Staying Catholic

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PattyPryor

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I honestly don’t know where this topic is good, but I will try here. If it needs to be moved… sorry in advance. I am a Cradle Catholic that is just struggling with so much. I believe in God, but feel he has forgotten me.

I am lonely. I am unmarried and live in a small town. Honestly, I don’t know if I ‘fit’ anywhere. I am unmarried and unhappy in my job. I don’t make much money and struggle with a huge amount of debt. I feel like a failure.

I know a lot of my problem is I am in my 30s, unmarried and needing more from my church. The one problem I see is there are no social things for people my age to attend in this area.

I have thought about leaving going to a church that has more social activities, but I love being Catholic. I have been reading a lot about Judaism and I feel like as Catholics we miss out of traditions. Sure we have them, but it isn’t like a Shabbat service with ritual and prayer.

I know that is a bad example. The best I can say is the Advent wreath. It is also void in so many homes that I know. In fact I don’t know if a lot of Catholics say the prayers or understand the meaning. Of course this isn’t something we “have” to do, however it is something I think that makes me feel like a Catholic.

I guess I am depressed. In a few weeks I will light my candle on my advent candle by myself, eat a meal by myself. Everything is always alone.

I am actually going to a synagogue tonight just to see if I shakes it out of me that I really ‘don’t’ want to go that route.

Like I said I love my catholic faith, I just feel sad, like I am missing the community. There is no one in my parish my age that is single. It is very very lonely.

Please don’t condemn me. I am opening my heart and don’t need basing or more hurting. I know the Catholic faith is the fullness… I just don’t feel it right now.
 
Nothing social going on in town, unhappy with the job and the local parish doesn’t satisfy your need. It seems to me that you’re more unhappy with your location than anything else. I really don’t think you will gain anything else other than feeling more failure if you jump to another religion, especially since you say that you love being catholic…

Why don’t you move to another state or apply for a job in a bigger city/town?
Not saying this in a matter-of-factly fashion but out of curiosity, because the way you describe your situtaion is kind of the perfect time to make a huge change like that. 🤷
 
:hug1:

From my perspective, Judaism is much more family-oriented than Catholicism. Individual Catholics are a part of the Church Family and should always be welcomed as such, of course, but this may seem too large and abstract for a lonely person who does not feel connected in their parish. But if you were to convert to Judaism, wouldn’t you still be lonely?

When you mention the Shabbat service, I wondered if you were longing for a different level of solemnity and ritual? Is it possible to visit a Byzantine Divine Liturgy, or a Tridentine Mass?

I am sorry that you are feeling so alone. I am sure that you have heard it too many times already, but friends come in all ages. Most of my friends are 30 years older than me. I wish that I could have a friend closer to my own age, but I also think it’s good to have inter-generational friendships.
 
Maybe you’re in the wrong vocation. Try dating.

And how can you say the Jewish traditions are greater than the Catholic traditions? Jews don’t have the sacraments! I also might add that I can’t how attending Shabbat services is a bad thing. Catholicism is Judaism with so much more. I honestly go sometimes. They make the best bread.
 
PattyPryor said:
I have thought about leaving going to a church that has more social activities, but I love being Catholic. I have been reading a lot about Judaism and I feel like as Catholics we miss out of traditions. Sure we have them, but it isn’t like a Shabbat service with ritual and prayer.

I know that is a bad example. The best I can say is the Advent wreath. It is also void in so many homes that I know. In fact I don’t know if a lot of Catholics say the prayers or understand the meaning. Of course this isn’t something we “have” to do, however it is something I think that makes me feel like a Catholic.
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As to the rituals, have you ever gone to a tridentine mass? I don’t know where you live, but if you are looking for tradition, why not try that? 😉

Well, you can have mass that is in Latin, where people kneel to receive communion, that there is incense, the vestments. People going, ladies are to dress just so…head covered with a veil, say, modest dress.

I think with the Catholic Church, for me, we are “…sitting on Fort Knox” as a friend of mine once put it. We have the eucharist. We have rituals, if we want them, tradition.
We have beautiful churches FULL to the brim with all kinds of art. We have music, sacred and otherwise. We have candles, the Blessed Sacrament, incense, flowers, holy water, Advent Wreath.

