Staying Married after Infidelity by Wife

[mavdragon]

I’m 45 years old I was baptised catholic but did not join the church until I was married at 24. one day my wife comes home with me after church while the kids stayed at church school. She told me that she wanted to end our marriage and she didn’t love me anymore. I asked if there was anyone else and she said no. two months went by and I tried to find our from her why she wanted to end our marriage. I had a talk with my cousin and he gave me a book called “love must be tough” by Dobson. after reading I realized that my wife was treating me like the adulterous spouse in the book. I decided to come home at lunch and asked her directly if she had ever been unfaithful. She said, "why do you want to know? I told her about the book and she said yes she had been physical with a man but would not tell me who it was. I asked her if she was still in a relationship with the man and she said they had left it open. I told her she needed to end it and stormed out of the house back to work. We went to talk to my cousin and his wife and they claimed the 6 month separation made her realize that she couldn’t live without him and that is why they got back together. My wife liked the Idea and thought that I should leave and get an apartment for 6 months while she decided if she missed me. I was totally against this idea, but in wanting to repair the marriage I packed a bag said goodbye to my kids and was going to leave for a while to try and help the situation, but first I would goto talk to our priest. He convinced me to go back to the house the very same morning. He also recommended I talk to our Deacon since he was married and may offer better advice. His advice was retrouvaille. They even paid for us to go. She barely participated and the weekend was not as helpful as it could have been. My wife continued to see this man and admitted to 3 to 5 more physical encounters over 6 months. a few months went by and she claimed she had ended her affair, but one day I noticed she was missing from the house and told the kids she went for a bike ride so I went looking for her and found her on the bike trail walking and laughing with him and his son. She told me that she was just riding past him and saying hello to his son and smiling to be polite and that nothing was going on. I made her go with me to the priest and we had a talk with him during which He asked her if she wanted to confess. She agreed and I waited outside for what seemed like forever. when I came back in she told me to stand up so that she could hug me. I thought my prayers had been answered. but in the car on the way home she told me she had to hug me for her penance and that it did not change the fact that she did not want anything to do with me. during talks with the priest just me and him he suggested that I tell her that I forgive her and that would go a long way towards helping her heal. I forgave her even though she offered me no appology and would not answer any of my questions about the affair. over the last two years I haven’t been able to learn much more. she has blocked me from her facebook and will not give me the password. eventually i had to force her to pay for groceries which amounts to roughly her percentage of the household income. she now has her own cell phone and will not give me the password or let me check it. I have forgiven her so many times and I keep finding things like new sexy underwear and bras.
I have tried to consentrate on improving my relationship with Jesus Christ. I am in two catholic men’s groups and have been attending daily mass for 6 months now. I have attending several men’s conferences including into the wild. I have never stopped loving my wife, and I have remained faithful to our marriage vows. I try to give her the space she asks for, but then she tramples on me like a door mat. So I try to talk to her and to appeal to her conscience about what she has done and continues to do and to remind her that she still has appologized for nothing. I tell here I love here and appologize for my part of our marriage breakdown. She gets irritated with me and does not want to talk. she says she’s done with me and we will never be together again. She sleeps on the couch and I recently moved her things from our bedroom to the basement. I’m trying to help her to feel the result of her desicions, but alas I can’t withdraw from her any more without withdrawing from my kids. My relationship with my two youngest kids has improved 300 percent, I stopped playing video games and started spending more time with them. which by the way is one of the things my wife used to nag to me about. people have told me that if you could not spend time with your wife, to just love on her kids. I have done this but she looks at it as my trying to win them over so that I can keep them if we get divorced. everything good I try to do for her seems to backfire, and she always see’s it as bad. I could really use some advice from a catholic man who has been betrayed by his wife who was able to reconcile with her. I do not want to hear from those who had chosen divorce. Those men are thick on the ground and I have talked to many. I have even talked to women who have chosen divorce. It seems from what I have read that when the spouse realizes what they have done and repent that then the marriage can begin to heal.

I have found some really good help at www.beyondaffairs.com but my wife refuses to even call those people that can help us.

I also joined our church choir and became a reader on sunday.

I hoping that by growing closer to God, that I am growing closer to my wife. I goto confession often, no more than 2 weeks apart.

God bless all of you who are suffering and in pain. By uniting our pain with our lord on the cross and can all grow in our sanctification and our chances of becoming a saint.

