Sterilization, and how to persuade

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Hi all,

I hope this is the appropriate forum. I am new to this site. I am 44 years old and my wife is 35. She is 10-12 weeks pregnant with our third child (not counting two miscarriages). Her morning sickness is pretty severe, and numerous times during this pregnancy, she has said she wants this to be our last child. A couple of nights ago she talked about having a tubal ligation.

My wife is a cradle Catholic and although she takes her faith seriously (and is pro-life), she was never well catechized and she doesn’t understand Church teaching on things like birth control and sterilization. I had to persuade her to rely on NFP for spacing our children although until now, she has been happy with using it.

I am hoping someone can help me find some persuasive writings I could share with her. They would need to be “intuitive”, that is, appeals to authority (i.e. the pope says so!) won’t mean anything to her, neither will manuals of moral theology which use arcane terms (i.e. the principle of double effect). It would need to be something that she can relate to easily.

For example my gut tells me that if she did have herself sterilized, it would subtly affect our relationships with our existing children, making them feel that our love for them is no longer unconditional, that we see children as a burden, etc. But it is hard for me to verbalize these things to her, I need help from others who have already learned how to express these ideas more effectively.

One complicating thing, is that apparently her mother had herself sterilized after having six children. My wife thinks highly of her mother, so it is delicate for me to try to portray her negatively for what she did, and I can’t argue that her mother was not “open to life” after raising six children with great dedication.

I am most grateful for anyone who can give me suggestions - a book, an author to refer, a web site, anything. Thanks and God bless. Oh and, of course I appreciate prayers too.
 
The answer to that one is twofold. Tell her that you will be morally obligated to never engage in the marital act again if she sterilizes herself. If she doesn’t believe that then nothing will convince her. “For those who believe no explanation is needed; for those who don’t believe no explanation is possible.” This is applicable to all aspects of life, especially to those with the contraceptive mentality.

Along with the above-mentioned suggestion, begin a 54-day rosary novena with the intention that your wife doesn’t follow through with her threat. You must also stay in a state of grace and receive the sacraments frequently. Entrust your intentions to the Blessed Mother, you will be amazed at what she will achieve for you and your family.
 
The answer to that one is twofold. Tell her that you will be morally obligated to never engage in the marital act again if she sterilizes herself.
That’s not a teaching of the Church. You don’t have to abstain from the marital act if one or both of the spouses is sterilized.
 
That’s not a teaching of the Church. You don’t have to abstain from the marital act if one or both of the spouses is sterilized.
This is correct. Though, if you think it might be persuasive, and if you could commit to it out of love for your wife, you could persuade her that you’d rather abstain permanently than have her commit this grave sin.

Since you’re looking for written resources, one of my favorites is called Natural Law and Sexual Ethics by Janet Smith:

aodonline.org/aodonline-sqlimages/shms/faculty/SmithJanet/Publications/MoralPhilosophy/NaturalLawandSexualEthics.pdf

It doesn’t deal explicitly with sterilization, but if you’re pretty good at logic yourself, you could use it as a starting off point. It’s highly rational, very readable, and also very compelling.

Your wife is still in her first trimester; you have a lot of time to discuss this and help her change her mind. Pray for her and help lots with the other kiddies. Good luck and God bless.
 
Call the Catholic Answers apologists tomorrow…see what they can recommend.
 
Thank you to all who posted.

OLS12, thank you for the suggestion of the 54-day novena. I have started one. I also belong to “e5 men” (a great apostolate, you can look it up online) and have moved to doing weekly fasting for her.

Nodito, your suggestion about jumping in to help more with the other kids is right on target. I have been doing that of necessity since in the evenings when I am home from work, that is when the “morning sickness” (not an apt name in this case) is worst and she can’t do much.

I don’t think she has really made up her mind that this is what she wants, but when the morning sickness is at its worst, she feels overwhelmed and just thinks she can’t handle another pregnancy. At other times she doesn’t discuss it. Plus as I mentioned in my first post, she was not well catechized, and lacks the mental framework to really understand why it would be sinful.

Thanks again to everyone. God bless.

Lewis
 
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