Stay at home parents

  • Thread starter Thread starter MiserereMei25
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I didn’t misunderstand. You claim that it’s a perfectly reasonable expectation for people to risk their family’s security and/or mooch off the dole or the charity of others who are working to support themselves, in order to achieve a lifestyle that you achieve with a massive amount of income because you know people who do it and therefore it is “possible”. I know a couple people who raise their families on income they get from dealing drugs, but I’m not recommending it as a reasonable option, just because it’s technically “possible”.
 
6 weeks is standard. My wife takes 6 weeks maternity, plus some vacay. While I’ve taken time off my side hustle it’s not really " time off" it’s not really standard in the US for men to get time off. What absolutely ticks my wife off to no end is when other people at work refer to ot as a vacation.
 
And you are condemning those who do just because you don’t. Soften up.
 
13pollitos said:
I often wonder what people think money is for if it isn’t to be enjoyed while taking care of your family. I can’t see barely scrapping by but building up savings and a retirement portfolio.
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Because in general there is no such thing as a pension anymore. Most people don’t have any option but to do their best to save for retirement. If we don’t, we will have no money to live on. I certainly don’t want my kids having to care for us financially when we are older. That’s not their responsibility.

We live very frugally in order to save for a home. Not having to rent and move around also will benefit them. Maybe we won’t get to take trips to Disney, but I think my son is a generally happy kid who enjoys his life and will be glad one day that we thought ahead to be able to care for ourselves.
 
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I certainly wasn’t thinking vacations when I said that. I don’t know many people that do vacations.

Maybe I see things differently due to culture. We don’t “live off our kids,” but as the adult children, we feel responsible for caring for our parents. If we live far away, we send money as needed and if we live close, we take our parents in. It isn’t expected of us, but I can’t imagine not doing that for my mom
 
First of all, I don’t have the power to “condemn” anyone, even if I wanted to. Secondly, I think I was pretty clear that I’m perfectly fine with anyone using whatever resources they have in whatever way they want. Rich people such as yourself can afford to live off their one income. Many people with less resources find they are able to do so as well. (Some of those resources may not be cash income.) What I criticize (not condemn) is people who are living off the efforts of other people, most of which are having their wages confiscated against their will so they can do so or who are giving in charity with the understanding that they are helping someone who NEEDS help rather than someone who is purposefully living outside of their means. Also, what I criticize is people who have far beyond ample resources “hating it” when those without have the nerve to point out that they have to sacrifice a lot more for the sake of their lifestyle.
 
Everyone lives off others. Your class warfare here is odd. You seem to have some sort of resentment that I’m part of. This thread is about one income stay at home parents. Do you have some encouragement for those who want to make this work?
 
I know tons of hunters and I’ve never met one who did better than break even. Most spend more money on gear upgrade, licensing, processing, lost wages, and beer than they eventually save on meat. I don’t know about Idaho, but in most states, tags are regulated to prevent “for-profit hunting”. If a person farms, they usually live on the land they farm. Is that $20 grand including housing expenses, because if it isn’t, that’s a pretty dishonest representation of the situation. Pretty much anyone could comfortably on $20 grand above and beyond their housing.
 
No. Most people don’t live off others. Cooperating in society by putting in your fair share and taking out your fair share at appropriate phases of life is nothing like expecting other people to work hard and sacrifice time with their own families so you don’t have to.
 
I’ll be more clear then. A person who is making $20 grand a year, plus all of their housing expenses, is not really making $20 grand a year.
 
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This shows that people in different circumstances benefit from different lifestyles. Most of the hunters I know are like the ones you describe. They do it as a hobby and sport. I know several others that do it to supplement their food supply and it really is a completely different thing.

People need to respect that different families see things differently. It is very possible for some families to live on very little and still be happy, have their needs met, and not be receiving welfare and charity assistance regularly. I know many of them. I also know people that need a higher income to make their family run smoothly. Neither side is doing something wrong (presumably there is nothing immoral or illegal going on) and neither is better than the other.
 
Oh, and yes, I do have encouragement! Don’t feel obligated to make unreasonable sacrifices to the welfare of your family in order to achieve stay-at-home-parent status. If you write a budget and find that you can reasonably afford it, or that there are reasonable changes you can make to your lifestyle that will accommodate it, then go for it, if that’s what you want. If you can’t, perhaps you can make some changes that will allow you more time with your family, even if you can’t go all the way down to a single income. However, if that’s not possible, don’t kill yourself or make unreasonable sacrifices because rich people on the internet insist that if they did it, you can too.
 
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That last post is true allegra. Very true. I think many people choose a side and are so used to doing battle that they assume it’s always a war. Each family should out of love, make decisions best for their family. Be that working one, two or 4 jobs per household. Each circumstance is different and we should support eachother in our efforts.
 
No doubt there are families who live on little and are still happy. That’s not the point. The point is that is wrong to say that because some families have managed to find a niche in which they are able to make that happen, ANY family can do so, particularly when the person making that claim is wealthy and never even had to make those sacrifices himself.
 
I am not sure that is what is actually being stated or if it is just the way it is being taken. I agree that everyone needs to find the way that is best for their family.

I see people misread a lot on CAF, myself included. That is part of the harm with communicating online.
 
There’s no reason for a war. People should be thankful for the gifts they’ve been given and realize that they ARE gifts and not every body gets the same ones. If we are supporting one another, there’s no reason to “hate” when people say they can’t afford to live a certain way.
 
That is not what I hate allegra, I hate that people say, well, if course you can stay home because your wife works and makes a lot of money. As if only those who are rich can stay home. And you did kind of take that attitude. Why don’t you just de escalate, and realize you may have jumped too soon. Everyone sacrifices with these decisions. Either time with children and spouses or money and goods. I don’t think its helpful to indicate that it cant or shouldn’t be done for some.
 
Another sacrifice I have noticed with my husband is that he is treated differently by other people. He has sacrificed some of the respect he used to be given because people see it as “less manly” to be a stay at home dad. He does have it easier than my dad did. My father was viewed very negatively because dad’s just didn’t stay home back then AT ALL and often never changed diapers or soothed a crying baby even, and in our cultures they still don’t. It’s becoming more common in the US though.

Every choice made for the good of a family will involve sacrifices. It is just a matter of deciding what sacrifices we are willing and able to make.
 
I guess what it comes down to is that yes me and my wife work full time to support each other and our son. We talk about having more kids in the future. Childcare is very expensive and I’m sure my MIL would get worn out watching multiple little children during the day while she has a large house she takes care of by herself during the day as well and has errands to run.

We have talked that it may be best for our family if one of us stayed home and that parent would be me because in her words, I have more patience to do that where she feels like she constantly needs to be doing something which is why should stay at work plus she makes more a year than I do. Much more than $20k but less than 6 figures.
 
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