 

[punisherthunder]

What is the root cause of her infidelity? Is there some proclivity? Not enough sexual activity for her?

Something had to make her go and want to have an affair. It all starts with whatever the reason was.

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Mavdragon,

I am sorry you are going through this. I know exactly what you are going through, I was married for what would have been 18 years. My ex was having an affair with another married man for 2 years. She wanted him to leave his wife and she would leave me, it did not happen but I did find out about the affair. Even after finding out she stayed in contact with him. We talked with our Priest, she went through the motions when there but when we left she just complained that he did not know anything and kept up her behavior.

The thing is. . . . even though we want to work things out, it takes both parties willing to try and want to. From what you have written – she does not want to but keep up her behavior. Even though you want to work things out for your marriage and for the children, your kids are seeing the behavior of your wife and may view it as being acceptable. Not a nice thing for kids to learn.

For her saying that you are trying to be a good father to your children so you get to keep them if you get divorced is just being selfish, depriving your kids time with you. As is her whole behavior – selfish. My advice for you also is to NOT move out, unless you take the kids as in some states moving out shows that you are abandoning your wife and kids.

For someone to also say something had to make her have an affair, as it starts with some reason – trying to make it seem that a spouse is at fault. Is an ignorant statement – no offence – but it is true. Some people are very selfish or narcissistic. And we do not discover their true personality till years later.

For my situation, needless to say I divorced her (took 8 months to be granted), and filed for an annulment (took 10 months, as there were several other things than the affair). I have remarried since and am in a loving faithful marriage.

Remain strong and trust in God. I will pray for you and your Kids.

Winter

 

[SWolf]

I told her she needed to end it and stormed out of the house back to work. We went to talk to my cousin and his wife and they claimed the 6 month separation made her realize that she couldn’t live without him and that is why they got back together. My wife liked the Idea and thought that I should leave and get an apartment for 6 months while she decided if she missed me

Of course she was for the idea. She already had another guy and you would be out of the picture. When she sent you the divorce papers, it would give her leverage to get the house.

His advice was retrouvaille. They even paid for us to go. She barely participated and the weekend was not as helpful as it could have been. My wife continued to see this man and admitted to 3 to 5 more physical encounters over 6 months. a few months went by and she claimed she had ended her affair, but one day I noticed she was missing from the house and told the kids she went for a bike ride so I went looking for her and found her on the bike trail walking and laughing with him and his son. \

Counseling only works when both are acting in good faith. Even then it has a fairly lousy track record.

came back in she told me to stand up so that she could hug me. I thought my prayers had been answered. but in the car on the way home she told me she had to hug me for her penance and that it did not change the fact that she did not want anything to do with me.

Ouch.

I have forgiven her so many times and I keep finding things like new sexy underwear and bras.

Still cheating

I tell here I love here and appologize for my part of our marriage breakdown.

Doormat.

She gets irritated with me and does not want to talk. she says she’s done with me and we will never be together again. She sleeps on the couch and I recently moved her things from our bedroom to the basement.

Good.

I’m trying to help her to feel the result of her desicions, but alas I can’t withdraw from her any more without withdrawing from my kids. My relationship with my two youngest kids has improved 300 percent, I stopped playing video games and started spending more time with them. which by the way is one of the things my wife used to nag to me about. people have told me that if you could not spend time with your wife, to just love on her kids.

Good advice.

I have done this but she looks at it as my trying to win them over so that I can keep them if we get divorced. everything good I try to do for her seems to backfire, and she always see’s it as bad.

That’s her problem, not yours.

I could really use some advice from a catholic man who has been betrayed by his wife who was able to reconcile with her. I do not want to hear from those who had chosen divorce. Those men are thick on the ground and I have talked to many. I have even talked to women who have chosen divorce. It seems from what I have read that when the spouse realizes what they have done and repent that then the marriage can begin to heal.

I have found some really good help at www.beyondaffairs.com but my wife refuses to even call those people that can help us.

I also joined our church choir and became a reader on sunday.

I hoping that by growing closer to God, that I am growing closer to my wife. I goto confession often, no more than 2 weeks apart.

God bless all of you who are suffering and in pain. By uniting our pain with our lord on the cross and can all grow in our sanctification and our chances of becoming a saint.

First off, you have got to quit being a doormat. Throw away the clothes she bought for her lovers, and if she asks what happened to them, just shrug your shoulders.

