Stay at home parents

[MiserereMei25]

Financially how did you do it? Me and my wife have been talking and I may end up quitting my full timejob for a part-time one 2 days a week to help take care of our home and raise our kids.

Thanks

 

[Allegra]

I’m not a SAHP, however, if I was going to try to be, we would have to go down to one car for sure. We’d have to keep our grocery bill to less than $80 a week. We would have to cut the internet and go down to one “dumb phone”. We’d probably have to forgo life insurance policies and go down to liability insurance on our one car. We would not be able to afford any extras like trips to visit the inlaws or the emergency room. It would be pretty scary. I think most of the people who do this make more money on one income than they like to admit. I think a family with a few children need at least $70 grand a year to stay off the dole and/or medicaid in my area.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

I know many one income families. They do it. Some of my friends do it on about 20k a year with 5 kids. Others more. I do hate it when people point out that it matters how much you need to make. My wife makes six figures. We live in an affordable city. So our 1 income is luxurious by some standards. Yet still I work part time for a friends security company. I work as little as I wish, the extra income is always nice. The time in a quiet empty building is priceless.

 

[MiserereMei25]

You say that you know some families with a 20k income. They seem to be getting along just fine? Both me and my Waite make more than that a year. But I want to see what your option is.

 

[Carmelite1983]

My wife stays home.
We have 3 children.
I work and pull in about 23,000 a year, so yes, it can be done.

There is assistance available I most states, and it will also involve a lot of spaghetti dinners and beans n rice.
We never eat out anymore and we’re used to generic everything.

 

[Clementine14]

Any family that lives on 20k a year with multiple children around my area (the Northeast) would not be able to make it without a lot of public assistance. You’d need at least triple that amount around here just to afford rent and food, etc. without any extras.

I stay at home full time and I work part time from home. My part time job is going to be put on hold for awhile, as we’ll be having our second in a couple of months. So we’ll be a one income family. It is not going to be easy, since we rely on my income for my son’s therapy and special dietary needs. But my oldest doesn’t nap anymore and I just can’t do all of it with two kids, and we can’t afford daycare for two children.

My husband has fairly good health insurance- that is a big deal. If your wife has good health insurance, that’s good. I haven’t gotten a new car in nearly ten years, so I’ll be driving mine until it literally dies. We have been saving for a home, but the market is so terrible we haven’t found anything and will likely have to end up using some of our down payment savings for bills. We never travel anywhere. We don’t buy new things. We rent a small condo. I think we’ll do okay, but it means we likely won’t be able to afford a home for much longer than we wanted to.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

Sure. I know several families in Indiana who make around 20. Now, the husband in both families is extremely versatile in skills. From farming to hunting to auto repair. Now I know many are not skilled in these areas and not all can farm. I certainly cant. But the point is that you do what you can where you are. I live in Idaho now. I have friends with big families who and one income who are nurses, teachers, med techs, diocese workers, or simply own their own businesses.
As far as “public assistance” goes that is such a blurry subject. Really, probably everyone on here is on public assistance if you look at taxes paid to services received. And while we make several times what would qualify for Medicaid, when my second daughter had severe medical and developmental problems we qualified under disabled persons. Her medical treatments would have bankrupted us without it. Also, the larger the family the more money one makes and qualifies not just for state services but private as well. 2 years ago I applied for financial help to the hospital we owed thousands to. They forgave thousands. It’s not wrong to be wise with your money and try to be frugal for your family. Being lazy and not attempting to provide is wrong. But factor in even two parent working families and they take more than they give monitarily.

 

[MiserereMei25]

Thank you for your thoughts. This is very helpful.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Budget, budget, budget

 

[ThePCWife]

My husband made top 10% income when I quit my job to stay home and he currently makes top 1% income. I’ve spent about 10 years staying home, nearly all of that with kids (got pregnant about 20 seconds after quitting my job), so the income rises were not sudden or overnight. We did the rural thing for a while but it’s much easier to save in an actual city. This is very very very counterintuitive, but something to keep in mind.

Currently the median household income for married parents (married couples with children under 18) is just under 100k/yr. Which means half are below that, and most SAHPs are in households making less. Many of them are helped with various factors that are more ok (help from relatives in the form of cash for bills or living in already-paid-off grandma’s house, legitimately earning low enough incomes to qualify for welfare benefits) or less ok (not reporting all earned income so as to qualify for welfare).

Some are not helped, generally the ones right around the median because they make too much for welfare, seem to have a high base income which limits/eliminates relatives helping, but tend to live in high cost of living areas to get that income for (usually) dad, so they are pretty much stuck in the middle and it can be a scramble and very hard to save.

I’m using a strict definition of stay at home parent, involving no paid work inside or outside the home. Working 20 or 30 hours a week and “identifying” as a stay at home parent muddies the waters considerably, although obviously lots of people do it.

 

[13pollitos]

We did the rural thing for a while but it’s much easier to save in an actual city. This is very very very counterintuitive, but something to keep in mind.

That is the very opposite of my experience. It just goes to show that no matter what works for one family, you have to find what works for your own. We all have our own priorities, our own talents, and our own lifestyles so a one size fits all can’t really be found.

 

[Peeps]

We went into debt so I could stay home, and now that we’re 60, we’re still paying off that debt.

