Staying home because you can

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ellen42

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This is sort of an odd question, but I was wondering if anybody else has had any experience with this.

Right now, my husband and I both have jobs that pay okay but not great. Together, we make enough to live comfortably. Currently, he’s looking to upgrade jobs that would result in a pay raise, but would require us to move. If that happens, we were thinking that I could quit working and stay home instead of trying to find a new job in our new location. I know that there are a lot of stay-at-home spouses here, but there’s a bit of a wrinkle – we don’t currently have kids or I’m not currently pregnant. I would be a stay-at-home housewife, and not a stay-at-home mom.

Has anybody else done that? It seems like it would be a bit weird, and maybe I’d end up getting a part time job or something just to have something to do, but I was wondering if other people had some first hand experiences with such a living situation.
 
I know an awful lot of women whose kids are grown and off to college who do it. They volunteer like crazy; many of them are the people who keep parishes running, to be honest.

I’ve only done it between finishing my dissertation and starting a job; since then, I’ve had kids. You don’t have to be making money, but you’ll want to be doing something constructive. That can include both volunteering and home projects such as gardening, canning and preserving, not to mention writing and so on. You can do the sorts of things that are done in convents and monasteries, too. They’re all “out of the world”, but they’re pursuing Christian perfection though “labora” as well as “ora”. IOW: Those who can work usually need to, even those who have no interest in a life of material accumulation.
 
I would look at the opportunity as a blessing. You can pursue a lot of much-needed volunteer work in your community. Parishes always need people to help with a wide variety of tasks, and your local crisis pregnancy center could surely use more help. There are plenty of good places to “work” without being paid and you will have the flexibility to do this.

I would suggest that if choosing to stay home you still make sure to keep an updated resume around as well as maintaining contacts and networking even when you are not working for pay. Also, make sure you and your husband have life insurance policies in place for at least 20x the amount of his annual salary. That way, in case something happened you would not be in dire financial trouble while you try to get back into the workforce. Avoid debt and if you have any, try to pay it off ASAP. I would probably keep a part-time job if there is any debt.

My father-in-law died suddenly and left my mother-in-law without a life insurance policy to rely on and with 5 children at home. I know they struggled while she sought employment and even after she found employment. A similar thing happened to my great-grandmother. Her husband disappeared in a flood and was presumed dead (found dead 6 mo. later). The fact is that a break in employment to stay home can become a hurdle down the road if you suddenly find yourself in NEED of a job. Since you do not know what the future has in store for you, it is important to stay current and stay prepared in case something bad happens. By being prepared, you will make it even easier to stay home.

All that being said, I would LOVE to stay home if the opportunity arose.
 
I did that for a little over two years before DD1 was born. I was really lucky because one of my best friends was doing the same thing and lived less than a mile from us. We did a lot together during the week. I didn’t volunteer or anything but still found lots of things to do. I say go for it!
 
ellen42 said:
This is sort of an odd question, but I was wondering if anybody else has had any experience with this.

Right now, my husband and I both have jobs that pay okay but not great. Together, we make enough to live comfortably. Currently, he’s looking to upgrade jobs that would result in a pay raise, but would require us to move. If that happens, we were thinking that I could quit working and stay home instead of trying to find a new job in our new location. I know that there are a lot of stay-at-home spouses here, but there’s a bit of a wrinkle – we don’t currently have kids or I’m not currently pregnant. I would be a stay-at-home housewife, and not a stay-at-home mom.

Has anybody else done that? It seems like it would be a bit weird, and maybe I’d end up getting a part time job or something just to have something to do, but I was wondering if other people had some first hand experiences with such a living situation.
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I didn’t stay at home until I had kids. However, it is NOT weird. It is sad that we have come to a point in our “civilization” where homemaker is no longer automatically considered a noble profession. It is.
 
I stayed home for about a year before we had children. It was very nice.

We were thinner and healthier than we have ever been in all our years of marriage (33 and counting!). I spent a LOT less money on food because I actually had the time to peruse cookbooks and nutrition guides, plan well-balanced (nutrition-wise and cost-wise) menus for all meals, not just dinner, shop carefully and slowly and buy natural ingredients (we bought from a food co-op that required all of us to volunteer a few hours a month, and I also shopped at the local Farmer’s Market, which was huge!), and cook everything from scratch. I also had time to clean up after each meal and make everything look appealing and neat in our kitchen and dining area.