She wants space, give her space. If she gets nasty, you don’t get effected by it. You need to come home with a good attitude, regardless of how nasty she is. Emotionally you must be unfazed. Play with your kids, regardless of how much it annoys her. The time not spent with your kids should be spent running, biking, lifting, reading, hanging out with guy friends, and finding an interesting hobby, NO VIDEO GAMES. Dress better, learn new skills. get in shape, work on yourself.

Go radio silent with your wife unless starts the conversation with you. When she’s nice, you are nice back. When she is nasty, you smile and ignore her.

Record all conversations with her if legally allowed in your state. I know you do not want divorce, but at least this will give you leverage to get the kids, and will give you a defense if she throws the “abuse” card. Get a lawyer as a contingency plan in case she pulls the trigger on you.

You need to be the “Rock” and impervious to the emotional turmoil. Be in control of the household, and yourself. Prayers up, you have a long road ahead of you.

 

[Needing_Grace]

I can relate to almost everything you are experiencing. You want so desperately to reconcile. To most people it looks like a no-brainer. Just leave the other man and work on the relationship with your husband. But, for whatever reason, she is not wired that way.

I my situation, my wife had several inappropriate relationships with men where she was sneaking around, lying, hiding cell phone contact and text messages. One relationship in particular has been going on for 3½ years now. I have overheard a conversations where she told this man repeatedly that she loved him. She has now filed for divorce. She won’t say that it is to be with the other man, but I am certain he is a significant factor.

Anyway, at the end of the day there is not much you can do but to be the best man of God you can be. Sounds like you are focusing on that. For me even that did not bring the peace I had hoped for and expected.

One suggestion though. Re-read the Dobson – Love Must Be Tough Book. I re-read it three times. You come across in you post as being desperately grasping for her to change. This is very unattractive to your wife. The book steers you in a different direction. I was exactly like you, but it was not until I gave her the freedom to choose and to stand strong with confidence in who I am as a man of God that the dynamics changed. I told her that I wish things were different between us, but that I truly want what is best for her. And if she believes this is best for her that I would not stand in the way, and then lived my life as if I meant it. Well…what do you know. Since then her attitude has totally changed. Her heart appears to have softened A LOT. Don’t know if it will result in saving the marriage, but it is most likely the only hope you have. Good luck my friend

 

[mavdragon]

Thank you all for your posts and your thoughts. I have read them all up to today. I appreciate you all taking the time to post back to me. Some of you have giving me validation of things I have heard before. Some have possibly misunderstood due to lack of information. I would be glad to clarify in areas if there are direct questions.

I have only been threatened with divorce papers, and to be fair I have threatened back during a fit of anger. Once she told me in 2 weeks I would recieve divorce papers and that she had already told her parents and her brother that she was going to do it for real this time. That was over 2 months ago.

I know the world would say that some of my behavior could be considered as being a doormat, but I think the world would also have said that about our Lord Jesus Christ when he allowed himself to be taken and Scurged and Crucified. He forgave those who were crucifying him and I forgive my wife because of who she is, the one who I asked to marry me and she said yes, the mother of my 3 children. Also because every time I celebrate mass I testify to my Lord that he should not forgive me unless I forgive those who trespass against me. She has been deceived by herself, or by listening to someone else, and is in a lot of pain. Who would I be if I bailed on her?

Needing Grace thank you for the wonderful good news from your experience. I am trying to do what you have done. Please pray for me in this. I know I need to rise above my emotions and use my intellect and Wisdom to work on what I can change… myself. Easier said then done, but with God’s grace I believe it can be done. I think I will go back and read Dobson again.

Swolf thank you for your well thought out post.

punisher, I’ve gone down that road, it leads nowhere. She won’t open up to me and tell me what was going on. She says she doesn’t know or doesn’t want to talk about it.

after 18 years of marriage, if God hasn’t been invited into the marriage, then couples tend to drift apart into seperate lives. We weren’t spending enough couple time together loving laughing dating talking. She was investing in the kids and for the kids, but was doing nothing but satisfying my sexual desires. The only thing still functioning in our relationship was the bedroom frequency, about once or twice a week. Sexual activity was happening, but intercourse was very rare. My wife decided that she was done having children. We still used natural family planning, but each time it was safe for us to be together she would tell me that it wasn’t safe yet, and then the window would pass by. Sex without openess to life and love is not enough to sustain a relationship.