I once helped out the sacristan. Believe me, it’s all quite complicated. It’s VERY elaborate. If you ever were to go behind the scenes, you’d see it’s more complex even than it appears to us!

We have statues. We have all kinds of prayers and traditions…some for Christmas…Easter. Easter is loaded with traditions of all kinds…veneration of the cross…
the Blessed Sacrament in the monstrance…bells.

Here in Latin America, we have the old bells where somebody has to get out and pull a rope to this day! Then, of course, you have the small ones inside.

Of course, we have the Stations of the Cross, which also can be done any time during the year. We have the sacrament of reconciliation…confession. I’ve seen it done in its old form and modern. In the old form, one kneels outside, and a priest is inside who doesn’t even see you.

Have you ever seen an ordination? The priests prostrate themselves. The bishop gives them special blessings, even of their hands!

We have the anointing of the sick…formerly called the Last Rites. My father even had that before he passed away.

We have Baptism, First Communion, Confession, Holy Orders, Confirmation, Anointing of the Sick, and Matrimony. We have all 7 sacraments.

We have all kinds of neat traditions. Have you ever had your throat blessed or gone to Candlemas?

Have you ever said…in Spanish, we call them Laudes…and Vísperas…Vespers? The religious say those, but laity can join in and often do.

There’s the rosary…all kinds of chaplets.

Have you ever participated in processions?

It really depends on the church. If you go to a modern Catholic Church, it probably won’t have as much tradition. You would need to seek a more traditional one to have a good fit if that’s what you believe.

Good luck in your search in any case.
 
I will pray for you as I have a daughter that feels much like you do. She has found that exercise has helped her some with the depression part. Is there any place in your community for volunteering? This is an outlet of charity that helps others and yourself as well feel needed. (which we all need to feel) I also agree with another poster that it sounds as if it would be nice if there was a parish close by with a more traditional Catholic Mass.
Contrary to you feelings please know how very close our Lord is to you! He cares so deeply for us wanting so much for us to reach out to Him wholeheartedly in faith. I have found Him particularly near when I go to Adoration. Just sit there and look at Him asking Him for a closeness to Him and His peace in your heart as well as direction. I will be praying for you as well.

My love in Christ,
mlz
 
Sounds like you might prefer living in a larger place that has people your age to socialize with, a church you can relate to, etc.
 
How about volunteering? The ice breaker for me was when I accidentally became the meeter & greeter. Ours is not the most welcoming or friendly parish, so it just means that people say hello and exchange pleasantries on their way in. I also look at what is on offer from the Cathedral and because I am a familiar face I do get to talk to people there.

Alternatively, have a think about booking an appointment with your parish priest and ask him if there is anything he can suggest. If you decide to do this, be prepared for giving rather than receiving.

Sorry that is the best I can do.

PS. Yes I am single albeit a bit older than you.
 
PattyPryor said:
I honestly don’t know where this topic is good, but I will try here. If it needs to be moved… sorry in advance. I am a Cradle Catholic that is just struggling with so much. I believe in God, but feel he has forgotten me.

I am lonely. I am unmarried and live in a small town. Honestly, I don’t know if I ‘fit’ anywhere. I am unmarried and unhappy in my job. I don’t make much money and struggle with a huge amount of debt. I feel like a failure.

I know a lot of my problem is I am in my 30s, unmarried and needing more from my church. The one problem I see is there are no social things for people my age to attend in this area.

I have thought about leaving going to a church that has more social activities, but I love being Catholic. I have been reading a lot about Judaism and I feel like as Catholics we miss out of traditions. Sure we have them, but it isn’t like a Shabbat service with ritual and prayer.

I know that is a bad example. The best I can say is the Advent wreath. It is also void in so many homes that I know. In fact I don’t know if a lot of Catholics say the prayers or understand the meaning. Of course this isn’t something we “have” to do, however it is something I think that makes me feel like a Catholic.

I guess I am depressed. In a few weeks I will light my candle on my advent candle by myself, eat a meal by myself. Everything is always alone.

I am actually going to a synagogue tonight just to see if I shakes it out of me that I really ‘don’t’ want to go that route.

