
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Snipped respectfully, for space.

I will certainly keep you and your family in my prayers, FMLJ. Definitely. I can understand you feeling that all this is unfair. But I think you would agree that, now that you know what’s what, receiving the Lord before it is time would be compounding your troubles, not relieving them. You’d be doing something illicit and that’s what has gotten you in this situation that seems so unbearable already.

So patience there. Hard as it may be. Patience and prayer. You don’t want to be united to the Lord until you can be. Like waiting to consummate a relationship until you are properly and sacramentally married. It is that, as a matter of fact. Holy Communion is the way we are sacramentally united to Christ. You are united to Him in His suffering now. You are already receiving grace from Him. That is evident by your longing for Him. Ask Him to help you and ask His representative, your priest, to help you too. This doesn’t mean that he can help you do anything illicit, but ask him what can be done.

I will keep you in my prayers. I’m glad you’ve come home. And you have, even if you can’t receive Communion yet. (Spiritual Communion remains available to you at any time.)

May the peace of Christ which passeth all understanding be with you and yours.

Disciple
 
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