I’m not a gardener at all (everything green dies around me :(), but if I were a gardener, staying home would give me time to grow more of my own food, and process it for storage (canning, freezing, etc.) A garden takes a lot of time, and many working people simply don’t have the time for a big vegetable garden.

Yes, I know all too well that we get fat because we choose to eat so much. But at the same time, one of the reasons we choose to eat so much is that all too often, I don’t have time to plan, shop, cook, clean up, but we’re so hungry after work, so we end up going out to eat (since we work, we have the money to do that), and of course this usually means that we eat a lot more than we need and much of the food is hyper-processed, heavily-salted and sugared, and very yummy compared to the simple but nutritious food I would make at home if I had time.

I think our house was much calmer when I stayed home. Everything was organized and clean and neat, and this created an atmosphere of peace and rest.
 
I have done it. It really wasn’t an issue for me. I kept the house really clean and made all our meals from scratch (I still did even when I worked though). I crafted, volunteered at the Church, and actually had time to do paintings. I really enjoyed it. We didn’t have kids and I had plenty to occupy my day and schedule.
 
The nine weeks I do it in the summer is more than enough for me. My temperment isn’t suited for that sort of thing. Without a schedule and a timeline for getting lots of tasks done, I’m suceptable to sloth. (How do you think I racked up so many posts?)
 
I would definitely encourage you to stay home if that is what you want. My son is grown and still lives at home but it’s not like I have to be here for him. However, when I did work a part-time job this summer at our community pool (had to quit due to my health and really shouldn’t have attempted it in the first place) he actually said how much he missed having me here.

At any rate, I do not understand the current mentality that makes it “okay” to be home only if you have kids. I am sure many wives without children or with grown children enjoy being home and their husband probably like it too.

My husband is a trucker and is gone Monday through Friday. We both like knowing that I’m here to take care of everything while he is gone. We are able to talk anytime we want without the constraints of me being at a job.

I worked for many years when I was divorced from my ex-husband (three year marriage in my early twenties) and was a single mom for many years. I find that working always made me feel that my loyalties were divided between home and family. Now I can completely put home and family first. I am also free of unwelcome attention or advances from men in the workplace that so many women experience even though they’ve not encouraged a man in any way. I’m also not subject by being surrounded by people who are just working to keep up with the Jones.

I just feel happy and secure being at home. I can cook good meals, keep the house clean, take care of the pets and always put my family first. I also have fibromyalgia, diabetes and arthritis. Staying home has really allowed me to attend to my health and do just what I feel up to doing.

I think women should take pride in being home if that’s what they want. To me, it’s a noble calling. Women were certainly home throughout most of history. It’s only recently that working seems to be seen as necessary and I get tired of the mentality that women are not contributing to society if they don’t work. It’s just silly.
 
ellen42 said:
This is sort of an odd question, but I was wondering if anybody else has had any experience with this.

Right now, my husband and I both have jobs that pay okay but not great. Together, we make enough to live comfortably. Currently, he’s looking to upgrade jobs that would result in a pay raise, but would require us to move. If that happens, we were thinking that I could quit working and stay home instead of trying to find a new job in our new location. I know that there are a lot of stay-at-home spouses here, but there’s a bit of a wrinkle – we don’t currently have kids or I’m not currently pregnant. I would be a stay-at-home housewife, and not a stay-at-home mom.

Has anybody else done that? It seems like it would be a bit weird, and maybe I’d end up getting a part time job or something just to have something to do, but I was wondering if other people had some first hand experiences with such a living situation.
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If you want to be a SAH housewife - and your husband supports you doing so - good for you - why not ?
 
Absolutely nothing wrong with it.

It takes a lot of work and time to effectively run a household.

A poster who used to be here a decade ago used to say she quit work (before they had kids) so that she could, “Build up their Treasures in Heaven while [her husband] built up their treasures on Earth.” She did a lot of volunteer work with various groups in any free time she had.
 
ellen42 said:
This is sort of an odd question, but I was wondering if anybody else has had any experience with this.