Also let me be really vulnerable here, I had been using pornography since I was 12 and thought that once I was married that It would all go away and I could give myself completely to my wife. Well every time she wasn’t available I fell to this ongoing temptation. I brought my lust into almost every encounter with my wife. I had no idea about the church’s teachings on this subject. I didn’t goto confession for the first 10 years of my attending church. maybe even 15 years. In my effort to improve myself to save the marriage I have been pursuing information to help me get free of this long time repeated sin. I have read books about it, heard chastity talks. I have not yet gone thru the entire theology of the body yet. I finally have the truth about it, but still i’ve only been able to resist for about a month at a time. I keep praying to God for a conversion of heart with regards to this and healing for it’s ill effects on me, my wife and all those it has effected. That certainly by itself would be enough to kill our marriage. She knew about it and told me it did not bother her. She later admitted that she tried to be a bit skinnier, but she already is as skinny as one can be. It was not about her at all. My lust for her was as strong if not stronger than for any woman. It was about my failure to recognize my need for a savior and to recognize that what I really wanted was an encounter with Jesus Christ. I tried to put my desire and my wife into the empty hole left by my none relationship with God.

 

[Still_Hoping]

I feel for you. I am a woman in what seems to be a good relationship with my husband but I am so sad at times. From a woman’s perspective, we disconnect with our husbands when emotionally they are not there for us and other reasons of course. That disconnect can have cause a permanent rift.
No one except God can see your heart and what you are trying to do for your marriage. Let Him help you. I have to do this too, however it is harder than expected because we want solutions now. I will pray for you. I have a thread if you are interested maybe you can read it and pray for me.

God Bless.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Record all conversations with her if legally allowed in your state. I know you do not want divorce, but at least this will give you leverage to get the kids, and will give you a defense if she throws the “abuse” card. Get a lawyer as a contingency plan in case she pulls the trigger on you.

I agree with most of what you said, but this is very, very bad advice. In most states, it’s outright illegal. In places where it isn’t, there are still so many nuances that you can find yourself in very hot water.

But even if it were legally Kosher, it would still be recklessly stupid. All it says is that the guy was smart enough to only record when he wasn’t being abusive. It says nothing about the past, the times the mic was off, or what recordings he may have thrown out. This wouldn’t prove anything at all. And then his lawyer has the lovely job of explaining to the judge “No, your honor, my client isn’t abusive. He’s just the type of guy who clandestinely records conversations just in case”. There is no way that guy is getting the kids. He now looks like a total psycho and he’ll be stuck with a restraining order and state supervised visits for quite awhile.

 

[SWolf]

I agree with most of what you said, but this is very, very bad advice. In most states, it’s outright illegal. In places where it isn’t, there are still so many nuances that you can find yourself in very hot water.

But even if it were legally Kosher, it would still be recklessly stupid. All it says is that the guy was smart enough to only record when he wasn’t being abusive. It says nothing about the past, the times the mic was off, or what recordings he may have thrown out. This wouldn’t prove anything at all. And then his lawyer has the lovely job of explaining to the judge “No, your honor, my client isn’t abusive. He’s just the type of guy who clandestinely records conversations just in case”. There is no way that guy is getting the kids. He now looks like a total psycho and he’ll be stuck with a restraining order and state supervised visits for quite awhile.

Fair enough. Given you’re the lawyer (If I remember right), I’ll trust your judgement on that part.

 

[SWolf]

after 18 years of marriage, if God hasn’t been invited into the marriage, then couples tend to drift apart into seperate lives. We weren’t spending enough couple time together loving laughing dating talking. She was investing in the kids and for the kids, but was doing nothing but satisfying my sexual desires. **The only thing still functioning in our relationship was the bedroom frequency, about once or twice a week. Sexual activity was happening, but intercourse was very rare. **My wife decided that she was done having children. We still used natural family planning, but each time it was safe for us to be together she would tell me that it wasn’t safe yet, and then the window would pass by. Sex without openess to life and love is not enough to sustain a relationship…

Huh?!

 

[styrgwillidar]

" I could really use some advice from a catholic man who has been betrayed by his wife who was able to reconcile with her."

Sorry, can’t help with that. If you come to the conclusion that the marriage is irreparable, I can give you some advice.

Separations usually don’t help.

