Staying Pure

[LydiaW]

I want to stay pure until I am married, and I know it will probably be awhile until then,since I am 17, so I was wondering if there is some sort of daily prayer I can say to help me stay pure in heart and mind until I get married.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Madia]

I recommend praying to our Blessed Mother:

catholic-church.org/grace/marian/3-hail-marys.htm

Here’s a website that might help:
pureloveclub.com/

 

[cheddarsox]

Keep your eye on the prize. When people and things make you feel like there is so much you are “giving up”, remind yourself that you are giving up nothing but trouble! Is an athelete “giving up” stuff when they are in training for the Olympics? NO, they are indulging themselves to the extreme to attain a specific goal.

So are you!

Indulge yourself with not having to worry about pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, a bad reputation, a damaged soul.
Indulge yourself in the freedom to date great guys, have time for extra curricular activities and volunteer work, to read great books, plan for a spectacular marriage or vocation, etc. etc.

Have a great time!

I did.

cheddar

PS dating really is SO much easier when right from the start everyone knows the parameters! Nobody wastes time and energy on what ain’t gonna happen.

 

[puzzleannie]

don’t date, as in don’t have exclusive social encounters with one man, engage in social and entertainment events with a group of friends. In our culture, especially when you get to college, dating so often implies hooking up or providing sexual services for each other, that it cannot lead anywhere good. When you are ready to settle down, and find a guy that seems like the right one, then begin to date, but within Christian parameters, while you discern if marriage is in your future together. give up on the idea of long-term exclusive relationships with guys that are not going to lead to marriage. It should go without saying that any sexual conduct will not be happening in any case. also you won’t even begin that type of dating/courtship until you are financially, psychologically and prudentially ready to marry.

 

[Didi]

Are you familiar with Jason Evert and the Pure Love Club? www.pureloveclub.com

Pure Love Promise:
Believing that sex is sacred, I promise to God that I will save the gift of my sexuality from now until marriage. I choose to glorify God with my body and pursue a life of purity, trusting that the Lord is never outdone in generosity.

Signed:____________________________ Date:____________

Daily Prayer to Mary:
Mary, loving daughter of God the Father, I give my soul to your care. Protect the life of God in my soul. Do not let me lose it by sin. Protect my mind and my will so that all my thoughts and desires will be pleasing to God.
(Pray Hail Mary…)

Mary, loving Mother of God the Son, I give my heart to your care. Let me love you with all my heart. Let me always try to love my neighbor. And help me avoid friends who might lead me away from Jesus and into a life of sin.
(Pray Hail Mary…)

Mary, loving spouse of the Holy Spirit, I give my body to your care. Let me always remember that my body is a home for the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. Let me never sin against him by any impure actions alone or with others, against the virtue of purity.
(Pray Hail Mary…)

St. Joseph, pray for us.
St. Raphael the Archangel, pray for us.
St. Maria Goretti, pray for us.
Amen.

 

[LydiaW]

Thanks so much for the advice, prayers, and the websites. I will definantly do everything I can to keep pure until marriage. Thanks again!

 

[Flopfoot]

Another idea:
Ideally, try to find a guy who respects your decisions and values 100% so that he will never pressure you into becoming less pure. Even better, find a guy who has the same values himself - a guy who would actually be offended and probably dump you if you wanted to have sex before marriage. This will make things easy on both of you, since you both want the same thing.

Ah, just re-reading the original post, you asked for prayers… sorry, don’t know any off the top of my head, but I hope my advice helped anyway.

 

[Karen10]

Good advice here, but my recent favorite book (still finishing it) warns us not to rely on solemn promises to God when charity is the virtue at stake. Lust is a particularly pernicious vice. I think it would be best for me to quote the book, so here you go:

In encountering this vice we must use special tactics and greater resolution…

Before the time of temptation we must avoid all persons and occasions that would expose us to sin. If it is necessary that we speak to such people, do it as speedily as possible…on serious subjects with corresponding modesty and gravity. We must not permit the conversation to become familiar or frivolous.