Right now, my husband and I both have jobs that pay okay but not great. Together, we make enough to live comfortably. Currently, he’s looking to upgrade jobs that would result in a pay raise, but would require us to move. If that happens, we were thinking that I could quit working and stay home instead of trying to find a new job in our new location. I know that there are a lot of stay-at-home spouses here, but there’s a bit of a wrinkle – we don’t currently have kids or I’m not currently pregnant. I would be a stay-at-home housewife, and not a stay-at-home mom.

Has anybody else done that? It seems like it would be a bit weird, and maybe I’d end up getting a part time job or something just to have something to do, but I was wondering if other people had some first hand experiences with such a living situation.
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Some questions for helping your choice:

Why do you want to stay at home if you are not pregnant and you have no child? What are reasons? You need to study your motivations for staying at home. It is the choice of couple, and at the end the personal choice of wife. What are your criterias for taking your decision?

You need to find a balance between the social reasons, the financial reasons, the cultural reasons, the intellectual reasons, the philosophical reasons, theological reasons, psychological reasons? And decide for your couple and for you? Without forgetting your mentality the mentality of husband on this topic.
 
ellen42 said:
This is sort of an odd question, but I was wondering if anybody else has had any experience with this.

Right now, my husband and I both have jobs that pay okay but not great. Together, we make enough to live comfortably. Currently, he’s looking to upgrade jobs that would result in a pay raise, but would require us to move. If that happens, we were thinking that I could quit working and stay home instead of trying to find a new job in our new location. I know that there are a lot of stay-at-home spouses here, but there’s a bit of a wrinkle – we don’t currently have kids or I’m not currently pregnant. I would be a stay-at-home housewife, and not a stay-at-home mom.

Has anybody else done that? It seems like it would be a bit weird, and maybe I’d end up getting a part time job or something just to have something to do, but I was wondering if other people had some first hand experiences with such a living situation.
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According to my understanding of the catholic world with a special focus on state of marriage, I can almost be sure that:

Wife is a lover, a beloved, a potential mother, then a mother, but is also a woman. She has right to get a job, to get money, to have a working life for earning money. She has the right to stay at home for educating her children, if she wants that. Liberty is the key and the rule. The strong religious mentalities of some catholic groups for staying at home, like a quasi dogma, have to be analysed in the details in order to discern.

The same for the movements that are against the choice of stay at home for wives (housewives).

Discerning with objective criterias is the rule
 
I’m doing it right now. We don’t have kids either (unless cats count).

DH got an academic job in England, and he makes enough I don’t have to work anymore (plus, we live in area that has a bad economy even in the best of times, so I couldn’t count on getting a job). No more retail for me (even with a college education ,that was the only job I could get in the last place we lived). I love it. We are both happier and less stressed.

The house is clean because I have energy to clean. All the grocery shopping is done. DH always has clean clothes. So DH and I have the weekends together instead of running errands all day. He doesn’t come home from a long day at the university and still have to do the housework, take care of the cats, prepare dinner, etc.

I’m still in the process of figuring out where I would like to spend my time (culture shock). It does involve being smart with money, but I like being thrifty (I’m a couponer by nature, I like the challenge). 🙂

Plus, our shy kitty has really opened up since I’ve quit working. She used to hiss whenever we wanted to pet her. Now she come up and sit in our laps and loved being petted.

But I do get the whole “you are wasting your degree” or “you are too smart for that”, or “you are insulting women by staying at home”, “you are lazy”. I just let people say what they want. There is more to life than work. Plus my husband likes it that I stay home.
 
I’m a young housewife, no children and none on the way. It is a great way to live in my opinion. My husband and I enjoy a beautiful life because I am able to make our house a home. We always have nourishing food and a clean home, because my work is in the home. I don’t personally find that I have time to do volunteer work, but I’m a big do-it-yourselfer so I have a lot of home projects that I work on.

I love the tranquility of my day to day life. My husband and I seek not to advance one of our careers or the other so much as we seek to advance our life together. We share one another’s successes in all things. I can’t make tasty food from scratch without my husband working all day. He can’t come home and immediately rest and relax without having to worry about meals or laundry or any such thing unless I stay home to attend to it. In this way, our time together is mostly our time together. We don’t spend it grocery shopping or working around the house except for occasional home projects that need to be done together.