Best advice for now (in addition to what others have said)

• Do not move out. Do not move out. Do not move out.
• If she’s done, she can move out.
• Do not be vindictive
• Do not move out.
• Continue to treat her well for the sake of your kids. Their view of husband/wife relationship is based on how you treat your wife. Sons will most likely treat their wives the way they see you treating your wife; daughters will expect to be treated the way they see you treating her. Even under these circumstances.
  Do not move out.

 

[schaeffer]

If she’s the one cheating, she should be the one finding her own place and learning what life sans house, hubby, and kids is like. You leaving was making it very comfy for her to cheat and have her cake, bread and butter too.

Thing about separation is that often one or both find it such a nice vacation from the pressure cooker the marriage had been that they throw in the towel prematurely.

There are no quick fixes for this.

She is living a delusion that life with him will be cake and probably does feel very motivated to fix things with you. The reality is divorce is a soul rending experience, you lose more than you can imagine, has lifelong consequences that can’t fully be anticipated beforehand.

If she believes in marriage at all. She must stop the affair, stop contact. Put the marriage and children first.

Unless the spouse is dangerous to the kids and marriage partner, separation is a risky option. And NEVER should the faithful spouse be the one who leaves.

I’ve lived through this. I’m not speaking from a moral high ground or speculation.

 

[Casilda]

For someone to also say something had to make her have an affair, as it starts with some reason – trying to make it seem that a spouse is at fault. Is an ignorant statement – no offence – but it is true.** Some people are very selfish or narcissistic**. And we do not discover their true personality till years later.

Flipside perspective, I am the wife of a husband who cheated on me. He sought situations that were tempting, working overnight shifts, going to night school, working away from home.
We tried to mend the marriage after I questioned him about an inappropriate note a lady friend sent him. We went to counseling, but then he sought out an online affair with an old high school girlfriend. Lots of counseling together and separately. He finally got treatment with a behavioral therapist, Christian and Catholic. That helped him realize his destructive behavior was affecting the whole family.

Still married. He is a Catholic now, trying to mend his relationship with God. He is trying to mend the relationship he has with his kids.

 

[angell1]

If she’s the one cheating, she should be the one finding her own place and learning what life sans house, hubby, and kids is like. You leaving was making it very comfy for her to cheat and have her cake, bread and butter too.

Thing about separation is that often one or both find it such a nice vacation from the pressure cooker the marriage had been that they throw in the towel prematurely.

There are no quick fixes for this.

She is living a delusion that life with him will be cake and probably does feel very motivated to fix things with you. The reality is divorce is a soul rending experience, you lose more than you can imagine, has lifelong consequences that can’t fully be anticipated beforehand.

If she believes in marriage at all. She must stop the affair, stop contact. Put the marriage and children first.

Unless the spouse is dangerous to the kids and marriage partner, separation is a risky option. And NEVER should the faithful spouse be the one who leaves.

I’ve lived through this. I’m not speaking from a moral high ground or speculation.

I’m sorry, I have to disagree, I’m a child who lived through this, seeing my parents trying to kille ach other every day was not very helpful.

so what? faithful spouse has to put up with whatever happens no matter what?

it takes 2 for a marriage to work. maybe she’s just staying because it’s easier than the alternative.

don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying that I agree with divorce but if one person refuses to put in the effort to fix the marriage, how is a completely dysfunctional relationship going to help the kids or the faitful spouse?

 

[Xantippe]

I agree with most of what you said, but this is very, very bad advice. In most states, it’s outright illegal. In places where it isn’t, there are still so many nuances that you can find yourself in very hot water.

But even if it were legally Kosher, it would still be recklessly stupid. All it says is that the guy was smart enough to only record when he wasn’t being abusive. It says nothing about the past, the times the mic was off, or what recordings he may have thrown out. This wouldn’t prove anything at all. And then his lawyer has the lovely job of explaining to the judge “No, your honor, my client isn’t abusive. He’s just the type of guy who clandestinely records conversations just in case”. There is no way that guy is getting the kids. He now looks like a total psycho and he’ll be stuck with a restraining order and state supervised visits for quite awhile.

Right.

The person that is recording is almost always going to sound sweet and reasonable. They know the tape is running, while the person being secretly recorded doesn’t. Also, the person recording can select whatever segments put them in the best light. That’s why it’s virtually worthless.