Do not presume on your own strength despite the fact that after many years spent in the world you have remained firm against the force of concupiscence. For lust often achieves in one instant what whole years could not effect. Sometimes it will make long preparations for the assault. Then the would is more dangerous when it comes least expected and under a disguise.

…Impure inclinations imperceptibly insinuate themselves into such friendships through frequent visits, prolonged conversations, and indiscreet familiarities until the poison reaches the heart. The reason, then, is so blinded that it even connives at amorous glances, tender expressions, and facetious liberties in conversation which bring violent and almost irresistible temptations.

Be cautious–run away–you are more susceptible to occasions of this sin than straw is to fire. Do not rely on your own strength or on some resolution you have taken to die rather than offend God. Despite your good intentions, frequent exciting conversations will enkindle a flame that cannot be extinguished. The impetuous desire of satisfying your passions will make you deaf to the warning of your friends. You will lose the fear of God, your reputation and even your life will be disregarded. Not even the fear of the flames of hell will be able to master the fury of the sensual fires enkindled in your heart. Look for safety, then, in flight. There is no other way to escape. Too much confidence will end in eternal destruction.

Avoid idleness. Determine what you have to do, and then fulfill exactly the duties of your position in life.

Obey your superiors promptly; do what they command. In the things that are most mortifying and opposed to your inclinations, be even more cheerful.

Never judge others rashly, particularly in regard to impurity. If any are unfortunate enough to fall into such disorder, and even if the affair becomes public, you must not treat them with scorn and contempt. Rather pity their weakness and take advantage of the occasion to humble yourself before God… For if you permit yourself the liberty of severe judgments on your neighbors, God will permit you, for yourpunishment and amendment, to fall into the same faults for which you condemned others, in order that by such humiliation you may discover your own pride and rashness…

[Examine] the actual temptation… Determine whether the cause of the temptation is exterior or interior.

By an exterior cause is meant curiosity of the eyes or ears to the point where decency suffers, vanity in one’s dress, too tender friendships, and indiscreet familiarities. Modesty and decency are the proper remedies for this evil…

…Interior causes proceed from a pampered body, from many bad thoughts that come from the evil habits or the suggestions of the devil. When the body has been pampered too much, it must be mortified by fasting, discipline, and other austerities which, however, must always be regulated by discretion and obedience.

From whatever source unchaste thoughts may arise, we can drive them away by serious application to our proper duties and by prayer and meditation.

Continued…

 

[Karen10]

I skipped a little bit…

In your meditations I am not of the opinion (as several authors are) that, when the temptation is most violent, you should consider the degrading and insatiable nature of these sins in order to establish a hatred for impurity, that you should consider how they are followed by disgust, remorse and anxiety, even by the loss of one’s fortune, health, life, honor, etc. These considerations are not appropriate to the situation and, in stead of freeing us from the danger, they frequently only increase it. If the understanding drives away evil thoughts, these reflections naturally call them back.

The best way to become free of these is to remove not only the thoughts themselves, but also the reflections directly contrary to them. In attempting to dissipate them by their contraries, we merely renew the impure ideas and unconsciously imprint them still deeper. Be satisfied with meditation on the life and death of our Savior. If, while you are doing this, the same thoughts should return, even more disturbing than before, as may possibly happen, do not be discouraged or abandon your meditation, do not exert yourself in driving them away. Ignore and despise these miserable deceits of the devil and persist, with all possible attention, in your meditation on the death of our Saviour. Nothing can be more effective in putting your enemy to flight, despite his determination to resist.

…[skipping some]…

When, therefore, it is evident that you have consented to the evil, let it suffice to tell your spiritual director in a few words just what has occurred. Do just as he advises, and do not trouble yourself further with it.

You must be sure, however, not to conceal anything because of shame or any other reason. If humility is necessary to conquer our common enemies, it is infinitely moreso in this case because this vice is, for the most part, a just punishment for pride.