It may not be for every woman or every couple, but we have a wonderful balance to our life. I am much healthier, happier and less stressed than when I worked. As such, I find I enjoy my domestic tasks all the more. Although, I will warn you that there is a bit of an adjustment period, it takes quite a bit of discipline and you have to be at peace with the fact that you will never “finish” anything. It was a strange thing for me to realize, but the housewife is always working at something, but seemingly never done with anything. I recommend GK Chesterton’s “What’s Wrong With The World” he has a lot of good quips on why (in his opinion) the whole human race would be better off if women were given the freedom to be home.

I was fortunate that my husband was very patient and understanding with me as I adjusted to being a housewife; because it did take me a bit to hit my stride and not feel guilty for enjoying some recreation and not feel pressured by all the things I could be doing or simply not accomplish anything because I didn’t know where to start. I simply work hard during the day while my husband was gone and rest or visit with friends as my tasks allow.

I will also say we have very little waste and we make do with quite a bit less money than others I know because we have what other couples don’t have…time. I have time to plan meals precisely and shop for the best deals.
 
Sunshine26 said:
I’m a young housewife, no children and none on the way. It is a great way to live in my opinion. My husband and I enjoy a beautiful life because I am able to make our house a home. We always have nourishing food and a clean home, because my work is in the home. I don’t personally find that I have time to do volunteer work, but I’m a big do-it-yourselfer so I have a lot of home projects that I work on.

I love the tranquility of my day to day life. My husband and I seek not to advance one of our careers or the other so much as we seek to advance our life together. We share one another’s successes in all things. I can’t make tasty food from scratch without my husband working all day. He can’t come home and immediately rest and relax without having to worry about meals or laundry or any such thing unless I stay home to attend to it. In this way, our time together is mostly our time together. We don’t spend it grocery shopping or working around the house except for occasional home projects that need to be done together.

It may not be for every woman or every couple, but we have a wonderful balance to our life. I am much healthier, happier and less stressed than when I worked. As such, I find I enjoy my domestic tasks all the more. Although, I will warn you that there is a bit of an adjustment period, it takes quite a bit of discipline and you have to be at peace with the fact that you will never “finish” anything. It was a strange thing for me to realize, but the housewife is always working at something, but seemingly never done with anything. I recommend GK Chesterton’s “What’s Wrong With The World” he has a lot of good quips on why (in his opinion) the whole human race would be better off if women were given the freedom to be home.

I was fortunate that my husband was very patient and understanding with me as I adjusted to being a housewife; because it did take me a bit to hit my stride and not feel guilty for enjoying some recreation and not feel pressured by all the things I could be doing or simply not accomplish anything because I didn’t know where to start. I simply work hard during the day while my husband was gone and rest or visit with friends as my tasks allow.

I will also say we have very little waste and we make do with quite a bit less money than others I know because we have what other couples don’t have…time. I have time to plan meals precisely and shop for the best deals.
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I’m still trying to find my schedule. I need to make a “chore chart” and set up a schedule, or else I end up watching “Dr. Who” all day. 😛 Or playing with my cats.

But I am making bread and doing laundry today, so I’m doing better. 🙂
 
I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to be able to maintain your home, serve your husband, and volunteer in the community.
Embrace and enjoy!.. 👍
I’ll stay quietly jealous ;), but definitely encourage you to use your time to serve others in a unique way now that God has opened up this opportunity for you to be available.
Go for it!
 
Just to run against the tide - have you considered working and saving so that you have more options after your first child is born, whenever that is?
 
PaulinVA said:
Just to run against the tide - have you considered working and saving so that you have more options after your first child is born, whenever that is?
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I think this is definitely something to consider…and basically what we did. My wife worked for almost 2 years before we started our family and we essentially put all her pay away in savings. Even though she was not making that much, it really helped!

That said, I think that it is perfectly fine to stay at home if that is what you choose. Having the time to keep your life organized and running smoothly goes a long way toward maintaining a happy family!!! And having time to volunteer would fantastic.
 
If it were me, I would continue to work but put all of my money in savings and live on his income alone. (and if you have any debt, get completely out of debt except for your mortgage) That way when you do get pregnant and want to quit work to stay at home you will know that you can afford to do so and you will have a large savings account aka - emergency fund.
 
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