 

[Xantippe]

That said, there was a situation I know of where an ex-boyfriend had stolen his ex-girlfriend’s stuff. He was bragging to her on the phone about how nobody would believe her because of her mental health issues. But, as it happened, the police was recording the whole thing, so truth and justice prevailed.

That’s a very different situation from doing it yourself, though.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Fair enough. Given you’re the lawyer (If I remember right), I’ll trust your judgement on that part.

Law student. I ran this idea by one of the real lawyers I work for to make sure I wasn’t too hasty. He said there could be a few specific instances where it could be necessary to secretly record a conversation, depending on the laws in that state. If your ex is drug trafficking, for instance, and you think you can get them to admit it on tape, that’s a possibility. Or if your ex has already accused you of abuse and you can get her to acknowledge the accusation was false. But, he was also sure to add the caveat that even if it’s not illegal, doing it without the guidance of a competent and experienced attorney could still go very poorly for you and cause further legal issues. And even if it’s legal in your state, the fact that you did it can still be turned on you to make you look like a paranoid nut or like someone who is out to get his ex and find things to blackmail or extort her with.

So basically, in rare instances it may be a necessary and viable option, but don’t take it upon yourself to decide that or to interpret the laws around it.

 

[mavdragon]

casilda,

Thank you for your post. I’m so happy to hear in your situation that your spouse realized some of his error in the choices he was making and decided to work on his relationship with God. I’m afraid my wife seems very distant from God these days. She used to be the one to initiate meal time prayer and having the family come together for dinner. Now she doesn’t even participate in meal time prayer, but my two youngest do and I think my oldest just says it in his head and is reverant during the prayer.

She goes to our Catholic church every sunday and receives communion which is strange to me since she doesn’t seem to forgive me for whatever she feels I have done and doesn’t want to work on our marriage, but has no problem taking the eucharist. She tells me she hasn’t been to confession in a year which even if her behavior has had no mortal sins would be reason enough to avoid taking the eucharist in a unworthy manner.

She used to be a catachist and taught elementary school kids thru our church school. She has stopped doing this. She now only cleans the holy vestments at church occasionally. She signed our family up for greeters at the church a long time ago, and now when it’s our turn instead of getting there early and gathering the family to be greeters, she gets to the church 5 mins before it starts and I flag her down and tell her we are supposed to be greeters today and she stands on the other side of the hall from and and farther into the church and greets a few people before sitting down.

She is a volunteer for the High School marching band, and for track, and for band boosters. She is involved in a parents club at school. She volunteered for girls on the run even though my daughter was not in it. She tutors some elementary school boy from the class she was helping in a school as part of her job. She took a summer camp councelor job and is cleaning houses for money. She is also the registerar for AYSO soccer in our area.

It seems as though she is trying to do good and live a moral life, assuming she is telling the truth about ending the affair, but she doesn’t realize that being a good person and helping others means nothing when you can’t try to work things out with your repenting husband. When your home life is a mess, then doing all these things outside the house while good in and of themselves is self defeating.

I am praying for those of you who asked. God bless us and keep us all close to his Heart.

Hail Mary, full of grace, blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[E_7]

Who knows if she lied to you and is actually bothered by your unfaithfulness of watching porn. Remember that you started the cheating and it’s still ongoing based on what you say. How can you expect her to respect you and take you seriousy, and to stop the cheating if you are unfaithful to her by lusting after other women? See the movie Fireproof. If you can’t really throw away the computer or smartphone, install a web filter like Net Nanny and make someone write the admin password (not you, duh).

If you choose to close that door so you won’t get tempted, and install the software, please follow this:

Google, unfortunately, coded its search engine in a way that images can’t be blocked no matter what or filtered. So add google.com , and Bing Image Trending (and yahoo too) to the list of always block in the software, and add gmail.com and scholar.google.com in the list of always show. Now use bing as your default search engine.

She must see that you really care that you went so far as to stop your infidelity with porn. Set the example.

 

[PolarGuy]

E7, I think your advice is awful.

You’re blaming what happened on OP! OP is so tolerant that people are saying to stop being a doormat, and you’re basically saying this is his fault (it’s not). It’s his fault that his wife buys sexy underwear to wear for other men? It’s his fault that wife have him a hug - then said “I only did this as penance?”

Look, porn is wrong - but there is a moral inequivalency between looking at porn and actual sexual intercourse with someone not your spouse, and I’m sorry, E7, but I think you’re totally out of line blaming this on OP.