Thank you for the kind words. I won’t say we are on the same path because yours has been much more difficult. I never checked to see if she had an affair. No idea if of her situation now. Never ask anyone. Doesn’t matter. Sometimes that seems like the best path but there are days I wish I could blame something other than me. That it was easier for her to leave than to stay. Living with infidelity I couldn’t imagine. You are stronger than you know.
I am a music lover and one of my go to bands (Toad the Wet Sprocket) has a new song / video that is exactly what it is like to go through this… it is called Architect of half the ruin (written from perspective of a guy going through divorce… good tune, great message, great lyrics) and the video chosen for the lyric video is from old atomic bomb testing… houses, cars, you name it. pretty much hit home. check it out… The EP also has a song that reflects the next step in the process called 'so long Sunny" which will hit you close to home… maybe too close right now. Here is a link to the lyrics…
toadthewetsprocket.com/lyrics-nc/
Sometimes it is comforting to know you aren’t alone in your thoughts. They nail it.
Sounds like you did very well with the settlement stuff. One thing to be aware of is since she filed she controls the court date. My final, which was a formality since we agreed prior to the settlement as well, moved up a week and I found out the day before. I wanted to go and did. All that happens is they call her up to the stand and her lawyer asks her if she wants a divorce, did you agree to the settlement as submitted and maybe 2 more questions. Judge looks up and announces that the divorce is final. You do not have to be there at all. Best part was I arrived in the courtroom before her and she never saw me but ironically when I was in the elevator and the doors were shutting, her lawyer jumps in… they were on before they saw me and the doors were closing again… she was shocked and ME being passive aggressive… when she said she didn’t know I was there I responded I wasn’t going to miss witnessing man put asunder what God had joined together, or something similar… wouldn’t do that now.
You can join me in praying we get at least partial credit for time in purgatory for what we are going through here. It was great to hear you are seeing fruit to your suffering. Eternity is a long time. life here… not so much. The last 6 months has brought so many blessings to my kids, dream job for one in a city she moved to without ever lived there but it was meant to be (much braver than me), watching the unconditional love and pure joy my son’s future wife showed upon her engagement, after they had dated for years and “followed Church Teaching” to the exact letter (rare but so impressive, better man/woman than me by a long shot… faithful!) and the youngest finding out he will be doing what he had dreamed of doing for a career since he was 8 years old, in service of our country (Dang it all three much better people than I am. God’s handiwork, not mine…) - Life gets better. I still pray nightly for our family to be put back together, if it is God’s will. I promised I wouldn’t give up on him… so far so good. I have moments where I slide down that path of realizing that our divorce impacts so many for so long who do not deserve it. They understand but still have to put up with swaps, time splits and junk like that. So will there spouses, the spouses parents and their kids too. Anyone thinking divorce is the best solution when danger is not involved is to quote my priest, selfish. Stay in touch. Road will swerve and catch you by surprise. Take time to take care of you. Keep your side of the street tidy. Pray for her and your kids. If you get cranky because she does or doesn’t do something, always remember the kids are the reason to absorb it. They maybe too young to notice now but they will. Never let the kids carry messages back and forth. Never ask them questions about her… I even told them if I did to let me know that was off limits rather than answer… in case I slipped. If she uses the kids thank them and tell them you will respond by email or text. It is your choice to not use them to communicate… it is not your choice if she does or does not. focus on you. Remember, God says knock… not don’t worry, I’ll barge in… we must go to Him… always. But like we all miss every year with the gospel story of the Prodigal son we know by heart… the Father is standing out in the field waiting and searching the horizon for His son to return… not just the day he did… everyday prior…just in case… the Father RAN to his son… rich folks didn’t run to anyone back then… servants yes… Fathers… no… it was beneath them. Our Father waits and when He sees we have turned to Him runs to meet us with as much love as we will accept. Tell him everything you are thinking. Trust Him. It is also OK to get frustrated (but be respectful…) He understands. Best Friends always do. May Christ’s Peace be with you. Jump on here whenever you need to or PM me. Might take a day or 2 but I will be there. No need to go it alone. He only promises Peace while here… eternal happiness yes, but peace here…That’s OK.