In other words, falling into Lust is extremely easy to do, to the point that we must avoid temptation and never trust ourselves to be tempted with it no matter what we promised to God. Our best weapon is meditation on the death of Jesus and prayer, and removing ourselves from situations where we are tempted. If we fall, we shouldn’t even contemplate our fall, in order to try to develop a hatred for that sin. Such contemplation where impurity is concerned, only gives it sturdier roots! We’re told to receive absolution and just go forward. It’s the one vice/virtue set where we’re not advised to contemplate too much about developing the virtue instead of the vice, unlike other virtues where contemplation is beneficial.

Rather, to develop the virtue, some mortification is recommended, to put your love of self into its place and to train the body against concupiscence. It seems to be a vice stemming from love of the self and an untrained body.

This book is ascetic in nature and full of wisdom. It is called The Spiritual Combat and it has Imprimatur. I suggest anyone wanting to aim at spiritual perfection, give it a read. It has opened my eyes, and definitely made me fear and tremble where I had a false sense that I was “pretty okay”. :bigyikes:

 

[AndyF]

LydiaW:

I want to stay pure until I am married, and I know it will probably be awhile until then,since I am 17, so I was wondering if there is some sort of daily prayer I can say to help me stay pure in heart and mind until I get married.

Any advice would be appreciated.

The recommendations here are very good, and I do agree that the Rosary will help you. You can learn the prayers and the Rosary at www.theholyrosary.org.

If you don’t know the prayers by heart, just print and read them. In a short time you will know them by heart.

Andy

 

[Marquette]

Besides praying daily, have you heard of girls who wear a special ring. I’m not too sure on this, but I think sometimes it is given to them by their dad and they promise God to stay pure until marriage. Maybe someone out there knows more about this, but personally, I think having a ring on would be a wonderful, visible way to remind yourself of your promise to God.

 

[Madia]

Besides praying daily, have you heard of girls who wear a special ring. I’m not too sure on this, but I think sometimes it is given to them by their dad and they promise God to stay pure until marriage. Maybe someone out there knows more about this, but personally, I think having a ring on would be a wonderful, visible way to remind yourself of your promise to God.

Isn’t it called a chastity ring? I think I heard about an article in which a girl wore one until she was married then gave it to her father. The only trouble is that some might be confusing chastity and celibacy if they give away their chastity ring once married.

I would recommend the Brown Scapular instead.

 

[buffalo]

Here is a site that is supportive:

Catholic Youth Page

 

[CheesusPowerKid]

Madia:

Isn’t it called a chastity ring? I think I heard about an article in which a girl wore one until she was married then gave it to her father. The only trouble is that some might be confusing chastity and celibacy if they give away their chastity ring once married.

I would recommend the Brown Scapular instead.

I wear a chastity ring (I call it a Promise Ring) that has the words “True Love Waits” on it…actually, almost all of my friends do, guys and girls alike…it just reminds me daily that I belong to Christ until He gives me away to another member of His body. I heard a really cool idea once from someone on this board that, when you get married, instead of giving away your Promise Ring or simply replacing it with a wedding ring, to melt the metal of your promise ring into your spouse’s wedding band and visa versa so that you’re giving your promise to each other…I think that’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard.

 

[LydiaW]

My Dad gave me a promise ring when I was about 13 I think, and I just found it again recently. I try to get it resized, since it is really small, and then I will start wearing it. I think the promise ring is a great idea, plus the brown scapular is a great idea too. I’ll try to see if I can do both. I don’t know If I can do the brown scapular since my family is so strongly anti-catholic, but I can do the promise ring, no problem.

Thanks for all the advice, the book quotes, and everything that everyone has said so far!

 

[Didi]

If you can’t get the ring resized right away, you could wear it on a chain around your neck. A friend of ours gave his fiance a cross necklace to wear and he said that more than one time this necklace reminded them to stay chaste.

 

[Siena]

pray every day for your future husband.