Like I said I love my catholic faith, I just feel sad, like I am missing the community. There is no one in my parish my age that is single. It is very very lonely.

Please don’t condemn me. I am opening my heart and don’t need basing or more hurting. I know the Catholic faith is the fullness… I just don’t feel it right now.
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I think that you are right when you say that you guess you are depressed. It does sound like depression to me. I have depression so I know exactly how it feels like… well, for me at least. Nevertheless, all forms of depression have similar symptoms and your symptoms seem to match the common symptoms of depression. I am definitely not a doctor and so I can’t diagnose it and wouldn’t do so online even if I could but I would suggest that perhaps you talk to your doctor about your depressed feelings. Believe me, antidepressant medications and counseling can work wonders. 🙂

May God be with you and may you feel His peace. Amen.
 
andyklein said:
… I also might add that I can’t how attending Shabbat services is a bad thing. Catholicism is Judaism with so much more. I honestly go sometimes. They make the best bread.
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I suggest hitting up your local Jewish bakery instead. I can’t imagine what business a Catholic might have attending the services of a religion that would deny both the Trinity and Jesus Christ as Savior.
 
GPGT said:
I suggest hitting up your local Jewish bakery instead. I can’t imagine what business a Catholic might have attending the services of a religion that would deny both the Trinity and Jesus Christ as Savior.
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These “services” are free food with Jewish friends at my college. And it’s an exciting cultural experience which I actually learn more about my religion at. I might have gone to 4 this entire year. But I will go just for the bread!
 
It sounds like your difficulty is more than just spiritual. You may want to ask your doctor about depression. If needed, treatment will improve your life in many ways.

As far as parish life, I agree that it can be difficult. The best thing I can suggest is to start something if it doesn’t already exist in the parish. If you take the lead in starting a young adult group, a women’s group, a book club, a prayer group, our whatever else would be of interest, other people will join. You’ll have to be ready to do the work. In my experience saying “Father, we really need a fill-in-the-blank group” doesn’t work. If he had the time and interest, the group would already exist. 🙂
 
Actually, it’s just hard sometimes being a 30-something Catholic single woman. Been there, have the T-shirt. It’s a time when you’re longing for connection and possibly marriage - and there is nothing wrong with wanting that.

You are aware your biological clock is ticking. And Catholic men in your age demographic, if they’re serious are sometimes discerning seminary, otherwise they often seem to be hedonistic “YOLO” types - not all, so men reading this, put down those rotten tomatoes right now. 😃 I’m just saying a marriage-minded 30-something Catholic man was a rarity in my city of 300,000 population twenty years ago, so I can imagine how the OP must be struggling.

I know it’s not all about husband hunting, I don’t mean to over-emphasize that, merely to point out that it’s part of the issues you deal with in your 30s if you’re a single gal. If you feel you are depressed, do seek help for that, and things might look brighter. Try to find interests and serve the Church the best you can (and sometimes family oriented people will overlook you because you’re single - so you have to remember you’re doing it for God and that He sees your good intentions).

Eucharistic Adoration if you have access to it can help a lot. If not live, try the online version at www.savior.org and unite your prayers to those present physically. I think if not for Adoration I might have come out of my 30s in worse shape.

:blessyou: Don’t give up!
 
I WORK for the church. I lead all the groups. Do everything. I work at a parish that is 80% 50 and older. I am not exaggerating when I say this. I have talked to a priest. Thanks for that suggestion. As for volunteering at the church… my whole church life is at the church. I run all the programs from the very young to the very old.

I am going to see about a new job and move.

Thanks everyone
 
The fact that you work for the parish was a rather significant thing to leave out! It’s there another parish nearby? I wonder if it might not be helpful to have one parish where you work and someplace different where you worship and are nourished spiritually.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
The fact that you work for the parish was a rather significant thing to leave out! It’s there another parish nearby? I wonder if it might not be helpful to have one parish where you work and someplace different where you worship and are nourished spiritually.
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Nope I live in the middle of nowhere sadly. Plus I need to show my face at church.

Thanks everyone.

I left it out because I am embarrased at how I am feeling yet I work for the church sorry 😦
 
Have things changed since you started working for the parish or has it been this way all along? If things have changed, can you identify what has happened?
 
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