It was worth it. Our two daughters had a wonderful upbringing by a mom who was home with them and exposed them to so many experiences, people, places, books, sports, etc. They are exceptional women now who both work at good jobs. They both were out of the house by the time they were 18, and paying their own way in the world by the time they were 21. No addictions, no major mess-ups, healthy lifestyles (other than the coffee habits!), and frugal in their spending.

When I say, we went into debt, it’s not because we lived high on the hog on one income. My husband made a respectable income, but not exactly luxury.

We had one beater of a car that needed repairs about every two weeks, and those repairs were paid with a credit card because we didn’t have the cash. Eventually the beater stopped and never started again, so we had to finance a car and that sent us into more debt.

We lived in a house with electric heat, and in the 1980s, that cost around $500 a month, and we barely made that payment.

Eventually our kids started figure skating and that costs a lot of money. Even a beginner back then paid around $25/week or more, plus a $20 lesson once a week (I laugh at that now, as my older daughter was paying $150/lesson while she was working on her gold ice dance tests.)

The girls also took music lessons, dance lessons, and went to a private school.

All of that is what caused us to make the decision for me to go back to work, but we waited until both daughters were in school, which meant that for a few years, we were doing a lot of bill-paying with credit cards.

BUT IT WAS WORTH IT!

I would say do ANYTHING to be able to stay home with babies and small children, and that includes going into debt. You CAN and you WILL pay it off eventually, even as we are doing.

NOTHING can every be worth giving up that precious time with your children and raising them yourself instead of letting a daycare or sitter or even grandma/grandpa raise them.

JMO, and I know that many will disagree.

And in case you’re wondering, we both think Dave Ramsey is full of it.

 

[13pollitos]

I often wonder what people think money is for if it isn’t to be enjoyed while taking care of your family. I can’t see barely scrapping by but building up savings and a retirement portfolio. I work, and my husband did until he retired, so our kids can enjoy life and our family can make happy memories together.

 

[Allegra]

You make over a six figure income and you hate it when other people say that they can’t do the same on a standard single income? Your income isn’t luxurious to “some”. Your income is luxurious to almost everyone. I work full-time and my husband works two jobs, one of which is full time. We don’t fetch six figures combined. You don’t see how rediculus you sound when you complain that you “hate it” when people say they can’t afford to live the way you do on a quarter of your income? Well, sorry, not sorry. If some people you associate with are convinced that staying home is the most important thing in the world, that they are willing to risk their family’s housing security, health security, and even nutrition, then I guess that’s their business. We can’t really justify that. Our daughter has to have access to a wide variety of very specific medical care, some of which requires visiting specialists in other states. Other posters have mentioned that they use “services” in order to accomplish this lifestyle. If people who are fully capable of supporting themselves decide that staying home is so important that they are willing to mooch off the labor of those who do support their family financially then that is on their conscience. The hilarious thing is when these same people try to pretend that this choice is somehow morally superior to those who are actually out working in order to support them!

 

[Allegra]

You bring up the point that many families are able to make it work that they can spend at lot more time at home with their kids by being creative with working from home and working different shifts. I really love my job as a teacher because I’m always with my children on weekends, holidays, and for extended breaks. My husband’s main job also offers really great leave benefits. He gets three weeks of paid leave and two more that hey can “buy”. When my baby is born in a few months, he’ll get four weeks of paid leave as well! It doesn’t have to be an “all or nothing” thing.

 

[MiserereMei25]

I only got a week of leave when our son was born and my wife who is a teacher only got 6 weeks. Same thing will happen with the next one

 

[13pollitos]

It is important to look at your own family’s needs and adjust in ways that are possible instead of trying to follow some sort of blueprint. It’s very individual. I know someone mentioned saving money in the city was easier for them. In my family we saved by living in the country. My mom was the main income growing up and dad worked very minimally with huge periods of staying home full time. My husband was military until retirement. He’s been a stay at home dad for almost two years now. When he was active duty I spent many years working as a substitute or not at all. We have been at this duty station for several years and I have worked full time teaching since we have been here. Starting in June, he will go back to working and I will be home full time again.

Families tend to change throughout life. It is important to be willing and able to adjust. Do whatever it takes to care for each other and not worry what or how other families think about that. Find what is possible for you. There isn’t just one model for the perfect, joyful, Holy family.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

You really really misunderstood that. I was heading off the point that people cant do it when many do. I have no need to dialogue with you about this if you are so aggressive and defensive.
Slow your roll. Back up. And we can encourage eachother.

Wow!

 

[Allegra]

I get six weeks paid, eight weeks if it’s a C-section. (I think they consider the first two “medical”, since you are recovering from surgery.) My husband got two weeks with my first two, but they’ve recently increased it in the interest of equality. I guess it makes sense that the guy to who stood next to the woman who just pushed a human out of her abdomen gets the same break as the woman. I’m not going to complain though, because it’s going to save our butts this time if all works out according to plan. Our baby is due precisely eight weeks to the end of the school year. I only get six weeks paid, so I’m going to have to go back for the last two weeks. He’s planning to stay home for a week after the baby comes, and then he gets to take up those last two weeks before the end of the school year. I really hope it all works out the way it’s supposed to because I’m not sure how I’d find a nanny I’m comfortable with that could only work for a week or two.

 

[13pollitos]

Have you thought about part time or evening work? If your wife is a teacher, working evenings or weekends might end up saving you money in the long run. That way most of the time one of you would be home and childcare costs would decrease or become unnecessary.