Harma,
Very sorry to hear of such a serious situation. Sounds like a very painful situation. I would suggest you contact the
Paul VI institute --their approach to NFP is very different and they may have some other ways of assisting your suffering etc (they have doctors and others all around the country).
You are not incorrect to be concerned. For there is no reason that can make it ok for your husband to get sterilized. While it can be very tempting in this surrounding culture…such is not the way to go. Such is gravely sinful (mortally sinful) --it is a grave intrinsic evil (contrary to God and to Marriage and the love of marriage) and to be blunt – can put more at risk than your life –
his and your eternal life.
The ends do not justify the means.
You seem there to have a rather serious reason to avoid another child --but you must use only moral means.
You note “first, diabetics take medications, they don’t trust that God will handle their insulin” – yes but insulin is a among* moral means* --not an intrinsic evil. What would you say to a diabetic who decided the way to deal with it is to just go ahead and get it over with and
cut his arms and legs off! (though they were healthy). Certainly not a good moral approach.
By they way – as I understand it people can actually still conceive if after they have tied their tubes…
So what if your doctor told you – “Ok really the only way for you to certainly avoid death here would be to* kill your husband first*. Listen…we can arrange a surgery --and then I will make it look like an accident. That way you can get the insurance money too to help raise the other kids.” You would rightly walk out at the proposal of such evil (and call the police!).
The ends do not justify the means. Using another example can help bring that home. Forgive the directness
Due to the influence of the culture of death etc around us – it can be difficult to realize what is actually involved in thinking of sterilization (hence my examples above). We need to go against that culture…as did the early Christians…
vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/homilies/2006/documents/hf_ben-xvi_hom_20060108_battesimo_en.html (read past the beginning)
(and I personally draw strength from the early Martyrs:
earlychristians.org/testimonies_martyrs/scillitan_saints.html)
One can yes have serious reasons to perpetually avoid a new conception…but one has to use moral means that are not gravely contrary to God and ones marriage.
Compendium issued by Pope Benedict XVI
- When is it moral to regulate births?
2368-2369
2399
The regulation of births, which is an aspect of responsible fatherhood and motherhood, is objectively morally acceptable when it is pursued by the spouses without external pressure; when it is practiced not out of selfishness but for serious reasons; and with methods that conform to the objective criteria of morality, that is, periodic continence and use of the infertile periods.
- What are immoral means of birth control?
2370-2372
Every action - for example, direct sterilization or contraception - is intrinsically immoral which (either in anticipation of the conjugal act, in its accomplishment or in the development of its natural consequences) proposes, as an end or as a means, to hinder procreation.
vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html
Read from the Fr. Tad of the National Catholic Bioethics Center (he appears on Catholic Answers and EWTN all the time)
ncbcenter.org/page.aspx?pid=315
(he too is rather direct there…)
You were very right to question such a course.
Know that in Jesus Christ and in his Church…is* true life*.
Get with a good Catholic Doctor (such as linked up with the Paul VI Institute) and a good Priest …
(Repentance and confession of our sins and prayer and good counsel can help us get our compass pointed right again – and help us rise above the “culture” around us. As difficult as it is – with grace etc we do all things in him who strengthens us (to borrow from St. Paul).
